The bag in front of Yunho became a receptacle to pour all of his negativity into. Every time he landed a punch, he felt lighter. Whenever his foot connected with the hard padding, he felt a little more in control. He only wished the feeling would last. Only when he was in motion could he ignore his thoughts. The minute he stopped, the memories returned, and with them his confusion, frustration, and anger.

It had been one week since he and Jaejoong last had any contact beyond what was necessary for work. A miraculous feat, considering they lived together. It had never bothered Yunho before, but lately he had come to resent living in a shared dorm. It was too small, too enclosed to contain all their tempers; and the combined smell and heat of five adult males had become cloying. He’d started to use any excuse he could find to leave: extra vocal practice; a meeting with their manager; grocery runs.

But eventually he had to return home to the quiet and the tension that hung over everything and everybody like a thick fog. And no matter how hard he tried, he could never avoid Jaejoong completely. They still worked together; and at the apartment the lead-singer’s presence was everywhere: in the scent of his shampoo left behind after a shower; his clothes and jewelry and whatever else crowding every corner; and his laughter, however rare these days, echoed through the rooms.

It was driving Yunho crazy. He wished he could leave for a while to someplace quiet to be alone and sort out his muddled thoughts. Unfortunately, a vacation wasn’t feasible, not with their newest album scheduled for release in just a few short months.

Sometimes he still found it hard to believe the turn his life had taken. When Lee Soo Man approached him about putting together a five-member A Capella group, he had been shocked but thrilled. When they told him who he would be working with, he’d been ecstatic. Being chosen as the leader of the group had felt like vindication.

It hadn’t been easy at first. There was a lot to prepare and practice for their first single, Hug, and it all had to be done while they were learning to live together without killing each other. But they worked at it little by little, and soon their interactions and conversations became more natural, rather than forced. And on December 26, 2003, after the success of their first debut stage, they had all realized: they were family, and they were meant to be together.

Things went well for them from then on. They had even managed to gain some respect in Japan, though they had a long way to go. But as long as they were together, they could do anything. They were unstoppable.

It was during their activities in Japan for Heart, Mind, and Soul when Jaejoong stumbled across Gashiyeon. They could hardly believe what they were reading. Did their fans really think of them in this way? Jaejoong had found it funny, but it made Yunho feel uncomfortable and honestly, a little annoyed. He made Jaejoong promise to never mention it to the others.

But somehow their manager caught whiff of it, and he thought, why not run with this? The YunJae pairing had been gaining popularity steadily, and the company believed if they indulged the fans with a little fanservice, their popularity would rise even more.

And so, Dangerous Love had been born. What had once been a joke suddenly became something, pun intended, dangerous. Yunho had had a bad feeling about it from the start, but the others were excited about the project, and who was he to tell them no?

It was their fault they were in this mess now.

Yunho stopped and stood still, panting from the exertion of his exercise. No, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. He was just looking for somebody to blame so he didn’t have to take responsibility for his own behavior, which he knew was deplorable. Jaejoong was supposed to be his best friend but he was treating him like a pariah.

Yunho had never before had any problems with homouals. He had just never considered himself in that light. He had never been attracted to another man before, and as far as he knew, he was completely straight.

So when he almost kissed Jaejoong in that club, he’d felt more scared than he’d ever felt in his life. It was like the ground had been ripped out from under his feet. It was such a random act, and not something he had ever contemplated doing before. But something about Jaejoong had called to him that night, and Yunho had been entranced and completely unaware of his actions. He was glad Jaejoong broke the spell before he could continue. Who knew what would have happened otherwise?

He had panicked afterward, and he’d pushed Jaejoong away in hopes his feelings would dissipate and the world would start to make sense again. But that didn’t happen. Indeed, as more time passed, Yunho began to feel more and more attracted to the older man. It was like their almost-kiss had opened some floodgate in his mind, and suddenly, he was feeling things he hadn’t ever experienced before. And he didn’t know how to handle it.

But he hated being estranged from Jaejoong. The older man had become such a permanent fixture in his life, Yunho felt lost without him by his side. He had thought, if he talked to Jaejoong calmly about everything, they could reach some reconciliation and things would go back to normal. And as loathe as he was to admit it, Yoochun had been right: Yunho had to man up and take responsibility for his actions.

