* Saturday June 6, 2015 2NE1 Dormitory*

- Jonghyun’s POV –

I am trying to rest in 2NE1’s sofa with my head on Chaerin-ah’s lap while the rest of the members are watching the replay of Roommate. Believe me or not, I am not dating anyone amongst 2NE1 members or anyone at the moment. I am just so close with the 2NE1 members that they don’t mind these kind of actions. I mean I’ve seen them vomit when they got drunk (the time we celebrated each of their birthdays), took care of them when all of them got sick (all of them got a flu and stomach ache. Those 4 gave me quite a tough day), have their parent’s contact number. Even YG Hyung has me in his contacts because he said “You’re like their father, their brother, their bestfriend. I can even let them be under your care. That’s how much I trust you Jonghyun-ah.”

“Oppa you look dead tired,” Minkki said.

“I was just at New York yesterday, and I was in Paris the other day. Then the day before that, I was in Prague,” I whispered, fatigue evident in my voice. “Thank God I have a free day today.”

“You better sleep already oppa. You should take advantage of today, you should sleep more,” Chaerin-ah said. I just mummed my agreement, too tired to talk.

Oh annyeong yeorubeun. It has been long hasn’t it? It has been a year since I have spoken like this. Just to tell you, I am not the Lee Jonghyun last year. I have changed, changed dramatically, changed physically and mentally that even my mother got shock at my transformation. I know what you are going to ask, did I change for the worse or for the better? I’ll tell you who I became and my story and you be the judge.

I am Lee Jonghyun, CNBlue’s Lead Guitarist, Korea’s Hallyu Representative, Korea’s Playboy and Heart-Breaker. I am also an Oscar Award winner, WMA winner, and although I am still uncomfortable with this title, World’s iest Man of 2015. How did I get these titles? Even I don’t believe the happenings that just happened in a short span of time.

How long has it been? More than a year? Huh, it has been more than a year since that day. Things have drastically changed, moments spurred in the blink of an eye. Days, Weeks, Months have passed without me knowing. With my hectic and busy schedule I rarely have this moment of rest. It’s quite a miracle that I have a day off. Every hour, every minute and every second has a slot for an activity. I envy my 3 other members, at least they are carefree and full of comfort while I’m filled with stress and fatigue. I wondered how I find time to eat, sleep or rest.

It all started a week after that day. A week spent in moping, drinking, crying, shouting; basically wasting my life away. But that week was bearable; Taeyeon noona was there for me. She listened to every word I said, bore through every sob I had, hugged me when suicidal thoughts passed through my mind. She made me see what I am doing to myself: I was slowly wasting my life, killing myself. That was why after a week I called my members and her to a meeting.

After they got settled in the dining room, they just sat there quietly waiting patiently for me to start talking.

“How did you guys do it?” I whispered as I looked at the table grabbing a fistful of my hair trying to prevent an image of her to pop in my head.

“Do what hyung?” Minhyuk asked.

“Recover from this living hell?” I whispered.

Yonghwa hyung sighed and said, “So you made your choice to forget Yoon-“

“Don’t say her name! Please,” I begged. “If you don’t want to see me die please don’t say her name. It’s like a dagger piercing my heart at every thought, at every mention of her name.”

Yonghwa hyung sighed again and said, “Arasseo We’ll help you recover from this.”

“Hyung just find another woma-“ Jungshin started but at the mention of that I looked wait, I glared at him menacingly.

“I have no time for any more love business.” I said through gritted teeth. Jungshin immediately shut up.

“How about working out? You know, body building. It might just help you redirect the pain in your heart to your body. I heard it works,” Minyuk said. Hm Bodybuilding huh, not a bad idea.

“Or just write a song about it. You can let out all you want, every buried emotions and words left unsaid through a song,” Yonghwa hyung said. It might break my heart but the hell. If it works I’m willing to try it out.

“What about you noona?” I asked.

“Me? What about me?” She asked.

“What did you do when you want to recover?” I asked her.

“I had you remember?” she rolled her eyes and I chuckled lightly. The members got a shock which I paid no attention to.

“Of course but seriously any advice?” I asked.

“Just meet with your friends regularly. You know, I think you have been neglecting your friends. When was the last time you met with KyuLine?” She asked me.

