№ 19 ∞ Fear
Aeternus ∞ Eternus
//Gikwang's POV//
I knock the door three times, waiting for Aegi to open the door for me.
Two days have passed since the day Haemi went to a date with Doojoon. She doesn't look good; more likely she has this gloomy atmosphere around her.
Neither Doojoon or Yoseob talked about the dates they had with Haemi and I didn't talk about it as well. Haemi works her stuff as usual, letting us to assume everything by ourselves.
She sent us a text message yesterday morning to let her be for a while because she needed time to think; about her feeling, about us.
I will start my schedule around 11 today so I decided to meet Aegi in the morning, hoping that I can talk with her about Haemi to prevent anything bad happen.
The door is clicked open.
Aegi opens the door wider for me to step in. We walk to the main room of her apartment and she offers me a glass of orange juice.
Aegi lives in an apartment by herself. Haemi has offered her to live in the same apartment with us but she refused because she rarely stay at Seoul and this apartment is given by her agency.
"Haemi called me yesterday," Aegi opens the conversation, sitting across from me. "Three of you are really special for her."
My heart skips a beat. What did Haemi tell Aegi?
"Gikwang," Aegi sighs, looking at me with disappointed eyes, "you only look at her as a best friend, don't you?"
I take a deep breath. Everytime I talk with Aegi, I always feel like the guilty one. Probably because her straight forward attitude.
I examine her expression. She looks really disappointed with me. I bet she feels grateful now that I realized my feeling towards Haemi before I start a relationship with her.
"What if," I clear my throat awkwardly, "what if I say that I still can't move on from you?"
"Gikwang, you're talking non sense," she shakes her head slowly. "I thought you've promised me to forget about it."
I clench my fists.
From all of the members, I was the closest one to Haemi while Doojoon and Hyunseung were the ones for Aegi.
But sometimes I did spend times with Aegi, even though if it's compared with Doojoon or Hyunseung, I was no match for them.
I have been captivated by Aegi since around one year ago, since we often spent time together because we shared similiraties in music. We often talked about Haemi, I shared my experiences as trainee, she told me about her agency.
If I felt that Haemi was my soulmate when I met her for the first time, my heart always flattered whenever I was with her.
She was the one who could make me blushed. She was the one who crossed my mind whenever the 'love' word was brought up.
I love her.
I confessed to her five months ago but she rejected me right away, telling me that she didn't have the same feeling for me; her heart was still went to Doojoon.
I knew that she and Doojoon were in a relationship for a moment; Aegi told me. But I kept silence. That was the time I realized my feeling about her.
My heart was breaking when she told me that she was in a relationship with Doojoon.
I hid this secret alone, not letting even Haemi to know about it. I didn't want to ruin the friendship between us.
"Put that aside," Aegi snaps me back to reality. "We're talking about Haemi now."
"You know how it feels to love someone who loves someone else, right?" I force a weak smile, knowing that this drama has dragged all of us in a circle.
Aegi fell for Doojoon yet he is in love with Haemi. I don't understand how Haemi could fall for me, but what all of they don't know is the fact that my heart has been stolen away by Aegi.
"Gikwang, we've been there before," Aegi crosses her arms. "Remember, you kissed Haemi before."
My heart sinks.
Did I try to be with Haemi because I want to forget Aegi? Because I was rejected by Aegi? Am I forcing my feeling for Haemi because my love for Aegi?
//Haemi's POV//
Everything has changed.
I haven't talked with Doojoon, Gikwang, and Yoseob. I have realized my own feeling but I still need time to be alone, to think about the decision I must take and do.
One thing I know for sure.
I don't love Doojoon.
His kiss yesterday showed his love for me. My heart did beat faster yesterday but it was due to surprise and shock, not because my heart was flattering.
Looks like I just look at him as my big brother. His care for me, his presence for me. I can't look at him as someone more than a brother.
Gikwang has fully rejected my feeling. The same way I will reject Doojoon's feeling. If I look at Doojoon as a brother, Gikwang only sees me as his best friend and I don't think he will change his feeling towards me.
