February 15 

My Love, 

Today, I am sorry. I puked. The illness, it has settled in my stomach and tonight it made me puke. I can't believe it was after dinner too. I puked before because but today was the first time I did so at home. I even stopped eating when I was working because of this and so I guess you've noticed the weight loss. You weren't completely wrong in thinking that I was over working myself, because although I was working the same amount, my body... well my body isn't what it was. I guess you figured you'd feed me more at home, that you'd take care of me from here but you see, the problem is you don't know that it is something love cannot save you from. And that is what is truly tragic because I am sure that if love could save lives, I would live forever. The way you love me, it must a sin to love someone like you have loved me and I swear that I have tried to love you just a recklessly, passionately, and deeply as you have me but I know it will never be enough. I will never be enough and yet I had planned on spending a lifetime trying to measure up, trying to make you feel like you have me. And everyday, every single day since I have met you, I have given you my everything. I have a fear that as my body depelets, so will my will and I will no long find the strength to love you with the vigor that zaps through my body like a current. And today, as my body rejected your cooking, it made me fear that soon, my body will reject you and you will no longer feel a part of me. You who I love so dearly, will think I no longer want you because my body can no longer muster up the strength to love you right... I guess now you know I lied. As you sat there rubbing my back, feeling worried because you thought you had poisoned me like when we first, I lied. It was my lunch I told you. It was bad. And you, so lovely and trusting, believed me. It wasn't the food that was bad, I didn't even eat it. It is my body. It has gone bad. 

Love,