“The day before the scandal,” I whispered. Noona was right. I have been neglecting my other friends.

“See? I’ll accompany you tomorrow to see Kyuhyun oppa,” Taeyeon noona said.

“Wouldn’t you be busy noona tomorrow?” I asked.

“Isn’t this like déjà vu?” she laughed. “I asked the same thing when you asked to meet me before.”

I laughed along with her while my members are looking at the both of us confusedly.

“How did you two become so close?” Jungshin asked.

“ out Jungshin-ah, that’s for me and Jonghyun-ah only,” she said and the two of us laughed while the rest shook their heads at our abnormality. Somehow, I’m feeling better. Is that progress?

So the next day the both of us met with Kyuline members. It was unexpectedly expected situation if you what I mean. I expected them to miss me but not beat me up on the spot then jump on me while saying their complaints.

“Who are you and where is Jonghyun?”

“I should kill you right now for ignoring us like this?”

“Yahh when are you going to start playing with me again?”

“I hate you, just kidding. I love you pabo-yah.”

They sound like jealous little girls and it was my fault so during the hangout, I spent most of it apologizing and them slapping or hitting me as they said, “stop apologizing, it’s sickening.” Then the rest of the time was spent on catching up and playing video games (courtesy of Kyuhyun hyung). Taeyeon noona just shook her head in embarrassment and keep on sighing and mumbling, “Boys.” As much as possible I kept the real reason why I went MIA on them until Changmin hyung talked about it.

“Jonghyun I’m sorry about what happened with Yoona,” he asked.

I was munching some chips when I heard him asked and I froze. Literally froze. Her image popped in my head and the pain re-enacted again in my heart. I was burdened with her presence in my mind along with the weight of the topic.  All eyes were on me waiting for me to respond when, “Yahh how can you talk about that with my patient. No personal topics,” Taeyeon noona shouted and smacked Changmin hyung’s head. She managed to divert the topic off me and it brought a light mood in the room. I shot her a grateful smile to which she winked back.

The day after that I went out alone. That night, I dreamt of Yoona and it was a nightmare. I hate you! I never want to see your face ever again! I hate you! Those words echoed in my head until I woke up drenched in sweat and I cried. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. I sat in my bed, mentally torturing myself with the memories of that night. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

This couldn’t go on. So with a heavy heart and baggy eyes, I took some clothes and went out without informing the other members. It was already around 6 AM and I fervently hoped that the person I’m going to visit is already at his home ground. It was time for me to test out Minhyuk’s advice, maybe it does work, maybe it doesn’t, we’ll see. I dialed his number and after 2 rings he answered.

Yeobusaeyeo?

“Oh Jongkook Hyung, naya, CNBlue’s Jonghyun.” I said as I was driving around.

Oh Jonghyun-ah! This is too early!

“Oh mianhe hyung, did I disturb you hyung?”

Ani I’m about to go to the gym. Why did you call me?

”Oh about that, I have a favor to ask.”

Which is?

“Can you be like my trainer hyung? I don’t know who else could teach me how to work out properly.”

Yahh I’ve been telling you to exercise frequently and this is the first time you’re  asking me to help you work out. Palli come here in my gym I’ll help you.

“Komawo hyung.”

Being on Running Man a few times, I’ve became friends with the cast just like Yonghwa hyung have. Jongkook hyung seeing my thin appearance always persuaded me to eat properly ad exercise regularly.  I would always laugh it off and reply, “Eyy hyung I’m fine.”

I arrived 5 minutes later as I was already on my way to the gym before I called hyung. Jongkook hyung was alone at the gym. It would seem that he always open the gym (even though it wasn’t his but I think he secretly wish he did).  He greeted me roughly, and we started immediately on my program which he bluntly said, “You’re going to do my program. No excuses.” After the workout schedule my body felt like butter and he gave me a list of what to eat and what not to eat with some advices. My body felt like I was being burned alive but you know the funny thing, during exercising, with the constant counting of every pump, I managed to remove her from my mind. It made my mind clear. It worked and I promised to go back the tomorrow.

