Stab to the heart

A couple of days passed by and Luhan and I made sure to enjoy every moment that we spent together. I saved every little detail about him in my mind, and I couldn´t help but to wonder if he did the same when it came to me.

I took notice of how his hair always pointed in every possible direction when he woke up, making him look like a cute, groggy little angel. My angel.

How he always picked away the beans and corn from his meals when they were included (and how cutely he pouted every time I told him not to be picky with his food).

How he always moved away when my hand poked to hard on his ribcage. At first I thought he had another bruise there or something, but I soon realized... that Luhan was very very ticklish between his ribs. Of course. after I noticed I made sure to blackmail him into doing things way more than I should. You do remember the beans and corn don´t you?

And my all time favourite was of course his favourite positions.

(No, not those kind of positions you dirty minded people!)

His favourite cuddling positions.

He always acts like a baby koala every single time we cuddle, his head tucked underneath my chin and his arms and legs tangled around my waist. A perfect impression of a baby koala if you ask me. And if it wasn´t enough, the eyes and pout he uses every time he wants a hug is way too adorable for me to handle (not that I could ever deny him cuddles anyway).

And that is the exact position we are in right now.

Luhan was actually awake before me today, which is something rare in itself, and demanded morning cuddles. I had barely been awake for 30 seconds, but somehow I still managed to move the covers aside to let him slide in next to me. It didn´t take long before we were in our default "baby-koala hanging onto a tree" position, with me mindlessly his hair and him huffing small puffs of hot air into the crook of my neck.

"Xiumin..."

"What is it Lulu"

´Lulu´ was the nickname I used the most when talking to Luhan. At first he had been really embarrassed about it, but the smile he had when I called him by it told me that it was a good kind of embarrassment.

"Are you scared? Of undergoing surgery again?"

"Nah, not really. I mean, they did well the first time, saved my life actually, so I think they can do good again. I trust the doctors I guess"

Tomorrow I was going to receive my second round of surgery, and hopefully the last round as well.

It´s not really anything life-threatening this time around so I don´t feel that scared. I actually think Luhan is more nervous about it than I am.

"You promise that you won´t die right? You promised you´d always be by my side, so you´ll have to keep that promise forever"

Oh my god, how can he be so adorable.

"Silly you" I said while ruffling his hair, before planting a kiss on top of it. "I´m not going anywhere so don´t worry too much okay?"

"I´ll try"

Easier said than done I guess.

The next day when I was about to be wheeled away Luhan wouldn´t stop crying. No matter how much the doctors tried to calm him, saying that it was nothing serious and that I´d be back soon, he wouldn´t listen. In the end, I wheeled myself in front of him, cupping his face between my hands.

"Lulu I told you many times didn´t I? I´m not going anywhere right? In a couple of hours I´ll be back and we can cuddle together again. So be a good boy and wait for me here alright? Don´t work yourself up too much, or I´ll be worried".

His tears continued to fall, but he was silent at least.

"Y-you promise you´ll c-come back s-s-soon right?"

"Yes baby I will. I´ll be back before you know it"

I wheeled myself over to his bed, taking the teddy bear he loves so much and putting it onto his lap.

"Here. Hug him and wait for me alright? Since you started to cuddle with me he´s been quite lonely right? Spend some quality time with him okay?"

I felt a little bit like I was talking to a small child, but I knew that Luhan needed it. I was rewarded for my actions as well when he gave me a small smile through the never-stopping tears.

But as I was falling asleep, being wheeled down the corridor, the sound of small muffled sobs still caught my ears.

-------------------------------------------------Later that evening----------------------------------------------------

I feel like I told you about many of my "waking-up" experiences so far, and it looks like I´ll have to tell you about another one.

Waking up wasn´t exactly pleasant this time. There was a dull pain aching around my chest and stomach area, and I was sporting a minor head-ache.

But what really got me alert was the feeling that something was terribly wrong. Like something was missing.

Why wasn´t Luhan by my side already?

I sat up slowly, careful not to move the bandages surrounding my stomach (and I couldn´t help but wish that it was Luhan´s arms around my stomach instead), and looked straight ahead towards Luhan´s bed.

Only to realize that Luhan wasn´t there.

I quickly went into panic-mode, pressing the button to alert the nurses as fast as I could.

It didn´t take long before a nurse came in, wearing a gentle smile on her face.

"Where is Luhan? Has something happened? Where is he?!"

"Please calm down sir. I´m sorry to tell you that Luhan is undergoing surgery right now"

I thought my heart was going to stop right there.

"S-surgery? What for?"

"It seems like a visitor of Luhan attacked him during visit-hours. He was about to stab him when a nurse came in and tried to stop him. Unfortunately, he was still able to stab Luhan in the side"

I could only look at her with fear in my eyes. Was my dear Luhan...dead?

She must have known what I was thinking because then she continued.

"Fortunately, he missed all of Luhans organs and critical nerves. The wound wasn´t that big either, so he´ll be as good as new in no time".

I breathed out a sigh of relief, and she took that as a sign to leave. But before she was able to, I called her back.

"Wait! Was the attacker caught?"

"Unfortunately he wasn´t. But we got a good look at him, and he was caught by the security-cameras as well. We were also able to get a DNA-sample from the knife he was holding, which is being analyzed as we speak. I believe that the police will have all recourses necessary in order to catch him".

"Thank you very much. I hope they will".

And with that said, she left the room.

