Yunho stopped in front of the club's entrance and looked up at the bright neon lights above him. The last time he had been here, he hadn’t left happy. He was hesitant to enter for fear of reliving those moments. Unfortunately, this was the closest club to the apartment, and he needed to relieve some tension. What better way to do that than to get drunk and find some pretty girl to spend a few hours with? It seemed to work for Jaejoong in the past.

Yunho frowned at his own thoughts. He was here to forget about Jaejoong, but like a snake, the older man often slithered through his mind, unbidden and unwanted.

"Hey man, you goin' in?" the bouncer asked him. "You're holdin' up the line."

Yunho muttered a quick apology and stepped over the threshold into a cloud of heat and the pungent smells of alcohol, , and . He ignored the nausea sitting in the pit of his stomach and pushed forward through the throng of people loitering around the entrance. He pulled his hat further down around his ears and slipped his sunglasses on. He knew he looked like a jerk wearing them inside, at night no less, but the last thing he needed was for somebody to recognize him.

Yunho sidestepped a couple making out against the bar and made for an empty stool. He sat down and looked to his right, and he was surprised to see Hana, an old flame, sitting next to him.

"Hana," he said a little breathlessly. She turned to him quizzically and, sheepishly, he lowered his sunglasses so she could see his eyes.

Hana's eyes lit up. "Oppa! It's been such a long time. What are you doing here?"

"Just came to relax," he said.

Hana laughed. "Relax? Here?"

Yunho looked around and took in all the people surrounding them, most of them doing things of varying illegality. He watched as one bouncer picked up some guy by the collar of his shirt and dragged him across the club toward the back entrance. Up on the stage, the DJ was fiddling with his equipment--Yunho could swear every five minutes or so, the DJ would surreptitiously turn up the bass; Yunho could feel it pounding in his chest.

Yunho looked back at Hana. "'Relax' can have many meanings," he said with a smile.

"Oh, no," Hana said. "That ship sailed a long time ago."

Yunho chuckled. He reached out a hand and took one of Hana's in his own. "We were so young, weren't we?"

"Too young," Hana said.

"But we had fun," Yunho said quietly.

"Yes we did," Hana agreed. Her gaze dropped to her hand pressed against Yunho's own, taking in the way his long fingers wrapped around hers. She quickly looked back up at Yunho, the skin of her cheeks and neck blooming red in embarrassment. "You're so naughty, oppa," she said and carefully extricated her hand from Yunho's.

Yunho pouted. "Aww, Hana. Take it easy on a poor man."

Hana scoffed. "Trouble in paradise?"

"You could say that," Yunho said. He turned to signal to the bartender to bring him a beer and another cocktail for Hana.

Hana opened her purse and pulled out a pack of menthols. She pulled a cigarette out then offered the pack to Yunho. Yunho politely waved it away. Hana shrugged and stowed the cigarettes away. She lit the cigarette with the lighter Yunho held up for her, and took a deep drag before she asked him: "Feel like sharing?"

Yunho shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it," he said. He glanced over Hana's shoulder toward the dance floor. He watched the couples move to the music pouring from the overhead speakers and unconsciously began to tap his foot in time with the rhythm. "I want to dance."

Hana smiled. "Ask me nicely, oppa."

Yunho stood up from his stool and offered Hana his hand. "May I have this dance?"

"Lead the way," Hana said and let herself be pulled. Yunho led her toward the middle of the dance floor. He stopped close to one of the large upright speakers and used his hold on her hand to pull her into him. He immediately fell into the rhythm of the music and rocked against Hana. Hana, a good dancer herself, had no problem keeping up with him. One particularly brilliant twist of her hips left Yunho stuttering.

Hana smelled good but most importantly, she felt good pressed again him. The curve of her fit perfectly against his pelvis and every little slide of friction against his clothed felt almost like heaven.

Yeah, this is good, he thought.

"Oppa," Hana moaned. Yunho bent his head down to press his lips against the back of her neck.

"Want to come home with me?" he said against her skin.

"But oppa, the others," she said, a question in her voice.

