BGM: Can't Stop

* March 8, 2014 CNBlue’s Dorm *

- Yonghwa’s POV –

Later that night, I got worried for Minhyuk. He hasn’t come back home yet. I got up from my chair (I was composing our new Japanese single and I need new lyrics to fill it up) and walk across our dorm. Jungshin’s door was slightly opened and I could see that he was on the phone, probably chatting happily with Eunjung. It brought a smile to my face. He’s lucky; he survived his nightmare as Minhyuk put it. Then I walked to Jonghyun’s room. It was locked and I knocked just to check up on him. Last time he locked his room; he went rampaged inside and broke his favorite acoustic guitar. He didn’t care about it. After a while he opened the door and said, “Wae?”

“Yah jassik, is that how you talk to your hyung?”

“Wae?” I sighed. He’s so stubborn sometimes but I guess I prefer him being stubborn than destructive.

“What are you doing inside?”

“None of your business hyung,” he closed the door abruptly and I sighed once again. I listened momentarily for any breaking sounds but there weren’t any. All I hear was tapping of the keyboard. He’s playing games again. Well it’s better than crying or screaming.

I plopped myself on the couch and put my feet up. I the TV just to watch anything. Aish where is Minhyuk? I’m getting worried that something bad happened to him. If it weren’t for Jonghyun’s anger he would have been here safe at home. I removed my phone from my pocket and dialed Minhuyk’s number. It rang for a few times and ended. He’s not picking up.

Just then our door opened and I saw it was Minhyuk. “Jassik, answer your phone Minhy- Omo, Soojung-ah. Wha-what’s going on?” I said. I was surprised to see Minhyuk came with Krystal in our house, holding hands.

“I invited her to eat here hyung. Is that okay?” Minhyuk asked me with a smile. This kid. He finally worked thing out with my dongsaeng. Well I somehow adopted Krystal and Jessica as my sisters since we have the same last name and they both agreed saying they don’t know how an older brother feels like. Well that’s for Jessica, Krystal already have Jiyoung hyung.

“Arasseo. Come here dongsaeng,” I opened up my arms inviting her for a hug. She quickly broke off from Minhyuk and hugged me warmly, “I missed you oppa.”

“Nadu,” I said. Minhyuk was smiling widely. And that brought my mood up.

As I released Krystal, Jungshin got out of his room and said, “What’s with all the noise- Oh! Krystal!”

“Annyeong oppa,” she said. “Jungshin come help me cook!”

“Arasseo Minhyuk. Nice seeing you again Krystal.” He smiled and went to the kitchen with Minhyuk. I dragged her to the couch and I said, “Spill it out. What happened?”

She laughed at my Ajumma style and started telling what happened a while ago.

“Jassik, that guy is so careless when he’s angry,” I said to her then I shouted, “Yah Minhyuk-ah! How could you hurt your arm! We’re performing tomorrow!”

“It’s fine hyung! It’s not that deep. Besides, my girlfriend patched me up real good!” came the reply from the kitchen.

“Jassik making me jealous.” Krystal and I both laugh at my statement. Usually it was Minhyuk who say that before when I am with Hyun-

And there went my good mood. I lost my smile and Krystal said, “Oh oppa? Gwenchana?”

I brushed HER off my mind and I smiled weakly, “Don’t worry about me Soojung-ah. I’m fine.”

“Dinner is served Hyung!” Jungshin said.

“Arasseo, Soojung-ah go help them set the table, I’ll get our Burning Guitarist right now,” I said. I got up from the couch and went to the Jonghyun’s door. It wasn’t locked. I opened the door and sadness filled my heart. What I thought was him playing was actually him looking through their pictures. After everything that has happened, he still misses her. He might pull up a strong front in front of Jungshin and Minhyuk but I’m still the only one who could understand his problem. It happened to me after all.

I walked behind him turned off the monitor and said, “Enough Jonghyun. Don’t torture yourself like this.”

He faced me and as I expected the tears have fallen. That too brought tears to my ears. I hugged him briefly and said, “Let’s eat. Wipe your tears off, Soojung-ah is outside.”

“Minhyuk’s the latest one huh,” he said. I nodded. The night Jungshin came home, Jonghyun and I expected that Minhyuk is the next one to fix his situation. And we were right. “You’re next hyung.”

“Like hell that’s gonna happen,” I said as I went out.

