"We were lucky to find it when we did. Any longer at the treatment and intensity would have skyrocketed," the doctor says, slipping his clipboard between his arm and body. He gives a friendly smile to them. 

     Jongin lights up like a Christmas tree and he turns to Sehun.

     "Our next steps are surgery and some chemo and radiation just to make sure that we get everything. With luck on our side, you should be clear of all-"

     "I don't want it."

     The room goes silent and Jongin is sure that even the patients and staff inside the hospital have gone silent as well.

     "Don't want-"

     "Treatment. I don't want treatment," Sehun says. 

     "Sir, I highly recco-"

     "I thank you for doing your job, but I'm not interested in it."

     "Sorry what?" Jongin says this time, his face is still staring at Sehun with an incredulous look. "You're not interested in saving your own life?"

     Sehun shakes his head. 

     "Sehun-"

     "Jongin, we've talked about this. You know how I feel."

     "And you know how I feel!" Jongin snaps. The doctor walks out of the room saying something that Jongin doesn't hear because he's too busy wondering what the hell is going on.

     Sehun lets out a sigh and rubs his temples. "Jongin, I don't see a point in prolonging my life if I'm not going to live it anyway. To everyone, I'll be alive. To myself, I'll just be a walking meat suit."

     "But you'll be alive."

     Sehun laughs cynically. "It's funny how you throw that word around so much, but do you even know what it means?" It shuts Jongin up and Sehun continues. "I'm tired of living with memories, Jongin. You don't understand what I mean and I pray that you never do."

     "Why do you have to be like this, Sehun? You're so young and there's so much that you could live for. So why do you have to do this? You say you have nothing to live for? Then find something. Find something and stop making me hate myself for not being able to change your mind. If you die from this, so be it, but at least let me live knowing that I tried everything I could to save you." Jongin stands up, the chair screeching. "I'll always be by your side, Sehun. But don't make it shorter than it has to be." He walks out of the room, feeling like at least ten more weights have been placed on his shoulders and he isn't even the one dying.

     It's three days until Sehun starts to talk to Jongin again. It's agony waiting for his friend to talk to him.

     Sehun comes around at lunch to their table and gives everyone a greeting, apologizing for being absent, things like that, and then turns to Jongin. "Can we talk?" he says quietly, eyes pleading. He looks tired, but not as tired as he did a few weeks ago.

     Jongin nods and he gets out of his seat, walking with Sehun to the roof. He regret letting him take him up here, finding out a great situation as to when wearing a jacket would be helpful, but he tries to ignore the cold and listens.

     "I, uh...I'm really sorry about the other day. I just-"

     "It's fine, Sehun. I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over it. I mean, it's your life, not mine. If you don't want treatment, then you don't have to get any."

    Sehun nods, pursing his lips in thought and Jongin isn't sure if he's said something unexpected and now Sehun has to think about what else to say. Jongin opens his mouth to speak but Sehun finally opens his mouth.

     "It's hard to live with so many regrets, you know?"

     "I've heard it's worse to die with regrets. Can't do anything to change them."

     Sehun laughs and looks down at his feet. "I wish I could do something about these regrets, but I can't."

     "What do you mean?" Jongin asks, taking a small step closer to hear the other better over the wind. "Why can't you change these regrets?"

     "I-uh...nevermind. It's a long story."

     "Sehun, I have a long time. I'm not dying anytime," Jongin jokes to try and lighten the mood but ends up coughing when Sehun doesn't react. "Sorry."

     Sehun doesn't seem to notice, mumbling something under his breath that Jongin doesn't catch. "What?" Jongin asks, leaning in closer. Sehun repeats it, but it's still to quiet over everything else around them. "Sehun, I can't hear you. Stop mum-"

     "I killed Tao." He says it much louder and much more clear and strong that Jongin freezes. The words sink in and he takes a small step back.

     "What?" he asks though he knows very well what Sehun said, he's just hoping that he didn't hear it correctly. He liked Sehun, but he wasn't sure he liked him enough to stay with him knowing that his friend was a murderer.

     "I killed him, Jongin," Sehun repeats and Jongin is ready to jump of the roof if he has to. 

     "Like....how?"

     "Like having a fight with him and screaming and storming off and then not being there for him when he walked back to his house after dark and letting him get--Jesus I should have walked with him oh God-" Sehun spits it all out and Jongin wants to cry in gratitude that Sehun didn't mean it literally.

     "Sehun, slow down," Jongin tries, putting a hand on the others shoulder in effort to make him breathe. "Sehun, take a deep--Sehun, stop." He finally does and looks at Jongin with pleading eyes as if asking to take away all of his pain. "You didn't kill him, Sehun. Nothing you could have done-"

     "I could have done everything! I could have not been such a ! I could have stayed with him and walked him home and watched over-" he goes off on another ramble and Jongin shakes his shoulders.

     "Sehun, stop!" The other doesn't listen, instead starting off on another rant, eyes growing wet and voice cracking more often. Jongin shakes him a few more times before giving up and pressing his lips against the others. It shuts him up effectively. 

a/n: I'M SO SORRY. okay, so my computer had a something wrong with it so my dad had to fix it, erasing everything in the process, and then when i started rewriting this chapter, i got writer's block and then i was like I CAN DO THIS and then my computer was like ha you i'm not going to work and died for a total of 48 hours and now i have it back and working and i give you this. literally the tiest chapter ever. idk how long this story will be....probably not that long. when i came up with it it was in the middle of the night and.....yolo. also, i want to apologize to all the kaisoo shippers because i tagged this kaisoo, but then changed my mind so please remind me if i don't do so already to change it because idk if they'll end up together or what because i just squeezed out this chapter and instead of trying to write more chapters, i'm creating plots and character bios for another ot12 with pairings in that too whooo. so again, so sorry kids. please don't hate me. thank you to all who have read this mess of a story and have commented and haven't given up. ALSO if i ever say hey guys, i'm going to be a professional write, punch me, throw me in a well, and say no.