I really had no idea where to stop with this chapter. I was nine pages in before I even wanted too. Whoops. Enjoy and please review!  

After dinner was served Yongguk started to feel a lot better. They had gotten another call from the doctor informing them that Himchan was back in stable condition, he seemed to be more willing to wake up this time, but they still had no luck. Even though visiting hours were technically over they were going to allow them a visit for a few minutes, with only one person staying the night. Of course they all knew that it was going to be Yongguk, he needed to be there if Himchan woke up. 

Sitting at the dining table Yongguk looked at Himchan’s parents, wondering how they could be so strong. 

“Hey Um… Sorry about my utter breakdown at the hospital, I really don’t know how to deal with these things. Everything was focused on me when in reality it should have been you two. You’re his parents and feel more for him then I ever could. I’m incredibly sorry for being so inconsiderate. If one of you want to spend the night with him then you’re more than welcome too, it’s really your right as opposed to mine.” 

Yongguk looked away, trying not to act as sheepish and he felt. His mother grabbed his hand from under the table, gently squeezing it. 

“No Yongguk, please don’t think that way. We’re adults, we’re a little older than you and know how to deal with things like this. Yes Himchan is my son but I’ve also lost my mother and father. I loved them just the same as I love Himchan. It being grown up honestly, you’re accustomed to death and it’s the worst thing ever. Your reaction was honest and acceptable. But we have to talk about one thing. What Himchan did to himself is not your fault in anyway. You could have done nothing. Himchan had a lapse in judgment that you could not have controlled. I can’t stand seeing you beating yourself up over our son. But I guess that just goes to show that you care more for him that you think.” 

Yongguk looked down, no matter what they said he still blamed himself, and would at least until Himchan woke up. 

“Baby, please listen to Eun, she’s right. You need to stop destroying yourself over this. There’s not point in you ending up in the hospital. I can say that I’m proud you’re trying to lead a normal life right now, but you’re so dead inside and it hurts your father and I far too much for words. I don’t know exactly what’s going on between you two but whatever it is I’ll support it, you know I will. But if Himchan is going to wake up with you beside him you need to be the happiest you can be. Please for us, try to stop blaming yourself for this.” 

God Yongguk was so weak willed right now. All he wanted to do was find a bed and hide in it until he just started to become numb to all of these feelings. He hated hurting his parents like he did; it made him feel like complete and utter . Same with the Kim’s, he ing hated making them feel bad. He supposed it was just time to start putting up a façade. 

He nodded, looking back up into his mother’s eyes. 

“Fine I’ll try. It’s going to be hard but… For your sake I’ll try.”
“Good, now lets take a trip to the hospital before it gets too late.” 

When they arrived at Himchan rooms for the night something was much different about the boy that lay there. He seemed more peaceful that he did before. Sitting down in the chair next to the bed he let the parents talk, resigning himself to staring at Himchan, trying to figure out what exactly about him was different. Feeling a hand on his shoulder he looked over at his father who was smiling gently at him. 

“We’re going to head out for the night. The Kim’s have graciously offered us their homes for the night so we’ll be there. We’ll stop by your apartment sometime so we can get you a change of clothes, mind lending us your key?” 

Yongguk nodded, digging in his pocket for his apartment keys. 

“Alright Yongguk, please stay safe, we’ll be back in the morning some time.” 

Yongguk’s dad kissed his forehead and all of them left. Yongguk resigned himself to staring at Himchan again. Reaching out he grabbed his hand, holding it gently, not a word being spoke, only contentment that Himchan was back.

Sometime that night Yongguk ended falling asleep with his head on Himchan’s bed, his hand still being held. In the early hours of the morning he felt someone brushing through his hair, he was too tired to open his eyes, only assuming it was his mother. After a couple of minutes of complete silence he started to understand that no, it wasn’t his mother. Sitting up he looked into Himchan’s eyes, he was awake, he was sitting up, and he was alive. Standing up he pulled him into a hug, tears escaping his eyes as he whispered Himchan’s name gently, over and over. 