This went on for a week and I could really see that Hyung’s nickname “Sparta” really fit him. That hellish training exercise was painful, draining, and tiring. But I loved it. I love it because I was so tired I couldn’t think, I couldn’t think about anything including her. That is until we won our trophy in MuBank March 28, 2014. I guess everyone was happy that we won and I tried hard to express my happiness but all I could manage was to smile, not shout or dance or what like I used to do, because she’s behind me. I couldn’t deny the temptation to look behind me was present but I fought not until I had to bow to the people who are congratulating us for the win. Was it fate that the first person I saw was her? Or did I just unconsciously look for her. I don’t know but our eyes met and it was enough to break my heart all over again. She was smiling, I wasn’t. At least she was happy. She held her part of the bargain. We both held the stare until someone grabbed me and I was forced to break the stare. Thank you G.O sunbae then Taeyeon noona touched my arm. I looked at her and she smiled softly which I returned. It comforted me a bit but SHE was already present in my mind. I couldn’t shook it off.

I was silent throughout the ride home while my members and manager were chatting happily about the win.

“Jonghyun-ah! You’re going to our party to celebrate our win, arasseo?” Yonghwa hyung said.

“I-“ but before I could answer my phone vibrated and I open my phone.

Taeyeon noona – Sent at 5:42 PM

Are you going to the party? We’ll be there, all of us.

All of us? T-that meant her too right? I-I can’t, not yet. I can’t meet her yet. I replied to noona that I can’t and I apologized for my absence.

“Hyung, I-I’m tired. I want to rest.” I lied to Yonghwa hyung but I could see understanding in his eyes. He sighed and said, “Arasseo. Rest well.”

They dropped me at my dorm and even though I was alone, I locked myself in my room. I just laid in my bed staring at the ceiling while fighting the tears that want to fall.

Yoona. Im Yoona. Yoona. Im Yoona.

That was all I could think of, why is that? Can’t I just think of anything else?  Can’t I just get over her? Why are you still on my mind? Why do you still have an effect on me? Why-

My phone rang and I looked at the screen and it shows that Jongkook is calling me. I answered the call and said, “Yeobusaeyo hyung?”

Oh Jonghyun-ah, what happened to your voice?

“Ani hyung it’s nothing.”

Oh kure? I’m calling for your workout. Are you coming?

“H-hyung I’m tired.”

Hmm Jonghyun-ah, I wasn’t born yesterday. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out you have a problem. Come meet me, don’t worry we won’t go to the gym. You know sometimes talking helps. And I won’t take no for an answer or else I’ll go there and drag you here.

“A-arasseo hyung. I’m on my way.”

I grudgingly grabbed my keys and my jacket and drove to the gym. Hyung was outside and he got in.

“Hyung where are we going?”

“Bar.”

I looked at him incredulously. Jongkook hyung and alcohol never match. In his list of forbidden items to eat, alcohol was in caps at the top. But nonetheless I obeyed and I drove to the nearest bar I know (I guess drinking for 3 straight months, I knew most of the bars and they know me. My reputation was a red alert on almost all of them). As we entered, the bartender was wary of me a bit that Jongkook hyung was shaking his head lightly in amusement.

As we ordered our drinks, hyung said, “You can tell me anything Jonghyun-ah.”

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I just looked at him dumbfounded. I sighed and downed my drink.

“Hyug i-it’s still too painful to talk about,” I replied.

“Gwenchana. Sorry I asked,” he said while he pat my back. “Is your problem why you wanted to work out so suddenly?”

“N-ne hyung. I-it helps me forget her,” I said.

“Oh it’s about a girl huh,” he chuckled. Curse my mouth. Such a blabbermouth. Aish, I freaking slipped.

I sighed and nodded. No point of denying it already.

"Can you tell me what happaned?"

I was undecided whether to tell hyung or not but he looked at me, full of concern. I started talking about it, but I couldn't say her name. I still can't utter her name. It still brought me pain and I could see hyung understood my pain. His eyes reflected the pain I'm expressing. After I finished, he surprised me by downing his drink and replied to my story.

"Jonghyun-ah, at least you have held her hand, be with her. At least you have called her yours, even for a moment. Dwell on those times you were happy together, not on the worse times. Because I see you are too focused on the time you got hurt."

