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Three months had passed since Himchan birthday. Things had gotten a little better but there were still times when Yongguk would come home to find Himchan sobbing. It hurt Yongguk to see Himchan like that. What exactly happened between those two to completely destroy Himchan like it had? Yongguk was the one to keep up with Himchan parents. Himchan still didn’t like going outside, if he was in a group of people for any extended amount of time he tended to get weak and was barely able to talk much less move.

Yongguk tried his hardest to get Himchan to enjoy being around company again but no matter what he tried it was fruitless. It started to worry him that Himchan might never get accustomed to normal life again.

That morning Yongguk got up ad dressed. He was going to meet Himchan’s parents to see if they had any ideas on how to help. Leaving his room he say Himchan sitting on the couch, a list in his hands.

“Hey, I’m going out for today. Think you’ll be fine?”

“I should be, I’m writing down a list because we really need some groceries. I’ll cook dinner tonight too, don’t be too late.”

“Alright, call me if anything happens. I should be back by eight. I’ll see you later.”

Yongguk smiled as he left Himchan to his own business. Himchan sighed and leaned back. He really didn’t want to go out but he knew he had to at least pretend that he was getting a little better. Which he was a little bit. He didn’t hurt so much anymore, but he still would have his battles to get to sleep at night.

Himchan lounged around the apartment for a few more hours. Some of his homework got completed but he mainly just napped, being too lazy to actually do anything else. Around six he finally got up to go to the market to get stuff to restock their food supply. Things went quite smoothly until he started his walk home. Turning his head he noticed a blonde head of hair he wished he didn’t recognize.

There Zelo sat with Jongup, laughing at something the other said. Himchan tried to ignore the two as he walked past, however the fates were not that kind.

“Hey Himchan!”

That voice rang through his ears and down into his heart, nearly causing him to collapse. It had been so long since he had heard that voice, how could he be so happy? How could the other who apparently still loved him sound so happy when he was calling his name?

Turning to look at him, Himchan frowned. He was still as beautiful as ever he certainly didn’t lose any of his charm in the past year or so.

“Himchan it’s been so long, I didn’t even think you lived here anymore, I haven’t seen you out and about, much less at school.”

Himchan looked at the ground, anger starting to flare up inside him. Who did Zelo think he was to talk to nonchalantly to him? He made it seem like happened, like their years together meant nothing, that the promise they made each other was never made.

Himchan looked up, shaking his head.

“Who the do you think you are? Why the hell do you think it’s okay to ing talk to me? Did those years we were together mean nothing to you? What about the promise we made, nothing, did it mean nothing? Wait I don’t need you to answer that because I know the ing truth. You decided to go and fall in love with someone else while we were still dating, while we had made that promise to be with each other for the rest of our lives. Our time clearly meant nothing together. When you left me you ing ripped my heart out and took it with you. Look at what you’ve ing done to me Zelo. Without warning you left me, you left me for someone else without any reason, without any ing warning. Apparently you cried over it but I don’t ing believe it. It’s unfair how you can continue to live your life happily when you’ve destroyed mine. I had no way to cope; I didn’t have anyone I could talk to after you left. I cut myself off from society in general, I only worried about my school work, I didn’t care what happened to me anymore, hell I still don’t care what happens to me. I could probably pass tomorrow and I wouldn’t ing mind, no one would care anyways; I’ve lost all friends I had. God it’s so ing stupid how I’m letting you get to me like this, but somehow you’ve ing managed to ruin me. So if you even get the audacity to try and talk to me again I’d rather you just ing jump off a bridge. I don’t need you in my life anymore, you’ve destroyed me enough, now I have to pick up the pieces on my own.”

Himchan turned and made his way down the street quickly, tears rolling down his face. He could hear Zelo calling his name, though it sounded like Jongup was holding him back, a smart choice on his part. Himchan ignored the stares that he got from passing people and just continued on towards the apartment. Once there he tried to calm down, deciding to put the groceries away in hopes that it would help, it didn’t.

Just as he was starting to get better something had to happen that reverted whatever good things were starting to happen. Himchan leaned down with his head in his hands, tears still falling. God he was tired of this all, he was tired of everything that he had to go through, he was tired of being tired. Getting up he walked into the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. Was he even necessary anymore? He didn’t have any friends and no one really bothered to check up on him.

God how did he get this low? He literally had nothing anymore, that didn’t matter though he didn’t care anymore.

“I’m just so tired. It’s not worth it anymore, I’m not worth it anymore.”

