Jin looks as though he’s considering something before he leans down, his lips press against my own. To say that I’m shocked would be an understatement. “I want to tell you that I like you, that what I feel for you isn’t something platonic. I like you a lot Hanbyul and I think that you’re wonderful, strong, and so ready to take whatever you want on in life. I, however, can’t endure the torment of not telling you how I feel.”

I blink a few times trying to gage how real this whole scenario is, I glance down at our legs and then to Jin’s hands, shaking as I say nothing, I reach out and grab one. “Can we maybe try that whole kiss thing again? I’m a bit less shocked now.” I say looking up stuttering slightly as I do so.

Jin smiles and once again leans down to me, I tilt my head so that our lips meet and my eyes close, all I can focus on his that this is something that feels very right, it quickly dawns on me what that strange feels was. I like this guy in the same not so platonic kind of way. Pulling away I smile at him, blushing slightly as I look away.

“IS this a good sign?” Jin asks me gently after a moment.

Looking back at Jin I finally find my voice and smile at him. “It is.” The ecstatic look on Jin’s face is something that I’d like to see more often and just as quickly I think about how wonderful it’d be to see more expressions from Jin. “That’s good.” Jin says rather happily. As the good feeling fades we stand awkwardly in my living room, occasionally exchanging looks before his phone goes off. “It’s Namjoon.” He says as he walks off towards the entry way.

Taking my new jacket I place it in my laundry basket to be washed. By the time I come back out of my room Jin is standing in my living room again. “Everything good?” I ask in a general sense, though I suppose I mean between us. While I do like Jin, I’m not exactly sure what that really involves.

“Yeah, just some kind of meeting we need to go to, so see you for lunch with the guys on Friday?” Jin asks, though this sudden lunch surprises me. “Right, I haven’t asked. It’s kind of this birthday thing the guys want to do, and I want you to be there, Joonyoung too.” Jin says while biting his cheek slightly.

“Yeah, we’ll definitely make it, about what time?” I ask curiously as I tilt my head.

Jin smiles at me and I feel my heart beat a little fast at the sight. “Around one, I’ll see you there.” I nod my head as I follow Jin out to walk him to the door. “Bye Hanbyul.” Jin says leaning down to kiss my cheek.

