After that breakdown moment I had with my Dad I stay out of the room I just cant really looked at Donghae at that state then

 

I didn’t know that all my friends was there and also here for my brother

 

 

“you want to eat Hyuk, I know you don’t want but you need to eat for you to be strong and have strength for this” Teukie Hyung said

 

“I don’t have appetite hyung but thanks you can go home now guys I will…stay here and thanks for coming too” I said

 

 

“no will stay a little bit more since its early for us to go home so we will accompany you here” Heechul Hyung said

 

It was too quite when Sungmin speak all of a sudden

 

“oh my I forgot ahmm by the way Hyuk here it was a present from Donghae, and by the way Hyuk Happy Birthday” he said while he handed me the present

 I open the gift and my eyes widen when I saw a comic manga the latest volume of my fav One Piece manga comic

 

And I didn’t know my hands was trembling when I was holding the book

 

“he give it to me this morning since he knows that we are friends and since your still away from home actually I also forgot it was your birthday since we are busy for the basketball tournament, when he gave that to me he was so excited and curious what will be your reaction when you see that, he also told me that he was so lucky to find that latest volume since it was just release last Friday actually when we meet I know he just got that and from his face I know he had a hard time getting that he was also pale that time Hyuk” Sungmin explain and hearing that makes me more guilty and I know I was crying again

 

“he’s so stupid , why did he do that I didn’t even asked him to that for me he knows that I hate him still w-why why he was so kind to me ” I said while sobbing

 

“because your brother love you so much Hyuk, and you don’t know how much he take care all of your needs,

 

you know that allowance and the uniform it was all his done he knows that you don’t have money so he gave all his saving he have just for you,

 

why do I know all of this because he asked me to come in your house and from there I saw he smashed his saving jar and get all the money and gave to me, the uniform I know he was the one that wash and iron it since I saw the bruised he get from washing and the burn he get from ironing your uniform, well since your kind of stupid that you didn’t suspect that how the hell Teukie and Kangin have your allowance and uniform that you never even think someone really knows all your needs

 

and that is your little brother Donghae

 

Hyuk  Donghae he really love you as his Hyung,

 

 he knows everything about you,

 

he knows what you feel and he is the only person that take care of you when you feel no one was there for you

 

You always hated your brother but your brother never or even resented you because he knows why you hate him, So for you to like him he do all this things so you won’t feel that your alone

 

Now you’re asking me why I love and like your brother because he is very kind and pure hearted soul and he love you so much” said Heechul Hyung while he was wiping his tears after what he said and me

 

I even cry so hard after what I knew.

 

That night I just look at the window of the room of Donghae I don’t have the courage to go inside and talk to him

 

Because I don’t know where will I start when I talk to him

 

I don’t have even the strength to even look at his eyes after what he did for me

 

I felt like my conscience is eating me now

 

So I decided to go home for now since no one was there so I can think more of what will do when I talk to him

 

Our house was so quiet and I’m not used to this quiet home, because when I come home Hae will greet me and talk to me until he get tired and go to his room

 

And for the very first time I enter to his room

 

And when I turn on the lights I was surprised to see that I have a big photo that was stick on his wall, I was wearing our jersey uniform

 

And from the look of it, it was a stolen shot and I know it was Hae who take that photo because Hae love taking pictures

 

Then I noticed his desk because I have photo again well he was on the photo too, and by the looked of it that photo was when we are still young I was 9 and he was 6 at that time I remember we are closed but

 

It changed when Hae got sick he was 7 at that time and from then on my parents never take their eyes on my little brother and me well they forgotten me

 

I sit on his desk and try to scan his things I saw his calendar and noticed that important events in my life was there and highlighted first my basketball tournament and even basketball practice

 

My dancing practice, and my dancing performance day,

 

And lastly my birthday it was all on his calendar and it says important event of my favourite person in the whole world

 

I think my eyes again started to cry damn it I never had thought that my little brother really loves me

 

And then something caught my eyes because of the design it was a nemo cover and it turned it out it was like a journal notebook so I get it and scan the notebook

 

Then I red

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie”

 

I find it weird because he had a journal about me!

 

so I continue and read.

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

Hi Hyung hmmm since you don’t want to talk to me so I create this so I can talk to you even in this journal, Hyung you know I really like you because you’re so cool and talented, but I don’t know why you don’t want to talk to me like before did I done something wrong to you? Please tell me so I can say sorry, Hyung I really missed you!

