Kluang, Johor, Malaysia

Elyssa was helping her mother preparing dinner for their family when her mother asks.

“It’s been a while, what do you think of Shamill becoming your husband?”

Elyssa’s fast movement stilled for a second, startled with the sudden question. She thought if she played along, going out with Shamill for fancy dinner and all their parent will let them be. But everything was backfired her. They started to hope for marriage sooner, which she is most likely hate the idea.

Yes, they did spend good time together. She had fun, they had fun. But the fun she felt was good time well spent with her best friend, not fluttering moment she should felt when she expected to be with someone she loved, like marriage-end-kind of love.

Her silence answers everything to her mother, so she just resumes her work, not trying to push it furthers. As how much she hoped for Elyssa-Shamill will works, she cared for her daughter happiness more. That look of despair on Elyssa face shows that she despise the idea but she’s just too docile to reject it bluntly to her mother’s face. All she knows too well, but her greed make her push her daughter and she knows it herself, her daughter isn’t a little bit happy with all of this arrangement.

So, she decide to give her precious daughter a little bit of time to thinks all of this a little bit further.

Elyssa turns around and look at her mother’s face. The smiles her mother puts on, she knows it was not a happy smile, nor a sad one. More like a remorse smile, maybe she did realize this whole arrangement thing suffocate her daughter. She understood her mother’s wish however sadly somehow she was unable to make all of it come true. She herself was desperate to make her mother as happy as she could be, but she just can’t. Elyssa herself didn’t know the reason why. Her heart seems to reject Shamill away everytime he tried to knock and enter her heart, it was like there’s a barrier, invisible barrier that keep him out.

In the end she just walks slowly, approaching her mother and back hugged her, unknowingly her tears started to stream down her milky cheeks, slow sobs erupts from her chest. Her mother just pet her head, to comfort her and calm her down. Small gestures that says it was okay, everything will be fine, and don’t push yourself too much. Elyssa hid her face in between her mother necks, grateful for her understanding.

“Come, everyone is hungry and waiting for the food.” Her mother said and hurries, to bring the food to the dining table. Elyssa just nods and joins her mother in the act, so they can have their dinner faster.

***

Elyssa phone’s ring that night just before she drifted into dreamland, and the caller was definitely someone she didn’t expect to call her this late night. Today’s incident during dinner really drains her energy out and eats away her soul. She pick up her phone lazily and answers.

“Hmmm…” she just humms into her phone.

The caller slightly hurt, and said “It’s that how you should greet someone who has been not talking to you for so long?” and with a pout at that, even though he clearly aware that Elyssa can’t see it with her being at the other end of the world.

“Hmm, well, I am dead tired and I am kind of sulking right now, considering you haven’t been calling me for so long. I don’t even know whether or not you are healthy, or living your life well or something bad happened to you, and considering our last conversation, if I remember correctly consisting subject of you trying to find a way of getting rid of me, so yeah I would say that was the correct way to greet you. Is that enough explanation to you may I ask?”

“Wow, that was like the longest nag I get from someone over the phone in one breath which I would be happy to listen to all over again.” He said then.

Elyssa just her brows together unable to comprehend what he’s trying to say.

“Hey, I am sulking right now so don’t try to be cute or sweet or whatever because the only thing I need from you is an explanation as why you acted that way last time, and why haven’t you call me for so long after the “I-can-call-whoever-i-want-i-don’t-give-a-damn-what-others-think” speech.”

Elyssa said then, her sleepiness slowly replaced by anger-sulk-sad feeling. She didn’t even sure anymore, she was overwhelmed, hurts and everything in between, she can’t even find a proper word to describe how she felt right now when in fact she was never, ever once in her life she found herself lack in proper vocabulary to use in a particular time. But, this is different. 

And all she received is a faint laugh and a big heavy sigh, from the other line.

“If you’re not going to talk then I guess I’ll hang up since tomorrow I have work to go and I am dead sure you have a very long day ahead of you, so I just do us both some favor to end this quickly.” She said then, discourage by the response she received.

“Princess, wait, give me a moment collect all myself together and explains to you, please..” He begged at the end of line afraid that she would just cut them off like last time which he regrets the most.

Her heart melt with what he called her just now, just she didn’t realize the fact that she didn’t react the same when Shamill call her with the exactly same nickname.

