11
Tangled Faiths(SONG REQUEST: EYES NOSE LIPS BY TAEYANG/ BABY DON'T CRY EXO)
I jammed the key into the ignition, forcefully turning it to ignite the engine. While pulling out of the parking lot, I overheard Junhyung's frustrated sigh and sniffling, in the corner of my eye I caught him wiping his face. Immediately I could depict that he was placed under stress for whatever unknown reason, but when I think about it, he behaved this way in the past whenever he brought up that he couldn't tell me what was wrong. Was this the same complication that he still hasn't overcame? Was our relationship going to tear to shreds?
Even though the speed limit clearly informed fifty miles per hour, I drove rapidly, dodging cars left and right just so I can figure out what I was required to do. How could I comfort him? How much of a difficult time was Junhyung truly in? Were my words great or powerful enough? For once in awhile, my heart ached from pain. A plethora amount of empathy and oppression was numbing me to the point I had to shake my head to focus on the road once again. Luckily, our persuit didn't graduate much attention and we safely arrived at Junhyung's house without the trouble of a police officer. No matter how much exasperation was boiling my blood, I managed to regain some sense of tenderness and aided him out of the car, gently his hair to comfort him. I reached over to the keys that I briskly shoved into the pocket Junhyung's school blazer that I still wore then picked the key that was engraved with the letter H, swiftly slipping it into the knob. The door opened, I rushed him inside before it would rain any more, I follwed suitly after him and closed the door after. The same aroma since the first visited him here, vanilla and peppermint overtook my senses; I tried to conceal my grin from these fragrances.
"Those times were you were angry that you couldn't tell me something, is this the same problem?" I inquired with a low voice but it radiated even a slight echo. "I mean-"
"Yes," he crashed on the couch in front of us, his head resting in his hands. "I've been pondering to tell you but it will hurt me more. Even though you are the love of my life and the girl that has given me things I never thought possible, I can't destroy you with words. It will be a second death for me."
"Junhyung.." I breathed deeply, traveling around the back of the couch and sitting next to him. Eyes watery, I blinked them away, his words were pounding on my heart harder than stallions' buck. My right hand was on his thigh, to assure him, to assure myself that he could say the most hurtful and demeaning things but I wouldn't criticize the way his thoughts processed.
"I have cancer."
Cold silence covered the room like a sheet of snow. Cold love was abandoning scars in my heart. I was shivering, trembling, my lips were quivering, my ears instinctively blocked off sound and I couldn't hear anything besides my uneven breathing. Wailing, balling, a mess of sobbing and utter depresion devoured me. How could he not inform me on something that could take his life away? Something I can do nothing to mend, I was useless and he could cease to life in seconds. Why were we so flawed? Why my Junhyung? What did he deserve..
"H-How.." Wiping snot from my nose. "..couldn't you tell me?" It was immensely excruciating to cry, my insides were clutching to the point I felt that they were going to burst with this pressure; millions of tons were crashing onto my chest, one after the other mercilessly. I felt like I was dying myself, my only life and purpose was disappearing and slipping from my fingers, and there was nothing I could physically do to restore these conditions.
"Because I love you."
I grasped anything, Junhyung's shirt, the couch below me, pillows, throwing a fit that couldn't have ever rallied up how I felt. My whole world was dissipating in chunks, my father now Junhyung, what did they do wrong to deserve this unfair treatment? Treatment, medicine, was it cureable? To the galaxies and stars above, I wished that it could've been me. Allow me to suffer instead of him, he was too precious to handle this.
"Take me, take my life instead!" I shouted to the beings in outer space. "The only thing I love is being taken away!"
Without a right conscience, I began throwing punches and kicks, screaming that this life wasn't fair for the both of us, neither of us should be dealing with this type of love. A love like a red rose, though it was beautiful and intriguing, it only brought me more pain. His words stabbed like thorns, his beauty were his petals, his stem, brain was what helped him endure through all these times. Every memory was rotten, wilted, they were nothing, though I cherished them dearly, they can't aid, they won't do any good. I was fading, we were faintly glowing, we were a dying star, our fuel was cutting short. Everything was diminishing into the air, our souls, our life, ourselves.
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