 They were already sitting on the dining table waiting for us. I sat down on my seat and saw Jonghyun coming. He sat down beside Jungshin. Minhyuk who still look at Jonghyun said, “I’m sorry about a while ago hyung.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just don’t do it again,” with that we ate peacefully and some light chat except for Jonghyun who just ate in silence.

After dinner, Minhyuk sent Krystal home, Jungshin cleaned the plates, Jonghyun back in his room doing God knows what, and me lying in my bed thinking. My mood has been good since Jungshin came home the other night. I still remember that goofy and dreamy smile he came home with. I was so happy for him, he managed to go through. I’m not sure what he will do with Sooyoung but I hope everything turns out fine.

What my members don’t know is that I see Jungshin as my salvation. That a person could move on. When Jungshin came home it gave me hope that I can move on from her. It gave me a resolve to move on. He was a sign from above that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I can move on from her. Ani, I will move on from her. I smiled at myself despite the emptiness it felt. I can end this suffering, the despair of thinking what she has done to me. I can do it.

A flash came from my phone and I saw I have Ktalk notification. I grabbed my phone wondering who it is, although at the back of my mind hoping it isn’t her, opened the lock and click on KTalk.

God, why do you hate me so much? It’s her.

I don’t know if I should open it or I should just delete it. The dilemma is too big for me to ponder. In one hand, I know she’s going to say sorry which will put daggers to my heart. On the other hand the curiosity, the feeling of wanting to at least communicate with her was fighting back. Curse my lack of self-control as I opened the text.

From: Hyu~un  <3  – Sent at 8.34pm

I miss you oppa..

Dead. Decayed. Rotten. That’s how my heart feels like. It wasn’t what I expected but it was worse than I expected. I can disregard her apologies but this, this I can’t take it anymore.

The tears have formed and are falling as I reread her text. Miss me? MISS ME? As if she misses me? If she missed me then she wouldn’t have done that in the first place.  If she didn’t do what she did, we weren’t going to be in this situation in the first place. GOD DAMNIT! I’m fed up! I don’t want to be like this anymore. I- I can’t anymore.

I grabbed my jacket, threw my phone on my bed and went out. I knocked on Jonghyun’s door and he opened the door a second later. “Wae hyung?” he asked.

“Wanna come?” he looked at me for a second, he understood what I wanted and nodded. He too took his jacket and said, “Kaja.”

I took out my car keys as we were about to go out of the dorm. Junshin suddenly asked, “Hyung odiga?”

“The usual. Don’t tell manager hyung. We’ll be back tomorrow morning,” I said as coldly as possible.

I got out of the door with Jonghyun on my heel and rode the elevator to the car park. I was brooding mad and my hands are shaking with anger. “Hyung want me to drive?” I tossed my keys to him as we walked to my red car.

We drove in silence each of us in our thoughts. I have had enough of feeling like this, and the only way i know to forget is at our usual place.

When we arrived, the bouncer just nodded and let us through. We were then led to our usual private room and served with drinks, hard alcoholic drinks. I didn’t even bother taking the shot glass. I just drank straight from the bottle and drink as much as possible as soon as I could forget what happened to me. I just kept drinking and drinking. Damn you. Damn me. Damn my heart. Damn my brain for reminding me what happened.

* Flashback – January 26, 2014 (South Korea) *

I just came back from our tour in LA. I was alone and I left my members in States because I wanted to fix our problem. Hyun’s and my problem. When the dating scandal of Sooyoung and Yoona came out, I saw how it affected my brothers, how drastic their mood and aura feels like. I couldn’t bear the sight of them crying their hearts out, destroying within arms-reach at the mention of their names. It was heart-breaking and I thought I needed to do something.

That night when Jungshin broke down, I called Hyun. Worst mistake of my life. Well second worst mistake of my life right now. I called her to ask me why she didn’t tell me that those two had significant others already. She told me she couldn’t betray the trust of her unnies. And that sparked an intense argument, me protecting my brothers and her protecting her unnies. We were shouting in the phone and it ended badly with her saying, “If you’re gonna be like that then let’s end this!” to which I shouted back, “Fine!” then hanged up.

