As a tribute to Ladies Code, there will not be a picture of Jinwoo today. I sincerely apologise for that.

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(Ha Na's POV)

I rubbed my eyes lazily, stretching my rigid limbs. I looked around and realised that I was lying on the road that was damp with rainwater. It was drizzling slightly. The wailing of sirens resounded in the distance. I picked myself up and out of curiosity, I followed the sound of the sirens. It brought me to a site of an accident and I raised my brows. Paramedics were scurrying around and I made my way towards the vehicle, which was a tangle of wrecked metal. The vehicle looked very familiar with its peeling sky blue paint. I walked further down and found a body sprawled across the road, paramedics tending to it. I hurried over there and kneeled down beside the body, taking a closer look at her face. A terrible realisation dawned upon me.

She was me. 

I widened my eyes in horror as I stared down at myself. My face was cut up and there were bruises all over my body. My legs were twisted in the most grotesque ways as if there were no bones in them. I tried to reach out to myself but I couldn't. My fingers slipped through my hand.

"Excuse me? What's happening?" I tried asking the paramedic next to me but he ignored me. He carried my body onto a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over my nose and mouth. 

"Her heart rate is dropping, we have to hurry. It seems as if she is carrying a child too," the other paramedic said and my heart fell to my stomach.

Me? Carrying a child?

I followed them into the ambulance and tried recalling what had happened. Bits and pieces of memories surfaced in my mind and I shut my eyes, trying to piece them up together. 

Jinwoo chasing me away, me running away from the building, calling my mother, my mother coming to pick me up, rain, the screeching of tyres, a loud bang and then darkness. I rubbed my palms together and watched as the paramedics checked my vitals.

"Patient has a Glasgow coma scale of 1. Her blood pressure is dropping rapidly and her pulse isn't looking too good either, at 50 beats per minute. We suspect a punctured lung and severe fractures in her spine and legs. The child in her is also..." She shook her head. "You have to fight to live, darling," she whispered in my ear and I felt the tears b in my eyes. 

My baby? What's happening to my baby? And my legs?

Confusion rose in me and I fought to keep my tears back. I looked around and realised that there was no one else in the ambulance. "Where's my mother?" I screamed in panic. However, there was no reply and I cursed. I stood up to look outside the ambulance and realised that there was another one behind us. 

"Please Mum, you have to be safe. Please," I begged and shut my eyes, letting the tears fall freely. 

We arrived at the hospital and they immediately rushed me to the operating theatre. Just as I was about to enter, they shut the door in my face and I sank onto the floor, dejected. I hugged myself while I sobbed into my knees, still overwhelmed by what was happening to me. Everything was happening to quickly and I was terrified. I still could not accept the fact that I had a baby. A life in me. I clutched my stomach. 

Please let my baby be okay.

Time passed by excrutiatingly slowly and I watched as it ticked by. Finally, after four hours and twenty nine minutes of surgery, I emerged from the operating theatre. I stood up and clung to the rails of my bed, going wherever they wanted to bring me to. We arrived at the Intensive Care Unit and they placed me in one of the rooms. A young nurse leaned down and planted a kiss on my forehead. "It's your choice to stay or leave, Ha Na," she whispered and covered me with a blanket before leaving. 

What does she mean by that?

Confused, I followed her and she went to meet her friend. Shaking her head, she took in a deep breath and said, "I can't believe what that girl has to go through. She lost her child, her mother and her legs all in one day. The heavens are too cruel. She's too young and beautiful and it's such a pity." 

I was rooted to the ground, unable to comprehend the situation. Her words struck me and echoed in my head. 

She lost her child, her mother and her legs. She lost her child, her mother and her legs.

"No, no, no," I clutched onto my head and fell to the ground. "NO!" I yelled hysterically. I was too shocked to cry. 

"Where's my mother? Where the is my mother?" I shouted at the receptionist but she continued looking at her computer. I let out a string of profanities before tearing down the hallways towards the mortuary. Indeed, they were wheeling the body of Mum and I sprinted towards her. She was a ghastly white with cuts all over her face and body. As soon as I saw her, I could not contain my tears anymore. I tried grabbing her but my fingers just slipped through. I was so desperate to touch her for the last time. They wheeled her into a room and she was out of my sight. I banged my head against a wall and wailed, grief gripping my heart.

My mother was gone.

