Dedicated to: JDog610

Firsts: Best friends, a crush?

Love is friendship set on fire. – Jeremy Taylor

My first best friend came when I was going on thirteen. Which means, in simple terms, I was twelve. Don’t mock me – I‘ve had best friends, but no real ones. I was in school, of course, and I came to realize this loner student. He wasn’t handsome, no he wasn’t, my dear.

Hewas clumsy and dorky. He had very little friends. But, he was just like me. I was clumsy and dorky too. I’d break out into random dances in the middle of the room for no particular reason and people would stare at me like I was a Martian from outer space. I was terribly clumsy and sometimes my mother would tut at me, “You have two left feet. You’ll never come to anything if you stop tripping over yourself.” Then she’d sigh as if I was her greatest disappointment. I had no siblings, but this mother was my stepmother. My biological mother died when I was five in a car crash, and father remarried.

We moved from America to Seoul, though I was born in Korea; my father had a job that required us to move to America for the first three years of my life, and I adapted. I could, and I can speak fluently in perfect English.

Back to my original story, (sorry for the miniscule disruption there) his name was Jinki, but he went by Onew. I thought it was a funny name – it reminded me of a duck. Oh, maybe that’s why. See when I was older (later in my story), Onew started to do duck impersonations. He could do angry Donald Duck and Beat box Donald Duck. Funny, right? Go ahead and laugh, this isn’t a trick question.

Onew and I had many classes together. We had Math, Biology, English, History and Geography together. Our homeroom period was the same too, and for lunch as well. So we pretty much sat next to each other all the time.

In Biology, Onew always knocked over something – every lesson was a different thing. One lesson he’d break the conical flask, the next lesson he’d ruin the tap somehow, and the following lesson he’d drop the frog we were dissecting.

In Math, he’d doze off and the teacher would call him to stand and answer an Algebra question. He would nudge me with his foot and I’d quickly jot down the answer for him. He would answer correctly, of course, because I was brilliant at Math.

In English, Onew would translate Korean to English wrongly. He would get the grammar wrong. Once, I remember, when the teacher said, “Translate saranghae.” And Onew said, “I you love?” I kicked him in the shin and he glared at me. Then I laughed, as with the whole class.

In History and Geography I would need his help to absorb all the information. The History and Geography teacher was the same, and he spoke like he was shooting spitballs out of his mouth at rapid fire. He spoke at least five times faster than a normal human would. Onew would shorten all his class notes and give me a summary. Sometimes we’d stay back after school for fifteen minutes and he would tutor me.

So that was how we got along, as friends. Our relationship, of course, advanced from there on a fateful day in summer. Onew and I were in Math class, and the teacher stepped out for a moment to get some test papers back. He penned a question down on paper and passed it to me. Out of curiosity, I looked at it, and in scrawny Korean, he wrote, “Want to be best friends?” I stopped solving the equation and stared at him.

“Do you?”

“I thought we already were.” I stated, leaving him in utter wonder, chuckling to myself silently.

-//-

Firsts: Time holding hands (with a guy)

Hold my heart, lest it breaks. Hold my hand, lest I fall. Hold me close, lest I fear. – Justin Marks

This happened a year later. When I was a whole fourteen years old, I held hands for the first time – with a guy.

“Kim Taeyeon! Wait up!” Onew was behind me. I smiled deviously, purposely power-walking away from him for the fun of it. I could feel the smirk toying with my lips.

“Kim Taeyeon!” Onew yelled in my ear, making me ‘deaf’.

“Yah!” I yelled back, and we both collapse into laughter. We now lived just across each other – it was completely coincidental.

That one morning, I was getting ready for school and I looked out of the window and saw Onew plugging in earphones outside his door. I stared with disbelief and rubbed my eyes, trying to get the sleep away but he was still there. I shouted, “Lee Jinki!” and he looked up, and smiled. “Kim Taeyeon!” He shouted back. I laughed and texted him that I’d be down in a minute.

So that was how I found out he lived opposite me. Anyhow, let’s return to this snippet. Onew walked beside me as usual after school, and he stared at my backpack, which was weighing at least a ton, I guessed.

“Ain’t that heavy?” He asked.

“Yup, it is very heavy. Why? You want to carry it?” It contained all my books.

“Aniyo, just asking. Anyway, I have this project for Literature, where I have to pick someone in this school to study. Can I –” He stopped talking. Why?

I had slipped my hand into his. It was my first time and I had considered it for a long time already. I mustered enough courage to twine our fingers together.

“Sorry… you’re not comfortable?” I slipped back out, feeling my face turning a deep shade of red.

“Aniyo! Aniyo… You can do that. It felt… nice.” He blushed – which was, doubtlessly, the cutest thing I had ever seen.

“Okay…” I laughed nervously, my ajumma laugh showing as I slipped my fingers back into his warm and welcoming ones.

Onew gazed at our hands that were locked together, and admired how they fit together so perfectly like a lock-and-key relationship. Then he flashed his beautiful smile, the smile that bedazzled me and made me feel dizzy every time.

