“Can we murder Bicycle man or is that illegal in this country? Place? Kingdom? I don’t care anymore. But can we?” Tiffany whines.
“Tiffany, are you insane?”
“No…well not yet.”
“So would you be fully prepared to kill this man in cold blood, without any morals whatsoever?”
“How hard can it be to kill a person?” she tilts her head in confusion, “I mean, don’t you just like, stab them and then there’s blood and then they’re dead, right?”
“Tiffany please.”
“Jessica if I don’t get out of here in the next day I will lose every bit of my sanity and my own mind will consume itself kill me now,” she rambles as she grabs me by the collar.
“How much coffee did you have this morning?” I ask with a sigh. This happens more often than I’d like.
“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THERE WAS AN NESPRESSO MACHINE DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE I HAD NESPRESSO? IT WAS HEAVEN I TELL YOU. I CAN HEAR ICE CREAM AND I CAN SEE SMELLS,” her pupils are dilated and it seems the coffee is seeping out of her skin because I can smell it oozing out of her very pores. 

I think I’m going to be the one driven insane.

————————

After Tiffany has her psychotic episode and passes out for no apparent reason, I wander the castle and discover a large library.

Large as in “large area”. There are hardly any books. Only one small shelf in the middle of the room with a single leather bound book. The cover has the words “Encyclopedia Panum”. 

Ah.

A history of this ed up land.

I might as well enlighten myself while I wait to be freed from this hell.
    “…A tradition of the marriages of the great land is to fashion offspring from the typical ingredients, water, flour and yeast. Of course, other ingredients may be added (to the satisfaction of parents), and the offspring may be shaped into the preferred shapes. In naming the offspring, a first name shall be chosen by the parents, the middle name shall be the classification of the offspring (as indicated on page 134, subsection 8) and the last name shall be carried on from the parent who wins the fight to the death. In the early years of the Bread Kingdom, it was not uncommon for the daughters and sons of nobility from neighbouring kingdoms to marry into the families of the Breadpeoples and to continue the bloodlines. It came to attention that many of the Offspring had short lifespans, growing old and green long before the average age of death for humans, but as long as a constant stream of Offspring was produced, there was no problem.

In recent years, however, scientist have discovered how to make the Offspring immortal, without expiration and decay. The method has been since referred to the population, resulting in the thriving of society. 

A typical Breadland marriage is often between an Offspring and a human of the opposite “gender”, but same “gender” marriages are not uncommon. Marriages between Offspring, whether related or not, are unadvised. This is because in the period known as the Free Years (page 45, section 32) although everything was in perfect harmony, there was no progress in the creation of new generations, as the Offspring exclusive relationships did not seem to want to reproduce. The adamant refusal led to a great population decrease, and many of the humans of the older marriages were unable to continue the production of Offspring, due to age.”

So that explains the lack of humans and the immense amount of baked goods. 

That don't seem to expire.

Whoever sets these universe jumping things needs to get us of here now.

————————

I wander the hallways, “admiring” the many paintings of the Breadland regality. This place is getting on my nerves. I don’t even like bread.
“Ah! Princess Jessica!” Bicycle man runs towards me, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! It’s time for your coronation! If you could hurry to the chapel, I’ll just look for King Croissant.”

Oh yeah. The croissant. That Tiffany ate. HahHAHHAHahaHAHhah good luck with finding him, Bicycle man.
“Uh…okay…I’ll go now.” I need to find Tiffany and we need to get out of here as soon as possible.

————————

I find Tiffany in the same room I left her in, sitting on the edge of the bed, deep in thought.
“Jessica!” she notices me.
“Yup, that’s me.”
“Oh shut up,” she rolls her eyes. “I think I’ve figured out a way to get us out of this hole.”
“Okay, I’m listening,” I say as I sit beside her. The light makes her look really pretty. Her skin looks great. I want to her. I’m sorry.
“Jessica? Earth to Jessica,” she says as she snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“Oh yeah sorry.

————————

I didn’t hear anything Tiffany was saying.

WELL IT’S NOT MY FAULT I’M NOT ATTENTIVE.