"Don't worry about them," Yunho said soothingly. "Junsu and Changmin are gone, and the others should be asleep by now."

Hana turned in his arms and looked up at him coyly through her eyelashes. "Okay," she said and raised her head to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "But only if you promise me one thing."

"Anything," Yunho said.

She leaned further into him so she could reach his ear, and Yunho shivered as her breath ghosted over his skin. "Get me Jaejoong-oppa's autograph," she whispered.

Yunho scowled but he quickly covered it up with a smile as Hana pulled back to look at him. "Baby, I'll get you a hundred," he said and wrapped an arm around her waist, leading her out of the club and toward his car.

-----

Yunho and Hana stumbled, laughing, into the apartment. Yunho pushed Hana up against the closed door and kissed her. His hands roamed from her waist to her hips, and then down behind her knees. He lifted her up--she wrapped her legs around his waist--and turned to carry her to his bedroom.

He almost dropped her. "," he said.

Hana turned to look behind her and blushed when she saw Jaejoong and Yoochun were staring at them intently. She gingerly unwrapped her legs from around Yunho's waist and he set her gently back on the floor.

"I'm just going to go," Hana said.

"Let me drive you home," Yunho said, fishing in his pockets for his keys.

"No, it's okay, oppa, really. I'll just call a cab."

"Are you sure?" he asked, a note of desperation in his voice.

Hana looked him up and down, her gaze lingering on the obvious tent in his jeans. She then looked beyond his shoulder to where Jaejoong and Yoochun still sat frozen on the couch.

"I think you have other things to deal with right now," Hana said quietly. "Call me later?"

Yunho nodded. He walked her to the door and opened it for her. They shared one last kiss before she was gone. Yunho shut the door behind her and let his head fall forward against the wood with a loud thunk. He considered staying there, or even just leaving, to avoid what he knew was coming. But that felt too much like giving in, so he gathered his bearings and turned to walk into the living room.

The room was still and silent, like a tomb. Yunho neither moved nor spoke, and the two men sitting on the couch were like statues, too. The impasse lasted for a minute or two before anything happened: Jaejoong, his face white as a sheet and his hands noticeably shaking, stood up slowly and moved down the hallway toward the bedrooms. Yoochun stood up to follow him.

Before entering their shared room, Yoochun stopped to level Yunho with a disappointed gaze. "You're a ing idiot," he said.

"I'm getting really tired of your , Yoochun," Yunho said menacingly and crowded into Yoochun's space, hoping to intimidate him. But Yoochun held his ground.

"And I'm getting tired of watching you hurt my best friend," Yoochun said, his voice cold.

"Your best friend, huh? Seems more serious than that to me."

Yoochun's eyes narrowed. “We’re not dating, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

"Don't be crazy," Yunho scoffed.

Yoochun rolled his eyes. "You've got your head so deep in your you can't even see what's going on in front of you." Yunho opened his mouth to say something but Yoochun cut him off. "I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to tell you again: Jaejoong might love you, but he isn't going to wait forever. You better figure it out, Yunho, before you lose him.

-----

Yoochun entered the room carefully, unsure if Jaejoong would welcome his intrusion. When his entrance wasn't met with yelling or flying objects, he stepped further into the room. He stopped at the foot of the beds they still hadn't bothered to separate and looked down at his friend. Jaejoong was draped across the bed, his face buried in his arms. His back was shaking with what Yoochun knew were sobs. Yoochun sat down next to Jaejoong's head and carded his fingers gently through Jaejoong's hair, and waited patiently for Jaejoong to speak.

After a while, Jaejoong turned toward Yoochun and looked up at him through red, puffy eyes. "I think I want to leave for a while," he said.

Yoochun stared down at Jaejoong in shock, not believing the words he was hearing. "Why would you say something like that?"

Jaejoong shrugged miserably. "It's just something I've been thinking about," he said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Jae. You know you can't leave. We need you here," Yoochun said.

"I can’t take it anymore, Chunnie," Jaejoong said. His eyes welled up with tears again. "Junsu won't even talk to me. All he does it look at me with that wounded look in his eyes. And Yunho doesn't acknowledge my presence at all, unless it's to yell at me for missing a note when we're recording, or for stepping out of formation in dance practice."