For two weeks, we weren’t still communicating with each other and I still stood up on my ego. By the third week I started letting go of my anger and started missing her. I thought I was too harsh on her and I didn’t try to understand her point. With that in mind, I persuaded my manager to buy me a ticket going home to fix our problem. I guess uri Manager Hyung sympathized with me wanting to fix our problem since he saw what happened to those 2 heartbroken members.

So here I am, on my way to surprise her in her practice for her musical. I called her manager for her location to which he gladly replied to saying that we should fix our problem. I gladly replied that I do want to fix our problem at this second. Granted that I am so tired from 18 hours of flight and getting little sleep from worrying of what I should do, I’m on my way to her musical practice in a taxi. I wanted to surprise her since she will perform tomorrow and mainly to fix our misunderstanding.

I’m not Yong choding anymore! I chuckled at my thought. Well that’s what love do, makes a person more mature.

As I paid my fair I went inside with a bouquet of roses in my hand. I bowed to the staff and saw Kyuhyun hyung.

“Hyung!” I said.

“Yo-Yonghwa! Wha-what are you doing here?” He asked. Why is he nervous?

“I’m here to see Hyun,” I said.

“She’s in her dressing room but you ca-“ he said but I was already on my way. “Wait Yonghwa!”

I turned around and asked him, “Why hyung?”

“Um-um it-it’s ju-just that… Aish mwolla… It’s nothing but if I were you don’t go there,” He warned me. But I didn’t listen. Why didn’t I listen to him?!

As I asked around the staff where her dressing room and went straight there. I slowly walked to her door planning the surprise. The door was slightly ajar and I could hear her voice, and also a man’s voice. Curious I crept closer and peeked to the door. I wish I didn’t. They were hugging each other, her and Luhan-ssi. I dropped the roses on the ground from the shock of what I saw. My feet were planted on the ground forcing me to listen what they are saying.

“Thanks for being here oppa,” she said.

“Anything for you princess,” he said. Princess? What’s going on?

She smiled at him and he smiled back. It wasn’t a normal smile. There was something going on between them. Is she ch-cheating o-on me?

Then he started leaning to her, she closed her eyes showing no intention of pulling away. That was enough for me. She was cheating on me. Well technically we were “Over” as said on the phone but still. The tears have dropped and I couldn’t stay anymore and see what they’re about to do. But I couldn’t move. My body rejected the pleas of my heart screaming that it can’t take any more of this.

They kissed.

That did it. I ran away. No one stopped me because probably they didn’t recognize who I was.  I got a cab and said, “Airport please ahjussi.”

I’m not gonna break down yet. Not yet. I wiped my tears off as I got down from the cab and went inside the airport. I booked the nearest flight going to LA, back to my members. Luckily the flight was in 30 minutes time and there were still vacancy and I booked it even though it was economy class. As I sat in my seat in the airplane, my phone started ringing. Guessing it was her, I pulled out my phone from my pocket. It’s her. Of course it’s her. With full of anger, I cancelled the call and turned off my phone. A good thing I had my scarf that wrapped around my neck and I was by the window. I stared outside the window putting my scarf high up my nose and cried silently, cursing myself for ever believing that I could fix this. My worst mistake in my life.

* End of Flashback *

*March 9, 2014 still at the bar *

I was woken up by a staff from my sleep. As I rubbed my eyes and looked around, I saw the mess we made. Jonghyun was sleeping on a chair but the table was full of empty bottles and broken glasses. I sighed. I stood up and stretched a bit before waking Jonghyun up.

“Jonghyun ireona,” I said while shaking him.

“5 more minutes,” he said.

“Sleep in my car. We have to go home.”

With heavy steps, we reached my car hopefully without being spotted by the paparazzi. I was sober enough to drive, as I have done this quite a lot. We reached our dorm without any fuss, and we were greeted by the breakfast prepared by Jungshin which I point-blank ignored. I went back to my room and slumped down on my bed. God I hate my life.

Jungshin knocked at the door and said, “Hyung, manager hyung said to get ready. We’re going to perform in Inkigayo in a bit.”

Come on, I’ve just arrived. Can’t they let me sleep? With a heavy heart I went to prepare for the performance.

30 minutes later, we were on our way to SBS. We were in our van, Minhyuk and Jungshin busy talking to their significant others while Jonghyun and I were lifeless and managing a small hangover.

“Guys I have to tell you something,” Manager hyung said while driving.

“What is it hyung?” I asked.

