Chapter 18

•  •  •

Yuri knows something is wrong the minute she steps through the door. Her father is sitting at one of the tables in the restaurant, his back facing her. He doesn’t say anything.

‘’Hello appa.’’ She says softly, closing the door behind her and slowly walking towards him. Her father doesn’t answer. It’s then that she notices the letter on the table. It’s been torn open and it has been stamped with her university’s logo. She immediately knows what’s going on. She can imagine it; her father gleefully opening the letter, expecting perhaps another honourable mention for his lovely daughter or an invitation to one of those university balls. She doesn’t have to imagine his look of disappointment, disapproval and confusion.

She doesn’t sit down.

‘’I have always been proud to have you as my daughter,’’ her father begins, ‘’pretty. Smart. Kind.’’

He pauses for a moment. 

‘’Your brother? Maybe. But I never thought you would be the one to disappoint me.’’

It feels like a punch to her stomach. She wants to say something but she thinks that when she tries to speak she’ll think of all her regret and she’ll burst into tears so she just stands there, bag clasped in her hand and stares at the ground in shame.

‘’Did we do something wrong Yuri-yah? We provided for you, always. And God knows it hasn’t been easy on us.’’

Her father sighs and shakes his head. Yuri desperately wants to protests, wants to tell him that he never did a thing wrong in all the twenty-three years of her life. But is too tight and the ache in her chest is too big.

Her father takes the letter out of the envelope, his finger going over the letters, word for word.

‘’I think you should stop coming here for a while.’’ He concludes and pushes the letter back in its original place. Then he stands up and goes to the cash registrar to do his job as if nothing is wrong. Her father may be good at pretending but Yuri knows him. She can feel his despair even when he doesn’t quite know it’s there. Right now she knows he’s heartbroken.

‘’Appa!’’ Yuri chokes out.

He just told her not to come home again. She’s been kicked out by her family. The words are clear to her ears but she doesn’t want to decode them. She can’t believe the meaning of them. It seems absurd and she feels once more as if she’s seeing a film of something that is happening to someone else. It must be for this can’t be happening.

She wishes she never made that decision. In this moment, she wants to turn it back. She wants to go back to university and be a good daughter. The other part of her is screaming at her too, telling her she was right. She had to make a sacrifice, right?

The constant stream of clicks from the cash registrar seems deafening.

Her father doesn’t look up. She’s about to open and say something when her brother walks in, apron still in his hand. Yuri immediately looks the other way, concealing her tears. Apparently noticing the tension, her brother halts in his steps. He looks first at Yuri, then at his father and slowly turns around. Softly mumbling: ‘’Forgot something…’’

She wonders if he knows too. And if he does, does he feel betrayed?

Her gaze meets her father’s. The sadness in his eyes is overpowered by frustration and his voice is harsher than it would normally be. The words are like daggers being stabbed into her chest.

‘’We worked day and night so you could go to university. We wanted a brighter future for you and you threw that away. I have never in my life been so disrespected.’’

‘’But appa, please –‘’

‘’You don’t get to talk right now. There is nothing to talk about.’’

He closes the cash registrar with a rough shove and walks to the kitchen. She storms after him, now letting her tears flow freely, not able to hold them back anymore. Her voice is choked with sobs and she can hear how pathetic she sounds.

‘’Appa, I’m so sorry but you must listen to me! I want to make you understand!’’

Her father turns around and shakes his head. His gaze is that of someone looking down at a dead insect.

‘’Don’t make a scene. Go home to that girl.’’

With one last piercing look he opens the doors to the kitchen and leaves Yuri alone in the restaurant, the heavy white doors swinging back.

•  •  •

Yoona’s not sure what to think anymore. Every time her father comes home she flees to her room, not being able to look him in the eye. She finds herself looking for any scars that might have gone by unnoticed and then wonders how they came to be. Her father notices her fleeting looks. He asks her to dinner more often, obviously in an attempt to talk to her. She declines each time. The tension in the house becomes tangible.

She goes to see that man three more times. They go through the documents once more, trying to piece together what happened all those years ago. Most of her questions go unanswered and so they shall remain, Yoona knows, because she’ll never be able to ask her father who has been protecting her all this time about that past. It doesn’t fit into the life they have made for themselves.

So she tries to forget and tries to see her father as that person she’s always known. She stops going to see that man. After a couple of weeks, their relationship is back to normal again, though there is still an ache in Yoona’s chest that will only fade through the passing of time.

She tells Yuri one night, after they’ve been to the cinema and decided to get drunk on soju and stuff themselves with burgers. Yuri holds her even though the people at the food stall give them odd looks. She lets her sob into her chest without saying anything.

They don’t mention it again.

Summer passes in a haze. Yuri stays at Yoona’s house but later moves back to Jungah’s flat (the girl she had met wasn’t the one, after all) to prevent any suspicion on Yoona’s father’s part. Her brother calls her every week. At first, the conversations are short and awkward, but they become more familiar with each passing week and eventually they’re able to talk as if they’re right in front of each other again. He never asks why Yuri left so she never tells.

One day, Joohyun stops coming in the morning. Through her stammering and blushing she explains about this boy; he came to her recitals and one day; this tall, charming man… Yoona finally meets him after two weeks of nagging and immediately gives Joohyun her blessing which makes the pure couple choke on their food.

‘’Were we ever that sickly in love?’’ Yuri asks, holding Yoona at night. Yoona laughs and says aren’t we still?

 •  •  •

They’re watching a variety show one night when Yoona suddenly blurts out:

‘’Let’s go away for some time.’’

Yuri keeps her eyes on the screen and stuffs some more crisps into .

‘’What? Why suddenly?’’

‘’I mean it. Let’s go on holiday. Let’s take a break from this.’’

She motions around her, then puts her hand on Yuri’s chest.

‘’You want to get away from me?’’

Yuri jokingly asks and Yoona playfully pinches her side for that. She pouts and intertwines their hands. Yuri laughs and grabs Yoona’s legs, pulling them on her lap.

‘’Seriously. Let’s go. I saw some great offers online.’’

Yuri chuckles once more.

‘’Aah… so you’ve already got it all planned? I knew there was a catch. What’ll you do if I say no?’’

Yoona laughs and shakes her head. She really can’t do serious conversations that girl, she thinks. Getting a straight answer out of her is nearly impossible. She cups Yuri’s cheek, turning her head so she’s looking at her.

‘’I’m asking you if you’ll go with me. Let’s go, together. Forget everything for a while.’’

Yuri looks at her for a moment, then lets out a deep sigh. She puts her hand over Yoona’s.

‘’It sounds very nice, of course, but what about our troubles here? What about my parents?’’

‘’Those problems will remain no matter where you are!’’ Yoona insists, ‘’we can forget about those things even for a couple of days. It’ll be so very nice. Summer’s almost over. Please?’’

Yuri looked up at the other girl with a slight frown. She sighed one more time and let her head fall onto her shoulder.

‘’What did you have in mind?’’

She gave in.

‘’London.’’

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Sorry for the short update + lack of updates. My writing is frustrating lately..