"Let's run it again," Yunho said.

"We've been at it for hours," Changmin said through his gasps for air. "Don't you think we should take a break?"

"It has to be perfect," Yunho said, a hint of steel in his voice.

To argue with Yunho would be futile, so Changmin climbed to his feet with a groan, his spine popping alarmingly. Jaejoong remained where he had collapsed in a heap against the mirror. Yoochun lay not too far from him, trying to catch his breath. An alarming bruise was beginning to purple the skin of Yoochun's shoulder from when he had tangled his feet with Junsu's and fallen.

"Are you okay?" Jaejoong asked him worriedly, hoping Yoochun hadn't hurt his shoulder too seriously.

"I'll live," Yoochun said. His eyes focused on Jaejoong and took in the elder's appearance. "Are you okay?"

Jaejoong nodded, but it was a lie. He just didn't want Yoochun to worry about him when Yoochun had his own problems to contend with.

"Again," Yunho said with more force. Jaejoong turned to look at him. Yunho stood a few feet away, his body tense, his arms folded across his chest. Junsu stood beside him, mirroring Yunho's position.

Jaejoong resisted the urge to tell them to off, knowing it would only create more drama. He raised both hands to grasp the rail above him and pulled himself up slowly, making sure not to place too much weight on his bum knee. Once he was sure he wouldn't collapse, he walked over to Yoochun, trying his hardest not to limp.

"Let's just get this over with," Jaejoong told Yoochun quietly.

"I don’t want to," Yoochun complained. “I think I might actually die.” He groaned when Jaejoong pulled him to his feet.

Jaejoong laughed. "This is our job," he said. "Might as well make an effort."

"I suppose,” Yoochun said. "Before Yunho has an aneurysm.” He indicated beyond Jaejoong's shoulder with his chin. Jaejoong turned to look at Yunho, who was almost visibly vibrating with impatience.

Jaejoong pushed Yoochun forward to get him into formation, then took his own place next to Changmin.

“Are you okay?” Changmin asked him. He always was too observant for his own good.

“I’m fine,” Jaejoong whispered back.

Changmin didn’t look convinced; Jaejoong ignored him and turned to look at Yunho. “We’re ready, leader-ssi,” he said, not quite able to keep the scorn out of his voice.

Yunho's gaze darkened but he let Jaejoong’s comment go unanswered. Yunho gave them an once-over to make sure they were ready to begin then spun on his heel to face the mirror, and gestured to their assistant to replay the track. The bass began to pound through the studio. Jaejoong closed his eyes and tried to focus as Yunho counted them in. He hoped their manager would make Yunho stop soon. He wasn't sure if he would make it much longer.

He moved on the downbeat, trying his best to move fluidly, but dancing had never been his strong suit. He was doing okay but halfway through the song, when the footwork became more intricate, his knee popped when he twisted. He tried to ignore it, but on the next turn, he felt a jarring lurch in his knee and a spike of pain shot through his entire leg. Jaejoong stumbled sideways into Junsu; it felt like hitting a brick wall. Jaejoong fell, hard, and landed on his bum knee. Jaejoong moaned and curled into a fetal position, and cradled his knee against his chest. The pain was mind-numbing.

"Hyung!" Junsu shouted and crouched down next to Jaejoong. His shout caught the attention of the others and, concerned, they all ran over.

"What happened?" Changmin asked Junsu.

"He fell," Junsu said. "I don't know why."

Yunho knelt down next to Jaejoong's head. He brushed aside a lock of sweaty hair from Jaejoong's forehead, and Jaejoong’s eyes fluttered open to look at him. "What happened, Jae?"

"My knee hurts," Jaejoong said, trying to keep the whimper out of his voice. "The one I injured before."

Internally, Yunho cursed. He grabbed Jaejoong's leg and slowly, gently unbent it. He grabbed the hem of Jaejoong's pants and rolled the material up past the knee. With practiced, nimble fingers, he gently probed along the edge of Jaejoong's knee cap.

"It's already swelling," Yunho said. "Why didn't you say anything?" He asked quietly.

Jaejoong shrugged. "It has to be perfect," he said. There was no spite in his voice, but to Yunho, Jaejoong's words felt like a slap across the face, and he staggered back a little.

Yoochun noticed Yunho’s reaction and sneered at him. "That's right, this is your fault."

"I didn't know," Yunho said defensively. "Otherwise I would have--"

"You push us too hard," Yoochun said, his voice rising.

Junsu came to Yunho's defense. "He was only doing his job as our leader. It's not his fault Jaejoong-hyung is clumsier than an infant learning how to walk."

