L u h a n

I’m preparing to leave. That was the only thing I’m thinking about—leaving. For the fact that Jiyoung has told me that she likes Jongin makes me frustrated. Why? I thought that I had made my decision, that is, to hate her instead for making me hope that there would be another Jiyoung waiting for me after she left me.

I thought this would be my second chance to do things correctly.

Standing in front of my locker, I rested my forehead on it as I ran my hand over my brown hair.

I’m also having double thoughts on dyeing it black again, but at this matter I shouldn’t be thinking of dyeing my hair. I should think of Jiyoung.

Deep inside I still have that sympathy for leaving her do all the work in the garden. Disappointment was the only reason why I’m acting like this and I hate to see Jiyoung every day because she really reminds me of the past Jiyoung and every time I see her I always remind myself that this is a different Jiyoung I’m facing.

I closed my eyes for a minute and finally fixed my things in my locker.

It’s almost 6 in the evening. I better go home.

When I was about to leave the building droplets of rain came pouring down making my steps halt at the entrance door of the building.

What a bad day. I didn’t even bring an umbrella.

I sighed. A thought of the garden suddenly popped into my mind.

I suddenly realized that the garden is an open field.

My legs started to run heading to the garden again. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. How is she? Is she soaked by the rain? Is she still cleaning the garden?

I ran and ran until I reach the other end of the building.

There was a girl standing near the transparent door, observing the heavy rain as it drops to the ground. She has brooms in each of her hands and I hear her sobbing.

“I really hate that guy.” She muttered then released the brooms from her hands and started kicking it. “I just want to go home, he doesn’t have a heart to understand, he doesn’t understand what a girl like me wanted to go home and be with their parents. I just—“ She cried a lot more.

Jiyoung was facing away from me. She still doesn’t know I’m behind her.

Her hands were covering her crying face and my heart sank by just staring at her.

This wasn’t the first time I made Jiyoung cry.

F l a s h b a c k
F e b u a r y  1 9 8 6

“How could you?!” Jiyoung cried. “I thought you wouldn’t be like any other guy out there, but all of you are the same!”

“I-it’s not like that! I wasn’t the one who kissed her! It was her! She was the one who kissed me first—“ I tried to explain but when tears started to fall onto her cheeks, I stopped. My heart broke into a million pieces.

 She looked away and wiped her tears. “I think. . . I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

After saying those hurtful words, she turned around and walked away.

E n d o f f l a s h b a c k

In the past I did nothing but to make Jiyoung cry. Is that why she left me?

“Go away.” I snapped out into my thoughts when Jiyoung talked. She was facing me with a lonely expression. The way she said ‘go away’ wasn’t like she was angry it was rather soft and her voice was trembling.

“Jiyoung. . .” I took small footsteps to get near her.

“I said go away.” I halted. She wasn’t angry. Her voice remains the same. It sounded like she was afraid, but afraid