"H-how do I do that hyung when all I could think was her saying she hates me," I said.

"Do whatever you two were doing when everything was fine. It helps you remember those time."

"I-I can't.. I uh I don't think I can do that hyung. It's too painful."

"Then focus on your similarities. At least it is what you do that doesn't hurt enough but reminds you of her," he paused and gulped a mouthful of his drink before he continued, "Do you know why I have been working out non-stop? B-because it's the only way for me to have like a connection with her. Because we were called the strongest couple. I have been working out way before I met her but till now, whenever I work out, all I could think of is her, waiting when she will come. Till now."

"H-hyung it can't be Eun Hye sunbaenim right?"

He chuckled and said, "That's right. Yoon Eun Hye. We had fun times but not anymore. But I'm keeping my hopes up till the day she tells me to stop or she comes to me."

Those words stuck on me that night. As I went home I thought that maybe I shouldn't be self-centered. There are also a lot of people suffering like me but they are optimistic about it. Come to think about it, I'm lucky. I held her hand, I was with her, and I was able to call her mine. She was mine.

You were once mine.

You were once mine.

When I said that, it was like an inspiration. The gears in my head started turning and working like a well-greased machine. Jongkook hyung said do something that connects us and the only thing I could think of was our jobs, we were in the same industry. I would do something for her and bury her deep within myself as a memory, a memory that shines of sunlight and happiness. I decided to take up Yonghwa Hyung's advice.

When I got home, it was still empty. They were still at the party and I was alone at home. It was just perfect, no one would disturb me. I threw my phone on my bed that had been blinking and vibrating for quite a while but I disregarded it on my bed. No one is going to disturb me now, not when my head is full of lyrics and rhythm.

You were once mine.

That was the motive and the title of the song. I spent the night and the majority of the morning writing and composing the song. No one disturb me except when I heard my members come home at around 1am and they knocked on the door but I didn't bother opening it up. I was too focused on writing the song.

After a grueling 6 hours of composing the song, I didn’t notice that I slept in front of my computer and a phone call woke me up from my slumber. I jolted up and felt the ache on my back as I stretched my limbs to loosen up. I look at the clock and it said 1 pm. Before I answered the call, the ringing ended. I sighed and looked at the person who miscalled me. It was Bom noona. I quickly called her back and it didn’t even take a second for her to answer.

JONGHYUN-AH!!

“Ouch! Noona talk softly,” I almost shouted right back at the phone as I cringed away from the phone.

Mianhe Jonghyun-ah!

“Gwenchana noona. So what’s up noona?”

It’s my belated birthday party! Ppalli Come! Bring anyone who wants to come!!

I still felt like not going but I was reminded again by my selfishness by Jongkook hyung and Taeyeon noona, speaking of which, maybe I should invite her. “Arasseo noona, I’ll bring a friend.”

As long as it’s not your Girlfriend, I’m fine with any! *Laugh* Just kidding. Bring her if you want.

“Aniya noona, I told you I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m on my way with my friend,” I said then quickly hung up before she could ask any more questions.

For a month, I’ve been quite busy, Spartan exercise everyday under the supervision of Jongkook hyung, meeting up with my members, friends, KyuLine, 2NE1, schedule and most important of them all was my Psychiatrist Session I have with Taeyeon noona. It was funny actually, I used to do it for her, and now the tables have turned. She’s the one that brings bubble tea because she noticed I laugh at her kiddish remarks and excitement on the drink. I couldn’t argue with that though, she’s too dorky and I couldn’t help but laugh. Yes that one month I was busy that I couldn’t properly produce the song, although I felt that it was lacking something that I couldn’t pinpoint on. It wasn’t until our Ssajangnim, FNC CEO, Han Seung Ho visited me suddenly in my studio.

I was putting an all-nighter on the song, figuring out what was lacking. I had my legs up on the table with the song blasting throughout the room. I sighed for the umpteenth time, scratching my head, irritated that I couldn’t figure it out. Suddenly a knock came from the door and I automatically said, “Come in.”

“Jonghyun-ah,” HSH Ssajangnim said.

I got surprised and I immediately stood up and bowed, “Annyeonghasaeyo ssajangnim.”