Things had not gone as planned. Yunho had not been able to maintain his calm. Something about Jaejoong always managed to rile him up. Oddly enough, Yunho had come to enjoy fighting with Jaejoong. The lead-singer’s passion and his fire attracted Yunho like a moth to a flame. Sometimes Yunho would even say or do things he knew would piss Jaejoong off, just to have that passion directed at him. But their last argument had been different than the others. There wasn’t anything enjoyable about it. Yunho had been too scared about the direction his life was taking, and Jaejoong had looked too much like he was close to his breaking point. It had been desperate. Frantic. Sad.

And then, it had taken a bizarre turn. And before Yunho could even wrap his head around it, they were kissing. And it was during that kiss, their first real kiss, when Yunho realized he might not be as straight as he originally thought. His body had reacted to Jaejoong’s proximity and the feel of his skin in ways it had never reacted to a woman’s. Every nerve in his body had felt like it was on fire, and he had felt tight in his skin, like he was about to explode.

And again, he had panicked. Again, he pushed Jaejoong away.

Immediately after the kiss, Yunho remembered feeling angrier than he had in his whole life. How could Jaejoong do something like that to him? He had wanted to shake Jaejoong, hit him, whatever it took to make him see sense. Men just didn’t go around kissing other men, especially not in the society they lived in. South Korea was not accepting of anything beyond what was considered “normal.” If anybody found out what was happening between them, they would be finished. How could Jaejoong risk their careers like that? Yunho had felt almost betrayed by him.

He had held onto his anger all the next day, and the day after that. It was later that second night, while he was lying awake in bed, unable to sleep, he had realized something: he wasn’t angry with Jaejoong, not really. Changmin had been right. Jaejoong had simply done what he needed to do for himself. Yunho still couldn’t understand his motive behind confessing--surely he hadn’t thought Yunho felt the same way? But Yunho could appreciate that Jaejoong had needed to unburden himself of the weight he’d been carrying around for so long. And he could even admit he felt a little impressed that Jaejoong had had the courage to tell him. Yunho knew he could never have done the same thing if he were in Jaejoong’s place.

Changmin, damn him, had been right about another thing: Yunho needed to accept and deal with the reality in front of him. And the reality was this: Jaejoong was in love with him. Jaejoong, his best friend, the most important person to him other than his mother and sister. Jaejoong, who sang like an angel and looked like one too. Jaejoong, the nicest person Yunho had ever met. He should feel complimented that somebody like Jaejoong had even bothered to look twice at him.

And what did he feel for Jaejoong? Every time he looked at Jaejoong, he remembered the taste of his lips and the feeling of his skin underneath his hands. Jaejoong had smelled so good, had felt so good against him, and Yunho’s body craved more. It didn’t help that a physical reminder of their brief rendezvous still stood out so starkly against Jaejoong’s pale skin. Every time Yunho saw the hickey, his breath caught in his chest and his heart sped up. He had bit Jaejoong, had marked him. The sight and the memory attached to it aroused such a feeling of desire and possessiveness inside Yunho, he felt like he was going crazy for want of Jaejoong.

He knew what it all insinuated, but he wasn’t ready to consider the possibility. If he had any more epiphanies, he might explode. It was all too much, and all Yunho wanted to do was forget it ever happened. He knew it was a cowardly thing to do, but for the sake of preservation, Yunho thought it was best to stay away from Jaejoong until he was sure he had his emotions under control. He didn’t want to hurt Jaejoong, but he also didn’t want to get hurt.

Yunho groaned and aimed a final kick at the bag, and watched with satisfaction as the chain snapped. The bag fell to the floor with a heavy thud, sending a plume of dust into the air. Yunho collapsed next to it and let his head fall forward to rest against the plastic matting.

“,” Yunho said. He suddenly resented his position as leader. What was he supposed to do now? It was up to him to keep the band together, but how could he do that when he himself was falling apart?

-----

“Did you get the popcorn?”

Yoochun nodded and lifted the bowl in his hands to show Jaejoong. “Did you get the soju?”

Jaejoong scoffed. ““Did I get the soju?” What kind of question is that?”

“Just checking. I plan to get good and drunk tonight.”

“Yeah, well if our manager asks you tomorrow why you look green around the gills, make sure you come up with a good excuse.”

