February 23

My dear,

Sometimes I lay in bed next to you and pretend it's next year. I pretend that I am healthy and that we made it though and we're planning on our first child. I know it's like taking a year away from my life but I honestly don't mind. I don't mind losing time if I still get you. It's incredible because I rememer a Luhan that couldn't fathom the thought of waisting a minute yet here I am, offering them away. Some times I wish you could just forget me. I wish you could forget me even today. Especially tomorrow, and preferably yesterday. Just because I will hurt you so much. I see the way you look at those puppies in shelters and how you wish you could save them. I know your heart breaks when you can't. And you won't be able to save me and I just know that it'll crush you and I will be too weak to pull myself together and save you. You whom I love, I will let down. Will you forgive me? Please forgive me because I couldn't be a perfect man despite what I promised. Just please, tell me it's okay for me to not be the strongest most amazing Luhan ever even when you were the strongest most amazing you. I am trying so hard to protect you. I am trying so hard to fight and I know it's still so soon but I don't want to see you suffer. So just forget me, it'd be best. Pretend you never saw me just like I pretend to see the next year with you. 

Love,