“Jonghyun-ah what are you still doing here? It’s already 1am,” he said as he sat down on the sofa while he gestured me to sit on my chair.

“Oh just finishing on a song I wrote Ssajangnim.”

“Play it, I want to hear it,” he said and I did. For the duration of the song, I stared at him discerning his reaction and response to the song. He bowed his head listening intently on the song without saying anything or moving at all. At the end of the song he looked up and I got shocked. His eyes were watery.

“Ss-ssajangnim?!” I got alarmed and I rushed to his side. He stopped me by standing up and hugging me.

“Is this what you felt Jonghyun-ah? I have been noted on your behavior for the last 3 months you know. I could not help but put the blame on me. When I forced your manager to tell me what you were doing, how you were wasting your life bit by bit, I couldn’t help but put the blame on me. You know why? Because I allowed your relationship with Yoona-ssi. I wished that I stood against your relationship that time you two asked for my blessing. But I didn’t, I saw how she made you happy. I got blinded by that and for that I am so sorry,” he said as he released his hug from me.

“An-aniyo ssajangnim, it wasn’t your fault. It was my, um, it was my choice. It was my fault and I was irresponsible and immature on how I tried to deal with it. I am sorry for my actions,” I sincerely said and I bowed on the ground.

“Get up Jonghyun-ah. That’s enough of that, I am just happy that you’re on the mend. You are on the mend right Jonghyun-ah?” he said.

I-I am on the mend right? How do I heal up from this heartbreak? Am I really healing up? How does one recover from losing the love of his life? Yoona will always be the love of my life – wait did I just say her name? I could say her name without getting hurt?!  Jjinjja?! It made me smile. I am improving after all. I replied, “Ne ssajangnim, I guess I am on the mend.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said as he stood up. He reached for the door, but he stopped halfway and said, “Oh when you finish your song, we’ll release it to the public as a single, and your fans would love that. Oh and I think it’s better for it to be a duet. Choose someone arasseo? I don’t care who, just choose the perfect girl to sing.” With that, he left me alone thinking about what he said. A duet huh, it might just be the thing missing.

For next week, I divided the song to the suitable parts for me and the girl whoever she maybe. And I too also started testing the girls we have here in FNC. Junhee’s voice didn’t match, too high pitch as do the AOA girls. I was at wits-end trying to find the girl that I even considered having one of the 2NE1 girls to sing with me. Bom noona and Dara noona didn’t match too as their voice were too high for the song. Minkki and Chaerin’s voices were husky and more suitable to rap or techno kind of songs. Like last week I had my feet propped up on my table while massaging my temples trying to think of who should I ask to sing with me.

My phone rang and I tiredly answered and asked, “Yeobusaeyeo?”

Jonghyun-ah it’s me. Time for your Session kekeke.

“Oh Taeyeon noona. Can I skip today? I have a song that I want to finish and it’s giving me a headache,” I said.

Ahh kure? You need any help with the song?

“Sure why not? Although this would be the first time you entered our company,” I said, still massaging my temples. God this headache is killing me.

There’s always a first time for everything right?

I laughed and said, “I’ll make some calls so that you  can come in without any trouble. See you in a bit.”

Arasseo, I’ll be there in a few. Jonghyun-ah you’re going to owe me for this.

I chuckled and said, “Arasseo noona. Oh and noona bring a few snacks.”

With that I hung up and called the security to let Taeyeon of SNSD in as I am vouching for her. Also I asked permission from HSH Ssajangnim which he laughed it off as he said, “Jonghyun-ah you don’t have to ask me for permission. You’re quite free to invite anyone over.”

Within 30 minutes, noona arrived knocking on my door and I graciously allowed her to enter in my safe haven.

“Oh so this is how your studio looks like. Quite different from ours but it looks comfy,” she said. She put the snacks on my table and propped herself on the sofa, removed her shoes off and pulled her feet underneath her.

“Noona you act like this is your house huh,” I said as I laughed at her reaction. She threw the sofa’s pillow at my face and said, “Shut up, I’m marking my territory here in this sofa. This belongs to me now.”

“Arasseo the sofa is yours, now help me with my song,” I said as I opened a bag of chips.

