Johor Bharu, Johor, Malaysia

“Elyssa… Elyssa…. Elyssa….” He chants my name in between his sobs after I keep quiet.

I wonder what has happened to him that makes him this fragile. It was as if he will broke no, he will shattered into million pieces with single gentle touch.

I was speechless. For the first time in my life, I seriously don’t know what to do or even what to say. Afraid that my unwise words will hurt him further.

So at the end I just hum to his chants.

“Otthokajie? Wae? What should I do? How can I get rid of you?” he’s asking in his cries.

There again I become speechless. What wrong have I done to him to make him think like that. Am I that annoying that he had become like this? And to think about it, it was not me who starts this whole friendship thing. He’s the one who was so eager to be friend with me. And now I have to face this.

Thinking about it deeper and deeper, my anger boils. More than 100 Celcius degree.

“Excuse me? What have I done that is so wrong that made you think like that?”

Those couple of sentence I utter with all the patience I could muster, to hold me together. I don’t want to get mad over trivial thing. But this is not trivial. Friendship is always an important thing in my life. And after I told him how I stuck to my friend, he dares to treat me like this.

If he was ever in front of me while spatting those nonsenses he’ll be beaten into a pulp, seriously. He’ll regret his existence in this world, I swear.

However I tried to calm my raging heart while waiting for his answer. Well, I guess at least I entitled to an explanation. But he just, I don’t know. Biting his tongue maybe, cause I can’t listen to any word from him.  

***

Seoul, South Korea

“Elyssa… Elyssa…. Elyssa….” I chant her name in between my sobs after she keep her silence.

I just hope this pain will go away; the pain of loving someone who loves the other guy, someone whom so far away. The pain is so unbearable. I just realized this is what Minjun hyung felt all this while. No wonder he became so haggard, and so exhausted. This is total torture.

She was… I am not sure myself, speechless? Yeah maybe she was. Who wouldn’t be if all of sudden they have to listen to those craps. So at the end she just hummed to my chants.

“Otthokajie? Wae? What should I do? How can I get rid of you?” I ask her. That was never my intention. My question is not supposed to sounds like that. I should rephrase my question, but my mind was too cloudy to find the right vocab in my dictionary. I ended up expressing the wrong thing; dead wrong thing.

There again she muted herself. She must have been hurt with my stupid questions.

“Excuse me? What have I done that is so wrong that made you think like that?”

I can feel venomous sting from her words even she sounds as calm as a flowing river. I guess her heart has boil as hot as the deepest pit of hell. I just can silently pray that she won’t unleash the hell upon me.

If she was here, in front of me right now, I would have smothered her with thousands of kisses and hug her tight to show her how much I love her, miss her and I couldn’t help be jealous when she’s so gentle towards other guy.

Didn’t she able to read my feeling? How can he not fall for her if she was being her? She’s the perfect definition of soul mate and someone you would die to spend the rest of your life with. What if he falls for her and snatches her away?

“Oh my dear lord, please don’t let that happen cause I will die.”

The silence that fall upon us was almost deafening. I just stood there in the dark alley with my never ending sobs. It hurts so much loving someone and unable to express it. I can’t wait for the moment for our companies to announce that Tiffany and I no longer an item. Well to my stance we never were.    

I need to get this feeling out somehow. I need to tell her that I love her. But I don’t know how is that possible in this period of time.

And I end up biting my tongue, listening to her breathing. I think she was at the verge of her patience. Waiting for me to explain what the hell is happening unfortunately I couldn’t.

All I could muster up was a big, heavy sigh.

***

 Sibu Island Resort, Mersing, Johor

“I thought you were so absorbed observing the horizon. Never thought you noticed me.” She said after their serious conversation has ended.

And now it will lead to another similar serious conversation.

“As if I can ignore your presence, don’t you know your aura was like a calming potion for me? And it will always be.” He said then, with a soft tone.

“Yeah, so true.” She replies, with sarcasm. Cause all she know was she had failed for letting her friends be this broken, almost beyond repair.