By that time I was confused. Were we friends? Were we best friends? Were we fellow comrades? Were we crushes to each other? Were welovers? I hadn’t known, and I didn’t plan to keep dwelling over it. I enjoyed the moment. Onew lightly swung our hands. It reminded me of my childhood – I had a bad urge to want to swing it very high and hard. I restrained myself, grinning with my teeth wide, and my nervous laughter returned.

“I love your laugh.” Onew commented, and tightened his grip around my hands. “Don’t ever hide it, arasso?” I nodded.

“Hey, can I give you a nickname?” I nodded again.

“Taeng. Or Taengoo? Which do you prefer?”

“Taengoo. It sounds cuter, somehow…?”
“Taengoo it is.”

Onew let go of our hands and pinched my cheeks. I squealed a little and he them gently.

-//-

Firsts: Kiss

A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous. – Ingrid Bergmen

My first kiss. It was out of this world – like what most people say. Taking away your first kiss is like taking away your ity – that precious. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Your innocence is half-lost. Well, at least my first kiss was a neat surprise.

I had my first kiss just before my sweet sixteen – a few days before, actually. Onew and I were having a mini-picnic under a tree. It wasn’t that kind of romantic crazy picnic like a rendezvous kind of a picnic, more like a sweet friendship picnic.

“Taeng. Pass the lettuce.” Onew said, inspecting his sandwich.

“Trust me, you don’t need the lettuce. I made it – what could go wrong?” I replied, munching on my own sandwich.

“Pass it! Or I’ll tickle you!” He threatened, creeping behind me and placing his fingers lightly around my hips – where I was the most ticklish.

“I’m n-n-n-not scared.” I tried to sound brave, but it ended up like a mouse’s squeal.

“Not scared, are you?” He leaned closer and breathed down my neck. The hair on the nape stood up straight.

“I’m not scared, and I’m not passing you the lettuce.” I took the plate and picked it up, running towards a large tree and hiding behind it.

“You’re going to get it, Taeng!” He said sternly. “Come here!”

He came up behind me and I escaped from his grip easily since my hip was small, and we chased each other around the tree – which wasvery wide. I could have climbed it! I didn’t see a large root coming and tripped over it, and Onew tripped behind me. I fell onto the soft grass and Onew fell on top of me. His lips landed right smack on mine. Not just a sloppy target, almost as if he’d pinpointed the position and hit the spot. He… first kiss… took… was all I could think off.

The kiss sent my mind spinning, my heart thumping, my fingers and toes curling, and my lips tingling. I felt the blush coming up to my ears lobster-red. He’d caught me off-guard and I wasn’t ready at all. We got further into the kiss. Wrapping my arms around his firm neck, I giggled, breaking the kiss.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so, sorry…” Onew realized what he was doing and got up, supporting himself with his elbows, then with his hands. I stopped him.

“No… Don’t be.” I said and got up with him, laughing a little. The tiny giggle escalated into something much bigger. We laughed for three minutes straight.

“Thanks.” I said, when I finally stopped my fit of laughter.

“No problem.”

-//-

Firsts: Letter Confession

I love it when a boy says something so sweet that I just sit there and smile like a bloody idiot. Then proceed to read it seven times again just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming it. – Unknown

Just another day in class, as such I’ve received many love confessions in my life. But I thought that the most timeless and amazing ways are the classic love letters. It’s nothing too steamy, nothing too cheesy as well. I received one.

Dear Taeyeon

I’ve done many things in my life, and this isn’t one of them. It’s my first time writing something like this, so I hope you forgive me if anything goes wrong! Hey, it’s Onew, everything goes wrong. TT

Well, I should be telling you whom I like and the truth is, summoning courage, I like you. Yes, there’s no doubt about it. I don’t know why. Still remember the events that happened back in middle school? It all started from there. But at that time, all I had was a very, very good impression of Kim Taeyeon.

I want to say many things, but suddenly all of them have left my mind and I don’t know how to start…

When I found out in sixth grade that we weren’t in the same class, it pained me. I had been watching you from afar then – you probably don’t know, do you? All I want you to know is that I wanted to be in the same class as you.

Do you know that your smile is very mysterious?

Do you know that your smile is the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen?

Why? Every time I see you, you smile at me. Yes, it is your smile that makes my day so much better. Your smile mystifies me, amazes me. How did you make me fall for you so hard? Are you a witch? If you are, you’re a beautiful angel-witch then.

How should I continue? My heart is all tangled – the strings are being pulled. During sixth grade camp, I was constantly looking for your face in the crowd. When you look at me, you’d smile, and when I saw that smile I would be really happy. This is true.

When I look at the rain pitter-pattering on my window, I think of a person. When the rain stops, I’m still thinking of that same person.

Actually, I have many more things to say, but they have escaped my mind somehow. Right, you asked me whether I thought that Kwon Yuri was pretty or not the other day, and I answered, saying that there’s a gorgeous girl, do you know that I was referring to you?

Oh, one more thing.

Will you be my girlfriend?