“Arasseo, play it for me,” she said as she completely lay down on the sofa, making herself really comfortable in my sofa, wait HER sofa.

I played the song and gazed at her reactions. She covered her eyes with his arm and I couldn’t perceive what she thought about it. Was it good? Was it bad? Did she hate it? Normally she would be jumping up and down praising a song she likes, like the case of Sleepless Night. The first time I played for her the song somewhere during its early stages, she said it had a peaceful yet sorrowful ambiance in it. She really did like it. But now, she’s motionless with her arm covering her expression and thoughts.

After the song ended, she lay motionless in her sofa and I waited for her reply. There was none. I guess it was really bad, wasn’t it. I sighed and looked at the screen thinking of how to make it better until noona hugged me from behind. It shocked me and said, “N-noona! Wh- are you crying?” I got alarmed as I could hear her sobs behind my back as she hug me from behind.

“Jonghyun-ah, this is how you felt? Th-the song. It clearly showed it. Your love, your pain, your sacrifice. It was all there,” she said as she let go of me. I turned around to look at her and she was wiping her tears and she smiled at me, “It’s really a good song, jjinjjaro. Jonghyun Jjang!”

I was speechless. Was it too obvious? I poured everything I felt in this song. It reflects what I felt, what I’m still feeling.

“Come on, I’ll help you record the female part. It does have a female part right? It sounds better with a duet right?” she said as she pushed me off my seat and sat on it, studying the lyrics already. I chuckled, this might work after all.

Hours passed by, hours spent in my studio, her recording, me recording, fixing the tempo, perfecting the harmony, recording the guitar parts. We didn’t notice the time we spent until HSH Ssajangnim opened the door suddenly. We jumped and looked at the door.

“Omo, why are you still here  Jonghyun-ah? Oh you’re also here Taeyeon-ssi?” HSH Ssajangnim said.

“Annyeonghasaeyeo, SNSD’s Taeyeon imnida,” Taeyeon got up from her sofa and bowed.

“Annyeonghasaeyo. Jonghyun-ah, she’s the girl you want?”

“DE?!” Taeyeon exclaimed. She looked at me with wide eyes, shocked at what Ssajangnim said. I laughed and said, “Ne ssajangnim. She fits perfectly for the song and I want her to sing it with me. Is that okay sir?” Noona’s expression dramatically changed to embarrassment and she chuckled lightly.

He smiled and said, “It’s very fine. I’m gonna have to arrange some meetings with SM to push this through-“

“Aniyo sir, let me do it. It’s my song, I want to do it sir,” I said.

“Arasseo, I’ll trust you with this Jonghyun-ah. If you need help you know my phone number. And I think you should head home. Its 2 AM already. I’ll see you around Jonghyun-ah, Taeyeon-ssi.” With that he left after saying his goodbyes.

“Jonghyun-ah, do you need help talking with Kin Young Min Ssajangnim?” Noona said as she propped herself back to her sofa. She looked at me full of concern.

“Ne noona. I’ll be fine,” I said and I smiled as reassurance.

The next day, I wore full formal attire, tie and black shoes, quite strange actually. You would think that I would have gotten used to wearing suits but in reality I love my jeans and sneakers. Wearing a suit, a well-tailored and fitted suit, irks me. But I have to do wear this. I want a lot of people, my fans, the public, to hear my song.

As I got out of my room, Yonghwa hyung passed by and got a shock, “J-jonghyun-ah?! Is that you?”

“Ne hyung. Wae?”

“N-nothing. Y-you’re wearing a suit. W-where are you going?” he said as he scanned me up and down. Under his appraising eyes which got me self-conscious, I replied, “SME hyung.”

“BWO?!”

“Eii hyung, I’ll be late. I’ll tell you later or you can ask HSH Ssajangnim. I already have his support. I’m going,” I said as I wore my black leather shoes and left hyung dumbfounded.

30 minutes later I’m already being directed to Kim Young Min-ssi’s office. I’m nervous and sweating as I was being led to his office.  Was really that the cause of my nervousness? Probably not because the fantasies in my head made me dread that I will see her, Yoona. That increase the intensity of my nervousness as I was allowed to enter the room.

