Four Weeks Later

                The word stress meant something like having too much on my plate that I couldn’t handle it. Now, stress means trying to live with the idea that my fiancé will never remember our relationship again, or trying to fix him back to proper health. Sehun was finally being released from the hospital today to rest at home in comfort. The surgery on his skull needed him to be on bed rest for a little under four weeks, which was beneficial to the broken bones he had elsewhere on his body. It usually takes around six weeks for a bone to heal, and Sehun was nearing that time, but for now he still needs casts.

                Dr. Winston had removed the hard cast across my fiancés collar bones and ribs, and said that those bones are now completely healed. Had it not been for that bed rest, Sehun would still need more recovery time. His right arm and leg however, were still broken. For the next few days, I would have to help him move around because it is possible for him to walk in a casted boot. Sehun seemed fine depending off me considering that he has forgotten everything that has happened between us. As of right now, I’m just his doctor. So much has happened between us within the past three years, and all of that is just a memory in my mind now.

“Chanyeol,” Sehun said carefully adjusting himself in my car. “I know how hard this is for you but I’m sure if-“

“Hard doesn’t really explain it. I know it’s not your fault you don’t remember major pieces of your life, but it hurts to look at you now knowing that all we have been through means nothing.”

“You keep saying that but you never explain. Stop dancing around the damn questions and answer them! I’m about to go ‘home’ but I don’t even know where home is! Tell me everything Chanyeol!”

                My body was shaking in both fear and pure anger. I was driving out of the parking garage until all the yelling out of Sehun’s mouth had sounded through the car. The expensive Mercedes Benz I was driving quickly turned into an available parking space and thrown into a dead halt. Sehun looked scared, but I had enough of him pressuring me these past few weeks to explain myself. I wish he understood how hard it is for me to explain our lives together when it now means nothing. He could just leave me in this moment and have no hard feelings over it, yet I’d be the one hurt.

“You have no idea how much I have sacrificed for you. You don’t know how much I have lost so I could see you smiling and see you still alive today! I can’t just explain it because it breaks my heart Oh Sehun! I mean nothing to you now yet I still let my world revolve around you…”

“Just ing tell me Chanyeol,” he yelled. “Let me understand why you love me so much, what you have lost, just speak to me!”

“I lost Baekhyun for you! I gave up my job in South Korea so you didn’t end up killing yourself at the age of nineteen! Look at your wrists and tell me you weren’t looking death in the face everyday by splitting open your skin! We live in this new country because I wanted your life to be the best it could be, and now all of that is meaningless to you!”

                Sehun was glaring at me with nothing but hate in his eyes. All we have done is yell at each other for the past four weeks, and it’s the only time we have ever gotten mad at each other in the three years of us dating. I have been dancing around answering his questions for so long, but now he just needs to know. Sehun lifted the sleeves of his sweater up and saw all the markings on his left arm that still left scars of years ago. His eyes went blank for the longest time, and neither of us said a word. I just watched his face squint with confusion for minutes, until he finally looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

“I’m scared Yeol,” he spoke with a tear falling. “Why can I see me lying in a tub full of red water? I can feel the burning on my arms and hear you screaming for me to stop. There’s this memory of you pulling me out the tub soaking wet and wrapping me in your arms crying. I’m holding you back crying saying ‘let me die Chanyeol please let me die’. Did this ever happen?”

“…yeah,” I sighed remembering the moment where Sehun was closest to death. “I almost lost you that day…”

“I just want to remember everything! Make me remember! You’re a doctor you should know what to do! Why aren’t you helping my Chanyeol?! I thought you loved me enough to at least fix me!”

                Sehun was hitting me as hard as he could with his left hand, even shaking me trying to convince me to make him remember it all. I grabbed his wrists and slammed it down onto his lap before shutting him up with a kiss. It’s been four weeks since we have kissed, or even had one moment of intimacy. For me, the kiss was familiar and felt like home, yet I knew Sehun was probably sitting wide eyed and not kissing me back. But instead, his hand wrapped around me and he kissed me back, just like he did after he promised we would spend the rest of our lives together. It was during this kiss that I realized that Sehun needs something to see, to bring back memories. Once he saw his wrists, he remembered the moment he almost took his own life. If I were to bring him to South Korea and he saw Baekhyun and Luhan, maybe everything would come back to him.