Why do I give up this easy?
"Haemi?"
I turn around and see Yoseob just stepped out from the bedroom with his white shirt.
I am sitting in the main room of BEAST apartment, waiting for Yoseob to leave with me for the live performance today.
Doojoon and Junhyung has left early for another schedule while Gikwang left to somewhere this morning. Dongwoon has a class to attend and Hyunseung is attending a meeting with their manager.
"Yah, you haven't done with your necktie," I stand up and approach him, reaching out my hand to take the black tie on his shoulder.
I place the necktie around his neck, starting to tie it neatly.
"Haemi," Yoseob murmurs, "are you feeling alright?"
"Of course I am," I avoid his eyes, keep focusing on the tie because it almost finish. "Why do you even ask that question?"
"Because I hate to see you sad," he lifts my chin with his finger gently.
I can feel that my cheeks start to blush when our eyes meet.
Before I could even finish the knot, Yoseob leans closer and kisses my lips.
My heart beats really fast now. His kiss is gentle and soft, really different from my first kiss with him. Probably because that night it was really short and unpredictable kiss.
I can feel he pulls his necktie away from his neck slowly, leaning closer to me and deepen the kiss.
Do I really think of Yoseob only as a friend?
//Yoseob's POV//
I know I don't have any right to kiss Haemi now. She has asked me to stay as a friend three days ago on our date.
But looking at her these days making me sad. She doesn't look happy. I don't want to see her like this.
When Haemi shifts closer to tie my necktie, I can't help myself from been attracted to her since she is standing really close to me.
She is trying to hide her sadness alone. I want her to know that I will be with her through everything, even though she has rejected me.
I lean closer to her and lock my lips with her. Feeling that the blood is rushing to my brain, making me feel that I can't breath, I loosen my necktie.
Haemi kissed me slightly before pushing me away gently.
"Yah, I need to fix the knot again," she murmurs with her flushed pink cheeks.
But for my surprise, she has a shy smile on her lips.
"Then you can tie it for me again," I tilt my head, feeling really happy for no specific reason.
Suddenly the door is swung open. Hyunseung steps in the room with our manager. They are discussing about our schedule for tomorrow.
"Ah, you're ready," our manager looks up from the paper. "Come on, let's go."
"Oh," I quickly tie my necktie by myself, hiding my blushed cheeks.
I could see Haemi flashed me a smile before she walks pass me to follow Hyunseung to the van.
Aish, can I ever stop loving her?
//Haemi's POV//
I put down my pen and read the lyrics I've just wrote on the paper. It's for a new song I need to compose for BEAST.
Tell me that I'm being cheesy, but after what happened between me and Yoseob, idea kept filling up my mind so I poured it on a paper.
And, there it is, a new love song.
"So you're here."
I turn around and see Doojoon is approaching me. He has a smile on his face.
"I know that you will be on the rooftop," he pats my head gently, his usual gesture. "We're just done with the meeting with the President."
I nod slightly, not knowing what to do or to say.
Looks like he notices the awkward situation because he suddenly cups my face with both of his hands, looking directly to me, "Hey, don't make this face."
He pinches my cheeks playfully, "Smile for me."
I smile weakly and touch his hand, "Thank you for trying to cheer me up."
"You're welcome," he pats my head again. "You're more beautiful with a smile."
A guilty feeling strikes me again.
"Haemi," he mutters, "you have realized your feeling, haven't you?"
I sigh heavily and then look at his eyes. His eyes show his sadness.
"I...," I paused for a second before continue, "...am afraid to convince myself to fall in love again."
"Because of Hyoseun?" he touches my cheek with his fingers, showing his concern.
"It's like I fear that every person that I will love is going to break my heart," I close my eyes, exhaling with frustration. "I don't think I deserve to fall in love."
"With Gikwang?" Doojoon tilts his head.
I blink.
Is it Gikwang?
Or is it Yoseob?
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