She just hummed acting nonchalantly, to cover up her fluttering heart, and after short pause, she said..

“Well, you you might want to start talking faster, mister since the night is not getting younger.”

He clears his throat, and start to pour his heart out.

***

Seoul, South Korea

Nichkhun fumbles with his finger questioning himself whether or not he to call her. Her, the one he misses the most at that time but he was dead embarrassed to call her remembering the way their conversation end last time.

But he was faltering apart not hearing her sweet voice for so long and he could die from missing her if not for what he has learned recently. He felt so grateful with the fact what he had learned has made him more composed, but he still need to fight for what he thinks best for him. So here where he is, dialing the number he memorized by heart, waiting nervously for the other person to pick up the phone. 

He almost cried when he was greeted by the voice he would kill to listen to, the voice he had been missed for like forever, since their last regretful stupid conversation, stupid on his part, ridiculous for Elyssa if he might put.

“Hmm…” she said. That simple one word rings in his head like a song. The most beautiful song he has ever heard. How he missed and love that voice dearly, and the owner even more. And how he regrets he can’t even utter the word love to her afraid she might distance herself away. And that, would have be crazy. Ha can’t imagine single second of his life without her in it.

Honestly, he didn’t expect her to pick up, considering how mad she is the last time they spoke. And he was so grateful that she at least answers him. However he can’t ignore the hurt he felt with the way she greet him with only one word, he obviously needs more than that.

“It’s that how you should greet someone who has been not talking to you for so long?” So, he decided to be honest with what he felt, he said and with a pout at that, even though he clearly aware that Elyssa can’t see it with her being at the other end of the world.

“Hmm, well, I am dead tired and I am kind of sulking right now, considering you haven’t been calling me for so long. I don’t even know whether or not you are healthy, or living your life well or something bad happened to you, and considering our last conversation, if I remember correctly consisting subject of you trying to find a way of getting rid of me, so yeah I would say that was the correct way to greet you. Is that enough explanation to you may I ask?”

And dear, that was long enough to filled his heart with happiness and mend his broken heart, even though her long speech consists of sarcasm. That is one of her that he misses so much, her quick witty self, her sharp mouth. She was the whole package, the beauty and the brain; spices up with a little bit of innocent. And now he knows what exactly he was looking for in a woman. All this while he can’t really answers when those MC’s are asking about his ideal women. And now he exactly knows what he looking for; her ideal woman, Elyssa.

“Wow, that was like the longest nag I get from someone over the phone in one breath which I would be happy to listen to all over again.” He said then, considering her nags did convey that she was worried of him, and that she care.

Elyssa just kept her silence for a moment probably her brows together and make that cute face since she must be unable to comprehend what Khun’s trying to say.

“Hey, I am sulking right now so don’t try to be cute or sweet or whatever because the only thing I need from you is an explanation as why you acted that way last time, and why haven’t you call me for so long after the “I-can-call-whoever-i-want-i-don’t-give-a-damn-what-others-think” speech.”

Elyssa said then, her pitch went an octave higher, Khun felt that her sleepiness might fade away if he keeps her like this, angry, overwhelmed? He was not sure himself. But one thing he know for sure is he owes her an explanation, a good one at that on why he was behaving that way. 

But all he can emit was a faint laugh and a big heavy sigh, thinking that she was even care for him even though he had hurt her and she was willing to listen to his explanation.

“If you’re not going to talk then I guess I’ll hang up since tomorrow I have work to go and I am dead sure you have a very long day ahead of you, so I just do us both some favor to end this quickly.” She said then, and Khun felt threatened him a bit. He was not ready yet to live without her voice, so he really need to clear things up.

“Princess, wait, give me a moment collect all myself together and explains to you, please..” He begged at the end of line afraid that she would just cut them off like last time which he regrets the most.

She just hummed acting nonchalantly, and after a short pause she gives her approval with more threat.

“Well, you you might want to start talking faster, mister since the night is not getting younger.”

He clears his throat, and starts to pour his heart out.

“Well, first of all I need to apologize, I am sorry for being a jerk and took out my frustration on you. You are innocent. Second of all, I desperately need you to know that I am certainly not in a romantic relationship with Tiffany. In fact she was, is and forever will be my best friend. I can never develop any romantic feeling toward her. The best love that can be squeezed out of me for her is brotherly love. I love her at most as a sister. And all those lovey dovey act in front of press and all those press conference were all staged for our comeback promotion.”