"That's ing low, Junsu."

"Would you all please shut up," Jaejoong said. Four pairs of eyes looked at him in surprise. "Just stop ing fighting," he continued. He felt a little bad for snapping at them, especially at Yoochun who had only ever been a good friend to him, but he just wasn’t in the mood to spare anyone’s feelings. He was hungry and thirsty and exhausted and his knee hurt so bad, he was afraid he would throw up. "Somebody help me up."

Immediately, Yunho was there for him to lean on. Jaejoong wrapped his arms around Yunho's neck and held on as Yunho pulled him to his feet. One strong arm wrapped around Jaejoong's waist, supporting him and taking pressure off of his bum knee.

"Let's get you out of here," Yunho said quietly.

-----

Yunho brought Jaejoong to a small, enclosed room at the back of the studio. What had once been a small office had, over the years, been turned into a rec room complete with chairs, a small refrigerator, and even a bed. Yunho helped Jaejoong hobble over to it and gently set him down.

"I'll be right back," Yunho said and walked into the small wash-slash-storage room. He returned minutes later, hands laden with a jar of tiger balm, which he set on a small table next to the bed.

Yunho sat down next to Jaejoong and grabbed the lead-singer's leg gently. Slowly, he began to bend and twist Jaejoong's leg--Jaejoong bit his lip against the pain--checking for mobility. Yunho, satisfied that Jaejoong's leg could still be manipulated, laid Jaejoong's leg across his lap. Grabbing for the jar of tiger balm, Yunho opened it and set it down between them. The spicy scent of the medicine made Jaejoong's eyes watch and his nose itch; he sneezed. Yunho smiled but didn’t comment. He dipped his fingers into the tiger balm and scraped up enough of the medicine to coat the pads of his fingers. He brought his hand to Jaejoong's knee and began to massage the medicine into Jaejoong’s skin.

"It's not torn," Yunho said quietly. "I think you just strained the ligaments."

"I got lucky," Jaejoong said. Yunho's fingers on Jaejoong's knee faltered. The flash of guilt in Yunho's eyes had been brief, but Jaejoong had known Yunho for a long time, and he knew what to look for.

"Yunho, look at me," Jaejoong said, but Yunho stubbornly kept his gaze downward. Hesitantly, Jaejoong reached out and brushed the back of his hand against Yunho's cheek. To Jaejoong's surprise, instead of shying away from the caress, Yunho leaned into it.

"I'm sorry, Boo," Yunho said, finally looking at Jaejoong.

A small thrill tingled down Jaejoong’s spine. It had been a long time since Yunho had called him that. "It isn't your fault," he said. "I was being stubborn."

A wry smile tugged at the corners of Yunho's mouth. "There seems to be a lot of that going around lately," he said.

Jaejoong knew what Yunho said was meant as a joke to lighten the mood, but it only made him sad. When he fell, and the others had come to his aide, there had been a glimpse of what they used to be. But there was no forgetting the toll weeks of anger and miscommunication had wreaked on their relationship. Once they had been brothers, but now it was like they were strangers.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho said sheepishly. “I should think before I speak.”

Jaejoong laughed softly, unable to resist it. “If you started doing that, I’d have to wonder who they replaced you with.”

Yunho pinched Jaejoong’s thigh. Jaejoong yelped and swatted his hands away then rubbed at the red welt Yunho’s fingernails left behind. “Is that any way to treat an injured man?”

Yunho’s smile fell and the spark in his eyes was replaced with remorse.

“Aish,” Jaejoong cursed. “Now I’m the one who needs to learn how to keep my mouth shut. I’m sorry, Yunho, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Yunho sighed. “This is stupid,” he said. “We’re tip-toeing around each other, trying not to wake the elephant in room. I wish…,” he trailed off.

Jaejoong pressed forward. This was their first actual conversation in weeks, and Jaejoong didn’t want it to end. “What do you wish?” he asked, staring at Yunho intently. He had never seen Yunho so open before.

“I just…wish things could be different,” Yunho said, closing off again.

Unbidden, Jaejoong thought of Hana then and tasted bile in his mouth. It had only been a couple of nights since Yunho had brought his girlfriend to their apartment. Jaejoong hadn't seen Hana since, but he knew she and Yunho had talked on the phone.

Jaejoong hated her. He knew it was unfair--none of this was her fault--but Jaejoong couldn't help it. He burned with envy whenever he thought about her. She had what Jaejoong wanted: Yunho's attention. His, dare he say, love? At most, all Jaejoong could hope to get were these rare moments of peace.

