Paper Heart

"Why are you so afraid?"

Twenty-four years of living, and I still haven't answered this question. Countless people have asked me, inquired as to why I keep pushing away, keep denying, even though the signs are showing, even if the heavens agree. I have drifted so far away to those I care about. I have hurt more people than I am willing to. I told myself to try and try, but everytime I come to the top of that cliff, ready to risk myself in the freefall, somehow, I always, always take a step back, slowly, until eventually I run away from the edge and secure myself on plain ground. And they ask, I question myself: why? Why am I so afraid of falling in love?

Maybe it started when she walked away. The most important woman in my life. I thought, we'd be happy. We'd live as a whole family together forever. She'd braid my hair, tell me of stories, tease me about boys, go clothes shopping with me, be my best friend. Yet, she walked away. We were left hoping against hope that someday she would regret her decision and come back to us. But she didn't. She made my dad cry every night. She made my sister suffer. She broke my little heart.

Maybe it was when Jinhee passed away, My darling little prince. He was the first boy I liked, back when I was six. He was handsome, brave and so very kind. We talked a lot; he'd read me stories from his favorite books, and slowly I felt myself getting more and more attracted to him. He'd fight away those big ten year-old bullies for me. He made me laugh a lot. I thought I'd see the day when we would get married. But Jinhee had a weak body. His heart had failed him, and God took him away two years after we met. I don't think I've cried more tears than I had in my entire life.

Maybe it was when Shinjae cheated on me. My first boyfriend. He made my high school life a breeze. He liked what I liked, ate lunch with me, and made me laugh. He was the epitome of a perfect man. I didn't know perfect came with the ability to cheat. And I caught him. With my 'best friend', Ahyoung. It hurt like hell when he admitted that he was just using me. I felt like a useless piece of a person. He made me feel foolish, a pathetic girl who thought she'd have her fairytale ending in love. He didn't only break my heart, he degraded my self-esteem.

Maybe I realized that falling in love only led to pain all these times. And after all those, I decided to shut myself, to build walls around my heart so I wouldn't get hurt again. And so I went through life: I finished studying and worked, made sure I didn't miss any important birthdays or anniversaries, made very few friends who I could trust, supported my sister through her dark phases, and comforted my dad when he was lonely. I made myself happy, away from the excruciating pain of heartbreak. My heart was already fragile enough. It didn't need to be broken once more.

But here I am now, sitting in the cold, and being asked a question I dreaded answering.

"Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm afraid because I feel like I'm not worth being loved."

I hesitate, wait for any reaction, but they don't come.

"After all, the people I thought would stay with me forever, walked away, broke me, made me cold."

I look at the person sitting beside me, beautiful brown eyes staring back at me, labored breaths coming out in puffs. He moves closer to me and holds my cold hands. I give in to his touch and caress his, my heart pounding fast.

"Will you believe me if I say I will never leave you?" he asks.

"I don't know. What if you're the same as them?"

He breathes, and I brace myself.

"I know what it feels like to be broken. I understand how you feel," he starts. "I couldn't hurt you. I've got a paper heart as well."

He finishes with a small, sincere smile on his lips, and I know I've never seen a more beautiful sight. He leans closer to me, our faces almost touching.

"Will you take the risk with me, Yoona?"

I wish I knew where this relationship will go to, so I could prepare myself. But life always surprises you, never ceasing to take your breath away. Am I ready to commit myself? Maybe I'll never be, but I'm done hiding, done protecting, done pushing people away. If he's willing jump off the edge of the cliff, maybe I am, too.

"Yes, Kyuhyun."

It's time for me to be strong.

A/N: I am so sorry I've only updated this now. This fic is inspired by f(x)'s "Paper Heart", a song I really love. Even though this year had been a lot of frustration and pain, I still would want to end it with happy feelings, and thus this fic came to mind. I hope all of you enjoy this year-end fic. Thank you for reading, subscribing, commenting. I admire you all! Happy new year everyone!

P.S. To those waiting for me to update "Duty to Uphold," I might not be able to update it yet, since I will be busy next year. Just so you know, I'm graduating high school, so my schedule is hectic. Also, I don't know yet where I would want that story to go. So please bear with me for a while. Thank you.

KyuNa forever! ♥

-x- justchillin -x-