He was awake, he was alive, and he was well. Nothing could have been better. Himchan gently pulled Yongguk onto the bed, allowing the other to lay his head on his lap. 

“Sleep, well talk when your not so tired.” 

Yongguk sat up, looking scared. 

“No, no I want to talk to you now. I don’t want you to go.” 

Himchan leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. 

“I’ll still be here when you wake up. You look exhausted.” 

Yongguk mumbled but decided to allow himself this, lay his head back down on Himchan’s lap he allowed himself to fall asleep to the soothing feeling him Himchan running his hand through his hair. 

Somehow Yongguk managed to stay asleep through several doctor visits. Somehow they allowed him to stay, knowing exactly what he went through the day before, he needed this comfort. Not to mention everything the doctor came in for was just a simple check up. They’d done tests on him yesterday after her flat lined and things were all right. He just needed to get some strength back. 

Around noon he heard a knock on his door, his parents came in accompanied by two unfamiliar faces. Himchan’s mother went to his side immediately, giving him a hug attempting to not wake up Yongguk. Yongguk’s parents smiled gently at his sleeping form curled up on Himchan’s lap. 

“By the way Himchan, this is Mr. and Mrs. Bang, Yongguks parents. They flew in yesterday to see him.” 

Himchan looked at his lap, feeling terrible. 

“I’m sorry you had to come see him while I was like this. I can only guess how he was, but knowing how he always doted over me I can imagine at least a little.” 
“Please Himchan don’t worry. Yongguk did freak out yesterday when you… Ah well anyways. He’s been pretty okay. It’s just been hard, he blames himself for what happened.” 

Himchan’s eyes grew wide as he looked down to the male still sleeping away in his lap. 

“What the hell? This is in no way his fault, he didn’t do anything.” 
“That’s the problem, because he wasn’t there to talk to you he feels like it’s his responsibility, saying something like he didn’t protect you like he promised.” 

Himchan sighed heavily and leaned his head back against the pillow, looking at the ceiling. 

“I don’t think talking to him would have helped. I had sunk extremely low that day. It was my lowest as all of you can tell.” 

Himchan’s mom’s smile dropped when he said that. 

“Honey, will you tell us why you did this?”

Himchan looked at his mom, his eyes dead. 

“I think you can guess why but…. It was Zelo. I had gone grocery shopping and on my way back I saw him with Jongup. He was so damn happy, but what really got me on edge was his audacity to speak to me. I still don’t understand the entire reason why he left me, but it ing tore me in two. It hurt to see him so happy with someone else when I could barely find peace with myself. Yongguk really helped me but that had me sinking lower than I ever thought was even possible. When I got home that day I tried so hard to forget seeing Zelo, to get my mind on something else but I just couldn’t. I sat down on the couch and just started to question everything. I’d lost everything after Zelo left me, I didn’t have friends anymore, and I barely talked to you guys. All I had was myself. Then I thought about the day that Yongguk moved in. He found me completely trashed and crying on the floor, he took care of me without knowing who the hell I was or why I was like that. But he never asked a single question until I was ready to talk. I began to think about how he would have been so much happier without me, I’d really done nothing but make him worry for months. I just, I thought…”
“You thought I would be happier without you.” 

Himchan was startled by Yongguk’s voice. Looking down he say those piercing brown eyes boring into his own.  

“Yeah…” 

Yongguk sat up, a frown sitting on his face.

“Himchan, why would you ever think that? It would be hard to lose you. But I’m not the problem here; did your parents even cross your mind? Did you think how they would feel?” 

Looking down at his hands, Himchan fiddle with his fingers, trying to figure out how exactly to speak next. 

“I thought about them. I just always thought I was such a hassle to them. I kind thought the same thing. That the entire world would be better without me.” 

Within an instant Himchan found himself in his mothers chest, hugging him intently. He could hear her trying to keep her tears at bay. It was in that moment he realized everything he thought was wrong. Yongguk slid off the bed, allowing Himchan’s family their time. Exiting the room he took the clothes his father handed him and went to go get changed. 