“You’ve been nominated today, along with them,” he said carefully. Damnit. We’re going to see them whether we like it or not. I looked at Jonghyun and there’s the dark aura I feel around him. Minhyuk was worried about us and Jungshin still looked troubled a bit but a text notification brought his smile back. I sighed. I really wish I could be like Jungshin. I slumped back on my seat and closed my eyes. What am I gonna do about her?

When we arrived we quickly rushed to our dressing room. Thank God we didn’t see them and we were rushed through our make-up and clothes as we were about to perform.

On our way to stage I saw this silky hair that I could recognize anywhere, the body proportions that I have memorized. She was hiding amongst the viewers, hoping not to get caught. Jokes on me, I caught her. During the performance, I was reminded what she did to me. Why does she have to be here? Isn’t it enough that she got her fun? Was it worth it when she broke my heart into pieces? I struggled to control my tears and managed to.

(Here’s the video: video Jungshin and Minhyuk are smiling and are both fine! Jonghyun was still a bit looks like he doesn’t care about the performance. But Yonghwa was too emotional in this performance. It’s like he’s about to cry)

When our performance finished, I looked at her and our eyes met. Time stopped, literally. A tear finally fell off my eyes and I stood up and turned my back on her. I walked away from her before I break down.

At the ending of SBS Inkigayo, we stood there alongside them and I pointedly ignored them. Minhyuk was glancing at them and Jungshin had his back on them. I don’t even know what Jonghyun is doing as I was too focused on not giving any attention at them. When they won I automatically clapped out of politeness and I saw Jonghyun smiled a bit. HE SMILED! I don’t know what happened but he smiled, I haven’t seen a genuine smile from him for a long time.

(Video Jungshin wasn’t also looking at them. Same as Yonghwa but Minhyuk was glancing at them. I’ll explain Jonghyun’s smile in his story v(^_^v)

After they announced they won I turned around and didn’t even bow down at them. I just walked out with my brothers following suit. As we were on our way to our dressing room Jungshin was finally laughing and joking around with Minhyuk. I don’t know why but I got jealous. How did he do it? Can I be like him too? Can I please be happy like him? How did he move on?

“You just have to talk to someone hyung. It feels great releasing it all to someone.” Jungshin whispered to me.

I jumped and got shocked. “D-did I say that out loud?” I whispered back.

“Ani hyung. You were mumbling something and I got curious.” He whispered.

“Um so how did you do it?” I asked quietly.

“I just released it all to Eunjung noona. It felt great! Jinjja, it really did feel like a great burden fell off my shoulder and I was able to breath.” He said while smiling at me. He patted me at the back and went back to Minhyuk. I stood there in thought, well there’s only one person who would listen to me. Shinhye. She used to make Her jealous that’s why I contacted her less often. Would she still consider me as her best guy friend? I’m not usually going to do this but I’m out of options here, I’m drowning here. I need someone to save me from this pit of sorrow that keeps me in, never letting me go.

I sighed and took out my phone and dialed her number. After a few rings, she answered.

Yobeoseyo?

“Oh it’s Yonghwa,”

Yah Yonghwa! Is this how you greet me after a long time of ignoring me? Daebak.

I laughed at her statement. “Mian mian, annyeong lovely angel.”

Ewww.. too cheesy.. *laugh* So what’s up?

“Wanna hang out?”

Arasseo. Same time same place?

“Of course” I laughed. We still know each other after all this time.

See you in a bit.

A long time ago we used to hang out in a hidden street with the full group of A.N.Jell. Geunseuk hyung and Hongki were hilarious back in the days and the two of us laughing hysterically while drinking soju. Those were the good old days, nowadays all four of us were so busy we hadn’t had a session since almost 1 and a half years ago. This will be the first time just the two of us would hang out without anyone with us.

My members were already ahead of me and I called to them, “Guys! Wait up!” I ran after them and bumped into someone.

“Oh mian-“

“Mianheyo sunbaenim,” Luhan bowed.

“its fine,” came the cold reply. Ottoke? How do I act in front of him? This is the guy-

“Sunbaenim can you sign my copy of Can’t Sto-“

“Yonghwa! Palli come!” Manager Hyung shouted.

“N-ne hyung. Ma-maybe next time Luhan-ssi,” I said as I ran towards manager hyung. He was looking at me weirdly and I understood. He just saved me from something I don’t even know what I am going to do. Maybe beat the crap out of him? Maybe break down in front of him? Maybe beg in front of him? Molla.

