Only one week left. One week left for me to know what i need to know so i can leave with no regrets. But a part of me don't want to leave now. I want to stay with Jongin. I want to start again with him. I know he wants too. I want to tell him that I really really love him.

I followed him to EXO's private hangout place. It was a beautiful place, filled with warmth. I like coming here. I will miss coming here. EXO asked about me. I was so happpy and grateful that they remember me and treated me as part of them. They were like my family too.

"Kai, do you want to regret a second time?" Chanyeol asked.

"of course not...but what can i do? She's not waking up, she won't know that i'm there...and i can't face her... I'm the cause of her state right now.." Jongin said, in tears. It pains me to see him cry. I know he doesn't want that to happen to me. And he's right, Even if he's there with me, there's nothing that he can do. He will be more sad when he sees me leave.

Jongin keeps saying that it was his fault that i'm in this state. But why? Why do you keep blaming yourself? I believe it was just a car accident like what Chen oppa said. Don't blame yourself.

"no...it's all my fault.. I'm sorry hyung...i didn't tell you guys..because i hated myself..." he said. Why is he hating himself? It's not his fault. I will forgive you Jongin, I always do. Because i can't bring myself to hate you. Even though i feel lonely all the time, you were still the one who is there with me, even if you're not talking to me. And now that i know you care, how can i hate you? So don't hate yourself anymore.

"What happened exactly?" Sehun oppa asked.

"I.." he started speaking and i paid attention to every word he said. I was...shocked. Because i don't remember anything he said. Had the car accident made me lose my memory? He said that he me. Then memories started to pour in. I remembered that night.

It was scary, so scary that i felt like dying. I tried to push him away but he forced himself on me. I was crying and crying. I don't know what is wrong with him. But he hurt me that night. I hated him. But in the morning, I realized i can't hate him at all. A voice in my head told me that he must be going through something to do these. I believed he didn't mean to. Besides, I'm his wife. He has every right to do that to me.

Then i found out i was pregnant weeks later. My first reaction was to hold my womb and feel the life inside. I was so happy to have a child. I always liked children and want to have a child of my own. At that point i felt like the happiest woman in the whole. I forgot about everything else at the moment. I only have my thoughts on the baby. It's my baby. My only kin and family. He's my everything from now on. It's happy just thinking of watching him grow up and calling me 'omma'. I went home smiling to myself and i didn't realise omma and appa was there. She asked me why am i so happy. And i told her immediately that i was pregnant.

Then i realised Jongin was there. I remembered how this baby was created. But i don't blame him. He gave this gift to me. I was happy to be able to have a child with the man i love. And this baby is my everything. I don't care whether he wants to take care of him or not. I will take up the responsibility. I ignored his stare and went back up to the room because omma told me to have a rest. I sat on the bed and began stoking my womb and talked to the little life in me.

Then i remembered the accident. It was horrible. I cried. Not because i was going to die because of that accident, but because i lost my child. My everything. He wasn't even 2 months old. I hated myself. Why did i go out that day? Why did i cause the death to my own child? Sorry son, sorry Jongin.

EXO was mad at him. But i'm not. No one should blame him. Because i never do. I want to hug Jongin right now. For he has lost his everything too. He loved the child like i do. It was our baby. I hated myself for losing our baby. And now even i'm leaving him. He's the one who suffered the most rather than me. Compared to him, my loss was nothing, for i will be joining my baby soon but he is losing me soon, again.

EXO oppa, please don't blame him. Please stand by him. He needs support. You are the only ones left to be there for him because i can't.