Taking Jaejoong’s hand in his own, Yoochun said, “Jaejoong, look at me.” When he had the elder’s attention, he said with authority, “None of that is your fault, alright? They're just jerks.”

Jaejoong lowered his eyes to the hem of Yoochun’s shirt. He plucked idly at a loose thread as he thought about what he wanted to say.

“Have you ever been in love, Yoochun?”

Yoochun felt discomfited by Jaejoong’s question. He always steered away from the topic of love when it was directed toward him. It wasn’t something he liked to think about. “Once. A long time ago.”

“How did it feel?”

Yoochun closed his eyes and thought back to that time. She had had blonde hair and blue eyes. She had spoken with an accent. She was older than him by only one day. She had been his best friend, his confidante, and the only person who had ever truly supported his dreams. They had often walked along the pier together, hands clasped, talking quietly as they watched the sun sink below the ocean.

“I would have died for her,” Yoochun whispered.

Jaejoong nodded. “I die every day, Yoochun. It’s torture to be so close to him but so far away at the same time. I can’t breathe for want of him. I wish the pain would stop. I wish I could just walk away and forget him. But I can’t. I tried to distance myself from him, to get over him, but like a moth to the flame, I just keep going back.

And now he has a woman. There is no place for me in his heart. I think it would be best for everybody involved if I just went away for a while."

Yoochun sighed and fell back against the pillows. "A vacation does sound nice," he said. "I think we could all use one. We're bound to kill each other soon if we continue like this."

-----

Yunho went to bed that night and pissed off. It didn't seem fair. All he had wanted to do was go out, have a good time, and get laid. He felt wound up like a tight string and needed the release before he snapped. He had been so close, yet his chance had been stolen from him.

Why was Jaejoong always ruining things for him?

Yunho shifted on his bed, trying to find a comfortable position to lay in but it was impossible to with the he still sported. Despite all the drama, it hadn't waned and it was becoming uncomfortable.

You should have known better, Jung, he said to himself. He should have bypassed the apartment and gone straight to the motel down the road. He had known Jaejoong and Yoochun would be home, but he had hoped they would be in their room when he got there. That had been a foolish thing to hope for. It seemed Jaejoong lived to spite him.

Jaejoong. It all circled back to Jaejoong.

Things were growing ever more complicated with the lead-singer. Since that damned interview, Yunho suddenly found himself watching Jaejoong's every move. He had never noticed before how Jaejoong moved like water over the floor. 'Graceful' was not a trait he had ever attributed to the other man--Jaejoong could trip over air--but he was realizing Jaejoong possessed his own kind of grace: he moved like the whole world was his runway. It was mesmerizing.

Yunho had noticed other little things about Jaejoong he had never bothered to pay attention to before. Suddenly it was like he couldn't get enough of the older man. He drank in everything like a dying man: the way Jaejoong bit his lip when he was deep in thought; the way he would delicately wrap his hands around a cup of tea and turn up his little pinky before taking a drink--seriously, who does that; the way he would tip his head back ever so slightly, exposing the line of his throat, when he laughed at something Yoochun said.

More than once, Yoochun had accused him of being jealous. The world would end before Yunho ever admitted it to anyone, but whenever he had to watch Jaejoong and Yoochun together, and he saw the natural way in which they talked to and touched each other....It was all he could do to keep himself from reaching out and strangling Yoochun.

You're a ing idiot, Yoochun's voice echoed in his head and Yunho found himself agreeing. He had been an idiot. He had run for too long, had been a coward for too long; it was time he faced the facts.

You're falling for your best friend, Yunho said to himself.

A floodgate opened in his head and suddenly he felt overwhelmed with a million emotions he couldn't even begin to comprehend. There was anger, sadness, hopelessness, but there was also happiness and giddiness and those damned butterflies in his stomach he hadn't experienced since he met Hana all those years ago.

Yunho turned and buried his face in his pillow to stem the flow of his tears. He suddenly felt scared, so scared.

I don't want this, was his last thought before falling into a fitful sleep.