Seconds stretched into minutes, and still, Yunho said nothing. Jaejoong was worried. He wasn’t used to silence from Yunho; it wasn’t like the other man to implode. But right now, his face was curiously void of emotion.

Well, what did you expect, Kim? He asked himself. He had known better than to admit his feelings. No matter what Yoochun and Changmin said, Jaejoong had known nothing good could come from this. He hadn’t wanted to say it, had been set on taking his secret to the grave. But under Yunho’s intense, beseeching gaze, he had buckled. Yunho had been so earnest, had seemed so honest in his desire to help Jaejoong. And Jaejoong wanted to be helped, he wanted to be saved. The burden of his own heart had grown so wearisome, and he wanted somebody, he wanted Yunho, to help him carry the load.

He had been weak. He should have pushed Yunho away harder, should have shouted louder, should have spat more venomous words with the intention to hurt--anything to make Yunho get away from him. But he had never been very good about standing his ground when it came to Yunho. All Yunho had to do was crook his finger and Jaejoong would run to him, like a dog eager for attention. Jaejoong would do anything for Yunho, would be anything for Yunho.

Jaejoong looked down at the man still kneeling in front of him. He was so beautiful. Unable and unwilling to stop himself, Jaejoong reached out a hand and cupped Yunho’s cheek.

Yunho’s eyes snapped to Jaejoong’s and the look was so intense, it stole Jaejoong’s breath away. There was fire in Yunho’s eyes, and a warning. Jaejoong ignored it. He slowly slid off the bed and kneeled in front of Yunho. Keeping one hand on Yunho’s cheek, Jaejoong raised his other hand to slide his fingers through the silky softness of Yunho’s hair. The leader’s eyelids fluttered and Jaejoong felt a small burst of lust flutter through his chest. What would Yunho’s eyes look like hooded in pleasure?

Jaejoong’s gaze dropped to Yunho’s mouth. He had spent many nights fantasizing about kissing Yunho. What would he taste like? Would Yunho moan as their tongues touched, or would his pride keep him silent? Would his hands knot in Jaejoong’s hair to pull him closer?

He was going to find out. He was damned if he did, and damned if he didn’t. He had already spilled his heart out. What more did he have to lose?

Jaejoong leaned in closer.

-----

I love you.

I love you, Yunho.

I love you so much.

Long after Jaejoong had spoken, his words kept echoing in Yunho's mind, growing louder until Yunho was sure he would go deaf from the sound.

He felt like he had gone into shock. Whatever he had expected, it certainly hadn't been a declaration of love. At least, not for him. But in hindsight, it made sense. He was so stupid not to have seen it before.

Jaejoong had always been affectionate, and kind of clingy. Yunho was the same way. He liked to hug Jaejoong, and he liked those moments of intimacy when it was just the two of them. For friends to have that kind of close connection was normal in their society.

So when did things change between them? Yunho guessed it had been right around the time they were filming Dangerous Love. Suddenly there was an awkwardness between them that had never been there before. On Yunho's part, he had felt embarrassed. He'd never even considered what a relationship between two men would be like, and there he was acting out romantic feelings for another man, his best friend, no less. He and Jaejoong had joked about it after the filming, both saying how weird it had felt to be pretending like that.

That's when everything had begun to change. The easy camaraderie that had once been between them felt strained. The hugs and touches had taken on a different meaning, and things had become tense and awkward between them. They never had been able to go back to how things were before the banjun drama, not really.

And now, they were here. God, what a mess.

Movement caught Yunho's attention, yanking him from his thoughts, and he looked up from his perusal of the carpet to watch Jaejoong as the lead-singer slid slowly from the bed and landed on his knees in front of him. The leader wanted to get up, wanted to run away, but he felt stuck, like his knees had been nailed down.

Don't, Jaejoong, he thought, but he couldn't make his mouth work. He watched in silence as Jaejoong sidled closer, feeling like a cornered animal. Instinctually, Yunho knew what Jaejoong was going to do, and he hated him for it. How could Jaejoong do this to him? Didn’t Jaejoong know he was about to ruin everything? Didn’t he value their friendship enough to leave things as they were?

Yet there was another part of him that was intrigued, and it was strong enough to keep Yunho from lashing out.

His heart rate quickened when Jaejoong's hand came up to brush against his cheek. It became harder to breathe when Jaejoong's other hand tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. Yunho could smell Jaejoong's breath, could feel it on his skin.

Yunho closed his eyes just as Jaejoong leaned in.