“So I shouldn’t tell him we were drinking “bitter juice?””

Jaejoong threw a piece of popcorn at him. Yoochun caught it deftly and tossed it into his mouth.

“I was flustered that day,” Jaejoong said.

“I understand. Yunho looked particularly ravishing in that bright pink shirt.”

“Shut up. My god, you are so annoying,” Jaejoong said, trying to sound angry, but it was hard to when he was feeling happier than he had in a long while.

“And you love it,” Yoochun said. He reached over to the bowl Jaejoong had set down on the desk and popped another of the white fluffy kernels into his mouth. “Who would have thought popcorn drizzled in lemon juice and chocolate would taste so good?”

“I told you, I’m a genius,” Jaejoong said, pleased that Yoochun didn’t think the combination was weird. “Now come on, help me with this.”

Yoochun walked over to Jaejoong and helped him push his bed across the floor so it was flush against Jaejoong’s. While Jaejoong fixed the pillows and blankets to make a comfortable nest, Yoochun gathered up the bowl of popcorn and the bottles of soju Jaejoong had pilfered from Leeteuk.

“It was nice of Changmin to let us use his television,” Yoochun said as he settled down into the blankets with a satisfied sigh.

“Yeah, well, when I told him the way Junsu looks at me makes my skin crawl, he felt sorry for me.”

“None of that,” Yoochun said, poking an accusatory finger at Jaejoong’s chest. “Think happy thoughts.”

“It’s hard,” Jaejoong said.

Yoochun pressed the rim of a bottle of soju against Jaejoong’s lips. “Drink,” he said, “you’ll feel better.”

Jaejoong obliged, taking a long drag from the bottle. The burn of the alcohol felt good. The warmth pooling in his stomach felt even better. He hadn’t had a single drop of alcohol since that night Yunho found him in the club. It was long past time he had a chance to relax a little bit.

“That’s good,” Jaejoong said. Yoochun hummed in response as he finished off the rest. “I just wonder, what happens when the alcohol makes me all emotional?”

Yoochun finished off the bottle with a smack of his lips. He contemplated Jaejoong’s question for a minute before answering, “Well, by that time, I’ll be drunk too.”

“And probably more emotional than me,” Jaejoong said. Yoochun hit him in the face with a pillow.

“Just start the movie,” Yoochun said.

They relaxed back into the pillows as the movie started to play. They had chosen something light-hearted to watch, both feeling in need of some comedic relief. It was an America flick: The 40-Year Old ; Changmin had downloaded it for them. The Korean translation was rudimentary, probably done by a high school student just learning English, but what Jaejoong didn’t understand, Yoochun filled him in on.

By the time the movie had finished, they were both full of popcorn and drunk off of soju. Jaejoong groaned in relief when Yoochun turned the television off and the room went dark. The light had been giving him a headache.

“So…,” Yoochun started to say then trailed off.

“What’s on your mind?” Jaejoong asked.

“Are you gay?”

Jaejoong turned to face Yoochun. “Why are you asking me this?”

Yoochun shrugged. “I’m just curious, Jae. It’s not something we’ve ever talked about before. I was kind of surprised when you told me you had feelings for Yunho because I’ve never seen you with another man.”

“Oh. That. Well, I guess I’ve just never given it much thought. Before Yunho, I’d never had feelings for another man. I have felt attraction for men before, though. There was one night--”

“Whoa! Spare me the details, please.”

Jaejoong smacked Yoochun’s bicep. “Aish. It was nothing like that! We were drunk, and I was…curious. I wanted to know what kissing another man would feel like.”

“How was it?” Yoochun asked. He was fascinated by what he was hearing. He and Jaejoong had been friends for a long time. Best friends. They talked about everything together, but Jaejoong had never told him about this, had never even alluded to being attracted to other men.

“Nothing like kissing a girl,” Jaejoong said with a laugh. “Girls are…soft. He was all bones and sharp angles, and he kissed me like he was trying to my soul out of my body.”

“Who was it?”

“I can’t tell you,” Jaejoong said, blushing. “You’ll laugh at me.”

“I would never laugh at you,” Yoochun said, serious.

“…Heechul.”

