For three years I have been living in the city that never sleeps with my boyfriend. He and I moved from South Korea to New York City about six months into our relationship. It may have seemed unusual to take such a new relationship to a drastic jump, but I was losing him. I would come home from working at Seoul University Hospital to find him lying in a bathtub filled with blood from spilt wrists.  His guilt over my failed engagement that ended because he showed up in my life was very evident.

                I was afraid to lose Oh Sehun as my boyfriend, and there was only one way to change that. For five years I lead the neurological team at Seoul University Hospital. People said I was the best surgeon and doctor, leaving me with nothing but successful surgeries and healthy patients to show for it. A hospital over in the United States contacted me saying that they were very interested in having me work them. The New York Presbyterian Hospital is known for some of the best care given in the world today. How could I turn them down when they offering me everything I needed? This was my chance to save Sehun from himself.

                Within two months of that phone call, I had all of our belongings packed and ready to be sent halfway around the world. Well, my ex-fiancé had generously packed my things once he kicked me out of our apartment, and I had never really taken anything out of the boxes until I needed it. Sehun, however, had unpacked all of his clothes from his old apartment because he had great difficulty living out of a box.

                Around four years ago, my boyfriend had awoken from a coma that held him brain dead for nearly fourteen years. He woke up in a nineteen year old body, but had the mind of a seven year old. As his doctor, I made sure he received all the psychological help that he could get, not only at the hospital but after we began dating. He was doing amazing prior to my break up with my ex Baekhyun. Ironically, Baekhyun was not only Sehun’s childhood friend, but my then love. We broke up in the worst of ways, and Sehun took the entire blame on himself. He thought that if he hadn’t fallen for me secretly, that maybe I would have still been getting married. It takes two to tango though, and I knew that my heart wanted Sehun, not Baekhyun.

                Now we’re living very happily in this new country, and it’s the best thing to have ever happened. Sehun works in a high end clothing store somewhere not too far from our Upper East Side apartment. His mentality seems to have caught up to all the other twenty-two year olds here in the US. It may have taken some therapy, but I’m glad I don’t have to worry about him having another suicidal or childish episode. There has been so much progress made in terms of his health and mind, that there is nothing that can make him change.

“Chanyeol-ah,” Sehun smiled brushing his pale blond hair out his face. “Are you excited for tonight?”

“Hey you. Of course I’m ready for tonight.”

                I took my boyfriend into my arms, wrapping my hands around his very small waist. He kissed my lips softly, smiling just as he pulled away. Tonight was an extremely important night for the two of us. After working nonstop in the Presbyterian Hospital for so long, I was being promoted as the lead doctor in the operating room. My bosses have told me they have never seen such a young, talented neurosurgeon like me, and decided to promote me in grand fashion. There was a roof top party to be held tonight for all those who are being promoted, which boils down to just three people. Everyone else will just be giving out speeches.

                For weeks I’ve been working on my speech, because it needs to be in perfect English. My brain hasn’t taken to a new language in the way Sehun’s has. He has picked up on this new tongue with ease, and in fact has worked on barely having an accent at all. However, my accent is very evident, and my speech is probably in need of help. But it hasn’t caused any problems with communicating at my work place.

                A shop not too far from where my boyfriend works, has graciously allowed us to rent out some of there finest suits for half the cost. Although my money is the fullest it’s ever been, I was relieved to hear about something half priced. One of my most recent investments has left me with seven thousand dollars less than what I had. Tonight is supposed to be a special night for me, but I want it to be even bigger for Sehun. We have been through so much in the past four years that it’s done nothing but make us stronger. Even after all his suicide attempts and nights awake crying with sorrow, I haven’t stopped loving him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That’s why tonight I will have a seven thousand dollar ring in my hand while I ask Oh Sehun to take my hand in marriage.

“Why don’t we go get our suits from the shop before it gets too late,” I said grabbing his hand and heading towards the door.

“Alright, but I need to pick up my paycheck from work on the way there. We’re going to need tip money for the bartenders.”

“Go easy on the alcohol, babe.”

“Oh it’s not for me. I know you’ll be shooting some drinks down before your speech,” he winked heading out the door.

●●●●●●

                The two buttons on the sleeve of my white dress shirt were refusing to close. My boyfriend was off in our bedroom reciting his speech for probably the millionth time this week. I’d ask for his help but he was busy working on his “English”. I just really wanted to get these buttons closed because the more they stayed open, the more the scars on my wrist shinned in the bathroom lighting. Now that I’m a little bit older, I regret all my suicide attempts, because it has done nothing but leave me with scars that I’m ashamed to explain.

                It’s not exactly easy explaining to people that I stole Chanyeol from another man, another man who happened to be my best friend. For the longest time I felt like dirt and reverted back to how a seven year old boy would act when he is angry or upset. My mind had only been acting like a nineteen year old for eight months before I watched my best friend kick Chanyeol out his life, and house. Thankfully, Baekhyun didn’t kick me out completely. At least not right away.

                It took maybe four months for him to answer the email I had sent to him explaining how sorry I was over his broken up engagement. He told me to not take any blame for what happened, but to be very careful with Chanyeol. Baekhyun’s fear was that Chanyeol would find someone else again, leaving me alone with nowhere to go. I never told my best friend about all the hospital visits I had from trying to bleed out from split wrists, or overdosing on some medicines I found in the cabinet. If Baekhyun had found that out, he would probably stop talking to me all together.

                After living in New York for one year, the emails stopped, and I felt like I had lost a major person in my life. Baekhyun never responded to the messages I sent asking why he stopped talking to me. I wish I knew, but it’s been two years now, and it’s not worth racking my brain over. My life feels complete with Chanyeol. I just need to focus on my future and not my past. Although the past always leaves me with unanswered questions like, why didn’t Baekhyun disappear, or, what happened to my ex-boyfriend Luhan? Luhan saw me for the last time with eyes that looked at me like I was a foul creature. He had just found out that I had cheated on him by sleeping with Chanyeol before he broke us up. Sometimes I wonder if he is okay now, or is he still works at the school that helped me recover after my coma. Maybe I’ll never find out, but it would help to have those questions answered.

“We need to head out now,” Chanyeol smiled buttoning up my sleeves.

“Thank you. I needed help with the sleeves, but I’m good to go now. Are you alright? Your hands are all shaky.”

“Ah don’t worry about me. I just have butterflies in my stomach.”

“Your speech is going to be fine! Don’t overthink it.”

                Chanyeol kissed me quickly before taking my hand and heading towards the front door. The ride in the elevator was as silent as it had ever been. I could literally feel that Chanyeol was extremely nervous about something. It just doesn’t make sense because he has been practicing this speech for weeks. Maybe something else was going on that I wasn’t aware of. Hopefully tonight is the greatest night in the world for him. Chanyeol deserves this.