The Song

I was born into a rich family. I had everything I wanted and more. But the catch was that I had to live up to everyone’s expectations. They wanted be do this, to do that, follow all the rules set down by my parents, no matter how ridiculous they were. And if I did not, I would not be provided for.

I was ten. I was old enough to understand what was going on. I was molded into a child of manners, a child of elegance, a child of quality. I was made to conform to the rules, and I remember there was one such day where I broke out of that zone.

****

I watched as the children my age play by the river, getting their clothes filthy and wet, their shirts stained by the mud and soil they were rolling around in, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

At first, I scoffed at their childish ways, but then I looked down at myself and saw what I was wearing and doing. I was escorted by two guardians, one of them by my side and the other behind me. The woman guardian was holding one of my hands, walking me along the dirt path, making sure I did not step on the muddy areas.

The man behind me was looking out for anyone who would want to hurt me. I myself was wearing a short light blue fairie dress, just above my knees and had a small white sun-hat to protect me from the almost non-existent sun.  

Suddenly, this urge, this passion, this fire starting burning throughout my body, a strong force that seemed to suffocate me if I had not done anything to it. I looked around for something to quench my thirst. I did not know what this thirst was for. I was confused.

And once again my gaze hovered over to the children playing by the river. My heart thumped quickly, faster and harder against my chest, striking me painfully. I needed to be with them, the desire growing stronger by the moment.

I waited for the opportunity.

It didn’t come.

I bent down, pretending to fix my shoe. When both guardians were not eyeing me, I made a run for it, throwing my shoes to the side, and I felt free, as if I could run a thousand miles, maybe even around the world without getting the least bit tired. I ran towards the river and jumped in it. It was a shallow end, fortunately, and I splashed around.

The children noticed me, and were all-smiles, ready to accept me even though I was wearing a dress. I felt an excitement, adrenaline rushing through my blood. At the same time, my dress tore and exposed my upper thigh, but I did not give a hoot about it.

“Miss Jung! Come back here!” They began yelling.

I knew it would happen some time, but I did not let it affect me. They kept calling and calling, but I was immersed in such tremendous joy, for the first time, which was foreign, yet amazing.

“I think they’re calling you.”

A girl spoke up from the group of children. I shook my head, grinning and replied, “It doesn’t matter. What’s your name?”

She smiled back, taking my hand and pulling me out of the water to sit beside her on the dirty ground. By that time, I believe the guardians did not dare to step into the area--it was too filthy for them to take, and went off to tell my parents. I knew I would get caught, but that would not stop me from enjoying what I had now.

“Im Yoona, you?”

“Jung Sooyeon. But you can just call me Jessica. Oh wait,” I thought, and smiled wider, “call me Sooyeon.”

“I think we’re going to be great friends.”

****

That was the first time I broke the rules. Of course, that day I was punished for what I did. My mother grounded me in my room for two weeks, and before she locked me in my room, she slapped me once, and used a wooden stick to hit my calves until they bled.

But I felt good doing it.

****

I was thirteen, in the eighth grade. My parents had always told me that I had to come back home every day punctually after school ended. It was not even a curfew, because I was practically being sent to and fro school, after that I was stuck in my house engaging in ‘enriching activities’.

On one of the days in summer, my best friend Kwon Yuri suggested an idea of escaping from my parents.

“This is going to work, Sooyeon, I know it. Trust me on this.”

“You are crazy,” I said, disbelieving eyes widening at the defiant and mischievous girl, who had, currently, that special glint in her eyes.

“I am not, and you know it. Now come on. Do you want to do it, or not?”

“I am in."

I had no idea what I was in for, honestly, but it seemed like a great plan. I would refuge over at her house for the weekend, and even though she had not told her mom, she said it would be fine, and no one would give us away. Her mom would call my mom and tell her that I was at Yuri’s house doing a project.

School ended moments later, and Yuri winked at me, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the back exit of the school. Out of the corner of my eyes I spotted the guardians. I whispered harshly into Yuri’s ear, but she just pulled me along and hid me behind her.

Both of us ran, since the school compound was huge. We had to run across the Courtyard, but there was a guardian anxiously looking around for me, it seemed, and we had to take an alternate route.

Yuri looked around, and saw something. She grabbed my hand roughly again and pulled me through an empty hallway. I realized this to be the seniors’ section of the school. The seniors had a day off that day, so no one was there.

We were on a constant thrill and edge as we ran, my stamina went down, but my spirit stayed the same, once again the joy that I had not felt for three years came back to me, and I felt thoroughly alive.

Soon we reached the fence. It was a dead end. The fence was slightly taller than Yuri, and behind me, I felt a presence. I turned, and I saw a teacher. I gasped.

