e i g h t e e n

"Yura-ah, how are you feeling?" My mother asks me from the door frame, seeing that I haven't moved from my childhood bed in past 7 days. Though it has been a week, the wounds feel fresh and painful as ever. I sniff and lower my head into my knees. My mother's weathered face frowns in sorrow and gently pads towards the bed. The mattress dips low from the new weight, and my bottom lip quivers. Her soft hands run over my face, my ears, and my hair. Her simple gestures brings me back to when I was a child, overwhelmed by nostalgia. Mother used to do this when I was a young child, and this familiar gesture makes my knotted heart relax a bit. "It'll be alright, sweetheart." She coos softly, afraid I will break. Normally, I would have been offended that she thinks of me as fragile, but I know myself, and I am right on the edge of another emotional breakdown.

I don't respond.

"The divorce papers are sent out. Your father and I hired the best lawyers, and the attorney has sworn to confidentially. You have nothing to worry about." My mother whispers and continues my tangled hair. "And no one will outcast the kids. My biggest business partners are the superintendents at the school. They've dealt with it."

My throat aches, and my eyes sting.

"Baby." Mother hushes and plucks tissues from a nearby box. She positions it near my face, but I curl deeper into a ball, tears flowing freely now. "What did I do to deserve this, umma?" I croak hoarsely, my gaze trains at hers.

My mother wipes away my tears gently, and softly smiles. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing, my beautiful daughter." I cry harder. "Then why is this happening?!"

"Sometimes bad things happen to good people, Yura-ah." She whispers, and leans to kiss my forehead. I fall back into the bed underneath me and I pull the covers over my head. Tears stream furiously from my eyes. I wish they would stop. But no matter how hard I wish, they still keep coming. My cries get louder and louder until I am no longer crying, but screaming.

In what seems like forever, my voice finally gives away and I stop. I weakly pull down the quilt and see my mother wincing from the loud volume. Her eyes prick with tears of her own. She quickly looks away, and swipes at her tears. Mother hands me a cup of water and a round pill. I don't know what this pill is, but I take it anyway. The water cup is emptied and the pill is swallowed.

My mother gently guides me back into bed, and tucks me in like I was 5 again. She leans down and kisses me on the cheek, whispering the words I love you. I feel woozy when she brushes the hair out of my eyes, and when I blink, she isn't there.

When I blink once more, the room has gone dark and fuzzy. I know what the pill is immediately. I submit the effects without a second thought. I fall into a deep slumber, savor the feeling of momentary peace, and dreading when the effects are gone and I am forced to wake up and deal with reality once more.

+ + +

When I wake up, my throat feels hoarse from screaming. I look at the clock near my bedside, and check the time. It is 2:18 am. The sleeping pill must have been quite a hit on my body, as I am a bit of a lightweight.

I slyly slip out of my covers, and tip toe to the kitchen. The floor boards make slight groans, but nothing loud or disruptive. The glass feels heavy in my hand as I pour a large amount of water into the vessel. I quickly chug it down before setting it into the sink gently. These late nights remind me of when I used to wait for Taehyung. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to remember his soft smiles and gentle touches but it never occurs to me. Out of pure curiosity or self pity, I slink into my parent's sleeping quarters and steal my phone off of their nightstand.

I settle into my room, and hike up my blankets to my chin. The screen brightness is harsh and glaring, set to the light of the sun. I hiss softly, and nimbly fix the brightness to a dim glow, no brighter than a flickering candle. My heart twists when I see Taehyung's grinning face in my home screen.

When was the last time I ever seen him happy? When was the last time I was happy? When was the last time we were both happy?

I quickly tap into the gallery of images to avoid the image, but a bittersweet swell fills my diaphragm, and gushes to my heart. There are so many photos of Taehyung, and my old life. I used to avidly talk to my friends. Do they even know that I have a second child now?

I let out a sigh, and flicker my eyes shut for a moment. How long has it been since I contacted my old university friends Sena, Sanghyun, or Changmi? How long has it been since I've talked to my best friend, Sohee?

Has this really been my life?

I scroll back to an old, old image of Taehyung and I. Our eyes are glittering with life, my skin is glowing with joy, we seem young and enjoyable. If I stare at the mirror, I wouldn't think that this woman in my phone looks like me at all.

I am finished with the photographs. I check my messages. There are 284 unread messages, and 407 missed calls. They are all from Taehyung.

+ + +

We need to talk.

Yura. Answer me.

Please. We need to talk

Just answer your phone and let me explain

Yura

Stop ignoring me

We really need to talk

Yura

Please

Give me a chance to explain

I'm serious

Answer

Don't do this, Yura

Please

Answer me

Yura

At least reply to me

Scream at me, be mad, you have every right to

Please answer me

We really need to talk

Just answer me dammit

Cmon

Are you serious

Please just hear me out

Yura

I'm begging you

Please

We need to talk

I owe you an explaination

+ + +

Soon after I finish the skimming through the messages, I view the missed calls. Majority of them have voice mails attached to them. The voice mails are much harder to listen to.

He's crying, sobbing, hiccuping in many. I hear them in many different places too.

When I hear him clearly, I imagine him laying in our once shared bed, crying in the cold silence of his home.

When his voice is thick and muffled, clouded by overlapping voices, I imagine him calling from a bar that he likes to frequent.

When his voice is accompanied by the rumbling engines, I imagine him pulled over on a high way, sobbing like I was during these past days.

When his voice is barely audible, echoey, and hoarse like mine, I imagine him sitting somewhere, quietly crying in the church that we were married in years ago.

I listen to as much voice mails I can, crying silently along side with him. I continue to savor his voice tickling my eardrums as if he were laying next to me.

However, everything must end whether it be good or bad.

The voice mails are all listened to.

Taehyung's voice disappears.

My phone battery dies. 

I eventually fall back asleep.

A/N:

H-hi guys. Long time no see...about six months, yeah? Just - sorry about that massive cliffhanger ha ha ha, amirite? I hope you all have been enjoying your summers <3 thank you all for your endless support and patience with this story. Our updates are usually quite short, and uh, rare? I think the better words would be untimely. I hope you all haven't grown bored, and continue supporting!

lots of love,

Kwon_Minyoung + 325270