Opening up the medicine cabinet he looked for something, anything. Nothing was strong enough, no pills would work. Looking down at the sink he saw the one thing he didn’t want to resort to, a razor. He shook his head, that wouldn’t work either. Looking up he looked at himself in the mirror before coming to a realization that, that would work perfectly.  Taking a breath he brought his fist up and shattered the mirror, ignoring the pain in his fist, soon he wouldn’t feel pain at all. Picking up a shard he sat down in the bathtub, might as well make it easy to clean up. Without any hesitation Himchan stuck the shard to his wrist, making several cuts before dropping the shard and closing his eyes for the last time.

-----

Yongguk walked up the apartment steps with hope. Himchan’s parents really helped him out. If things worked out as planned Himchan would be on a road to recovery by the end of this month. Opening the door he stepped in, slightly surprised to see it empty. Walking into the kitchen he opened the fridge, there were new groceries but there wasn’t anything signifying Himchan having made dinner. That left him to question where the hell he was.

Going to Himchan’s room he didn’t see him, looking down the end of the hallway he noticed the bathroom door was shut. Maybe he was showering. Walking down he didn’t hear water running so he knocked.

“Himchan?”

No answer.

“Himchan?”

Again no answer, he tried to turn the knob but the door was locked. By this point Yongguk was really starting to worry. He called out to Himchan a few more times before busting the door open by force. When it was finally open the sight that met his eyes destroyed any hope or dreams that Yongguk had of his close recovery. Yongguk pulled out his phone, dialing 119.  After hanging up with them he quickly went over to try to see if Himchan still had a pulse, but this time he was freaking out.

“Himchan what the happened while I was away? Oh god, please be alive, come on you can’t do this.”

Yongguk grabbed a towel and tied it around Himchan’s wrist, trying to stop the blood. Minutes later the ambulance was there, he was riding in the back with them while contacting Himchan’s parents. Things weren’t supposed to have turned out this way. Himchan was supposed to have been better, Himchan never once eluded to trying to kill himself. Not once, something must have happened that tore him up completely.

Yongguk sat in the waiting room as they worked on Himchan. Head in his hands Yongguk had to keep reminding himself to breath. A few minute later he felt a hand on his shoulder, looking up he saw Himchan parent’s both of them obviously distressed.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for your son. God I thought I was doing everything that I could to protect him. I shouldn’t have left, if I had just been there he might not have done this.  He seemed so happy this morning, I had no idea he might do this. I should have paid closer attention or something. God I promised that I would protect him and look what I’ve done, the exact opposite. I’m so sorry.”

Tears slipped down Yongguk’s face as he looked back down to the floor.

“Don’t blame yourself Yongguk, you left today for a good reason. You had no idea that he was going to do this.”

Himchan’s other sat down next to him and took his hand, gently squeezing it.

“Himchan will be fine. He’ll pull through like he always does. You’ve just gotta believe in him.”

And believe in him Yongguk did. It was four days before they got any word on him.

“He’s perfectly fine, minus the fact that he’s weak, but he just won’t wake up. I hate to say this but I don’t think he ever wanted to be found. It’s like he’s forcing himself to stay asleep. All we can really do anymore is wait, I’ll allow visitors now though. Someone is allowed to spend the night as well, he might need someone if he does wake up, someone besides us doctors and nurses that is.”

All three of them nodded and watched the doctor turn and leave.

“Yongguk if you want you can go visit him first, we’ll be there in a few minutes. I want to talk to my wife about some stuff.”

Yongguk nodded and made his way into Himchan’s room. Sitting on the chair next to the bed he looked at Himchan, he looked so content lying there. But from what the doctor said it seemed like he wasn’t content here, he would have been content if he hadn’t been there. Taking his hand Yongguk messed with his fingers, trying to ignore the bandages wrapped around his wrist.

“I don’t know what you were thinking or why you did this, but you need to come back to us. Your parents are worried sick about you, I am as well. I thought you had come so far from the time I met you, but something but have happened that caused you to do this. I need to know so I can help you. I need you to open your eyes Himchan, I need to see your beautiful eyes again. I don’t know what I would do with myself if you passed. I know I’m not in love with you, but I feel something for you. I want you to be alive, I want you to be awake, and for gods sake I just want you to be happy. Whatever caused you to do this wasn’t worth it Himchan. You could have waited until I had gotten home. We could have talked it over. Anything but this could have happened.  All I ing want is for you to be happy. Is that too much to ask? Do the gods hate you for some reason? I don’t see why, you’re the sweetest person on this planet, you would never hurt anyone intentionally. God, please just ing wake up so I don’t have to worry that you won’t. I don’t know what exactly I feel for you right now Himchan, but I do know that I cannot lose you, that cannot happen, it would rip me in two.”

Yongguk pulled Himchan’s hand to his face, planting a kiss on it, praying to whatever gods where listening that Himchan would wake up.