From Onew

I smiled. I smiled so wide I could feel my teeth cutting into my gums hard. I sat like a dork. Reading it twice over, then three times, four… I lost count.

“Will you be my girlfriend, Kim Taeyeon?” Onew was behind me.

I gasped and teared up.

“Yes.” I answered, and hugged him. “Yes…”

-//-

Firsts: Kiss in the Rain

“Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river.” – Malagasy proverb

[Credits: http://themodernsavage.com/2008/08/05/how-to-kiss-in-the-rain/]

If you want a kiss in the rain, you need three things: a girl who wants to kiss you, an outside location and some rain. It doesn’t have to be perfect, because when she tells the story to her friends, it will be.

Have you ever heard someone tell a story that got more and more grandiose every time they told it? It’s not because they’re lying – the story basically is true. It’s the details that got re-arranged. Certain things got left out, and some things are embellished. Over time, the story gets shaped into something you would read from a novel; something more akin to the elusive ‘perfect moment’. And when she’s sitting around describing that ‘perfect moment’ to her friends, then you will be the one in that story and you will be that one that made it happen. She can finally cross it off her life list and say with a gleam in her eyes that yes, “I have kissed in the rain.”

And I have, so now it’s my turn to tell you my story of how I got kissed in the rain.

As cliché as it sounds, it was a make-up kiss. Onew and I were angry at each other because – it’s very childish I know – we didn’t make time to see each other that often anymore, because of the countless amount of piling homework and projects we were getting since we started college. Plus I suspected that Onew was cheating on me with – again, very childish and immature on my part – another girl. Her name was Victoria and she was the head cheerleader of the cheerleading team in our college. I hated her because she was a real . She lied effortlessly and acted cute in front of everyone. Later I found out Onew – oh, I wouldn’t spoil the surprise for you – read on to find out.

Onew and I had ignored each other for two whole days. I remember how we fought. We ‘broke up’.

“Kim Taeyeon! Just because Victoria’s my new lab partner doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. Give me some breathing space already! We’ve been together for two years, I expect some maturity from the childish Taeyeon I met in middle school!” Onew yelled, causing tears to course down my cheeks.

I wiped them and yelled back, “Lee Jinki! How can you explain, then, both of you kissing? This isn’t about you and her being lab partnersmister, oh no, this is about you kissing Victoria! And plus if you think I was childish then why’d you confess to me in the first place?”

“She kissed me, and I pushed her away seconds later, which you, miss, didn’t see! And the reason why I confessed to you was because I was a kid then and I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“W-w-w-what?” I managed to choke out, tears stinging at my eyes. Then I stoned my heart, “I’m breaking up with you Lee Jinki.”

“I’m happy without you.” Onew said coldly – it was the first time I heard it before – and left.

Of course in between that there was more dialogue but you don’t want to know, really.

I sat in the café, and I was catching up on some homework when I received a text. Taeyeon-ah, please go home right now, it’s going to rain. It was from umma. I laughed – the sun was bright and shining. How would it rain? I didn’t heed my mother’s advice [Kids, don’t follow me, listen to your mom and nothing bad will happen, trust me] and sat there. I continued to revise my Physics textbook and took notes. Five minutes later, lightning was seen and thunder was heard. Rain came pouring down in sheets – I forgot to bring my umbrella. My mother was at work and she probably wouldn’t pick up. I grabbed my stuff and pulled all of them into a bag, because the café was closing in ten minutes – it was already closing to eleven at night.

The café owner spared me an umbrella but of course I didn’t take it; I was famous for being hardheaded, and insisted on running in the rain. Perhaps I was stupid.

“Taeyeon.” A raspy voice came from outside as I stepped out from the café. The café had closed and the workers shut the sheets just as I left. It was dark and cold. Guess who it was? Onew, of course, who else?

“Onew?” I asked. His eyes shone in the darkness and underneath it – I could see with the dim streetlight – he had dark circles.
“I’m sorry.”

“Stop. Just, stop. Stop okay, Onew? You don’t deserve me. I broke up with you two days ago and I didn’t take you back. You don’t deserve me…” I turned and felt the rain pelting against my back.

“I know I don’t, silly. But I miss you Kim Taeyeon, my heart misses you so much. I can’t live a day without you. See these black circles – they’re because of you!” He wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a back-hug.

I broke apart and turned to him, “Onew, really you don’t need to lie. You don’t miss me. After all I’ve done and all the times I’ve said bad things to you and all of my immaturity –”

And there it was.

Onew kissed me in the rain. He stopped me from talking and captured my lips with his. It was nothing more, and definitely nothing less – no tongue action, no touching. It was a simple kiss in the rain. I felt the rain wet my hair and Onew’s, my whole body was shivering but I didn’t care. Onew radiated warmth.

“Kim Taeyeon,” he said when he broke the kiss, “I love you.”

I smiled.

“Can I confess something?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t.” I smiled again. I didn’t mind the rain.

“Your smile is beautiful.”

“You said that before. But now it’s my turn to confess.”

“Sure.”

“That smile only exists when I’m with you.”