I hissed at him, but hid my face behind my fringe, and Yuri acted quickly, pushing me up across the fence and I jumped, getting several cuts on my legs, and Yuri came behind me.

She got up first and pulled me along, saying there was no time to waste. We raced some more, and when she thought it was safe, she stopped. I was out of breath, I was sweaty, but we had arrived at our destination.

We were, by some miracle or another when Yuri turned, in front of her house. I had no inkling how that happened, but it felt amazing. I hugged Yuri tightly, and I felt like kissing her cheeks.

“I love you, Yuri!”

“For what?”

“That was the best time I had in years!”

****

That was the second time in my life I broke the rules. I got caught, obviously, because Yuri’s bastard of a brother, Yunho, gave us away. When we came back that day, he asked Yuri what was going on. I was suspicious but Yuri told him everything.

Somehow he got hold of my mother’s number and called her while we were painting out nails in her room. When my mother showed up at Yuri’s house, she dragged me home, and gave me a long, violent lecture, and stopped my allowance flow for a month. I could only eat breakfast and dinner every day.

But again, I felt good escaping for half a day.

****

I was sixteen. It was a beautiful age, all the love and friendship, trust and betrayal, my time to shine. But I was held back. Many other adults told me that I had grown into a gorgeous woman, and my parents were proud of me. My mother told me that I could not date anyone until I was given permission.

I had no more ‘curfews’, but I had to be back two hours after school ended, or I would “get it”.

I fell in love. I fell in love with a guy called Park Jaebeom. Jay, for short, but he liked to be called Jaebeom. Yuri had introduced him to me. Oh, and did I mention? I was forbidden to speak to Yuri, but I had found my ways around it.

Jaebeom and I began dating, but I did not tell him about my parents. Every time he brought my parents up I would brush it off and distract him by kissing him, and most of the time it worked. Sometimes he would get suspicious, but what could I do?

I knew it was a lie, but white lie did not hurt. Besides, I could not take being the only single one amongst my friends anymore.

He loved me a lot, and did many sweet things for me. He left notes at my locker every morning, shared his food with me during lunch, saved a spot for me on the bus if I was taking the same one as him on certain days. I loved him too, and told him that every day.

It was a Sunday and Jaebeom was just dropping me off by my house. I knew my parents were not at home, but I decided to let him just drop me off round the front so no chances were risked.

“Wait, Jessica.”

He pulled me close and kissed me gently on the lips. It was the first time he was this soft. He was always a passionate, if not rough, kisser, and it felt nice kissing like this. It sent butterflies flying, and my heart soaring. I pulled him a little closer and kissed him more.

I did not know how long we stayed in that position, but it was so intoxicating that I could not pull away, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that it was enough. He kissed me back of course, smiling.

“Jung Sooyeon, what are you doing?”

And what came next was that yell. I knew it was over for me. It was all over for not just me, but us.

****

That was the third time I broke the rules. When she dragged me back in the house, she lashed out at me, and my father as well. He usually never spoke during her scolding, but this time he did, and he came down harsh on me. Both of them made me stay up for a whole night just reprimanding me. My mother grounded me, since it was summer break, for the whole break, and I could not leave the house without a guardian.

It was worth it.

****

I grew a little older, and was final legal to leave the house on my own free will. The day I turned eighteen, at midnight that night, I left a letter at my parents’ room, and took my suitcases with me, leaving the dungeon I had been trapped in for the last few years.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I will be gone by the time you see this, and I hope you do not send anybody after me, because I am now legal to live on my own. Do not be afraid that I will go astray and end up in jail, because trust me, I am not going anywhere near there.

Mother, I know you have been looking out for me these past years, and have loved me a lot. I know I have been a horrible child, and broke the rules, as I grow older. But you must understand that all I did was because I could not stand being restricted by the limits you’ve set for me.

Something has changed inside me, and I believe I cannot do anything to it anymore. It is time to trust myself, and find out who I really am, and what I can do. I do not know exactly what I am going to do from here, but I have a rough gage.

Someday, Mom and Dad, I will contact you again. Somehow, you will know what I’m doing when I am ready to tell you.

Yours always,

Sincerely,

Jung Sooyeon.

****

It was when I was twenty-one when I finally found out what I wanted to do. Soon after I left my parents, I was scouted as a talent, and was taken to an entertainment company. I debuted as a solo artist, and began to sing. I realized singing was my passion, and I was good at it.

My first ever song was a single, a song called Defying Gravity, which I had written on my own. My first ever performance was extremely anticipated by many people, and was on nation-wide television.

The first thing I said was, “Mom and Dad, I hope you see where I am today, because this song, is for you. I am sorry for what I did before, and I hope you forgive me, because this is my dream.”

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes; and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And never bring me down!
Bring me down!

It had all been worth it.