Tao knew that he was not ready for this, ready to meet Yifan. It had been one thing to follow the other whithout him knowing, and entertain the idea that it was just another dream. But facing him was another matter altogether. He did not want, and he could not face the pain and the bitterness that were coming back to him. He thought he had locked out all those feelings and overcome them, that he had finally grown out of them. But all it took was a single eye contact for everything to turn into a nightmare again, for the pain, the betrayal and the void to come back pounding at his chest, screaming and struggling to find a way out.

I hate him, I ing hate him ! He was seething, or crying, if the wetness on Sehun's shirt was any indication. He felt the arms around him tighten and greedily, he took the warmth the embrace and the gentle kisses to his forehead could give him. No you don't. A chaste peck was pressed against his lips, and he understood that this was what he wanted, what he needed – love.

He bumped into a passerby and realized he was crying. He wiped his eyes angrily and staggered further away, but he was not running anymore. I really hate you, he thought, fists tightening until his knuckles hurt. He was walking aimlessly, only wishing to put distance between Yifan and himself, unable to notice the numerous puzzled looks directed at his crestfallen face.

When fingers encircled his right arm from behind, he paused, startled. " Let me go! " He said, pushing forward. The fingers tightened, insisting and burning, a sharp contrast to the still chilly weather of April. He knew he was shivering, from cold or too much emotions he did not know, but the grip was tugging him around and he was afraid to let himself be turned back. He did not want to be stopped and face whatever stood behind him. He did not want to face what should remain a thing of the past. He resisted weakly, and then finally turned, but he refused to look up, dreading to recognize particular features. He was determined to acknowledge the ground only, because everything else failed to anchor him.

A sigh escaped the other and the fingers suddenly let him go, much to his confused dissatisfaction.

" Please, Tao. " The voice said calmly, firm. A deep voice he thought he would never hear again. " Let's just go back, ok? You can't be seen in public like that."

The fingers were back, gently drapping over his own and urging him to loosen his fist and thread their fingers together. He was not sure why he accepted the contact so easily or let himself be tugged, but here he was, feeling confused yet following Yifan's lead nonetheless once again.

You know you can't feel hurt forever over him leaving, right? Sehun asked him.

Shut up will you? He answered, trailing kisses along the younger's jaw. I'm not thinking about him anymore.

Then why are you in my bed?

Because I want you?

... It's not me you want Tao.

Anger was starting to build up inside him, and as soon as they pushed past the door of the shop, Tao shook Yifan's hand away, releasing the pent-up tension in a punch that landed in the other's guts, right under the ribs. Yifan bent in pain, groaning, but he was quick enough to block the second blow. Tao struggled against the older's grip, successfully freeing himself from his hold before latching on to him again. " I hate you! Traitor! I hate you! " He yelled, tears welling up in his eyes like everytime that Yifan's name had been mentioned in the past four years.

His manager was quick to take hold of him, asking him to calm down as he prevented him from pouncing on the tall Chinese again. But even Yifan's broken expression was nothing soothing to Tao's overwhelmed mind. He did not know if he wanted to break down and cry right there or leave the place as fast as he could.

The choice was made for him and he was dragged out by his manager, the coordi following after them and casting an apologetic smile behind her.

*.*.*

" Here's the card of the shop if you ever want to contact him," his coordi whispered and shoved a small rectangular paper in his hands. " You need closure Tao, go have a talk with him. " She patted his shoulder, her lips stretching in a smile before she walked away. Tao closed his door and went back to bed. The card was simple, he observed, one face was black, with Ystra written in white, and the other was white, a name and contact details framed by a thin black rectangle. Kuo Yen-Wen, it read.

Tao pull out the card again only the next day, during the lunch break. He stared at it for a long time before finally punching the numbers on his phone.

" Kuo Yen-Wen from Ystra speaking. " The answer was almost immediate, startling Tao.

" I … Hmm, this is Huang Zitao... "

" Oh, hi... Why are you calling? "

" Hm, I'd like to talk to Yifan... "

" Sorry, he's not here for the moment, bye. " And the line was suddenly cut, letting a bewildered Tao look at his phone.

It was only later in the evening when he was finished with his work for the day and back to the hotel that he discovered a text from an unknown number on his phone. I heard you called the shop? This is Yifan, can we talk? When are you free? His heartbeat was starting to speed up, and he knew he was going to talk himself out of it if he did not reply quickly. Now, where can we meet? Moments later he received an address that looked like an apartment complex. Take your time, I'll be waiting. He jumped on his feet, quickly checking his appearance before he rushed out.