October 2011

He began to love autumn. Autumn weather was always the best. Summer seemed too hot, winter too cold, and spring too wet.  Autumn had its occasional rainfall and the once in a while heatstroke, but autumn made him feel calm. It was the season of change and the end of the old. It was hard adjusting to the change autumn brought, but in the end, the promise of a new year made everything seem a little brighter.

He worked and he worked and he worked. He was never quite so busy in his life like he was now. From flying to Japan to record and promote a new album to coming back to Korea to film a new taping of a show, he never had the time to think of the past. There was only now and the future.

Rarely, he goes to the playground just to visit old dreams. When had the dream of being a variety show host replace the dream of being a soccer or basketball player? When did participating in idol athletic contests satisfy him? How could being a child be so appealing to Choi Minho, the rookie idol , when he could be Choi Minho of Shinee, the multiplatinum and talented group? How could he ever settle for such a simple life after living the one he has for the past couple of years?

Sometimes, he visits a bookstore by a bus stop. He never has the time to read anymore, but he likes to carry a book around just in case of the long plane rides. Minho laughs at how he found The Little Prince an enjoyable book, and laughs even more when he finds that he carries it with him at all times.

Almost never, Minho sits alone in first class. Usually, he is sitting with his group members, his brothers. But when he “almost never” sits alone and a stranger sits by him, he makes it a point to wear his headphones and try to fall asleep before he sees the person sitting next to him. And no matter how much that person may struggle, he will never help them put their luggage in the overhead cabinet. It doesn’t feel right. And besides, the flight attendant can do that.

But always, Minho wears a silver bracelet on his wrist because no matter how much the present has changed, no matter how much he tells himself he does not miss the past and the past does not miss him, he cannot find it in himself to throw away the chain. Just like he cannot find it in him to dial a number that has probably changed.

Minho loved autumn because it was change and it was something he inwardly craved yet could not do.

 

December 8^th, 2011

He was waiting at the bus stop near his home with a hat firmly placed on his head to cover his hair. Sunglasses safely secured, he stood against the overhead over and darted his eyes back and forth throughout the street.  He  visited his parents since he was headed to a global SM tour for the next four months. At this point in his career, it was actually better to go by bus  than go by car. Netizens found what car he and the company used to drive and no one would expect a Shinee member to go on something as public as the bus anyway. Key had fussed over the safety of the idea, but after a few reassurances from Taemin, the hyung kept his mouth shut. Besides, it was eleven at night and no one but a few students coming back from cram school were out anyway.

Sighing deeply, he watched the plume of his hot breath invade the air. The bus he was supposed to go on wasn’t due for another thirty minutes or so. He watched as passengers from other busses busily bustled past him, trying to escape the cold and the impending snow.  Finally, his legs could no longer support his weight and he sat at the bus stop’s bench.

He fiddled with the bracelet  - a habit, a bad habit – and watched the rust on the chains threaten to break the silver.

Onew hyung offhandedly mentioned some text messages, some meetings, some conversations. Minho told Onew that he was happy for her and she was now another part of his life that was over. Onew looked at the book and the bracelet and remained unconvinced every time.

He traced his fingers against the rings, his eyes trained on the loops.

I don’t care. I’ve got everything I’ve wanted in the past two years. I have almost everything I could’ve ever wanted.

His fingers tightened and the chain began to bend under his grip.

- almost everything

Snap.

The chain broke and the silver hit the ground with a small tinkle.  But to Minho’s ears, to his heart it was the loudest noise he ever heard.  The loud engine of the bus, the chatter of the passengers and the crunch of the snow could not even compare.

Even though I left her to prevent her from shattering… Onew hyung… I don’t think I can bear it any more.

Staring at the ground, he gazed almost sightlessly at the tiny rings on the ground. He didn’t know what to do. Are they worth picking up? he thought.

His wrist felt oddly cold and light even though his throat felt tight and heavy. Closing his eyes, Minho leaned back against the overhead and willed his heart to start beating.

That’s it. That’s the end. There is no more moping, no more waiting for Onew hyung’s updates. No more bookstores or first class or playgrounds or books or stupid bracelets. I don’t want to live in the past any more.

Minho drew him back up again, determined to leave the bracelet behind – leave her behind, leave all of my past behind – but as he boarded the bus, he couldn’t help but to look back at the ground in front of where he sat.

The chain was gone.

Frantically, his gaze darted back – No, I can’t leave it behind, I can’t leave her behi- and forth on the ground and saw a glitter on the seat next to him. Minho rushed towards the back window of the moving bus, squinting his eyes to see what was next to the bracelet.

Banana milk.
 

Author's Note: THIS UPDATE IS NOT EDITED. I did read over it once or twice, but I don't care for the grammar and spelling as much as I used to. Point them out and tell me to fix them if they really take away from the reading. I will fix them then.

 Don't get the banana milk? Read chapter 2. Don't get most of it? Read the early chapters, if you want. Forgive me for the choppy, short update. It's been a while. Hard to get back into the flow of things. 

Major time gap between last chapter and this one  (A little over a year?). It's intentional. 

Well. Uh. Hi. I'm kind of back, but I'm not sure if I will stay. I'm a college student now, so life is quite busy. Life has been busy for the past eight or so months. Lost interest in Shinee. To tell you the truth, I don't have the same rabid fan interest in them still, but I wanted to finish this story. Thanks for those who waited for this updated! 

Can't promise when the next update will be, but it won't be 8 months.

Cheers.