CHAPTER 20
♚ if you want something you've never had... ♚
▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

“You’re a surprisingly egotistical guy.”

“Surprisingly?”

“…”

We were by the window’s ledge, our arms dangling out as we stared at the school’s courtyard outside below us. The fireworks show was over. Some students were heading home, while some remained to loiter around with friends.

I bumped my hand lightly against his. “The first thing you do in getting me to like you… is confessing,” I said in elaboration on my comment to his pride.

Ren turned his head to grin at me. “I was pretty sure you still liked me.”

“Proud, arrogant-“

“It was the same,” he interrupted before I listed off the qualities he possessed - that I, kind of, had also.

“Same?”

“When you first confessed to me… I saw it in your eyes. That look hasn’t changed… so I was sure your feelings hadn’t changed either,” he said, his own gaze softening as he spoke.

I met his eyes… suddenly conscious of what my own gaze looked to him. “My…? What did you see in my eyes?”

“Me. I saw me in your eyes,” he said with a charming grin.

I snorted and looked away, inwardly applauding my own acquired immunity to his charismatic smile. “Well, of course. I was talking to you. You’d naturally reflect in my-“

“I’m trying to be romantic here!” he said petulantly with a pout.

“My heart’s beating dramatically,” I drawled out.

“You’re being sarcastic…”

“Glad you caught on.”

But when I turned to face him, my eyes widened when I realized he brought his face closer to mine.

My nose lightly brushed against his briefly.

I quickly backed away. He smirked when he saw me retreat. “… Now I believe your heart did indeed beat dramatically.”

I scoffed and looked away… ignoring the thump of my heartbeat that was heard loud and clear in my own ears.

“We had math homework?!”

“No.”

Yooyoung looked over my shoulder to see my paper filled with tables of figures and computations. “Then what are you doing, Ms. Ren’s Girlfriend?”

I turned to her with a smirk.

She laughed. “That’s probably my lamest joke ever, yet you liked it?”

“I loved it,” I admitted without any shame.

Yooyoung turned to the back of our classroom briefly before facing me again. “… Though you didn’t come to school together today…”

“He told me last night that his mother will arrive from Australia this morning, so he’s joining in picking her up at the airport. He won’t be attending class today,” I explained, focusing on my papers again.

She hummed in acknowledgement before peering again at what I was doing. “… So what is that if not math homework?”

“Upon arriving at school, I have received a total of twenty-three stares and five glares of hate. The number of people that had mouthed my name or Ren’s were twelve. Among those that were gossiping about me, sixteen were second years, six were third years and six were first years. Twenty of them were female, while eight were male. Among everything I have said though, I did not include our own classmates yet. We are thirty-five, and among the twenty-seven that have already arrived, twenty had at least shot me a second glance while seven had made it apparent that they wish to speak with me.”

Yooyoung sat down in the midst of my monologue. “You’re… tallying all that?”

“I plan on making a graph and chart about it. It’s an interesting study. I’ll have to get the frequency and range, and categorize according to-“

“You aren’t bothered by it at all?”

I faced her, wondering at her concern. “In my past daydreams about being Ren’s girlfriend, this was an inevitable happening. I was expecting it. He’s a popular guy… and I’m not exactly miss congeniality.”

Yooyoung sighed, still not liking the situation I was in. “I’m just surprised that so many people know already… I mean, when you told Jason and I last night, I thought we’d be the only ones who knew.”

I looked away from her stare. “… Do you remember when I told you that I replied with a ‘Yes’ to him?” She nodded. “I didn’t actually… say it. I texted several of our classmates that were holding the trays to form the word ‘Yes’… so they ended up finding out that the guy Ren was confessing to… was actually me.”

“You could’ve just said yes! Now look at all the hassle you have to go through!”

“Like I said, it’s an inevitable hassle,” I said with a nonchalant shrug, not really bothered by it.

Yooyoung pursed her lips, not liking how indifferent I was. “Ren’s a smart guy, right? Yet to leave you alone when-“

“He’s not… particularly smart. He may seem clever and all… but when it comes to matters like this, he’s quite slow and considerably naïve. I’m sure he thinks all the girls who fawn over him will fawn over me as well and not at all think I’m an eyesore – which is definitely not the case. But he's too nice to think otherwise.” I turned briefly to the door of our classroom, and saw two girls quickly walk away suddenly when they met my gaze. I smirked and added them to my list.