Nichkhun explained in one breath and left him hanging, gasping for more air at the end of sentence.

“And you are telling me all these super secrets crap because..?” Elyssa said with uncertainty, unsure where this conversation will bring them to.

“Hmm, believe it or not, you really need to know this before I explains further.” Nichkhun answers then.

“How could I know you are not lying to me?” she asks then unable to really take all the information in.

“I couldn’t force you or make you believe me, just this is the truth whether or not you want to accept it.” He said then, taking a pause before he starts again.

“I realize that gaze you sent towards my Jun.K hyung is not adoration from a fan. I aware that gaze of longing and love, but I can’t help myself from falling in love with you. The more I tried to refrained myself from falling, the deeper I fallen in you. You were like quick sand to me which I have zero resistance. And this feeling I felt toward you only bring pain to me, to be added with the awareness of you loving someone else, someone I treasures as much as my family, and the fact I can’t come clean to you because of that stupid scandal our company created, torture me more than I could handle. I started to fall apart thinking I couldn’t even put a fight for you.”

He inhale a long breath tried hard to keep his composure, not to waver in his attempt to confess and make Elyssa believe that he is definitely serious about all of this, about them and he is certainly not playing a joke.

Elyssa just giggles at the other end. Nichkhun heart sank hearing her laugh. She must not believe him, and there’s nothing he could do. He only prayed hard she can feel his sincerity.

***

Kluang, Johor, Malaysia

Elyssa was startled with Nichkhun long confession. She was choked with nothing, suddenly she felt like there is no air around to breathe in. Suddenly she felt like her chest going to burst with the fullness. Her heart did skip a beat several times. Her heart beat accelerate, too much to her comfort.

But she giggles to cover her fluttering feelings, the new sensation she never experienced before.

“You must have uses this a lot right. No wonder why you are the prince charming. You really do know which button to push.” She said then, trying hard to calm her raging heart down.

She heard another sigh before his reply.

“I know this is impossible for you to believe, but all I can say is I am being honest. Whether or not will you trust me, it was all up to you. I can’t make you or force you to believe what I said. But, I really love you, the feeling I felt with you was not like what I felt before.” He said then.

Silences fill the space. Both were thinking deeply.

Nichkhun was thinking what will happen after this. Will Elyssa befriend him like nothing happen, or will she distance away. Nichkhun hopes for the best, pray hard in his heart.

Elyssa on the other hand think about how true this will be. It was like he said, impossible. She was unsure of what she should do.

“Nichkhun, I don’t think it was love what you felt. I think you just overwhelmed over the fact that I am not reacting the same way other girls would in front of you. You might be, at most amazed with what you experienced right now.”

She said, refused to believe he loves her, and tried to instill other idea into Nichkhun head.

“I need to go back to Johor Bharu, tomorrow, I need my sleep. Good night, take care.”

She said then, trying to cut the conversation short, unable to bear the awkwardness that floats in the air.

“I understand what you feels right now, but I need you to know that I know myself and I am sure with what I feels. I live long enough and I experienced many things to recognize what love is. I have face rejection before so I am positive with what I feel. I will give you time for you to process all of this. And there’s still part 2 to my explanation that I need you to listen to. I will wait until you ready to listen to me again. Until then, good night and take a good care. Always know that I am here for you. Good night princess, sweet dream.”

He said, expected her reaction however he still sad over the fact she not believe him.

Elyssa on the other hand still feels like she was on the cloud nine. Her heart beating so fast, faster than after she finished running a marathon. Her cheeks was still shaded with pink shade, blushing even though he couldn’t see her reaction.

***

Seoul, South Korea.

Nickhun let out a heavy sigh after ending the conversation. He really misses her though. He regrets that the conversation was cut short. He really needed another dose of her voice after been deprived for so long. But then to think back about it, it was all his fault to drunk dialled her and let her listen to his stupid insensible rant.

He strides towards his balcony, going out to breath in fresh air, letting all his frustration go. He’s gonna wait; wait for her to be ready to listen to his further explanation. Waiting, for her to accept that there is someone who loves her, with all his heart. He needs her to fill all the empty spot left after their meeting. It just too bad that he can sense it, that his hopes need thousands of efforts before it can come true; if it will ever come true. Since the possibility of his dream to be fulfill is almost to none.

***