When he got back to Himchan’s room his mother handed him a cup of coffee, a smile placed on her face. Yongguk took on look at her and hugged her, crying into her shoulder. His father placed a hand on his back, rubbing it gently. 

“I’m so glad he’s awake, after yesterday I was afraid I was going to lose him forever. I… I should have done a better job at taking care of him; I should have proved to him that me helping him wasn’t a burden. I’m just so relieved.” 

Yongguk’s mother pulled him away from her chest, wiping the tears from his face. 

“You’re going to exhaust yourself if you keep crying like this.” 
“Really mother, is that all you have to say?” 
“For now at least. We can talk more later. I just want you to cheer up.” 

Yongguk nodded and kissed her cheek, smiling. 

“Thank you for the coffee.” 

They stood outside of Himchan’s room talking for quite a while before Himchan’s parents surfaced. They both seemed much happier than before. 

“Himchan wants to see you.” 

Yongguk nodded and tried to regain his composure the best he could, he knew he could hide the crying he’d done, his eyes still red and puffy. Taking a deep breath he opened the door, this time to a Himchan who was awake and well. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest, he was alive. 

“I’ve hurt you haven’t I?”
“You’ve only worried me.” 

Yongguk walked to the side of Himchan’s bed, sitting gently on the edge. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything like that again. If you start to think anything like what you were call me. I don’t care if I’m in Africa I’ll drop everything to get back to you.” 
“I don’t see how I can be that important to you.” 

Yongguk frowned and put his coffee down, taking a hold of Himchan’s chin bringing him forward. He looked into Himchan’s eyes before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. 

“You’re important to me because I’m falling for you.” 

Himchan’s eyes widened, a hand coming to touch his lips. 

“I… I thought. You’re…”
“Gay.”
“But you can’t be, you’re too perfect.” 

Yongguk chuckled and shook his head. 

“I’m not as perfect as you think I am.”
“You’re close enough.” 

Yongguk smiled softly before picking up Himchan’s left wrist, carefully undoing the bandages wrapped around them. Himchan’s breathing became silent, almost like he wasn’t breathing at all. Yongguk took a moment before taking the last of it off. The cuts were nearly healed now, simple scabs and red skin, those would leave a scar. Yongguk brought Himchan’s wrist up to his face, kissing the cuts gently. It hurt to look at them, he could have prevented it if only he was there. And for the hundredth time that week Yongguk let tears slip past his eyes, stunning Himchan. 

“Yongguk…” 
“Please don’t ever do this to yourself again. This world needs you, your parents need you, and I’m pretty sure I need you.” 
“Oh Yongguk.” 

Himchan pulled his hand out of Yongguk’s grasp, pulling him in for another kiss. 

“Help me get over Zelo.”
“Gladly.”

Yongguk brought their lips back into a heated kiss, completely forgetting that they were in a hospital and their parents were outside. It had been so long since either of them felt that way about anything. Yongguk pushed Himchan back, straddling him. Both of them were being so gentle with each other, worrying that they other might break for some reason.  Yongguk’s hands found his was into Himchan’s hair, the softness comforting him. 

“Hey boys… Oh uh excuse me.” 

Yongguk and Himchan pulled away quickly, their faces flushing. Outside they could hear bits of a conversation. 

“They’re uhh… busy.” 
“I told you!” 

Yongguk chuckled, kissing Himchan on the forehead before climbing off the bed to open the door. 

“Uhh sorry about that. Who came in?”
“That would be me.” 
“Oh, sorry dad.” 

Yongguk scratched the back of his head, looking to the ground as a blush spread it’s way across his face. 

“Meh don’t worry about it. I’m glad you two are happy.” 

Yongguk looked up and smiled, the first genuine smile since Himchan had been admitted to the hospital. 