“Tell him then! He has to take care of his fangirls and-…” Yooyoung rested her cheek on the palm of her hand and stared at me with a frown. “… You won’t tell him, will you?”

I faced her with a raised eyebrow. “Of course, I won’t! I’ll take care of the issue by today, so he wouldn’t have a clue about it tomorrow. This is my battle.”

“Battle?! Don’t tell me you’re looking forward to confronting those girls! I mean… they’re a lot and some of them are pretty serious about him… I mean… what if they start bullying you?”

 “You’re talking to me, Yooyoung. I’m the bully around here.”

My lunch plate splattered to the floor.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the girl who roughly bumped me in the shoulder said. “I didn’t notice you were there.”

I smiled back at her. She was in class 2-C and among the girls that had glared at me earlier. “It’s fine,” I said with an equally fake smile.

I noticed Yooyoung and Jason suddenly make a move to stand, but my quick glare at them made them stay put. I bent down to pick up my food, roughly pushing the girl with my behind forward. “Eh-?!” and she fell face first into Yooyoung’s pasta.

I stood straight and faced her. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t notice you were still standing there.”

She wiped the red sauce from her eyes and glared harshly at me. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you? You little-“

“What? No. It was a complete accident – just like your little bump to me earlier. Unless that was on purpose,” I said, facing her seriously now.

She wiped again at her cheeks before turning on her heel and leaving us. I looked at my spoilt food and at Yooyoung’s destroyed pasta. “… I’ll pay for it.”

She frowned at me. “You’ve been rebutting their petty bullying attempts since recess earlier. You can’t keep doing that forever-“

“Exactly. It’s lunch and I’ve only dealt with three of them… I have to take care of them all quickly,” I said, crossing my arms and mulling over what to do.

Jason glanced at me, not pleased. “I really think you should just tell Ren. Just a word from him would have those girls back off-“

“I have to take care of it.”

“Why?” they chorsued, exasperated at my stubborness.

“… Because they think we shouldn’t be together. I can’t be the ideal and perfect type of girl they’d expect Ren’s girlfriend to be… The only thing I can do is take all their hits and prove to them that though I’m not worthy… my feelings are.” I pushed up my glasses and gave my friends a reassuring smile. “While he can easily protect my feelings… I want to do it myself.”

Yooyoung buried her face in her hands and Jason patted her back in consolation.

I frowned at their behavior. “What-?”

“You've become so emotional and sappy now! To think we'd live to see the day!”

I rolled my eyes and left the table. “I’m buying the food now.”

“Yes!” I cheered, pumping up my fists in victory.

The student from 3-A, also known as the president of Ren’s fan club, glared at me. “What are you so cheery about?”

I crossed my arms and huffed. “You’re the big boss in this. I’m guessing you’re going to speak on behalf of all the girls that are now angry at me?” I was behind the staircase, backed up in the corner when a bunch of third year girls suddenly surrounded me. This was the perfect situation. Striking fear into their leader would also have her followers stop harassing me.

“Angry at you?...” She laughed and looked down at me from her superior height. “So you know how pissed off we are that some ugly nerd like you managed to get Ren?”

“The hostility, though well hidden at times, is hard to not notice.”

“Good. So we’ll tell it to you upfront. Break up with him. You know as well how you two don’t match at all.”

I shrugged and looked away, as if not caring about her words… but it did hit the mark a little.

I know we don’t match.

“And then what? You’d go after him? From what I’ve seen, no one else has been making much progress in getting his affection, except for… well… me.”

I could feel the several glares I received from that statement.

I tilted my chin up, staring up at her eyes defiantly. “I got rejected when I confessed, like most of you. He considered me as a fangirl before, just like you all. I don’t know why you lot stopped advancing, but I didn’t. If you want him back…”

I took a step forward, feeling brave at how they were unable to say anything.

“Then steal him away from me… if you can.”

The other girls behind her went still, but the leader just laughed. “Well aren’t you a tough one?” she said, suddenly smirking. “Steal him away from you? But you’re going to latch onto him pretty hard, right?”

I nodded, unsure of what to make of her sudden chuckle. “I will… as I’m sure my competition will be trying to do their best to take him away from me.”

“No matter what we may throw at you… you’re not going to waver one bit, huh?”

