As I walk out I feel tears welling up. Mixed feelings. One half of me felt thankful, but the other half felt guilty. As expected, a part of me should feel fear, but I'm not afraid of dying. I don't look back, I can't. While walking outside, It starts raining and I look up. It's summer. 'Hyeri-ah!' I hear from behind me. I turn around in shock and see Jimin running towards me with an umbrella in his hand. He was casually dressed. A tanktop with sweatpants. 'Here. You can return it later.' he says with a smile on his face. Later? 'Are you crying?' he comes a bit closer to take a good look at me. The worry on his face and his sudden move makes my heart beat faster. I can't face him and turn my face away from him. 'I-it's the rain.' At that moment I felt his fingers against my chin and he makes me face him. I can't. Again, tears rapidly roll down my cheeks. Through my blurry sight I see Jimin having the same problem. 'Oppa.. Don't cr-' I start, but I'm cut off when he hugs me tightly. 'I'm so sorry.' he cries, 'why does it have to be you? I don't want you to die. Why is life so unfair?' I find myself crying even louder in his arms. The only emotions I feel is guilt and the feeling of being thankful. But not the guilt of lying to them, but the guilt of taking my life, while he cares this much about me, which still feels unreal to me. And thankful because he actually does care. As the only person on this planet. 'I'm so sorry, Hyeri-ah..' Jimin hugs me even tighter, while the rain is drenching us. 'Jimin oppa..' crying his name feels so unreal. I'm quiet for at least 20 seconds. 'It's fine.' I struggle a bit and Jimin let's go of me. 'It's not fine. You were crying. You're sad. You don't want to die.' Then reality hits me again. I lied to Jimin. I want to die. I want to die so badly. But I can't tell him that. I have to leave. Fast. I felt something come over me. I placed my hands on his cheeks and leaned forward. Was it courage or was I feeling desperate? Was it a way of saying sorry or a way of saying goodbye? I don't even know myself. I kissed him. I've never kissed anyone before. Tears go down my face once again, but slowly this time. I let go of him, look him in the eyes, take the umbrella and run away. I've never ran this fast in my life. 'H-hyeri-ah!' Jimin sounds desperate. 

I did that? What was I thinking? Why did I do that? All these question fly through my mind. I kissed him. I really did. I kissed an idol. Somehow I feel like this is a fitting goodbye. The guilt of dying is gone. Now I only feel like it's the best thing to do. The faster I die, the better. People like me shouldn't be alive and people like him shouldn't care about me. If I don't die tonight, how will I face him again? If I don't die tonight, I'd still have to commit suicide another time, because otherwise they'd find out I lied. If I die tonight, they wouldn't know if I really had an illness or not. Besides, It's already really late. If I come home now, God knows what my father would do to me. I look at my phone, but I don't see any messages or missed calls. I was right, he doesn't care. Nobody cares. No, Jimin cares. But he shouldn't care. He's wrong for caring. While trying to blame Jimin, I realise it's my fault for writing my honest letter to him. Jimin's human after all. It's humane for him to care, I guess.

I go up the stairs of the apartment complex I live. I decided to jump of my own building, but on the other side, where there's an entrance to the roof. As I open the entrence door, a light breeze comforts me. It has stopped raining, but I'm extremely drenched by the rain. The whole way here I just tightly hold on the Jimin's umbrella, without using it. I slowly walk towards the edge of the roof. My whole body is wet, but my tears have dried. This is it. Weird, I feel proud. I feel happy. I can finally die. And I'm the happiest person alive at the moment. I kissed the person I've loved for a long time and he cares about me. I imagine myself laying in a coffin with a light smile on my face. But this scene erased itself from my mind when I realise my parents wouldn't even try to arrange a funeral for me. Then I realise that after I jumped down my body would probably be unrecognisable. It's now or never. I look down. I see a few cars coming by. I look up. I see a few stars hanging in the sky. I smile. A thankful smile. 'Well, it's been a fun journey.' I tell myself out loud. I climb up the edge, turn my back towards the empty space and I close my eyes. 'What do you think you're doing?' I almost lost my balance at the shock of hearing someone's voice out of nowhere. I open my eyes.