“Yeah I am too. But what did you guys want?”
“The doctor just came, he said that Himchan was being filed for release. He wanted to see Himchan but your mother said he was in the bathroom. Moms really do have a special power don’t they?”
“Seems like it. Thank you mom. Mrs. and Mr. Kim do you wanna see Himchan or…?”
“No, no, please. Eun and I are going to go fill out the paperwork for Himchan. You can go in and break the news. Oh and here are some clothes for him.” 

Ki-Woo took some clothes out of his wife’s purse, handing them to Yongguk.

“Inform a nurse so they can unhook him. We’ll meet you guys in the waiting room after he’s changed.” 

Yongguk nodded and watched the four of them walk off towards the waiting room, smiling excitedly as he entered Himchan’s room. 

“You’re being released!” 
“So soon?”
“Well you healed up while you were asleep, they believe it would be best to finish your healing you at home with surroundings your familiar with.” 
 
Yongguk gave Himchan a quick kiss on his forehead before waving down a nurse who told him what exactly to do if anything happened. Once unhooked Himchan tried to stand, his legs a little shaky. Yongguk helped him into the bathroom, leaving him to change. 

“God I need to shower.” 

Himchan left the bathroom, complaining that his hair felt disgusting, that he felt disgusting in general. Yongguk chuckled but helped Himchan with his shoes. 

“You can take one when we go home.” 

Himchan nodded and held onto Yongguk’s arm as they made their way down to the waiting room just incase his legs gave out. Seeing his parents standing there waiting for him made him so incredibly happy, he really was loved. After several hugs and a car ride later Yongguk and Himchan found themselves in their apartment. 

“Do you uh… wanna continue where we left off at the hospital?”

Himchan chuckled but back up. 

“Let me shower first.”

Yongguk grumbled but knew that Himchan did need to shower. 

“Ugh fine. I’ll be in my room. Don’t take to long.” 

Ten minutes later Yongguk looked up to see Himchan walking into his room, his hair wet and disheveled but he looked much better than earlier. It didn’t take long for the two to continue what they had started earlier. This time the kisses weren’t so gentle, much more needy. After thoroughly tiring themselves out they laid there talking until the sun left. Himchan attempted to get out of bed but Yongguk held him there telling him they were sleeping together tonight. Himchan didn’t mind, he actually wanted too, to feel the warmth. That night they slept together, Yongguk holding Himchan close for fear of him not being there when he woke. 
-----
Yongguk looked around him there blood was everywhere. Running forward he followed a faint voice, trying to ignore the blood stained walls and floor. As the voice got closer Yongguk began to place just who’s voice it was….

Himchan.

Yongguk stopped as he saw Himchan lying there on the floor, blood pooled around him. Himchan smiled up at him before his eyes went blank and his breathing stopped. 

Collapsing onto his knees he pulled Himchan to his chest, chanting his name like it was going to help. Eventually his quiet chants turned into screams. Yongguk screamed in pain as he held the lifeless Himchan. 
-----
…Guk…

Himchan tried waking Yongguk up. He was thrashing about before Himchan actually had to sit on him to stop. Himchan was freaking out, he tried to quiet Yongguk, quiet those screams that came from his mouth. 

“Yongguk!” 

Nothing. 

“Yongguk wake up!” 

That seemed to get through to him. Yongguk woke up with a start, seeing Himchan he pulled him down into a tight hug, trying to calm his breathing and keep himself from crying. 

“You died, you left me all alone.” 
“Shhh” 

Himchan kissed Yongguk’s face, trying his best to calm him down.

“I’m here Yongguk, I’m alive. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through but I’m not going to leave you I promise. Not after all that you’ve done for me and what you’re going to do for me. Yongguk please, I’m here. I’m here.” 

Yongguk’s breath quieted and his grip on Himchan loosened. Looking into Himchan’s eyes he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. 

“I’m so glad.”

Those last three words were very slurred as Yongguk fell back into a light sleep. Himchan only chuckled and dug his face into Yongguk’s chest as he himself fell back to sleep.