“Not at all.”

She crossed her arms and her smirk grew. “Those are some feelings you got there.”

“… As I’m sure you all have some pretty strong feelings to combat mine with.”

“But ours wouldn’t be enough, would it?”

“Not by a long shot.”

She turned to her friends briefly. “… I’m okay with her.” Both mine and their jaws dropped at her sudden answer. When one asked why, she faced me again. “She’s not pretty enough… or nice enough…  or just flat out good enough for Ren…” She gave me a beautiful smile, and I honestly wondered how Ren had not fallen for any of his prettier admirers yet. “... But she sure likes him enough.”

I narrowed my eyes at her words. While I was glad my arguments worked… I was also slightly disappointed that I wasn’t able to bring up my blackmail material on them to threaten them to stay away.

“Besides, I’m sure he’ll shine a lot brighter when there’s a dull rock by his side, huh?”

“Well, it’s a lot more complementary than a patch of dirt.”

“… Now you’re just asking for trouble. Are you the one looking for a fight?”

I quickly averted my eyes at the question.

“I think I won.”

Yooyoung looked up from her notebook as I took a seat beside her. “You mean against your rivals?”

“Yes…”

“Then why do you seem down?”

“I was hoping it’d be fiercer.”

“You war freak.”

After I explained my brief encounter with the ringleader of Ren’s admirers to Yooyoung, I leaned back on my chair and looked at my tables, kind of disappointed at how I wouldn’t be making more tallies… but then I quickly disregarded that thought. While I kind of enjoyed how interesting things were, Ren would no doubt worry and make a huge fuss about it. This ending so quickly was a good thing.

I lifted my gaze a bit… but then saw the empty seat in front of me.

“Yujin.”

Yooyoung faced me before facing the empty seat. “Well, it’s lunch… so… she doesn’t have to be in the classroom now.”

“She hasn’t spoken with me at all.”

“Well, you already talked with their leader, right? Maybe she wouldn’t bother you.”

“No… Most of his admirers are very refined and lady-like… which would explain the really pathetic way they showed their dislike of me… But Yujin…” I faced Yooyoung, suddenly worried. “Yujin is the most uncouth of them all.”

Yujin went over to my desk and slammed her hands on my table. “And who do you think you are, Park? Me and the rest of the girls knew you were too stupid and plain to actually catch his attention – so what are you doing?”

“Just being me,” I said, looking up and meeting her eyes. “Maybe he likes the stupid and plain.”

Yooyoung stared at me wearily. “No, that was you and your former taste in guys.”

“You think you deserve his attention?!”

“No, I don’t deserve it at all. He’s way out of my league… Overall… he’s a better person in general. I’m not even on par with him.”

“Exactly!”

“But I sure as hell am better than you. So who are you to talk down on me?”

Before I could register what happened, there was already a sting and red mark on my face.

“We got into a fight when she found out I was just hanging out with Ren outside of school…” I stared at her empty seat. “Yet now that it’s widespread gossip that we’re official… she hasn’t done anything.”

“Maybe she accepts you…” Yooyoung frowned when I suddenly stood up. “Are you going to look for her?... Are you looking for a fight with her?!”

That was the same thing I was asked earlier.

“I’m not looking for a fight… I just… I’m wondering why they’re not putting up such a fight. If it was me in their position and some no-good person claims that Ren likes her…”

“Well, that’s why Ren likes you,” Yooyoung said, smiling at me. “Because you’re obviously more serious about him than they are.”

I recalled Yujin’s aggression that I was faced with months ago… I wouldn’t have reacted exactly like her, but I’d be as equally angry.

“… I'm not the only one.”

“Odd… Shouldn’t it be me approaching you?”

After asking around, I had found Yujin by the school’s courtyard near the fountain. Hardly anyone was around, seeing as how lunch break was coming to an end quite soon. She was alone, laying down on the grass and looking up at the cloudy sky.

“It was taking you a while, so I took the initiative. I want to take care of you as soon as possible,” I explained, looking down at her.

“Take care of…?” She chuckled. “Like how you got our head to suddenly approve of you?”

“… In a sense, yes.”

“Why so quickly?”

“Ren’s coming back tomorrow. I want to finish this business by then.”

She laughed again. I found it strained and forced. “What? You don’t want him to stand up for you?”