A kaleidoscope of colors burst behind Yunho's closed eyelids at the first touch of Jaejoong's lips against his. They were dry and chapped, and rough on his skin. Stunned, he raised his arms, intent on pushing Jaejoong away, but instead they somehow wound up wrapped around Jaejoong's shoulders. His hands had buried themselves in Jaejoong's hair, and he was pulling the older man in closer, deeper.

Jaejoong tasted like salt: brine left behind from his tears. The taste was intoxicating, and Yunho angled his head to the side so he could press in deeper, every trace of Jaejoong's pain away. When he could no longer taste Jaejoong’s tears, Yunho felt satisfied and turned to other pursuits. Using the tight grip he had on the lead-singer's hair, Yunho forced Jaejoong’s head back so he could bite small, stinging kisses into the skin just underneath Jaejoong’s jawline. There was a birthmark there Yunho wanted to sink his teeth into. A quiet, needy moan slipped past Jaejoong's lips, and the sound sent a jolt of electricity sizzling along Yunho's nerves.

He felt heady. Hot. He couldn't breathe. He pulled away from Jaejoong’s body and in a gulp of air that felt heavy in his lungs.

"Don't stop," Jaejoong whispered, his lips caught against the lobe of Yunho's ear.

"Jaejoong," Yunho moaned and opened his eyes to stare down at the disheveled man he held in his arms

And he froze. What the am I doing? he thought.

Yunho pulled away from Jaejoong roughly. The edge of his ring caught Jaejoong on the cheek and the lead-singer cried out when one of the prongs dug in too deep. A small, red bruise blossomed on his cheek. The bright discoloration looked garish against Jaejoong’s pale, tear-stained skin, and Yunho turned away from him, suddenly unable to look at him any longer.

“That was…wrong, Kim Jaejoong-sshi,” Yunho said quietly.

He expected Jaejoong to protest, to fight. Yunho almost wanted Jaejoong to touch him, to say something to him, so he had an excuse to turn around and hit him. But Jaejoong was strangely quiet.

Yunho heard him stand up. He felt the subtle shifts in the air current as Jaejoong walked past him. He turned and watched as Jaejoong opened the bedroom door and slipped out, pulling it closed behind him.

Something inside of Yunho snapped. He sunk down on the bed nearest him and buried his face in his hands as tears sprung unbidden to his eyes. He suddenly felt so lonely, left to bear the silence alone as his world shattered around him.

-----

"Jaejoong, wait!" Yoochun called, but the lead-singer either didn't hear him, or he was ignoring him. The apartment door shut behind Jaejoong with a loud snap.

Changmin sighed. "I have a feeling I know what happened."

"I should go in there and wring Yunho's neck," Yoochun muttered.

Changmin rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid. What would that accomplish?"

"It'd make me feel better," Yoochun said.

"But Jaejoong would never forgive you for hurting him," Changmin pointed out.

"Fine. But I can at least go in there and give him a piece of my mind."

"No, hyung. Go take care of Jaejoong; I'll go talk to Yunho. I understand you're angry with him, but you forget: he's hurting too. And right now he needs somebody who will talk to him and not judge him. You're not that person."

Yoochun sighed. "You're right, Changmin. I just can't stand to see the hurt in Jaejoong's eyes and know Yunho is the one doing that to him."

"I know, hyung," Changmin said. "Now, go. Jaejoong needs you right now."

Yoochun looked sad. "No, Min. I'm not the one Jaejoong needs. But I'll do for him what I can."

-----

Changmin pushed the door open and called out, "Yunho?"

"If you yell at me, I'm going to punch you," Yunho said sullenly as he sat up from his reclined position on Jaejoong's bed.

Changmin laughed, and asked, "Who do I look like? Yoochun?"

"Where is Yoochun, anyway? I thought he would jump at this chance to beat me into a pulp," Yunho said.

"That's exactly what he wanted to do, but I told him no." Changmin sat down next to Yunho. "I don't think Jaejoong would like him very much if he did that."

Yunho's eyes darkened at the mention of Jaejoong's name. "I don't want to talk about him, Changmin."

"I know you don't, hyung, but I'm asking you to. If not for yourself, then for me."

"Why would you care?" Yunho asked, sounding petulant. "I thought it was Jaejoong everyone is most worried about."

Changmin slapped Yunho lightly on the back of the head. "Don't be daft. I am worried about Jaejoong, but I'm worried about you, too. I know you're hurting."

Yunho looked away from him. "I'm fine," he said.

"Oh really? So it wasn't you I found crying on Jaejoong's bed?"

"Damn it, Min, I don't need your sarcasm right now."

"Okay, fine. What do you need?"

