It was about five in the afternoon when a beautiful orange sunset glowed into the white room I sat in. The sun was attempting to show its surface through all the buildings busy with office workers finishing up their day. I looked over at the bed behind me to see if my fiancé was looking at the same beauty that I was, but he was too weak to even turn and look at me. His mouth was parted open as each breath his lungs took came and went. Sehun was growing weaker each second, but all we could do was patiently wait for the surgeons to come in and take him away to the operating room.

                We had gotten to New York in around fourteen and a half hours and into the Presbyterian Hospital within an hour of landing. The flight was hectic as Sehun violently threw up in the bathroom practically the whole ride. In his sleep I counted three small attacks of seizures and perhaps one . When he woke his speech was not slurred and his eyes did not appear glazed over. If he didn’t get into the operating room soon, I was going to lose the man I love.

                I sat back into the chair next to his weak body and took hold of his hand. His weak fingers wrapped around me, and he carefully faced me. His mouth was still parted as he took heavy breaths while his eyes blinked slowly with a blank look. If it weren’t for the heart rate monitor beeping throughout the empty room, Sehun would look dead to me. I cried seeing that he was dying, and even if the doctors came into the room right now, he wouldn’t make it. At this point his body is in overdrive just trying to give him a few extra minutes of life. My weeping made his tears fall while he attempted to comfort me in someway.

“C-Chanyeol,” he groaned. “I… I can’t hold on for much longer… It hurts so much.”

“What hurts baby? Tell me what hurts so I can get the doctors in here to help you. Is it your chest again?”

“Stop. Don’t call anyone back in here. There’s no point anymore Yeollie. I’m dying.”

“Don’t give up! You can’t leave me here all alone,” I cried. “How can you be so selfish to leave me on this earth by myself? Fight for me… Fight for us.”

                Sehun let his weak hands hold the sides of my face. With all the strength he had, he pulled me towards him allowing our lips to touch. Weakly, we kissed completely aware that this would be the very last time, the last moment to show how much we love each other. When he pulled away he was far more pale and nearly shutting his eyes. The monitor beeping behind me showed that cardiac arrest was nearing… Death was beginning to open his doors.

“Park Chanyeol, I love you,” Sehun said smiling. “I have loved you since the moment I opened my eyes in South Korea until the moment I close them here in New York. You have given me the greatest love a person could ever have, and the best life I could imagine. Just because I’m not going to be here anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t love again. Can you promise me one thing?”

“…of course.”

“Promise me that one day you will love again. Don’t give up on love, because someone is going to take care of you when I go. Baekhyun has been there for you, and is still there for you. So don’t let my leaving stop you from living the rest of your life happily. Do you understand? I love you so much,” he cried gasping for air heavily.

“I love you so much Oh Sehun. I will love you everyday for the rest of my life.”

                He wrapped himself in my arms, crying onto my shoulder. I kissed his neck repeatedly since I couldn’t reach his lips and let my fingers run through his hair. Eventually the crying stopped, he went silent and so did the room. My arms pushed away from my body to look at his face that showed absolutely no life. Within the moment I noticed he was gone from me, the heart rate monitor sounded and doctors came pouring in the room. They were shouting something about cardiac arrest and how they needed to save him, but I walked out. I headed towards the door and shut it while I let the doctors attempt to save Sehun. My legs gave out, and a loud sob escaped my drying lips. The one man I lived my life for was gone. I lost Oh Sehun forever.

●●●●●●

Five Days Later

                The room I stood in was far more beautiful than I had thought it would be. All the flower arrangements stood tall and perfectly placed all throughout the four white walls. Every shaky breath I took filled my nose with the pleasant yet some what morbid smells from all the lilies and carnations. People sat quiet in their seats looking at all the pictures spread against tables and corkboards. I knew that eventually I would have to show my face to everyone who came only to inform me of their deepest condolences. They could probably careless about that actual reason for our gathering.