“Annyeonhasaeyo, CNBlue’s Jonghyun imnida,” I automatically said and bowed.

KYM-ssi just laughed and said, “Haven’t we met before Jonghyun-ssi.” He asked me to sit while I pondered his words. The last time we met, I ask for our relationship to be approved with LSM Ssajangnim here. I sighed as I sat down and waited for him to speak.

“So Jonghyun-ssi what are you here for?” he calmly said. I am sure if he is trying to bring a calm atmosphere but it doesn’t affect me at all. I am at my wit’s end.

“I am not sure if you have talked to Taeyeon-ssi but I am here to request to have a song produced that include her to sing in the song I composed,” I said slowly trying to make each words reflect a confidence I do not possess. He got shocked signifying that noona accepted my plea to let me handle this.

“Jonghyun-ssi, I am not sure about this. This could put you into scandals and dating rumors with Taeyeon-ssi. Also assuming that I allow this, we have to argue which company is covering the cost for advertisement, production of the song, maybe the cost of a music video production and so on and so forth. A lot of things are tied into this Jonghyun-ssi. Are you prepared for that?” he said seriously. I gulped inaudibly but I would not lose.

“Sir all I ever wanted was to let people hear this song. Just this one song. I couldn’t wait for our comeback that even I do not know the date. I have the support of our company sir, HSH Ssajangnim told me himself yesterday. And sir, in this industry, scandals come and go. All artists are well-aware of that. I am aware of the possibility of that,” I replied.

He seemed to ponder about what I said and after a while he said, “Let me think this through. I will have to talk to HSH-ssi about this. Although I am curious about the song, may I hear it please if you have a copy?”

Good thing I already thought about bringing a sample and I put it in my phone. I nodded and started playing the song through my phone. I stared at his reaction and like HSH and Taeyeon noona, he bowed his head hindering me from deciphering his expression, his thoughts about the song. When the song ended he looked up at me and what I saw confused me and shocked me. Was it guilt? Sadness? Sorrow? Pity? Or a mixture of all?

“Jonghyun-ssi, I… I um I have to ask your forgiveness,” he carefully started. “We should have notified you on, um, on Yoona’s relationship with Seunggi-ssi when we knew you had a relation-“

“Please stop, please,” I begged him. My heart is cracking and breaking. I do not want to think about it. It’s still painful, I am on the mend but I have not moved on from this.

“M-mianhe Jonghyun-ssi,” he sighed and said, “Alright, SM Ent will have your support with the production and cost with the song. Taeyeon-ssi will have my permission to go with this. I will consult with HSH-ssi with the cost and the sharing of the profit. Take this as my apology to you Jonghyun-ssi. The song - the song is heartbreaking. I am ashamed that I am one of the people who put you through this.”

“Aniyo, all the blame is on me. I chose this,” I sincerely said. “Thank you again for granting my plea.”

With that I hurriedly took my leave and went out and rush to the toilet. I washed my face with cold water to cool down my emotions. So Yoona did ask for KYM-ssi’s permis- ani Jonghyun. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it anymore. It won’t do any good but pain and suffering. I need a therapy session. I hastily took out my phone and dialed noona’s number.

Oh Jonghyun-ah, when are you going to meet Ssajangnim?

“I just met him noona.”

Jjinjja? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have accompanied you at least to the door.

“Eii noona, I’m not a kid anymore.”

Arasseo little boy, what happened with the meeting?

“Noona are you in SM Ent now?”

Ne I’m at our practice room? Wae?

“Can I meet you there? I’ll tell you what happened there.”

Ahh i-if you w-want to b-but um J-Jonghyun-ah. A-all the girls a-are here. All of them.

“I’ll be fine noona. I’m gonna have to meet her sooner or later right? It’s better when I’m prepared than I meet her by accident.”

With that I hung up and went straight to their practice room. I have been here before, visiting her or accompanying hyung to visit hyungsoonim. As I stood in front of the door, I breathe huge breaths to gather courage for this encounter. I reached for the handle of the door but it was opened before I do.

“I’m going first unnie deu-“ the person stopped dead in her tracks as she saw me standing in front of her. It was awkward, silent and the both of us were motionless as we stared at each other’s eyes.