"I need..." Jaejoong, his mind whispered. "Nothing."

"Hyung, I know how Jaejoong feels about you. And I know what he did tonight."

"I wish he had never told me," Yunho said vehemently. He stood up from the bed and began to pace back and forth, unable to sit still any longer. He was filled with a restlessness he had never felt before. He needed to run, dance, fight, --anything to douse the fire still singeing his blood.

"He simply did what he felt was right," Changmin said.

"It was wrong, Changmin," Yunho spat. "Now what am I supposed to do? I don't--"

"I know, you don't love him back," Changmin said consolingly. "But, hyung, you almost kissed him when you were at that club. And tonight you had a full-blown make-out session with him. And don't insult my intelligence by trying to tell me it didn't happen. I saw Jaejoong's neck as he was leaving. Come on, Yunho. Even you have to admit you feel something for Jaejoong."

Yunho shook his head so fast, Changmin was surprised it didn't fly from his shoulders. "No. I'm not gay, Changmin. It must be....We've been stuffed in this apartment like sardines. It's just our proximity playing tricks with my mind."

Changmin couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Yunho, even you have to admit that is the most tired excuse ever."

"I don't know what else to tell you, Changmin," Yunho said. "I don't like Jaejoong...like that."

Changmin wanted to press the issue further but knew it would be a pointless effort. Yunho was in no state of mind to listen to reason right now. It was something he would have to deal with later. Instead he asked, "So then, what are you going to do?"

Yunho sat back down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. "I don't know, Min. I just want things to go back to how they were before."

"I know you do, hyung. But they won't. You have to deal with the reality in front of you."

"I don't think I can, Min," Yunho whispered, his voice choked with emotion.

Changmin wrapped one arm around Yunho's shoulder and pulled the man in close. "I'll help you," he said.

-----

By the time Yoochun caught up to Jaejoong, he was soaked through to the bone and freezing. Though spring had finally arrived, winter still clung to the edges like a jealous lover. It was a cold night, and a stormy one. Rain fell down in sheets, and the wind tore through clothes to bite at fragile skin.

"What happened, Jaejoong?" he asked as he dragged Jaejoong toward a bench that was situated underneath a large awning. He had to get Jaejoong somewhere dry; the lead-singer looked worse than Yoochun felt, and no wonder. The idiot had left the apartment in nothing more than a thin t-shirt, a pair of cotton pants, and sneakers. He didn't even have socks on. Jaejoong's skin underneath Yoochun's hands was cold and clammy, and his cheeks were flushed a dull red. The corners of his lips had turned blue. Yoochun wouldn't be surprised if Jaejoong wound up sick after this.

"You didn't have to come after me," Jaejoong said.

"Clearly, I did." Yoochun tried to hide the annoyance in his voice. "Look at you, Jaejoong. You look terrible." He took one of Jaejoong's hands between his own and began to rub it briskly, hoping to bring some warmth back into the lead-singer's chilled fingers.

"I had to leave, Yoochun. I couldn't be in the same vicinity as him anymore. It's just too painful."

Yoochun nodded. "I know, Jae."

"I told him how I feel about him. And then I kissed him."

Yoochun's eyes widened in shock. He had known, of course, that Jaejoong had confessed to Yunho. But he never would have expected Jaejoong to make a move on the other man.

"That took a lot of courage, Jae. Why did you do it?"

Jaejoong shrugged. "It sounded like a good idea at the time. I knew it was the only chance I would have to taste him."

"And what did he do?"

"He kissed me back, at first. And then he just sort of...panicked."

"I'm...confused," Yoochun said slowly.

"I'm not," Jaejoong said. He sounded miserable. "If you had seen the look on his face, Yoochun, you would understand how he feels about what happened tonight."

Yoochun sighed and pulled Jaejoong into a tight hug. He turned his head to press a kiss against Jaejoong's temple. "I'm so sorry, Jae. I wish none of this had happened."

They stood there in silence for a few moments until Jaejoong pulled away. He wiped the sleeve of his hoodie across his eyes in a vain attempt to hide his tears, and then gave Yoochun a smile full of false bravado.

"Well, that's it then, I suppose. I poured my heart out to him, and I was rejected. Nothing I can do about it, right? I guess I'll just have to find some way to move on."

"Yeah," Yoochun agreed. He pulled Jaejoong into another hug, and was glad Jaejoong couldn't see the tears welling up in his eyes. His heart was breaking for his best friend. Jaejoong was putting on a brave face, was trying to remain strong. But Yoochun could see that the fire he loved about Jaejoong had burnt out. The only thing left behind was a cold, empty, bitter shell.