(Ha Na's POV)

I shut my eyes and lay my head against my pillow, a smile creeping on my face. It seemed like ages ago when I confessed to him, but it has only been a day, just last night. The day barely crawled by, and the smallest hint of darkness peeked through the curtains. I had stayed all day in bed, I realised, his words repeating again and again in my mind, echoing in it, constantly reminding me of how foolish I am. I got rejected by him. If he had scolded me, I would accept it and take it that he has no feelings for me. After crying, I'll pick myself up again. That's how rejections always work, right?

But no, he apologised. He apologised for still loving Mi Hyun, he apologised for not being able to forget about her, he apologised for still clinging on. 

"I love you too, Ha Na. It's just that, I still have unresolved feelings for Mi Hyun, and it's not fair to you if I start a new relationship with you. It's not your fault, it's mine. I'm sorry." 

He knows that it's not fair to me, and yes, it isn't ing fair to me. I put down all my feelings for Jong Su oppa and confessed to him, only to get his apology in return. How am I even supposed to feel about this? He loves me, and I should be happy, but he rejected me because of his ex-girlfriend. How ironic, when he is the one forcing me to forget Jong Su, when he is the one who offered forgetting about our pasts. 

I let out a bitter laugh that bounced off against the walls in my room. How am I supposed to move on? I want to turn back time, rewind it back to before I confessed to him. If I had kept my damn mouth shut, I wouldn't be in this state. I landed myself in trouble. I thought that my love would be requited, I thought that he loved me too. Turns out I'm the stupid one. He doesn't even care if you love him or not, . He only cares about Mi Hyun. You're just a form of escape to him.

My phone rang, and I ignored it when I saw who the caller was. He kept calling and I finally gave in, just like how I always give in to him. "Ha Na?" His voice dripping with fake concern made me want to puke.

"Why are you calling me? Go back to your girlfriend," I sneered. 

"Ha Na, please don't misunderstand me. I don't want to be with you, because I still can't get over her, and I don't want to get into a relationship with you when I still have feelings for her. It's not that I don't like you," he said, and I could feel my blood boiling. I suppressed my anger.

"Well, who was the one who offered to help one another forget our pasts, huh? Who suggested that stupid idea? It was you, Kim Jin Woo, and I stupidly accepted it too. I feel like I betrayed Jong Su when I confessed to you, and you still can't get over her. I'm sorry, but I can't ing accept it!" I spat.

"Ha Na, I'm-I'm sorry," I could hear his voice breaking and it seemed like he was going to cry, but that did not make me sympathise him, not one bit. He's crying because he is feeling guilty, not because he's really sorry. Stop believing his words. 

"It's either me or her, Jin Woo." I sounded like an overly-attached and jealous girlfriend, which I really was. I was jealous that he put her before me.

There was a long silence.

"Do you even love me?" I screamed into the phone.

In his hesitation, I found my answer. 

The line was cut. I threw my phone on the bed. The tears that refused to flow before escaped from my eyes and formed a steady stream. My heart was slowly tearing apart, being shredded into pieces. I was hoping that he made a clear decision so that I would know what to do. Even if he chose her, I would accept it. Not willingly, but I will accept it. What else can I do? Break them apart? I won't, and will never stoop to that level. 

Jong Su, where are you? I need you. I needed someone to talk to, to pour all my feelings. I needed a form of release. I needed him. I took the only remaining picture of us from my dresser and hugged it, as if hugging him. I rocked myself back and forth, trying to stop the tears. I really needed someone. 

And then I thought of her, that one person I've always been close to, my confidante, my best friend, Lee Ha Yi. Surely she'll understand me. I picked my phone up and dialled the number that I've memorised. 

The familiar tune played, and as always, she picked up after four rings, as if she could time her calls. "Hey unnie," she greeted. I calmed myself down before I spoke. 

"Ha Yi..." I barely said her name before breaking down again, sobbing helplessly. I put down my phone and tried to stop myself, putting it on speaker mode. 

