"So," Sehun begins, walking next to Jongin on the road. He has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, "I've been thinking a lot about what you and Luhan have said to me."

     Jongin glances over at him, he has a cigarette hanging similar to Sehun's. "And?"

     "And I realized that maybe I should start living," Sehun finishes. His hands are deep in his pockets and he's kicking rocks when his feet come across them. 

     Jongin, however, has stopped. It takes Sehun a few seconds to realize he's no longer walking beside him and he turns around, arching an eyebrow at Jongin. "What?" Sehun asks.

     "What do you mean live, exactly?" Jongin questions. He can see a hint of a smile rise on Sehun's lips, but as soon as he sees it, it's gone.

     "Like, go back to the doctor and see what they can do for these lungs," he answers. Jongin starts to grow a smile and takes a step closer to Sehun. He has a look on his face that looks as if he's going to pull Sehun into a hug, but instead he grabs the forgotten cigarette out of Sehun's mouth and stomps on it.

     "Then these have to go," Jongin says, still grinning. Sehun looks offended, and puts a hand on his chest in mock hurt. 

     "I paid good money for those," he jokes before noticing Jongin still has one in his mouth. He imitates Jongin's previous action and rips the cigarette from his friend's mouth before stopming on it. 

     "Then you have to stop, too," Sehun says, crossing his arms. Jongin looks down at his smashed cigarette before giving Sehun an incredulous look.

     "Why do I have to stop?" Jongin questions. 

     "Because if I'm going to be cured for lung cancer, then I'm not about to have you catch it," Sehun informs.

     "You're aware you can't catch cancer, right?" Jongin asks and Sehun rolls his eyes, instead grabbing Jongin's hand and pulling him with him.

--

     "Kyungsoo!" Jongin shouts, running over to said boy in the hall. Kyungsoo spins around, looking excited before making eye contact with Jongin and turning back around. "Soo!" Jongin tries again, reaching him, and catching his shoulder.

     "What?" Kyungsoo asks coldly. Jongin winces. "Do you need something? If you don't, then I have better things to attend to."

     "Soo," Jongin says, but Kyungsoo just shakes off his shoulder, continuing to walk in the hall. "What's wrong?"

     "Could you please just tell me what you were going to?"

     Jongin catches his breath. "Sehun agreed to treatment!" Jongin informs happily, expecting for Kyungsoo's face to light up.

     "Treatment?" Kyungsoo questions and Jongin remembers. They hadn't said anything to their friends about Sehun's conditions, per Sehun's wishes.

     "Yeah, he has lung cancer," Jongin says simply. It catches Kyungsoo by surprise, quickly spinning his head. He looks like he's about to ask questions, but he holds himself back, instead look straight ahead.

     "That's nice."

     "It is, because now he's going to get treatment!" Jongin still isn't sure why Kyungsoo is as excited as he is about this. They were all friends with Sehun, granted Jongin was the closest to Sehun.

     "That's nice," Kyungsoo repeats. It makes Jongin stop walking next to him and fall behind Kyungsoo's steps.

     "What's wrong with you?" Jongin asks. This stops Kyungsoo and he turns around.

     "Nothing that needs discussing," Kyungsoo answers. There are a few shoves from his left and right from students trying to get past him in the hall. He shoves back on a few of them before giving up and grabbing Kyungsoo's arm and dragging him into an empty classroom.

     "Why are you like this?" Jongin asks. "I know I've been distracted and distant lately, but we're still friends, right?" 

     "I'm so glad you didn't say boyfriends because then I really would have been upset," Kyungsoo says harshly. Jongin wants to hide away from him, but he doesn't.

     "Look, I'm sorry I haven't been hanging around with you as much anymore, but Sehun really needs me," Jongin tries but Kyungsoo laughs in his face.

     "And what? Yixing didn't?"

     "That isn't fair," Jongin whispers.

     "For the past few months, nothing really has been, Jongin. Not that I'd expect you to notice since you've been in La La Land with Sehun."

     "I'm trying to help him!" Jongin argues.

     "Oh for s sake, Jongin!" Kyungsoo snaps. "You're not helping him! He's manipulating you!" 

