Your weak body sat slouched on the cold hospital bench, your head rolled back against the wall as the endless tears slowly streamed down your face in defeat. The fight had gone out of you as soon as you walked into the solemn hospital room and saw his almost unfamiliar body. He wasn't like he was before, so youthful and beautiful. He now just looked empty, like the translucent skin a snake left behind when it shed. Except this wasn't a sick sheded carcass and he was not in a cleaner, better body somewhere. The once youthful face was now hollowed at the cheeks and his now bald head was covered with a beanie. Because he didn’t want you to see him so ugly, he said. You could never think he was ugly even now when there was nothing in his body, he was never ugly. But now he was gone and you never got the chance to tell him.

Your eyes watched the TV without seeing until Luhan's voice caught your attention. You looked around desperate to find him but it was only the news running a segment on him. Seeing him so healthy and lively twisted your heart in the most disgusting way, you could hardly breathe. They were nonchalantly talking about his death. How did they find out so fast? Luhan's voice sung in the background as they spoke.

"Yes, it is tragic. And so young, only 32." The woman said, her head shaking as she spoke. "Mr.Lu was diagnosed with stomach cancer last year. He leaves behind a wife and a deep hole in our hearts. Back to..."

That last line hit a nerve and you started crying again. He did leave behind a wife. He left you behind. Why had he kept it a secret for so long? Why hadn’t he just... why couldn't he tell you? As your eyes tried to clench the angry tears ran down your face, you felt a presence stand in front of you. It was a nurse, Luhan's nurse.

"Mrs.Lu... He left this for you," she said quietly as she held out a small journal. "He wanted me to give it to you... I'm so sorry, he loved you very much."  You recognized it immediately as you had seen Luhan writing in it before. It was pretty, with a pink rose pattern on a blue background and a pale gold spine. You hadn't thought much of it since he had always like beautiful things. On the front was a white square with your named scribbled inside of it. "He wrote in it almost everyday. Little here, little there." The nurse told you as you took it.

"Thank you." You told her quietly and examined the book, it was truly a beautiful book. Your fingers traced over your name, his hand writing as beautiful as always. You opened the cover, finding a note on the front page.

To you, for whom my love is eternal.