                With feet that felt like sandbags, I entered the room shaking hands of several doctors I work with. Some faces were completely unfamiliar, but most I had seen at least once before. Finally, my eyes looked towards the real reason why we all gathered today. My legs almost gave out at the sight of the open casket standing just inches in front of me. A small stand for kneeling and praying caught my fall, and instantly tears flowed from my eyes. The room grew horribly quiet as everyone saw me finally make it up here. After a few moments of sobbing, a hand clenched onto my shoulder and the little bit of space on the stand became occupied as a familiar face looked at me. He too had tears in his eyes, and looked far more upset than I did.

“Chanyeol I’m so sorry,” he cried. “I can’t believe this happened so fast…”

“Me too… Thank you for coming so far. I can’t begin to explain how much I need you right now.”

“…Good. I need you too. This isn’t easy for the both of us, but we’re going to make it through. He would want to see us happy.”

                I wasn’t too sure about what he meant by saying seeing us happy. Did he mean us as individuals being happy and accepted of this death, or us being happy as couple or partnership? I can’t understand because already my mind is so hazy…

“Sehun looks so handsome… As if he has a smile on his face.”

“Baekhyun,” I said turning to him. “I need to sit down. Come with me please.”

                We both stood up and walked towards the front row of chairs that were nearest to the coffin where my fiancé laid. A group of his friends from his job went up to look at him, letting their tears fall as Baekhyun watched with water coming out of his eyes as well. I couldn’t imagine how hard it is for a person to lose a best friend that they grew up with. Baekhyun knew Sehun since they were born practically, and now he has to bury his best friend at the age twenty-two. A hand rested on his shoulder, and a woman pulled me into a hug violently. My father and mother stood next to us, creating even more tears. They always loved Baekhyun, but loved Sehun just as much. It had to hurt them too seeing me lose the man I love.

                A little girl wearing a puffy black dress carefully walked up to Sehun and tapped his arm. She whispered to him to wake up repeatedly, as if she wanted him to suddenly wake up and play with her. My vision of her disappeared as the faces of Luhan and Minseok stood before me. They both looked deeply upset and nearly shocked at how sudden Sehun lost his life.

“Chanyeol I am so sorry,” Luhan spoke hugging me tight. “I know it doesn’t make sense right now, and you may never get why he had to go like this, but he’s healed now. Sehun is healed wherever his soul is resting.”

“Thank you Luhan. I know he is finally better too. I just wish I didn’t have to lose him…”

                Minseok lifted his daughter into his lap as they sat down next to Baekhyun and I. I heard him whisper to her that Sehun was going to take a nap for a very long time, and won’t ever wake up. She was upset to hear that he wasn’t going to listen to her commands to open his eyes, but even more upset that she never got to play with him. I looked at her seeing how happy she made her fathers, and how jealous I was that Luhan and Minseok got to raise a child. They are living the life that I wanted to have with Sehun. Everyone and everything made me have some kind of anger or jealously, even regret or sadness. One thing I’m not good at is controlling my emotions while grieving.

                After about another three hours of people coming up to me saying how sorry they were for me, it was time to head to the graveyard. My father and mother climbed into the car with me, and I dragged Baekhyun into the vehicle as well. He is the only person in this world who completely understands why I feel the way I do, and knows what to do to make me feel better. Baekhyun still can make me be at peace just by sitting next to me. I could see in my parent’s eyes the confusion they had, seeing their son with his ex- fiancé next to him as he buried the love of his life in the ground.

                When we arrived at the cemetery, everyone quietly walked to Sehun’s casket laid on a few ropes waiting to be lowered into the ground. It was in this moment that I felt as if any emotion I had left in my soul was gone. My soul felt blank and my heart seemed meaningless. What was my purpose of living if the man I wanted to be with was gone? Did I do something that deserved this kind of karma? The pastor read prayers and made speeches as I looked at the final resting bed of Sehun. I wanted to join him, let them bury me in the ground with him. Instead, I felt Baekhyun grab the sleeve of my suit and look at me with tears in his eyes. His lips moved saying don’t, but I couldn’t help myself from wanting to take my life too. I’m exactly how Sehun was before we moved to New York. Except now, there is no one here to stop me from taking my own life.

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Oh my readers I'm so sorry! I know most of you asked me to not kill Sehun but I had finished writing this story months ago! Had I been writing while posting, I'm sure it would have changed x.x But please give me your thoughts and opinions. We have only one more chapter left Dx