The hours ticked by slowly, but oh the joy when Luhan was wheeled in by a nurse in the middle of the night, looking pale as a sheet but very much alive. I hugged the living daylight out of him, careful to avoid both his and my own wound. The last thing I wanted was to put him through more pain.

When we finally parted, he moved his hand to my cheek.

"How was the surgery? Does it hurt?"

Luhan. My sweet caring Luhan. Always putting my needs before his own.

"Yah. How can you ask that after what you´ve gone through? I should be the one to ask you how you are".

From the corner of my eye I could see how his free hand unconsciously moved down towards the bandages surrounding his torso. His eyes were slowly filling up with fresh tears, and when he looked up at me again he was already crying.

"Xiumin... It-it was him".

I swear that my blood froze in that moment. Not second later did it boil with anger instead.

I brought him into my embrace, feeling him shake like a leaf in my arms and I felt so many things at once. Sadness for the horrible things that Luhan had to go through, confusion to why the guy was even here in the first place and most of all, deep red rage.

"He came back for me Xiumin. He found me again and he won´t leave me alone. He won´t stop until I´m dead"

"Luhan..."

For hours Luhan wouldn´t stop shaking. He stopped crying when he had no tears left, but small sniffling sounds still bubbled in his throat. All this time I held him close and when morning came around we were both exhausted. Luhan finally fell asleep when the sun began to rise, and I was quick to follow him to dreamland.

I was woken up several times during the night because right now, monsters with a faces identical to Suho´s have invaded Luhan´s dreamland, chasing away all the unicorns, teddy bears and warmth from cuddles.

Even though I knew that Luhan was safe and I should feel calm and happy, there was something in the back of my mind that I still hadn´t got the answer to.

Was Suho the man/cousin who Luhan two years ago? the same man who came to stab him the exact moment I was gone? Of course Suho (as well as all of my other friends) knew when I was going to undergo my surgery, but could it really have been him?

Of course I didn´t want that theory to be true, but if I wanted to protect Luhan I had better to be safe than sorry. That´s why I decided to finally ask Luhan about it.

"Luhan... I want to ask you something, is that alright?"

"Yes Xiumin what is it?"

"I just wanted to know if Suho, my friend who came to visit you with Chanyeol and the others, is the same man who did all of this to you..."

He looked at me with his big doe-eyes for a moment, before a small, sad smile spread across his face.

"No Xiumin they are not the same man. I felt really bad after I had scared your friends and obviously you like that, but I never got the chance to tell you that it was all caused by panic. Yes, my cousin does look a lot like your friend Suho, but I can tell the difference. Plus, my cousin has a much bigger build than Suho and shorter hair. There is no doubt that the man who came to kill me is my cousin and not Suho".

The wave of relief that washed over me felt incredible. It was like a mountain-sized burden had been lifted from my shoulders just like that. I let myself enjoy the new feeling for a couple of moments before turning back to the angel by my side, only to realize that my little angels attention was caught by something else.

Luhan looked so sad all of a sudden and I couldn´t figure out what had pulled the trigger, before my eyes followed his gaze and spotted his teddy bear on the floor, hidden under the bedside-table.

It was torn over the stomach and even though I know better than to really believe that stuffed animals have feelings, it looked quite sad and I felt sorry for it.

With heavy steps Luhan walked over to it and carefully pulled it out from under the small table. He looked absolutely devastated and I knew I had to do something before another water-work set off. (As you may have realized by now, Luhan is a VERY sensitive person and a fragile child at heart)

Searching through my bag I found what I was looking for. A small sewing-kit which had been sent to me as a "get-well-soon" present by my grandmother. My poor grandmother still liked to believe that I had as a big of a passion for sewing as she had, and she always gave me gifts related to her burning passion. Never in a million years did I think that I´d actually use it.

Taking out a needle, some pink thread (yes, it had to be pink) and a small piece of fabric with small hears and flowers all over it I made my way over to the already tearing up Luhan.

Gently prying his fingers away from his beloved teddy bear I took it into my lap before beginning the "surgery". After sewing the torn part together a bit clumsily I cut the fabric into a heart-shape before sewing it on as well. When I was done I took a second to admire my work before giving it back to Luhan with a gentle smile.

"See? As good as new",

He just hugged the teddy bear to his chest even tighter, before looking up at me, smiling that adorable smile I loved so much. Putting the teddy bear back on his own bed (which has been abandoned for the quite some time now) he the proceeded to give me a tight hug.

"Thank you Xiumin. I love you".

"Haha can you get any more adorable? It´s just a teddy bear for heavens 'sake"

"But you gave it to me so it´s very special. Plus, teddy bears have feelings too".

He pouted in such an adorable way that I couldn´t help but to smile at him.

"If you say so Luhan, if you say so".

Later that night we were in our default cuddling-position once again, this time with the teddy bear tucked between us.

Luhan was breathing warm air down my neck, making adorable mumbling noises in his sleep. And in moments like these I always think about how lucky I am to have him in my life. How blessed I am to have this wonderful baby-faced angel in my life. And how happy and grateful I am that he´s still alive and breathing next to me.

But it also has me a bit worried. We are as safe as we can be right now inside the walls of the hospital, but what will happen when we´re released?

Luhan has already told me that because of his parents' death his apartment had been taken from him, as it was written in their name. He had no idea where to go, and I was already planning on surprising him with an invitation to my apartment.

But the thing that worried me the most was this cousin of his. We were safe in the hospital, but would we be safe when we got out?

Would Luhan be safe in my care?