"Unnie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" she sounded so genuinely worried and scared that it broke me even more. I took in a few deep breaths and wiped my tears away. I had to put on a strong front. "Unnie?" I picked up the phone again. 

"It's... it's Kim Jin Woo. I like him," I confessed, and she gasped. I could picture her shocked face in my mind. 

"That's... that's great! Why are you crying, did something bad happen?" 

"He... he rejected me, because of his girlfriend," the tears fell again and I was choking on them, unable to speak. 

"I'm coming over, wait for me. In the meantime, gather yourself ok? Don't cry, please." She hung up, and I felt so grateful for her. I desperately needed someone's company, especially hers. 

The doorbell rang and I staggered to get the door, weak and exhausted from all the crying. I opened the doors and fell into her arms, crying into her shoulders. She my back silently as waves of sobs overcame me. She led me to the couch and continued comforting me. I finally stopped and gathered myself. "Feeling better?" her big eyes looked at me in concern. I nodded. 

"Thank-thanks Hi," I hugged her. She let out a nervous laugh. 

"What's wrong unnie?" 

I spilled everything to her, from why I helped him drink the soju to how he rejected me. I told her about everything, how I felt, how I despised him, how I felt so worthless. She listened, and started tearing up when I finished. "Oh unnie, come here," she pulled me into a tight hug. "That bastard, how could he do this to you?" she snarled. 

"How do I move on from here?" I cried, and she hugged me again. "I still love him, but he only has his girlfriend in his heart. Doesn't he understand that she doesn't love him anymore? Heck, she even cheated on him!" I yelled. 

"Forget him, forget him and move on. Go back to the way you were before him," she said, and I shook my head furiously. 

"I feel like I betrayed Jong Su, I feel like such a bad person." 

"No, he made you betray Jong Su." 

"Why is it always the girls crying over the boys, when the boys don't give a and go around breaking our hearts? Why?" I lamented and ruffled my hair. 

"Yeah, why?" I realised that Ha Yi was on the verge of tears, her eyes downcast, her lips trembling. 

"Hi, are you ok?" I asked her cautiously, afraid that I would step on a land mine and she would explode into tears. She shook her head, the tears breaking through her glistening eyes. 

"He dumped me." 

I could hear my own heart shatter into pieces. 

Ha Yi was dating one of the contestants from K-Pop Star, their relationship tracing back all the way back to her first audition. It was love at first sight, just like... Jong Su and I. They reminded me of us, two teenagers falling hopelessly in love. She loved him so much, even sneaking out during practice just to meet him. When I asked her why she was willing to risk everything for him, she simply shrugged her shoulders, smiled and said, "I'll do anything for him, because I love him." 

It was just months ago when she said that, and here I am witnessing her break down, her face contorting with grief. I patted her, muttering words of comfort, trying to make her feel a little better. She was hugging and telling me to be strong a mere ten minutes ago, but look at how the tables have turned.

She told me about how he dumped her, saying that she was interfering his training, and my heart swelled with injustice. How dare he say that when she was the one sneaked out to be with him, that little bastard. 

My heart died a little along with her love story. She symbolised the old me, the Yoon Ha Na who had Jong Su, the Yoon Ha Na who was very much in love. I saw myself in her, and hoped that their love would blossom into something beautiful, because they were what I could never have again. I found myself crying with her. 

That night, we promised not to think about our broken relationships and broken hearts. We sang, danced, cried, screamed. We even went to the grocery store to buy beer, trying to convince the cashier that we were of legal drinking age. We drank until dawn, not getting a single bit of sleep, but I didn't feel tired. That night, I felt broken, but stronger than ever.

Note: Sorry if this chapter was really crappy, I'm losing my touch for writing these days. It's like I have so many ideas in my head, but I just don't know how to put them down in words. I sincerely apologise. I may be on a mini hiatus, because I myself have no idea where this story is going. I admit: I'm stuck. Hopefully, it'll just be a phase, and I'll get over it. That's why I need this break. Please forgive me. 

Stay tuned ~