Luhan prepares rice with scrambled egg, some pork, and hot tea for Minseok. His companion hasn't eaten for two days, which is very worrying, but he accepts the food gratefully and finishes it although he consumes it very gradually. After eating, they sit at the table side by side and Luhan feels as if he should say, or rather...write, something, but isn't sure what would be appropriate for the situation.
Finally Minseok lets out a little breathy sigh. His shoulders slump and he looks as if he is about to be enveloped completely by his hoodie. Glancing at Luhan with dark, still-dull eyes he reaches for the pen and notepad. 
Thank you for the food...
It wasn't too much, was it? 
No...I'm admittedly a little sore now but it's good for me.
Yeah. Let's not have two days with no food happen again. 
Mhm...
Minseok gazes at the far wall of the tiny kitchen, seemingly lost in thought, and Luhan takes a moment to grab his bowl and place it gently in the sink. When he turns back to the table, Minseok is writing again.
I realize that I should have handled my grief better. 
What do you mean? 
You know...I locked myself in a dark apartment for two days and didn't eat. Especially with my current situation, I acted very poorly...
Luhan is surprised, he hadn't thought of the situation in that way at all.
Hey, no one is blaming you for anything, other than yourself! It's okay, it was only two days.
I'm the oldest cousin, and the elder son. I was closest to Jongdae. I'm supposed to take control of the situation and help the family in times of need. I feel like such a failure, Luhan. 
Being the closest to him gives you all the more license to feel sad. I'm sure that no one in your family thinks of you poorly, let alone as a failure! 
Minseok is stone-faced, and his jaw is set, My parents were so happy to have an elder son, but all I've ever done for them is heaped them with hospital bills. I've been ungrateful. Why would they think of me as anything else? 
Because you're a handsome, kind, charismatic human, Kim Minseok. You've withstood so much, and if I were your father I would be so proud of you. Really. And...it's not as if the time for helping them is over. Everyone is going to need a lot of help getting back on their feet after this loss... 
I just wish I had been Minseok scribbles the sentence out, thinks, and the writes it again, I just wish I could have been like Jongdae. I know for a fact that the family was disappointed when the firstborn son of their next generation turned out to have such a difficult disability. When Jongdae came along everyone was happy. He was the strong, happy kid they'd been hoping to get when I was born. When we would go to family gatherings they'd ask him about school and stuff, and they'd ask my p