“Bye Jin.” I say smiling at him; my entire body feels like it’s fluttering, like I’m trying to stay calm. As my door closes behind Jin I let out a deep breath. A calming feeling coming over me, I’m honestly not sure if I prefer the fluttering feeling or this one where I suppose I’m coming down from a euphoric happy.

~~~

Jin smiles at me as I enter the practice room with Joonyoung, both of us holding gifts for him; I return the smile with a shy one. “Happy early birthday.” I say as we walk over to him, setting our gifts down with the others I wrap my arms around Jin.

“Thanks,” Jin says, he sounds rather happy, and hugs me tightly before letting me go to greet Joonyoungie.

Walking over to Yoongi I smile friendly. “Good to see you.” I say feeling rather happy about being her, to be included in something like this. “Been a while.”

Yoongi grins at me and slings an arm around me. “Yeah, last time we hung out you had to leave early for a lecture or something.”

I nod my head remembering the lunch I was supposed to have with the rest of Bangtan. “Lectures are rather important, but we’re on break now.” I say feeling relaxed and comfortable around Yoongi as I usually do. “Can I talk to you about something?” I ask as I watch the others swarm Jin and Joonyoung.

“Course,” Yoongi says casually, glancing at me with a questioning look on his face. “Something secretive?” He probes curiously, a slight pout as he watches me.

I nod my head as I tear my gaze away from Yoongi and the others. “Kinda, something I think I need to do, but I need advice from someone not so in the situation.” I say quietly. I glance to Yoongi to see if he is indeed the person.

“Well I can definitely try,” Yoongi says openly. Before we can continue on though, Taehyung us into Jin’s festivities for his birthday.

The entire lunch is spent with us telling jokes, funny anecdotes about Jin, and other fun lunch birthday party things to do. We play games all of us enjoying the time immensely. I find that I have indeed become completely comfortable with the guys, even after Joonyoung has to leave early so he can drive to visit his family and get there before it gets dark. I talk with Jungkook, Jimin, and Yoongi about books and television shows, mostly them telling me what shows I have to watch.

“I’ll see you guys later,” I say after a few hours of hanging out with them and another appoint to get to. “Happy early birthday Jin.” I say as I hug him tightly.

I blush slightly as he kisses the top of my head. “Thank you for coming, and for shoes. I didn’t know you heard me say that I liked them.” He mumbles cutely.

I smile up at Jin, feeling rather proud of the look on his face. He’s very happy. “Well, you know, I’m actually paying more attention these days. So you better watch out.” I say playfully as I wave to the others.

Yoongi gets up and walks over to me. “I’ll walk you out,” He says while sticking his tongue out playfully to Jin. “You enjoy the celebrations.” He says waving his friend off. Before Jin can object Namjoon and Jungkook are pulling Jin back to the table to play some new game that Taehyung has come up with. “I thought this might be a good chance seeing as Jin so rarely leaves you alone.” Yoongi explains with a grin.

As we exit the practice room I look down at my feet. “I’d like if you’d keep this between us, at least for now.” Yoongi nods his head and slightly tilts his head to the side while looking at me. “I’m going to meet Taejoon for a little bit.” I confess quietly.

“Taejoon, that guy Jin’s told us about?” He says surprised, sounding rather defensive, though I have a feeling I know why.

“Joonyoung and Jin both don’t want me to talk to Taejoon after everything.” I say sighing heavily. “It’s hard not to though. Taejoon before everything was a huge part of my life.”

“Jin said you both were extremely close.” Yoongi says slowly. “That you really seemed to love him.”

I feel rather thankful for Yoongi’s rather polite way of putting it. “I’d been in love with him. Admittedly it was really bad for me, though now I’m not in love with him, I just love him.” I glance to Yoongi who looks rather relieved by this information. “You know, I’ve never told anyone what changed my mind about Taejoon when I first met him.” I say quietly, we both stand in the lobby off to the side talking for a moment.

“How did you guys meet?” Yoongi asks frowning. “I know you went to high school with Taejoon and then you met Joonyoung at university.”

“My parents died in a car accident when I was in middle school. I bounced around from relatives until I got into high school.” I explain gently, I glance to see Yoongi looking shocked. Most people give me similar reactions when they find out. “I’ve always been quiet, but after the funeral and everything that happened I shut everyone out. A lot of kids picked on me in high school; I became really distrustful of people’s intentions because of the pranks they started pulling on me.”

“I can’t imagine anyone picking on you. Hanbyul, you’re one of the nicest people I know.” Yoongi says while nudging me gently. “What did Taejoon say to change that?”

I let out a long breath before I can bring myself to repeat the words Taejoon said to me. “Taejoon told me for a week straight we’d be best friends. I’m not really sure why he even started talking to me, but I ignored him and resisted as much as I could because people had told me they wanted to be friends, but that wasn’t ever the case.” I say taking another deep breath as I think about high school and how it holds so many horrible memories for me. “I know people have been really cruel to you, I’m sorry about that, but I promise this isn’t a joke or to be cruel to you. I want to be your friend, you’re always alone. I don’t want that for you. I know you zone out a lot so if you can’t hear this now, I promise to remind you for as long as it takes. You won’t be alone anymore.” I say repeating the same words Taejoon told me years and years ago. “Taejoon said that to me when I thought I’d always be alone. After he said that to me I started to believe that I wouldn’t be alone always, that I could make friends.”