“Sehun, we’re going back to South Korea,” I said pulling away. “We have to go back for you to remember…”

“If that’s what it takes, then I’ll go. I just want to remember everything instead of having these scary flashbacks.”

“Alright, let’s go home and we’ll work out the traveling and packing.”

●●●●●●

                It was about five in the morning when Chanyeol and I arrived at the Newark International Airport to catch our flight to South Korea. My eyes felt very heavy with exhaustion, but I stayed awake the whole car ride to  see if anything I passed helped me regain my memory. Everything seems to be coming back to me in bits and pieces, but there are still major questions I have unanswered. My apartment back in New York was stunning and looked like I had decorated the whole place myself, yet I can’t remember living there. Clothes and photos that belonged to Chanyeol and I were scattered all about the apartment, so I knew it was mine. While he sat on the computer booking our flight, I observed every picture of he and I in the place. Never in my life have I seen two people so happy, or so in love.

                Now that I had seen what Chanyeol was talking about when he said we were in love, I decided I would just pretend to love him. Even if I don’t in this moment, maybe I can force myself to love him again. As long as he doesn’t know, it’ll just seem like things are going back to normal for us. People at the airport kept coming and going despite the early morning hours, and I watched them all while Chanyeol leaned his head against my shoulder. We were both in jeans and sweatshirts, except I had a heavy boot attached to my leg and a cast that was holding my right arm into place. They were comfortable clothes, so I was ready to snuggle into them and sleep until a voice sounded throughout the airport.

‘Flight 468 to Seoul South Korea is now boarding. All passengers please report to gate E.”

                The voice spoke in perfect English, yet I completely understood and was the one that even noticed the announcement. Chanyeol was falling into a deep sleep, and had missed the call completely. I tapped him lightly at first, only to see that he still didn’t budge. Instead I kissed his lips softly, and took him by the hand, showing that I needed help to get up. This kiss to me felt blank and empty, but it was my only hope at pretending things are getting better, even though that maybe a lie.

“Hm,” he groaned waking up. “What’s wrong?”

“Our flight is at gate E. We have to go now and I need your help to stand up.”

                He took me by the hand and stood me to my feet. After grabbing both of our carry on bags, he went to let go of my hand, seeing as it would make sense to do that. Chanyeol must think that I don’t even want to be in a relationship with him since I don’t remember anything. I only held on tighter to his hand, hoping that he wouldn’t give up on our relationship. It may me nothing to me right now, but if I regain my memory, I don’t want Chanyeol to be long gone.

                Once we got onto the plane, I made myself as comfortable as I could be with two casts on. Only Chanyeol and I sat in our row, and he somehow bought the seats closest to the emergency exit. That was the most spacious seats on the plane, which allowed me to extend my broken leg to be comfortable. The fact that he goes out of his way to do little things like this for me, make my heart skip a beat. Before I knew it, my eyes were shut and they stayed shut for a very long time. I woke up to the loud noises of people talking and families screaming at each other saying how much they missed them.

                I was sitting in a wheelchair, looking at another bustling airport, only this time it was morning and everything I saw was written in Korean. Chanyeol rubbed my head when I looked up at him confused. He didn’t speak to me, and looked fairly nervous. We grabbed our luggages quickly and headed towards a rental car station. The car we received wasn’t nearly as nice as what Chanyeol owned back in New York, but he got me inside and took off somewhere. I kept asking him where we were going, but he never answered. Before I knew it, we were in front of an apartment that looked oddly familiar. There was a truck parked in front with five men moving boxes into it. Chanyeol told me to stay in the car while he went upstairs to talk to someone.

                Slowly, I got out the car and limped around observing the beautiful streets. South Korea is very different from the New York City that I saw. Everyone seemed to be going there own ways calmly and quietly here, yet back at home, everyone runs and moves around so fast. My eyes saw a pastry shop at the corner of the street, and of course my sweet tooth drew me in. As I walked towards the window of the shop, someone bumped into me with a tray of coffee cups and bag filled with goodies. I stepped back on my left foot in extreme pain feeling the shock pulsating through my broken arm in which this person just slammed into. The man put down his coffees and goods and immediately began to apologize to me. When we finally got a look at each other, both of us had no words. Despite bits of memory being gone, I knew exactly who this was.

“S-Sehun is that you,” the man said in shock.

“Hi Baek… It’s nice to see you again.”

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