“No. I can handle this myself… and I don’t want him to find out any of his admirers are doing rude things.”

She laughed again. “What? Are you trying to defend our image to him?”

“Yes… as I was in your position before.”

Yujin suddenly sat up and pulled at my shirt, pulling me down so that we were eye-level. “’Was in your position before’?” she repeated, glaring at me. “Well, aren’t you the lucky fangirl? You managed to get him! Congratulations!”

I placed my hands atop hers... and failed to pry her hand away. Don’t wrinkle my blouse, darn it. “Yes. And you didn’t. Condolences,” I retorted.

She let go and laid back down again on the grass. “Ugh, you … I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…”

I smoothened out my uniform, allowing her to continue her hateful confession.

“… I liked him longer.”

My hands stilled and I focused my gaze back on her. She had an arm over her eyes and she was biting her bottom lip.

I didn’t see the tears, but I knew she was crying.

“I liked him even back in first year…  I confessed to him before you even met him! What right do you have to just take him away?!”

“What right do you have to keep him?” I said, crouching down beside her. She didn’t reply. I looked around, noticing that more and more people were leaving. I turned back to her. “… He… He likes me. I know you don’t like that… but… that’s what it is.”

“Why?”

I paused, recalling several events that had transpired between me and him. “… I haven’t a clue.”

She sat up again and glared at me… I frowned when I saw her slightly puffy eyes. “Aren’t you some genius?!”

“Ren’s hard to figure out,” I said in my defense. ‘Genius’ was something people usually said about me and I took great pride in it – so I didn’t want my title to get tarnished. “I mean, sometimes he’s so incredibly easy to read… but other times…”

“… He’s mysterious,” she said with a small smile. “I know.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What? No. The guy isn’t that cool to be labelled as mysterious. He’s just… unpredictable. He’s either being incredibly simple-minded or cunning – it’s figuring out which one is what I have trouble with.”

She frowned at me. “What?”

A smile tugged at my lips. “Beyond his cool and student council persona… what do you know of him? Did your admiration settle as just admiration?”

Yujin glared at me. “I just didn’t want to impose on him so rudely – like you.”

I recalled Ren’s own close friends… and how incredibly pushy and nosy people they were. “Well, I guess you were indeed more courteous than me… but… that just led to you staying still. How can something happen if you don’t make it happen?”

She looked down at her lap and didn’t say anything.

I stood up when I heard the bell ring, signaling class was starting. “I know him more than you… and with that, I can safely say that though you may have liked him longer…” I looked back down at her. “I like him more.”

Her shoulders sagged as she sighed. “... I guess I lost the moment I gave up, huh?… I understand. Fine... I still don’t like you… but there’s nothing I can do about it now, is there?”

“Nothing at all.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up. We both began heading to our classroom, until she spoke up, “If you mess up… I will not hesitate to intervene this time.”

I smiled at her words. “Understood.”

After a moment though, I glanced at her wearily.

“I applaud your perseverance… but can’t you just give up?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be supporting me as a fellow Ren fan?!”

I opened the entrance gate of my house and frowned when I saw Ren standing by the fence’s wall. He turned to me with a grin. “Jinah!” he said, hugging me.

I awkwardly patted him on the back in return. “Why are you here?”

“Let’s walk to school together!” he said, taking hold of my hand and leading the way.

“Have you been waiting long? You could text me, you know?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise!”

I sighed, giving up on him. How could he be so energetic in the morning? “Did your mom arrive safely?”

He turned to me with a grin. “Yes, she’s at home right now, no doubt soaking in a hot bubble bath right now.”

“I did not want that mental image.”

Ren laughed at my comment before asking, “How was school yesterday? Didn’t miss me too much, did you?”

My grip on his hand tightened and I fell in step with him, giving him a small smile.

“Same old, same old. School wasn’t as interesting when you weren’t there.”

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀▀

END CHAPTER 20
♚ ... you'll have to do something you've never done ♚

▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀ ▀▀▀▀▀

A/N: I tried to make Jinah as badass and cool as possible, so I hope she didn't disappoint. :) Feel free to comment and subscribe if you haven't yet! 

And a big thank you to xXx_LoVe_ReN_xXx for the lovely cover image! Check her out. Subscribe to her. Read her fics. And if you're in need of more Ren, her stories are there~ ;)