“No wonder you both got to be so close.” Yoongi says softly. “You two were together even since?”

I nod my head as I let out a long sigh. “Things started to change after the fan-meet though.” I say realizing that’d been when things really started to hurt. While they hurt before, it hadn’t hurt nearly as much since. I wonder if Jin is the reason or perhaps things just really did become unbearable. “Taejoon and I started out as friends. I know nothing will happen between us, I can’t just cut him out of my life like this, even if Jin and Joonyoung would prefer for me to.”

“Jin is really fond of you; he’s worried about you a lot, especially since that article about you both came out.” Yoongi says as we take seats next to each other. “I’ve never seen him act like someone with how he does with you.”

“I like Jin a lot too.” I say rather happily as I look down at my hands. “I don’t want to lose Jin.” I say voicing this silent fear that I’ve had for a while now.

“I don’t think you will.” Yoongi says gently, his arm coming to rest on my shoulders again. “You know, Jin asked when he was going to introduce you to us the first time if I’d be sure to get to know you.” Yoongi says rather fondly. “He was worried the others would be too rowdy for you to open up.”

“I almost backed out of lunch when he said you all would be there, and I kept trying to figure out a polite way to refuse, but Jin promised that everything would be okay.” I tell Yoongi as I think about that time; Jin and I were just beginning to get close to each other. “I’m really lucky to know him.”

“It’s the same for him. Jin was having a hard time getting to know people. People act differently when you start getting popular.” Yoongi says while sighing. “The reasons they get to know you suddenly changes, but with you it’s all about the person and not anything else.”

“Things would have been different if I never met Jin.” I confess thoughtfully. “I’m not sure I would have ever been able to admit how horrible my feelings were or that they were crushing me.”

“I think things will be okay for you Hanbyulie.” Yoongi says smiling at me. “Jin told me that he confessed to you, and that it went well.”

I smile as I lean against Yoongi slightly. “Like I said, I like Jin a lot. He’s made me really happy, and I can only hope that I can do the same for him.” I say while letting out a content sigh. “I care for him a lot.”

Yoongi stands up and pulls me with him. “Everything will work out; you better get going before you’re late.” He says gently.

“Thank you for talking with me Yoongi.” I say thankfully.

My friend simply smiles at me. “It’s no problem; I’ll see you around Hanbyulie.” Yoongi says waving to me as I head out.

Returning the wave I leave the lobby and head towards a bus stop. On my way to meet Taejoon I consider what I’ll talk about with my old friend. As I arrive at a café Taejoon’s chosen to meet at I smile seeing him sitting alone sipping his own drink and then a cup across from him. “Sorry I’m a late; I ended up talking some things through with a friend.” I say apologizing as I approach the table, Taejoon looks at me relieved as he smiles. “I told you I’d come.”

“I know, but I just worried you might have changed your mind about all this.” Taejoon says gently. “I wanted to try something.”

“What would this something be?” I ask curiously as I take my seat. I take in Taejoon’s appearance and realize that since last time we had lunch he looks a lot better. He looks not so rough; more put together, more like he used to look like.

Taejoon smiles as he lets out a calming sigh. “I ordered tea for you, your favorite,” He starts as he gestures to the cup in front of me. “I want you to tell me something you’ve haven’t been able to say to me.”

I smile at Taejoon, picking up on what this meeting is all about. “You want me to let go.”

“I want you to be happy.” Taejoon says carefully. “I want to be better friends; I want us to be able to tell each other things again, I want for us to have nothing unsaid between us.” Taejoon pauses for a moment before going on. “I thought about this for a while and I realized, I’ve always been able to tell you anything at all, but other times I was never able to hear what you wanted to tell me.”

I find myself looking down at the mug in front of me for a while. When I look back up Taejoon is looking at me expectantly. “When I fell in love with you I felt nothing but joy and happiness.” I say starting off with the beginning. “Slowly that turned into anxiety, regret, guilt and depression. I guess I quickly spiraled down into where I’d been and stayed for years.” Taejoon tries to say something, but I shake my head. “I finally started to let you go. Now that I’ve finally done just that, now that I’ve let you go, I was filled with relief. I always thought I’d be hurt and it would destroy me to let you go and what I felt for you, but I didn’t feel any of that.” I say quietly. “I’m finally really happy now that I’m not holding on to you so tightly. I’m glad that I can breathe and walk around without a giant weight on me.”

“Me too,” Taejoon says with a smile, not the same kind he used to always give me, though perhaps it is and I just see it differently now.

This chapter was quite a bit of fun to write.
I'm fairly certain that I'll be wrapping up within the next chapter or so!
Enjoy as always my ducks!