"Ha Na?" I heard her voice across the hallway and turned around to see Mum standing there with a baby in her arms. My face lit up and I ran into her arms. Her embrace was so warm and I sobbed into my shoulders. 

"Mum, don't go. Don't leave me behind," I mumbled and she my hair repeatedly, not saying a word. I pulled away and gazed at the baby, who had a smile on her face. She gave the baby to me and the baby smiled at me. It was a girl, with its long lashes and huge eyes. She was Jinwoo and I's child.

She resembled Jinwoo so much, from her doe-like eyes to her pouty lips. She would be a pretty girl. She waved her fists as if she was greeting me. I couldn't help but fall in love with her immediately. "Is she mine?" I asked Mum and she nodded. I hugged the baby tightly and breathed in her scent. I wanted to hug her and never let her go, but then I remembered the nurse's words.

She lost her child, her mother and her legs.

I started crying again when my mother took my baby away from me. "Yo-you can't go," I cried and gripped onto my mother's dress tightly. With a smile on her face, she unhooked my hand from her dress. 

"People come and go Ha Na. I'm sorry I made such a brief visit to your life, but I have to go. Be strong, my darling."

She kissed me and walked away with my baby in her arms. I chased after her as I screamed for her to stay, but she did not turn around. 

It's your choice to stay or leave, Ha Na. 

The nurse's words echoed in my mind again. 

Should I stay or leave?

There was no purpose for me to stay in this damned world anymore. All my loved ones are gone. First Jong Su, now my mother and my baby. Even my legs were destroyed. I can't stand on the stage and perform anymore. I can't chase after my dreams anymore. I'll be a handicap, unable to do anything. 

Why must God be so cruel?

Memories of everything that happened in my life started to flash by before my eyes. My father, mother and I going to a carnival together, us celebrating my third birthday together, the last time we had dinner as a family, my first time meeting Jong Su, my first kiss with Jong Su.

I made a decision.

I ran after my mother and shouted, "Take me-"

Just then, there was a beeping sound and I stopped in my tracks. It was very faint and distant, but I still heard it. 

I turned around and sprinted back to my ward. The doctors and nurses were pushing me out of the ward, a look of panic on their faces. "Her pulse is slowing down rapidly. We need to hurry!" I stood at a corner as I watched them push me away.

I spotted a familiar figure trailing behind them.  His hair was a mess and there was a distraught look on his face.

Jinwoo.

"Please let her be fine, please!" he almost yelled at the doctors. 

My heart raced at the sight of him. I went after the group of people and tried to hold his hand but still couldn't. He was biting his lips, obviously on the verge of tears. They brought me back to the operating theatre and slammed the door in his face. He collapsed onto the floor, shoulders trembling violently.

"I'm sorry Ha Na, I'm sorry," he mumbled to himself. 

I wanted to pull him into a tight hug and tell him that all of these was a dream. The sight of him crying brought tears to my eyes too.

Does he know that I lost his child?

"I'm sorry too, I couldn't save our baby..." I sobbed uncontrollably and leaned against his shoulder. Surprisingly, I didn't pass through him. We stayed in this position for a long, long time as the doctors fought to keep me alive in the room. 

I stared at his tear-stricken face and caressed his cheeks gently, planting a kiss onto it. I thought about everything that we went through, from our first meeting to what happened barely a day ago. 

Can I bear to leave you alone?

Note: PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!! 

I'm sorry for breaking your heart in such a brutal way. This chapter was inspired by a movie I watched recently, it's called 'If I Stay". I sobbed in the cinema and got judged by my friend real badly but seriously, that movie was... It made me think about the fragility of life and how important life is. If you haven't watched the movie, I highly recommend it. I haven't read the book yet though ><

After knowing about what happened to Ladies Code, my heart was really aching. For their fans and for the members. I may not be a Ladies Code fan but I think this incident serves as a reminder to all of us that our idols are human and who knows when they will leave us. Everyone has a due date and we should learn to cherish our idols instead of taking things for granted and thinking that our idols will always be there for us. I cannot imagine the pain that Lavelies are going through now and I hope that the fandom as well as the other members will stay strong. The Kpop fandom will always be here for you. Rest in peace, EunB and RiSe. While we have lost two beautiful stars, the Heavens have gained two beautiful angels. 

Stay tuned ~

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#RIPEunB #RIPRise #StayStrongLadiesCode