“Thanks hyung,” I whispered gratefully.

“You okay?”

“Ne hyung,” I said as we started going to our dressing room.

“Who was on the phone Yonghwa?” he asked.

“It-it’s um my hyung. Just sending greetings and good luck with our promotions,” I lied. I don’t know why I lied but I don’t want anyone knowing I’m meeting Shinhye later.

“Arasseo.”
 

“Hyung, can I visit him now?”

“Fine just don’t be seen and make some scandal.”

“Have I ever done that before hyung?” I laughed slightly. He got stunned. Me too as the sudden realization that I just made a joke since God knows when. “Um-um so hyung, can I?”

“Fi-fine.”

I took my leave with the thought of what I have just done. Is this what Jungshin is feeling at the moment? Is this my salvation? Is meeting Shinhye making me feel better? I don’t know but it made me feel good.

I took a cab going to my destination. I didn’t want to bring my car in case I got drunk which I plan on doing anyways. I arrived earlier and I already ordered soju and started drinking way ahead of Shinhye. I think it was on my fifth shot that when she arrived.

“Yah Yonghwa! How can you not wait for me?” She said as she got out of her car.

I stood up and smiled childishly, “Eii it was just a few shot-“

Slap!

My cheek hurt quite painfully but it was overcome with the shocked that she just slapped me.

“That’s for ignoring me.”

Slap.

My other cheek got slapped. I looked at her shocked at her actions. Why is she doin-

“That’s for hurting Hyunnie.” Wait who? Hyunnie-

“And this is for bottling it all up.” She moved closer and hugged me real tight. I stood there paralyze with the owner of the shop gazing at us shocked. I couldn’t blame him. It wasn’t the usual that you get to see someone slapped twice then hugged.

“Wh-what’s go-going on Shinhye?” I asked as she released me. “Hyu-hyunnie?”

“Ne. Seo Joohyun.” She said as she sat down. Wait what? She’s close with Hyu- I mean Seohyun?

“I-I’m lost.”

She sighed and said, “Sit down Yonghwa and let me explain.”

I sat down slowly still looking at her incredulously. “I think it was about of middle of last year when she called me. You can’t imagine the shock I got when she said it was Seohyun. Waa jinjja I was shocked. I asked her the reason why she called me and you can’t even imagine what she said.”

“Wh-what d-did she say?”

“It’s her way to overcome her jealousy with me.” She said and chuckled. What? Jealousy of her? What doe-

“She said she was so jealous of our dating rumors and wanted to confirm that they weren’t in the slightest bit true. I couldn’t stop laughing at the way she said it and she got a bit angry. So I requested we hang out and talk. We pretty much got close in that one night we shared.”

Then it clicked. That’s why she doesn’t care anymore of those dating rumors I have, especially with Shinhye and it brought me a smile and slight chuckle. I guess Hyun is a bit more mature than I am- then the memories started rolling down and that wiped my smile off my face. I took another shot, just to try to erase her vivid face in my head.

“Yah Yonghwa, stop drinking. It won’t solve your situation with her.” She said as she grabbed the soju.

“So I’m guessing you know what happened?” I asked her sourly.

“You got the damn right. Aish you two broken souls are just so… Yonghwa, I’m telling this to you wholeheartedly without any desire to lie to you. She loves you and still do-“

“Love? She loved me that she cheated on me the second the curtain fell on us-“

Slap!

“Yah Yonghwa! You don’t know what she’s been through and you have no right to accuse her!” She shouted as she stood up.

”What’s wrong with you Yonghwa? You were more understanding than this? What happened to you?”
 

“That Yonghwa is dead and gone. Along with my feelings for her-“

“Don’t you dare lie to yourself like that! I can still see that you’re hurting just by the mere sight of her! And how selfish can you get? Do YOU think that you’re the only one suffering? Don’t you think that Hyunnie is hurting like crazy right now? Not only about your situation but Jonghyun and Jungshin’s problem? Don’t you know how much she cares about them too? You weren’t there to comfort her! It couldn’t be helped that the comfort she was looking for came from another man just because YOU WERE TOO CAUGHT UP WITH YOUR DAMN EGO!”