The fact was, there was nothing Jaejoong could do. Even if there was, Jaejoong wasn’t going to sink to that level. Yunho was with Hana, and somehow, he’d have to find a way to accept that.

“Did I say something wrong?” Yunho asked.

Jaejoong shook his head. “I was just thinking.”

“What about?”

“About the other night,” Jaejoong said. Yunho looked at him quizzically. “You and Hana,” Jaejoong elaborated.

Yunho shook his head. "That wasn't your fault," he said quickly. Jaejoong got the impression he was trying to forget about the whole thing; Jaejoong couldn't.

“I just want to apologize,” Jaejoong continued. “I hate to think that I ruined a big night for you and Hana.”

Yunho looked away from Jaejoong. He grabbed for the jar of tiger balm and, more because he needed to do something to keep his hands busy than for necessity, began to massage more of the medicine into the skin covering Jaejoong's knee.

"Hana."

A brief moment of silence, then: "Oppa. I'm surprised to hear from you."

"I told you I would call."

"So you did," Hana said. Her voice was quiet, small. She sounded so unsure of herself, something Yunho wasn't used to hearing from her.

Guilt churned in Yunho's stomach. "I'm sorry," he said.

"That's kind of a loaded phrase," Hana said. "I'm going to need more than that."

Yunho groaned into the phone. “Why do you have to make things so difficult?”

“I think I deserve an explanation, oppa. You obviously feel the same way, else you wouldn’t have called me.”

Yunho sighed. "You’re right. I just don’t know what to say.”

“Try for honesty.”

“Alright. Listen, Hana, last night was...a mistake. I shouldn't have even been at that club, and I definitely shouldn't have brought you home. I realize now I was just--"

"Using me?" She finished for him.

"Yeah. I never meant to, Hana, honestly."

"It's okay, oppa. I understand."

Surprised, Yunho laughed. "I doubt that," he said.

"Yunho, do you know why I broke up with you?" Hana asked suddenly.

Yunho was taken aback. "I thought it was because I was always so busy."

"Well, yes, there is that," Hana said, and Yunho could hear the smile in her voice. "But there was another reason: a secret I never told you."

"Yeah?"

"That day you introduced me to Jaejoong? I knew it then. I had always kind of wondered, because of the way you used to talk about him. But that day, I knew. You could never love me as much as you love him. I felt it was only fair to the both of us if I let you go."

Yunho didn’t know how to respond. "Hana, I--"

"No, I don't want you to apologize. I understand, Yunho, really, I do."

"I don't," Yunho said quietly. “I don't understand anything, Hana. I'm so confused."

Hana had stayed on the phone with him all night, listening to his story and graciously not commenting when he started to cry. When Yunho had finally run out of steam and his flow of words ended, Hana had said, Yunho, it’ll be okay.

Those three simple words helped Yunho more than Yoochun’s meddling ever could. Never before had anybody been so forgiving. Hana had listened to his struggle and didn’t judge him; however, Yunho didn’t get off completely free. Hana scolded him for a good hour, mostly about how his coping mechanisms were only doing more harm than good, and that he needed to just be honest with his feelings.

“Yunho?” Jaejoong called, snapping Yunho out of his reverie.

“Sorry. I got lost in thought.”

“What were you thinking about?”

Yunho shrugged. “I was just remembering the phone conversation I had with Hana yesterday.”

Jaejoong felt incredibly uncomfortable. He really didn’t want to keep talking about Hana, but it was his fault, as he’d been the one to start the conversation in the first place. Sometimes he really hated his inability to let things lie.

Yunho noticed Jaejoong’s discomfort. “Hana and I aren’t dating, Jaejoong,” he said. “It never would have worked out between us.”

Despite himself, Jaejoong was curious. "Why not? She seemed really nice that first time I met her."

"She's great," Yunho said.

"Then why can’t it work between you?” Jaejoong asked, confused.

Yunho was quiet for a moment, and Jaejoong could almost hear the cogs in Yunho's mind whirring as he came to a decision.

"It would never have worked between us because she isn't the person I really want to be with," Yunho said finally.

Jaejoong shivered underneath the weight of Yunho's dark and intent gaze. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Yunho moved closer to Jaejoong. Jaejoong tried to back away, but didn't make it very far before he felt the wall at his back. Yunho continued to advance on him until he was flush against Jaejoong's body.

"I've been so stupid," Yunho whispered. He raised one hand and slowly ran his fingertips over the curve of Jaejoong's jaw.

A bloom of hope was blossoming in Jaejoong's chest. Jaejoong tried to stamp it down, but there was no denying the thrum of his body as it responded to Yunho’s touch. Jaejoong moaned when Yunho traced his fingers up Jaejoong’s jaw and buried them in the hair at the back of his head. Yunho tugged his head gently to the side and leaned in to press a kiss behind his ear.