     Jongin shakes his head. "No, Sehun's just sad. He just needs someone to pull him out of the darkness."

     "You don't always have to be the hero, Jongin!"

     "I'm not trying to!"

     "Good, because you'd be doing an awful job of it!" Kyungsoo snaps.

     It's silent except for the bustling of students outside the classroom. 

     "I'm just trying to help him," Jongin tries again. 

     "Yixing could have used that," Kyungsoo throws back and Jongin pulls his hair.

     "Jesus, stop using him like that! I get it-"

     "No you don't!" Kyungsoo shouts, "You don't get it because if you did, then Yixing wouldn't be flying back to China tomorrow. He wouldn't have scars on his wrist. He wouldn't have lost his dance scholarship!"

     Jongin stops, looking at Kyungsoo with big eyes. "What?"

     Kyungsoo crosses his arms, letting out a breath. "They gave him some bull excuse that they think it would be better for him to work on his health when in reality they just didn't want a failed suicidée to be in their school."

     "I-I didn't know-"

     "That's not surprising," Kyungsoo utters under his breath.

     "Can't you cut me some slack?" Jongin asks loudly. "In case you hadn't noticed, I've got a lot of happening in my life right now. Sehun has cancer, Yixing almost died, and you hate me. I get it, I screwed everything up. I'm a mess and a failure, so if you could please just stop rubbing it in my face?" Jongin pleads, feeling tears threatening to fall. 

     Kyungsoo is silent and stony for a while. His arms are still crossed and he's staring off at a wall to his left. It's a while before he breathes and wipes his face. "I," he starts, letting out a breath before trying again, "I don't hate you, Jongin. I'm just upset. You've been so distant, Yixing's leaving, I've got so much stuff coming up and I'm just so used to you being there to help me through it all, but you're not. I'm still trying to work through all of this alone and I guess I've just ended up taking it all out on you."

     "I probably deserve it all, it's just-"

     Kyungsoo shakes his head. "You don't deserve it. You're trying to help Sehun and instead of helping, I'm just getting jealous. I want more than anything for you to be happy, Jongin. And instead of making sure of it and letting it happen, I'm smashing any chance because I want to be the only one that makes you happy."

     "You still make me happy-"

     "You don't have to try and reassure me. I'm trying to get used to it all. It's just I used to see you with Sehun skipping school, both of you laughing and smiling and I got so jealous that it was Sehun instead of me. I-" he stops, rubbing his face. "Nothing makes me happier, and nothing makes me sadder than you," Kyungsoo says, giving a small smile. "So let's just try out being friends. See if that maybe makes us better, okay?"

     Jongin wants to shake his head, but he can't find it in him and he hates it. Kyungsoo takes this as he time to leave.

a/n:

lol this chapter is nothing but angst and bull . all right, so for the longest time, i had no idea what i wanted the end pairing to be and i'm like ahh we're so far into this story and i don't even know how i'm going to end it and goddamn i'm bad at this. but now i know and i read a previous chapter which had an a/n saying that i needed to change the tags but that's before i knew how i wanted to end this. SO KAISOO SHIPPERS DON'T FEAR AND SEKAI SHIPPERS I'M SORRY BUT THIS STORY WAS BASICALLY JUST ONE BIG ANGSTY SEKAI. also, i'm really sorry if this makes anyone turn away from the story, but the main pairing was kaisoo and i had planned it to be kaisoo, but then i was like damn..sekai. BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO AND A LOT OF YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU DON'T CARE WHAT THE PAIRING IS ANYMORE, YOU JUST LIKE THE STORY AND I'M NOT SURE HOW YOU DO THAT BUT WHATEVER. i totally understand the pain of reading a story and then the pairing changing because once i was reading a jongkey and i was like wow, this is pretty good and thEN IT ENDED UP HETERO AND I'M LIKE WTF EVEN HAPPENED. LIKE...I WANTED TWO , NOT ONE. so i've rambled enough so i'm going to leave this here. 

thanks for reading this mess  and to all the commenters and subscribers and voters (i think that's what you're called...) :)

ah also, if you have a really good angsty song you like then share it with me. i've been looking for good angsty songs because i use them to write and i love sharing music