She shouted at me, her eyes wide and nose flaring. I was stunned and couldn’t think. She sat down and drank a shot of soju and said, “Yonghwa, what happened that night. Talk with her, you’ll be surprised with what you hear-“

“I-I can’t. Not anymore. I’m too tired of feeling this way.”

“You can’t or you won’t? Listen Yonghwa, are you really going to let go of her? Can you imagine a life without her by your side?”

“I, I… I’m… “ was all the words I could say. That has always been the question. I just realized that I have been drinking not to forget what happened but to escape from answering that question. I grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled it till it hurts. I don’t know what to do. On one hand I’m fed up of trying to live past one day without hurting just by thinking of her. But on the other hand, I-I can’t stop thinking about her.

“Look if you can’t still decide, you can listen to her voice if it helps.” Shinhye said.

“Wh-what?”

“Don’t worry she won’t know.” She said as she took out her phone and dialed Hyu- uhh Seohyun’s number. It didn’t take a while until she answered.

Yobeoseyo? What happened to her voice? It’s-

“Hyunnie it’s me!”

Oh unnie. How are you? Where is it? Where’s the-

“The question is how are you doing? Are you okay?”

* Sigh * Ani unnie. He hasn’t replied to my text. Shinhye glared at me but I was too caught up on her voice. The voice I haven’t heard quite in a while.

“Re-really? D-don’t worry. He’ll reply back.”

I’m losing hope unnie. Maybe I’ve lost him already-

“Hyunnie don’t think like that. Think positive arasseo?”

Thanks unnie but I can’t help but think that he has forgotten me already. Where’s the cheerfulness I’m used to? Her voice sounds… soulless… yeah that’s the perfect word to describe it.

“Yah don’t think like that. Cheer up will you? You want to hang out again?”

I can’t unnie. It’s Taeyeon unnie’s birthday today and we’re celebra- well they’re celebrating it in our dorm. You can come if you want to. I’ll just tell them about it later.

“Arasseo, by the way can I invite someone if that person is free with me?” Don’t tell me-

It’s alright unnie. There’s too much food anyways. See you later unnie.

“Ne see you later.” She said as she hung up. She looked at me with pity shown in her eyes. Why is she looking at me like that. She sighed, “I’ll be outside. I’ll wait for about 10minutes. If you go out within that time I’ll take you to see her if not. Then that means the end of your relationship. I expect you to choose the right choice.”

She stood up and gave me a pack of tissue, “Wipe your tears Yonghwa.” And she left.

Sure enough, those rebel tears fell without my knowledge. Why-why am I crying? Why? Is it because I heard her voice? Is it because of the absence of cheerfulness in her voice that always draws me to her? Is it because I miss her? Or is it still because I’m fed up of hurting myself over and over again with anything to do with her? Or is it the fact that I have hidden myself in a façade of sorrow and darkness that I cowered myself into? Did I make this happen? Why? Why am I crying?

I took out my phone and reread her message.

I miss you oppa…

My fingers unconsciously tap the phone screen and I looked at what I wrote.

Nadu bogoshipda…

I-I do miss her, with all my heart.

I wiped my tears and stood up. I paid the bill to the owner and to my surprise, he gave me a hug while he said, “Go get her back young man.”

I smiled and replied, “I will ahjussi.”

I went out and saw Shinhye leaning on the hood of her car in deep thought. Hearing my footsteps, she stepped out of her reverie and smile at me. “Kaja?”

I smiled back and said, “Kaja.”

The ride was in a comfortable silence. I was thinking of how I would do this. What should I do to get her back. Hyun. It feels so nice saying her name without being pierced by daggers to my heart. It made me smile that I can say her name. Seo Joohyun.

It didn’t take long to reach our destination. Soon we were at their dorm’s door. We could slightly hear the heavy beat of the music inside with noises and chatter that filled the dorm. Did they transform their dorm into a disco?

The door opened and instinctively I hid myself beside the door, hiding myself from the view of the person who opened the door. I was scared and nervous on what I should do that I turned into a coward. What to do…

“Oh Shinhye-ya!”

“Happy birthday Taeyeon-ah!”

“Come in! Um so where’s your friend? I thought you brought someone with you?”

Shinhye looked behind her and I wasn’t there. I was beside the door already and she looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I sighed and step into the vision of Taeyeon.

“Nugu- OMO!” She shouted.

“Wae Taeyeon-ah! Who’s at the door?” By the sound of it, it was Jessica.