 

Reading this makes my heart aching for him

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 Hyung you know I was so envious to you because you go to regular school and meet people and make friends, while me I’m stuck at our house since Mum said I can’t go to school, because I might get sick and Mum said I can’t be sick, so since you go to school I really want to ask how it feels to go to school but you don’t want to talk to me, so I don’t want to push it because maybe you’re tired,  but Hyung does going to school really make you look cool because you look really cool and I want to be like cool so you can like me Hyung  ”

 

Damn it he’s really innocent and I’m getting more hurt for him

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 

Hyung I like your friends Heechul hyung, Teukie hyung, Kangin hyung, they are so funny and I was so envious because they can hang out with you that I really want to try, but what really makes me envious about them is because you like them, Hyung can you like me too? Because I really like you Hyung and I want to call you Hyukkie hyung isn’t it cute hahaha^^

 

“Yeah it was cute Hae, I like it” I said to myself then I continue to read

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 

Hyung you know I was so happy when I come to your school and you allow me yeah even though you didn’t say yes but by allowing me to tail you I know it was a yes and I was so happy I really want to hug that time but I know you don’t like it so I just give you my best smile so you can know I was so happy for that, but it turned into a big mess and I’m sorry hyung its just I can’t ignore that guy because he was saying you’re a stupid, and you’re not good at basketball and it really pissed me off because the hell you’re so good hyung at basketball and no one can really match in your skill, so because I can’t hide my irritation so I confront that guy and what pissed me off he said that your school will lose because of you so I smacked that guy and because of that it cause commotion so people stop us and then guards noticed us and we ended up in the guidance office, but luckily that guy never had the chance to fight back maybe I punch him hard your wrong hyung that I was not match at that guy because I learn how to punch by just looking at you when you are practicing at the garden and it help me, thanks Hyung , but you know hyung for the very first time I was so hurt at what you said

 

Because you want me to die Hyung, and I don’t want because if that happen you will feel alone again Hyung, and then Dad slap you I was so shocked and I felt really bad because I know it was because of me again so sorry Hyung, I’m so sorry”

 

 

So that is the reason he did that because of me Hae your so stupid but I’m so proud of you” I said again to myself and continue to read the thoughts of my brother to me

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 

Hyung why did you drunk yourself?, is it because of me!, I’m sorry I’m so sorry Hyung, I know you don’t want to come home so I choose Heechul hyung for you to stay and  I know he will accept you since he was also alone in his house, I hope your okay Hyung I’m sorry for your head we bumped in the light post I’m sorry I’m so weak that I can’t even carry that long sorry”

 

And now I know why my head was aching that much, but I should be the one saying sorry, I’m sorry for being a bad Hyung to you” I said to myself and now I felt a tear in my cheeks yeah Heechul hyung was right I’m so blessed to have a little brother like you Hae

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 

Hyung, you didn’t come home again I’m worried for you, I hope Heechul hyung gave you the allowance and uniform sorry about the uniform I’m not really good at washing and ironing Mum didn’t know you’re not home I always said you’re busy with your exam , Hyung please come home! please!

 

 

Hae I’m sorry and thank you” I said again because I didn’t know he lied just for me

 

 

“Dear Hyung Hyukkie,

 

Hyung, can you come home tonight please, please, Hyung Mum was crying and Dad too I don’t know how I can make them stop to cry, but I wonder if you are here will you cry too?, today we go to hospital  since I was so sick last time, Mum said I will do some check up again, maybe I pushed myself so hard when I try to carry you, your so heavy Hyung, maybe I got sick because of that hahaha^^ just kidding Hyung,  then when Mum said they will going to tell me something I need to know and if your there they also want you to know it too but thankfully you’re not there because that day they reveal a secret they been hiding for so long

 

Hyung I 'm sick very sick because I have cancer,

 

 woah that was the first thing I said, Hyung is that your reaction too?

 

 then the doctor explain that my cancer deteriorating so fast and I’m dying

 

Hyung I’m dying!, your wish granted Hyung, but I cant die because we didn’t have time to bond and that was all I’m asking for me to be closed and have fun with you

 

So please Hyung come home, please!!!!!!!

 

 

After I read that I get out of our house and just run until I can reached where is my little brother

 

When I was at the doorstep of his room, I try to calm myself and get all the strength I can when I pushed the door I heard him laughing and there I saw him watching t.v alone

 

And when he saw me his eyes were so wide like a flying saucer

 

“H-hyukkie, I mean Hyung! W-why are y-you here?” he asked in stuttering

 

“you’re sick so I’m here” I said I don’t know what else can I say to him so I turned my eyes to the t.v so I can control my eyes from crying

 

“I’m o-okay Hyung, I know you don’t want to be here” he said while he shook his head and seeing that I felt that he was so used to me that he knows what I feel

 

“its okay, besides your alone you don’t want to be alone right so you the t.v even though you’re not allowed to stay up late am I right hae! ” I said and he was shocked and he quickly look at me and shook his head again

 

“I’m sorry did Mum asked you to accompany me I’m so sorry Hyukkie, ah I mean Hyung” he said in stuttering tone again

 

“its okay, you can call me that Hae, and by the way I like it!”  I said still my eyes on the t.v and I was imagining he will smile so bright but I was surprised when he

 

Hug me and he was crying so much

 

“t-thank you Hyukkie, thank you so much Hyung Hyukkie!” he said while sobbing so hard and me I know I was crying too because it was just simple talking to him and he was so happy and even cry for that.