“Please, don’t think like that. I know you feel like you hadn’t helps me in these period of time. But I just want you to know, no, I need you to know that you have helped me. Thanks to you I manage to fall only this far. I’d be ruining myself, if you weren’t there.” He said then.

They just smile to each other.

They then throw their glances to the end of horizon. The setting sun is too beautiful not to be look at.

***

They were walking toward their chalet when he broke the comfortable silence, asking her question.

“Have you heard the song “Me and My Broken Heart”?

“Of course I do. Did you think I lived in cage not to listen to that song, huh?” She answers, playfully.

 He just laughs, faint laugh.

“It just that song has been my favorite song lately. It fits my current condition.” He said then, as a matter of fact.

Then he hums the song, softly.

“All I need's a little love in my life

All I need's a little love in the dark

A little but I'm hoping it might kick start

Me and my broken heart

I need a little loving tonight

Hold me so I'm not falling apart

A little but I'm hoping it might kick start

Me and my broken heart”

“Please, don’t get me wrong if I say this.” She said suddenly, cutting him from his humming.

“What is it?” he said then with a very curious face.

“Please, take your sweet time to heal….”

Silence fall upon them since she kind of hesitated for a while. He waited patiently as she continues.

“It’s not like I don’t want to see you moving on. In fact I would love to see that happens. It just that I want you to be really really ready once you do. Don’t make her as your mere rebound because that was unpleasant. Treat her right, cause only then you will be happy again.”

He nods his head for a couple of times.

“Take your own sweet time to heal, mend your broken heart. It’s not like you’re going to have your andropause tomorrow. You have all the time in the world. Just promise me one thing” she said then.

He looks at her and make a super curious face. Elyssa smiles and continues.

“Promise me you will try; to live your life and be better. Let others to heal you, give them chances to mend your broken heart, to fix you. You can do that much for me can’t you?”

He nods his head again. Elyssa smiles and let out a sigh of relieve.

“Thank you.” Was his only short sentence.

“What for?”

“For sticking up with the annoying me, to be patience enough to drag me out from the slump I am in,” Shamill almost cry saying that. He really glad that she’s not giving up on him.

“How can I give up on you? You are a part of me. It would be impossible to give up on myself right?”

She reassures him. He was her bestfriend, and she won’t let him be just like that.

“Seriously, if you were a guy I would have hug you right now.” He said then with a joking tone.

Elyssa just laugh faintly.

Now she can breathe comfortably, a heavy burden has been lifted up from her shoulder.

Yes, this was not his whole. But this is enough; her best friend is back, little by little.

***

Kluang, Johor, Malaysia

Elyssa was back home for a while to finish up her leave before going back to work. She has pursued her best friend to Sibu just to make sure he is alright. When she was certain he was okay, she went back to her hometown to spend time with her family.

Elyssa was having a high tea with her mom when she suddenly shot with the questions.

“Why you never bring your boyfriend home?”

“I would, if I have one” she answers with her poker face.

“When will I have a grandchild in this rate?” her mother asks again.

She halted with that question. Her mother never push her before, so why now?

“What happened mom? Why all these sudden questions?” she asks her back.

Mrs Khadijah hesitates; thinking to herself is this what she really want for her precious daughter.

“Well, last week a friend of mine called me and asks about you. She seems so interested to make you her daughter in law.” Mrs Khadijah explains to her, partially. Not revealing who this friend of her.

“Mom, you know me. I am certainly not ready yet for marriage. I will bring home someone once I am ready. Can you be a little bit paitent..?” Elyssa begs her mom.

“Hmm, just so you know we are not getting younger dear. I hope I will be around when you ready later.” Mrs Khadijah brings out her ace card, threatening her a little. She then stands up and leave her daughter alone, to think.

Elyssa mumbles to herself.

“This is not fair. How could she do this. Damn that friend of her. She knew I can’t refuse if she’s using that sentence with those tone and this action. Unfair, unfair, unfair!”

***