“Um-um.. It-it’s..” She stammered, eyes wide with the shock that I am here standing in front of her.

“Wae Taeyeon-ah? Why are you- OMO! OPPA!” Jessica shouted. She too had her eyes wide with her hand covering .

“Oppa?! Who’s at the door Sica?” Tiffany asked.

“Oremaniya Sica.” I said. Like her sister, she went past Taeyeon and hugged me, quite tightly.

“Yah oppa.  How can you ignore your two dongsaeng like that?” She accused me after she released her hug. We were born in the same year and she still calls me Oppa. In fact she’s older than me but since she said she wanted to have an older brother so she calls me oppa which I couldn’t do anything about anyways and I’m not complaining. I love spoiling the Jung sisters.

“Mian Mia-“
 

“Oh so I wasn’t the only one ignored huh,” Shinhye said while glaring at me.

I laughed at them and said, “Cheongmal mianhe. I’ll make it up to you guys.”

“So um- come in I guess?” Taeyeon said.

“Oh Happy Birthday Taeyeon-ah.” I said as we all entered their dorm. As expected it turned into a homemade disco. There were flashing lights, karaoke, food and drinks, alcoholic ones.

“Oppa why are you here? Are you here to see her?” Sica asked.

Shinhye was dragged away by Taeyeon. Tiffany was looking at me like I was some freaking ghost. I was yet to see the other members.

I looked at my dongsaeng and nodded.

“KYAA!!”

“Yahh Sica why are you shouti- OMONA! YONGHW-“ Sooyoung shouted but I cut her off.

“Shh you’re too loud Sooyoung, as usual.” I said.

“Yah what do you mean by too loud?” She asked while glaring at me.

“As loud as Jungshin sing in his shower. That kid can give nightmares to anyone who hears him in the shower,” I expecting her to laugh but it went to the opposite effect. Her eyes dropped, lined with tears.

“H-how i-is he? I heard from Minhyuk he’s fine.” She whispered.

I gave her a short hug and said, “Yeah he really is fine. Don’t worry about him too much. He’ll come to his senses and by the looks of it, quite soon.”

She gave me a smile and said, “Than-“
 

“Sorry to interrupt but my oppa has an appointment with someone,” Sica said dragging me away. She dragged me across the living room and as soon as I step in there, screaming started.

“OMO!” “ARE YOU HERE FOR HYUNNIE?” “DO YOU STILL LOVE HER?” “I’M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU HURT HER AGAIN!” “GOGUMA!” I just smiled through until I heard this one voice.

“Yo-yong seobang.” Yoona said. She stood up from the sofa and looked at me uncertain. My smile was swept away from my face and I turned to Sica, “Where’s she?”

“Oh. Um- uh.. She’s in her room.”

I bowed to the rest of the girls and went away, ignoring that girl, that girl who broke Jonghyun to smithereens.

Sica led me to her room and said, “I’ll give you two some privacy.” And she left, leaving me alone in my nervousness. I sighed and it took a huge portion of my will power to knock.

“Shinhye unnie? Is that you?” I heard from the other side but I didn’t reply. As the door knob turned, I gulped and thought, This is it. No turning my back anymore. This is it-

And there she was looking so pale with messy hair. Seems like she just got up from her bed but she still looked so beautiful.

“Unni-“ She froze. Literally froze. With her hand on the knob, her eyes wide and mouth wide opened, she raised her other hand and slowly touched my face. The moment it touched my face I felt tingly all over my body, but for her, the moment her hand touched my face, the tears dropped instantly from her face.

“C-can we talk?” Was all I could say.

She didn’t answer me and I sighed. I took her hand away from the knob and closed it behind me. But before I closed the door, I saw in my peripherals them looking at me full with curiosity. I guess they haven’t changed.

I guided her to sit on her bed and I sat beside her with quite a huge space in between us. I leaned myself forward with my elbows on my knees and I looked down on the floor, unsure on how to start a conversation. The air is so awkward with the music outside softly hums a smooth relaxing rhythm. The girls changed the music huh.  Well it worked and it calmed my nerves. I gotta thank them later for that. I slowly sat upright, sighed and finally looked at her.

She has been looking at me non-stop since we entered, still in shock. Probably still thinking that I’m an apparition. Well I couldn’t blame her. If you asked me yesterday where I would be right now, this would be the last place that came to mind. But I’m here, for her, for me, for us.