"I don't want to fight it anymore," Yunho whispered. "I'm so tired of fighting."

Yunho's lips moved across the skin of his neck and over the curve of his jaw, and Jaejoong's heart beat against his chest like a trapped hummingbird: fast and hard and painful.

It came to a shuddering stop when Yunho captured his lips in a sweet kiss. Jaejoong whimpered and clutched at Yunho's shoulders. Only in his wildest dreams did he think they would ever be together like this. But this was no dream: the pain still radiating outward from his knee proved that. This was real, it was happening, and Jaejoong felt like he could soar.

His hands moved down Yunho’s back and underneath the hem of his shirt. He pressed his nails into Yunho’s skin, and Yunho’s breath faltered against his lips. Yunho pulled away and trailed his lips across Jaejoong’s cheek to his jaw, stopping to nip at Jaejoong’s birthmark before nuzzling behind Jaejoong’s ear.

The loss of Yunho’s lips seemed to lift a fog from Jaejoong’s mind. The voice that had been niggling at the back of his mind was louder now. He wanted to revel in the attention Yunho was lavishing on him, but Jaejoong couldn’t ignore the feeling in his gut that was telling him to stop, that things were moving too fast. With some effort, he pressed the palms of his hands against Yunho's chest and pushed him away.

"Yunho, wait," Jaejoong said. "We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk," Yunho said a little petulantly. He tried to kiss Jaejoong again but the lead-singer moved away from him. "What's the problem?" Yunho asked.

"This is too sudden, Yunho," Jaejoong said. "Two days ago you were humping a woman against our apartment door."

"I told you, that was a mistake," Yunho said. "This is what I want. Now come here and let me feel you."

"No," Jaejoong said firmly. "You don't get to decide something like that in the span of two days. Not after everything that's happened."

Yunho grimaced. "I know I've been--"

"An ," Jaejoong finished for him.

"Your input isn't helping," Yunho said, irritated.

Jaejoong took a deep breath and released it on a long sigh. "I'm sorry; you're right. We’re never going to get anywhere if we keep fighting. You were saying?”

“I just wanted to apologize,” Yunho said, “for anything I’ve ever done to hurt you. I know I was wrong. I was just so scared. It felt like my whole world was crumbling around me, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it.”

Jaejoong moved closer to Yunho and took one of his hands between his own. “I’m sorry I never stopped to consider how hard this has been on you.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Boo. I know I didn’t make it easy for you to have sympathy for me. I thought if I just distanced myself from you, I would feel better, but I only wound up feeling worse.”

“I know that feeling,” Jaejoong said. “I tried really hard not to love you, but I couldn’t get over you. Every little thing you did only made me love you more.”

“I don’t know how I feel about you, Jaejoong. I don’t want to want to be with you. It goes against every one of my instincts. But every time I look at you, everything else just falls away, and the only thing I’m left with is desire.”

The joy Jaejoong had been feeling so recently turned to bitter ashes in his mouth. He should have known the feeling would be fleeting. “Where do we go from here?” Jaejoong asked quietly.

Yunho sighed. “I don’t know. A part of me wants to push you down on this bed and love you. The other part of me wants to run away and never stop until the memory of you has been sweated out. I’m sorry.”

Jaejoong shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, Yunho. You’re only being honest. I appreciate that.”

Yunho looked down at their joined hands. Slowly he brought Jaejoong’s hand up to his mouth and reverently kissed each knuckle. “I want to try, Jaejoong, to make things better for us. I just don’t know how to.”

"I want that too," Jaejoong said quietly. "But, Yunho, I can’t be your experiment. I just don’t have it in me. If we started this, and you walked away from me when things got too much for you to handle….I don’t think I could withstand it. You need to figure out what you really want, Yunho. When you do, come to me. For good or bad, I’ll accept any decision you make.”

Author's Note: Happy Halloween!

Did this happen too fast? I feel like it happened too fast. But I needed something to move the fanfic along and this is the only thing I could think to do. On that note, please don't kill me. I know I was a bit of a tease with the YunJae action, but honestly, Yunho just isn't ready. He still has some growing up to do.

Which brings me to something else I wanted to say: Please don't hate on Yunho. I know you all want Jaejoong and Yunho to be together, and I promise, they will be. I know Yunho hasn't exactly been awesome, but he's going through a lot, he's feeling things he doesn't understand, and that's scary. People have their own way of dealing with things. That doesn't make Yunho right, it just makes him human.