She was the first to move and she bowed and said, “Hello and goodbye Jongi- uh Jonghyun-ssi.” She smiled before turning around and leaving me without even saying anything.

I woke up from my shock as I look at her retreating back and I tore my eyes away from her and entered the room.

That was the last time I saw her.

Anyway back to the story, when I entered, I told everyone what happened with the meeting and told the others as a forewarning that Taeyeon noona would be visiting my studio quite a lot.

The following month was spent on properly producing the song, shooting of the music video (I originally declined to shoot one but I was forced to by both Ssajangnims), advertising the song, and practicing the live version of the song. When both companies released the news that I and Taeyeon noona were releasing a single, it shook the whole country if not the world. Both local and international fans of CNBlue and SNSD were shocked and started spewing nonsense and fantasies about us being a couple and wanted an explanation at the sudden attempt to release a single. We kept quiet about that topic but we obviously denied being a couple. With the silence as a response to the reason, the media did not buy the idea of us being friends only. They started creating scandals left and right which they give on a daily basis. This was further influenced by the release of the music video. Oh my God, that music video brought a lot of heat to us.

The theme of the music video was a mini-drama about the pain of loving someone. Both Taeyeon noona and I were obviously the “couple” in the video. The concept was how love has the power to complete you but it also has the power to complete you. There was a kissing scene. That kiss brought everyone to believe that we were a couple but if only they knew. Both she and I were opposed to the idea but we were eventually forced to do it as both Ssajangnim were there inspecting the scene. There were a lot of takes as we were about to kiss, one or both of us would starting cracking up laughing on the floor. That scene took a whole day to shoot. We just couldn’t keep off laughing until we were scolded by the director, also the 2 ssajangnims of our company when they were called to the set because of our “unprofessionalism”. In the end we shot the kissing scene in one try under their strict supervision. How do I feel about the kiss? Honestly? Heartbreak and guilt. Guilt because I couldn’t kiss noona without me imagining kissing her and heartbreak because I had to think of her to kiss noona.

Whenever we received these scandals in our SNS we look at each other and started laughing our heads off. Even our parents were asking us questions, our label mates, even Kyuline members! What we do was just laugh uncontrollably infront of them (with the exception of our parents ofcourse, we denied it).

On the other hand, the song was a success, if not the most successful me and noona have ever been individually. We won triple crown. And for those 3 weeks of our promotions, we would win every day in every music programs. The song topped every music websites for 6 consecutive weeks. It would later then spread its fame internationally. We topped a total of more than 30 countries. It was number in iTunes for two weeks that later we were nominated in WMA 2015 and we won Best song of 2014.

We didn’t expect the song to be this popular. The reaction of the people to the song was brought pride to my heart. There was one word on how the public, both locally and internationally, described my song: Heartbreak. People started posting reaction videos online, how they teared up and commenting on how the song touched their hearts, how beautiful the song was , how sad it was, how heart touching it was, and so on. I am constantly being asked how I wrote such a heartbreaking song and how I felt with the sudden popularity I always answer, “It makes me feel humble that a song I wrote with Taeyeon-ssi could touch millions of hearts all over the world. I guess ‘You were once mine’ would just be a painful memory forgotten and forgiven.” That response always leave the fans crazy as I hinted at the possibility of the song being an experience rather than an idea. But I didn’t confirm nor deny any of their ideas either. With this song, I got the tile of Korea’s Heartbreaker. Because the song will surely “break your heart” as they all say.

Now the story of how I got the um uh title of uh World’s iest Man of 2015. I still don’t really like being called that and it started um from an unlikely situation. A situation cleverly crafted by none other than 2NE1’s Park Bom.

Author's Note:

Hi guys! haha the epilogue is quite long so i just decided to just divide it into parts. So Jonghyun's Story would probably have part four or even five for that matter. also the song "You were once mine" is just a figment of my imagination. i even thought of creating lyrics but i dont even know how to compose a song, much rather create lyrics. So if ever that song ever exist, usage of the same title is purely coincidental (disclaimer's remarks kekeke >.<) so dont bother searching for it. Other than that, enjoy and leave comments! The end is yet to come! See you in the next update!

♥♣Pokerman♠♦