“Hyun.” I finally said.

Her tears fell again. But still she looked at me in shock. “O-oppa?” She whispered. “Y-Yong oppa?”

“Ne Hyun. I’m really here.” I replied.

“W-why a-are you h-here?”

“Because…” I couldn’t continue. Why am I here? How do I say that I’m here to listen to whatever she wants to say?

“D-don’t you hate me?” She asked.

I sighed and looked back down. Although I really do want to start afresh, there are some things I really want to get out of my chest.

“I knew it. You do hate me.” She said and likewise, she looked down.

“Can you blame me for feeling like this Hyun?” I blurted out suddenly.

“No. I would’ve hated me if I were in your shoe-“

“Well you should. Blame me for making you do what you did.”

She got surprised at what I said and looked at me straightly. Slowly I looked back at her and said, “Mianhe Hyun for putting you in a tight spot. I didn’t mean to forcefully choose between me and your sisters. It was unfair and unthoughtful of me to put you through that.”

“A-aniyo op-”

“But that’s not what I’m here for. Luhan.” My tone suddenly changed. Before I was sincere, I really did mean my apology but the anger bottled up in me still raging and it was clearly conveyed when I uttered that name. I struggled to keep my anger in check and I balled my fist just to vent my anger somewhere.

“Tell me what happened that night.” I whispered carefully bowing my head down and closing my eyes so that she doesn’t see all the pent up anger boiling in my eyes.

“He-he.. um… he visits me every day since he was the umm who saw me cry after our.. argument.” She whispered while trying to hold the sob that surely was about to come. “He wanted to help to ease the pain of our break up and has been courting me since that day, comforting me. Th-that night, in our rehearsal, he-he.. he saw me cry again and he hugged me until I calmed down. Then I-I saw him leaning down on me. I froze undecided on what to do. Then he-he kissed me…” She whispered so quietly but I heard her loud and clear. My tears fell and my anger boiled to unimaginable temperature. I stood up and punch the cold hard wall.

“Oppa!” She shouted alarmed.

“How was it Hyun? HOW WAS IT?! DID YOU LIKE IT?!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. The room was filled with silence, the music outside has stopped. At the back of my mind, I told myself to calm down, they’re listening to me outside but that thought was overruled by my anger.

She stood up and went near me. I backed away from her but she still came near me, gently hold my hand that punched the wall and softly rub it. “That’s the thing oppa. I felt nothing. The second his lips touched mine, I knew that my lips belonged and will always belong to you.” She whispered ever so quietly. I was dumbfounded, the anger washed away.

“Oppa, I-I know what I did was unforgivable but I just want you to know that..” She whispered while looking at the hand she’s rubbing. Her tears fell on my hand and I could feel its heat coursing through my entire body. “That I love you so much. If-if you can’t forgive me then I don’t want you to suffer along with me. If-if you.. umm.. if you want to be free of me… I’ll let you go. I am thankful for the memories we shared and it’s enough for me to last a life time. Goodbye Yong-oppa.” She let go of my hand and turned around walking to the door.

She was about to open the door but I grabbed her hand and spun her around. I push her back to the door and kissed her. She stood there unmoving, unresponsive as the shock what I am doing. Before she has time to respond, I broke the kiss and said, “I never hated you. I was full of hate but it all was bent towards me. I hated myself for not trusting you, for not believing on us. I couldn’t even bear the thought of hating you when all I could feel for you is love.”

“But oppa what I did was unforgiv-“

“People do things they aren’t aware of when they’re broken. I of all people should know that. How many fights have I started? How many glasses, chairs, and other things have I broken just to reflect the damage my heart have? Countless of times but I still couldn’t do anything that would hurt you. I couldn’t flirt with the girls that throw themselves at me because I see your face in them. I couldn’t do anything since I have loved you and I still do.”

“Oppa..” she whispered and cried in my arms.

“Shhh it’s okay. We’re okay.” I hugged her tight rubbing her back as she cried in my arms.

After a while she calmed down and I said, “I just want you to know, I love you my love light.”

“I love you too oppa.” And we kissed.

Author's Note:

Phew that was long ^^ Sorry it took quite some time to update. Working plus finding time to write is quite hard >_< 

See you in Jonghyun's Story!

pokerman,