Leeteuk closed the door with a heavy heart. He was tired, his body was aching and his chest was in pain. He opened the door of the other rooms to check on his dongsaengs, something he had frequented for the past six years. His brows furrowed, disapproving the sight in front of him at each room. His brothers were sleeping with a girl each on their beds. Even though there were more than two people in each room, Leeteuk felt uncomfortable seeing them together.

He suddenly remembered what he was doing to Taeyeon just a few minutes ago. Aish, Leeteuk. They’re just sleeping. What a hypocrite you are. Leeteuk turned off the lights in each room and dragged out a spare blanket. He plonked himself on the sofa and sighed heavily.

He had packed schedules the whole time after tomorrow and he needed to prepare early for them; he couldn’t afford to be staying up late anymore. He chugged down 3 bottles of beer before he hugged the cushions and stared at the white ceiling.

Taeyeon.

He turned to his side and stared at the table. The flowers in the vase, weren’t they the ones she had given him? He had been complaining about the flowers dying too fast that day, about 3 years ago; and she had given him the plastic rose the next day.

“Flowers are like love, oppa. Sometimes they last long, sometimes they don’t. But this flower is special. This flower will never die, just like my love for you oppa,”

He chuckled silently at the memory as he sat up to take another sip. She had been so cheesy; he remembered bursting out in laughter at the time. Still, he had been so touched and he had never felt so loved before.

Yeah LOVED. In past tense. Good job Jungsoo. You’re the biggest I’ve ever methe whispered to himself as the tears silently dropped. He didn’t care whether Taeyeon had said that she would love him forever. He knew love was prone to change, it was just so subjective. For all he knew, she could still love him, but it could have downgraded to just as a fellow label mate. He covered his eyes with his arm and took in a deep breath before coming out smiling. If his nose wasn’t red, anyone could have sworn that he looked perfectly fine. Perfectly fine; yes that was something the oh-so-talented Leeteuk was good at imitating. He should be; he’s been doing so for the past 6 years. His face never failed to show peace if it meant that his brothers wouldn’t get upset; if it meant that he would grow stronger with the smile; if it meant he’d make everyone who saw him happy. Strangely, the person whom he wanted to please so much, was not so pleased to see that very smile of his.

At first Leeteuk didn’t know why she was so disappointed seeing his smiles. Why the hell wouldn’t she like my angel smile, I mean come on, I’m Mr. Dimple!

She would pass by him with an annoyed look on her face whenever he was busy laughing and goofing off with the others, or catching up excitedly with the people he worked with. It had irked him so much that he had once felt like shooting a great pile of negative thoughts at her. You know, like Star Wars, pewpewpew. Even though they were both still trainees, Leeteuk was known as the sunbae of almost all trainees and he felt agitated she wasn’t showing much respect.

“Yah, Kim Taeyeon. Why do you keep giving me dirty looks?” Leeteuk pulled her aside as he confronted her.

The hallway was empty except for the both of them, and Leeteuk’s face was so dangerously close to Taeyeon’s. Her eyes looked scared for once as she stuttered her reply.

“Aniya oppa, I wasn’t giving dirty looks. I guess I made it look like that huh?” She smiled weakly

Leeteuk’s eyebrow arched. If she wasn’t giving him dirty looks, then what exactly did she call those expressions?

“I guess I was annoyed, that’s all,” Taeyeon replied, beaming.

“Annoyed? What did I do to annoy you Taengoo? I’m so un-annoying,” he pouted

Taeyeon giggled cheerfully before she stopped abruptly. Her voice lowered and Leeteuk began to shudder at her words.

“I can’t believe everyone sees through that fake smile you put up everyday oppa.”

Leeteuk was taken aback. Was she that perceptive to everything?

“Wh... What fake smile Taeng?” he stuttered

 “I’m annoyed because you always have to keep your problems to yourself. You do know you can tell any of us any problems you have right? I know you’re the oldest and you’re going to debut soon, but that doesn’t mean that you have to take care of your brothers and us trainees only; you’re human oppa, you have to take care of yourself too. I’ve been asking around and nobody knows anything new or up to date about you, it scares me how you keep everything away to make us happy. Yeah I saw you crying on the roof.  Promise you’ll never keep secrets from me, ok oppa?” Taeyeon held out her pinkie and gazed expectantly at Leeteuk.

He hesitated before curling his pinkie over hers and pressing their thumbs together. Taeyeon smiled and Leeteuk immersed himself in her cuteness.

“Oh, oppa~,” Taeyeon shockingly said

Her right hand cusped his cheek and she wiped away the tear that had escaped from his eyes. She stared into his eyes, scared to death at seeing her oppa crying.

“Gomawo, Taengoo ah. I don’t know how you know me so well. You’re the best dongsaeng; you know that kid?” He chuckled as the tears that were b spilled out. He patted her head and hugged her tightly, comforted with the knowledge that she would be there for him whenever he faltered.

Leeteuk literally shook his head, hoping the memories would fly out of his head. He emptied his fourth bottle and lay his heavy head again. He didn’t want to remember anymore, he was too tired; and truthfully, he was scared. Scared to remember the real reason why whatever that had happened, happened; the real reason why he couldn’t bear looking at himself; the real reason why Taeyeon’s heart hurt so badly.

He flipped on the sofa once again and heaved a heavy sigh before finally welcoming sleep; unaware of the man watching him.