Yoochun laughed so hard, his sides started to hurt and tears ran down the contours of his cheeks.

“Yah!” Jaejoong hit Yoochun on the bicep again. Yoochun fended him off with one hand while holding onto his side with the other, still chuckling lightly. “I knew you’d laugh at me,” Jaejoong said. He was pouting.

“I’m sorry,” Yoochun said, a little out of breath. “It’s just the idea of you and Heechul-hyung together is hilarious.”

“I know, right? We’d tear each other apart.” Jaejoong chuckled. “Anyway, like I said, I’ve never tried to label it. I guess if I had to, I’d say I like…both? Is that a thing?”

Yoochun nodded. “I think so. When I was going to school in America, there was a girl in my class who had a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time. Everybody called her a bi-ual. But I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Jae. Somebody once told me, love is above labels.”

“That’s a nice sentiment,” Jaejoong said quietly, and he sounded sad. “I just wish the rest of the world viewed it that way. I feel like I’m on the tail end of some cosmic joke.”

“What do you mean?” Yoochun asked. He threw an arm around Jaejoong’s waist and snuggled into his side. He felt kind of bad that the conversation had taken such a serious turn, but it was only natural for them. They often became too sentimental after drinking a lot.

Jaejoong sighed. “I’ve never had a problem before with being attracted to men. I never thought it was something I should worry about, because I never thought I would develop feelings for another man.

But when I realized I had feelings for Yunho, I freaked out. Not just for the obvious reasons, like that he’s my friend and not gay, but because….People seem to accept attraction easier than they do romance. They can justify attraction in their minds as just lust. But once you admit to loving or even just liking another person of the same , suddenly you’re stepping on toes. Suddenly their beliefs are shaken and they look at you like you’re something dirty.

I am so scared, Yoochun. What happens if this gets out? Yunho was right: our image is important. It’s all we have. As soon as our fans find out something is off, and they will because they’re good at that, then everything will come unraveled. And if Lee Soo Man finds out? He’ll find some way to get rid of me, I just know it.”

Jaejoong’s eyes were shiny with tears. Yoochun wiped one away as it slipped off Jaejoong’s eyelashes.

“I’m so sorry,” Yoochun said.

Jaejoong smiled sadly. “The thing is, if by some miracle Yunho did love me, I know I would weather any storm to be with him. I would suffer the scorn of an entire nation for him. But I know Yunho will never feel the same way. Even if he did love me, he would never jeopardize his reputation like that. There would be no way for us to be together safely.”

Yoochun shrugged. “People change every day. He might surprise you.”

“Do you really think he could have feelings for me?”

Yoochun rolled his eyes. They had gone over this numerous times in the last week, and the conversation was getting kind of old. “Jaejoong, a person doesn’t just kiss back. There has to be something there. It might be buried deep. He might be fighting against it with all his might. But I have seen the way he looks at you, and I have to say, that man burns for you.”

“I want to believe you, but I just can’t. What if you’re wrong? I just can’t take that risk.”

“Sweetie, love is all about taking risks,” Yoochun said.

A/N 1: Hi, guys. So it's been a while, right? I had one hell of a time with this chapter. Getting into Yunho's head is not easy for me. I just find it kind of hard to relate to him. No such problems with Jaejoong and Yoochun, though. I finished their part of this chapter in under an hour flat. If I could write those two forever, this story would be done a dozen times over already. Anyway, I hope you guys like this update. I'm afraid it might be a little boring, but I felt it was necessary to write. Before now, I haven't had much of a chance to explain Yunho's line of thinking. I hope this clears up any questions you guys might have.

A/N 2: A friend of mine and I used to eat popcorn with fresh lemon juice and chocolate. It might sound gross, but it's totally not. I was feeling kind of nostalgic when I wrote this, so that's why that's there.

A/N 3: "Bitter juice" and Yunho's pink shirt is in reference to the X-Man episode TVXQ appeared on in 2006. The segment I am referencing is the game of Of Course Jaejoong and Changmin played. If you haven't seen it, go watch it now because it is amazing. I know the show aired in the fall, and this fanfic is set in spring/summer. But as this fanfic is kind of an AU anyway, for reasons that will be explained later, I figured, what they hey. Besides, I am proud of their banter and don't want to change it. I am the author and I can do whatever I want.