"Dear Diary,

Hello,My name is Kris.I bought this to keep track of what,how much and when I eat...Well okay I dont eat much anyway but yeah...

So im 187cm tall and my weight currently is 61,9 kg... My BMI is 17,7...I must be more than obese... I only had one bowl of rice today..Which i threw up after eating half of it...If only I could be thin like Jessica.I understand why Tao loves her.She is beautiful and im just...ewww.If I lose weight maybe tao will look at me more... Anyways,I hope you can help me to lose weight...

Kris closed his new bought diary and sighed.Yesterday he had a mental breakdown when he read all those hateful comments and decided he needs to lose more weight and give all his power.He set a weight goal.He wanted to reach 55 kg in 4 weeks.But he knew he wanted to get lower when he reached his goal.You see,after a while you just stop carying.Kris couldnt take the abuse and hate anymore.He simply just stopped carying if he lives or dies.Ever since the incident in the practise room where Tao yelled at him,Kris tried to keep his distance from Tao.Yes he loves Tao but Tao only hurt his heart even more. Tao didnt even mind about the distance Kris keeps from him.Tao had his Jessica and was happy with her.

"Kris dinner!!" Kyungsoo yelled from downstairs.Kris sighed and walked into the kitchen where all of s already sat by the table.He slowly sat down and eyed the food on his plate."Waaaaay too much fatty.Eat only a little bit and go puke!"Ana whispered.He sighed and took a spoonful into his mouth forcing himself to swallow the food.He felt eyes burning him and looked up to see s staring at him.

"whats wrong?" Kris asked. "Well you look like you fear this food.Doesnt it taste good?" Kyungsoo asked.Kris shook his head and smiled fakely "No its great D.O-ah I just feel...weird" As soon as those words left his mouth he felt bile rise in his throat.He quickly covered his mouth and dashed into the bathroom to puke.When he came back he heared Tao talk so he decided to hide behind the door.

"Kris is just making a scene.Its annoying really.Why cant he just eat? Pretending to be sick now just to get attention? I know that he likes me more than a friend.But its disgusting.I love Jessica. I dont love him that way.I could never love a guy! Its just wrong! Guys should be with girls not with guys!Besides Kris is such an attention seeker.Faking to faint,not eating,pretending to puke...its getting on my nerves.he just does it so i would give him my attention!" Tao sighed heavily.He didnt know Kris was listening until he heared a door slam shut with full force.

Kris paced inside his room...crying.He couldnt believe Tao really thought so.He felt the last piece of his pathetic heart break..cumble down into dust.

Dear diary,

I just overheared Tao saying that he would never love me... that he finds gays disgusting.He said im an attention seeker by faking to faint and pretending to puke..Why does it hurts so much?Why am I never enough?"

Kris closed his diary and went into the bathroom.He quickly pulled up his sleeve and grabbed his razor.He slit his wrist multible times.When both of his arms were full of scars he went onto his tighs,caring the word "" in it.He hated himself for being gay.He glanced at his stomach and got angry at the fat he saw.He sliced his stomach aswell.When he was done and blood stained the whole floor he turned the shower up onto the highest temperature.He went under the more than scalding hot water and slid down.He cried...

After 2 hours under the scalding hot water his body began to feel numb.All scars stopped bleeding but he couldnt feel anything anymore.He shakily stood up and carefully dried himself. He felt disgusted as he caught a glance of himself in the mirror.Only his scars are beautiful about his whole body.He sighed and dressed himself in a thick black sweatpants and a black hoodie.Just in case his scars start to bleed again my any movements,the black colour would hide it.He went into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water

"Water weight makes your number on the scale go up,Yifan! Dont drink it!" Ana whispered.Kris sighed and poured the water into the sink.

"Yifan...are you okay?" Kris jumped as someone spoke up from behind. "Oh Chen you scared me.Yes I am fine."

"Did you hear what tao said?" Kris decided to lie. "No.why? what did he say?" He acted like he didnt hear anything.

"Oh nothing much.He just said he'll be gone for the night staying over at Jessica's house" Chen smiled.That wasnt a lie.Tao did say he would be gone for tonight.Kris nodded and went back upstairs.He layed down on his bed and sighed.

"Mama...i miss you..." He whispered as he felt tears roll down his cheek.He suddenly realised that his manager would beat the out of Kris as soon as their little holiday was done.Kris felt scared suddenly and hid under his blanket.

Dragons are supposed to be strong.A leader is supposed to take care of s...Why am I so fragile and useless?