Donghae’s  POV

It all started when I was a guest on Strong Heart, the time I told them about why girls are like that. I told them that I once had my heart broken by someone. I remembered it clearly as I watch the snow fall outside. With that, I promised myself to be as cold as the ice when taking to girls just to prevent myself to be hurt again.

Flashback:

Strong Heart Episode

It was winter and I decided to go to her house. I drove there and tried calling and texting her. She answered me but she still didn’t came out. I decided to try and wait for her. But as hours passed, I told myself that she really won’t come out so, I went there and made a mini snowman on her doorstep and texted her that I left something for her and I left.

------- End of Flashback -------

I then felt tears falling as if the pain was still fresh. Just as I was about to hit the sack, a text arrived. I usually ignore text messages from unknown numbers but this one made me look. But as I was about to open it, I hesitated. Just then, I heard Eunhyuk talking to someone. I acted as if I wasn’t listening and went closer to him unnoticeable.

“She’s not with me! Why would you think that she is?” I can’t really hear the one on the other line so I waited for his reply instead.

“Arrasso, if she contacted me I’ll tell you immediately. Just keep me posted, I’ll try to call her too and ask some of my co-SM if they saw her.” I then saw him hanged up and went outside. I was curious who was he referring too. I then remembered my phone and the unknown number.

I then dialed it and waited for someone to answer it. After 2 attempts, I heard someone picked it up.

“Hello?” I asked but no one answered and then the other line died. I tried re-dialing it but I can’t connect to it anymore. I was frustrated but then all of a sudden it hit me, I kinda heard something from the background and if I’m not mistaken, I certainly heard the Han River from someone from the background.

I took my coat and an extra just in case and took my car keys. I went to the garage and took my car. I parked my car not that far from the Han River to avoid any attention. I took my coat and covered myself with a cap and stepped out of my car. As I arrived at the Han River, I saw tons of people and tried my best to cover and nudge people.

I was getting frustrated again and just when I was about to give up, I saw hope, that hoodie I wonder my people haven’t noticed her. I hesitated to approach her, I really want to but the memories just keep flashing back. I took a deep breath and watched towards her as I was about an inch away from her, I suddenly stopped. I saw her shoulder shrugging and I can hear her silent sobs.

I sat down near her and she seems that she hasn’t notice. I placed my right arm to her shoulder and pulled her in a hug. I felt her flinch but then she rested her head on my shoulder and continued sobbing.

“Stop crying, I’m here now. I’m sorry that I came late.” I told her. As I was hugging her, I can’t help but let my tears fall as well. As much as I hate her for doing that to me, I just can’t seem to really hate her at all. She’s my first love and well, she’s just. I gave her soothing words as I her back to calm her and when she did I pulled her away.

“Look at you, you’re all red. Eunhyuk was worried as well as your friends. Why didn’t you tell them? And why didn’t you speak when I called you?” I asked her. She just looked at me and I know that she’s been crying for a long time. I can see how swollen her eyes were and I actually felt her cold hands.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you, honest. I didn’t even know why I called you. I’m sorry.” She answered me. I just stared at her and stood up. I offered my hand which she accepted.

“Let’s talk somewhere private and quiet, arrasso? Did you bring your car with you?” I asked.

“No. I just walked.” She said. I just nodded and took her hand and led her to my car. The drive was silent and well, I kinda felt uncomfortable all of a sudden. We then reached our destination and I went outside first. I can see the whole city from where I’m standing. I then felt her presence, and I closed my eyes.

“I come here whenever I needed to clear my mind or just to feel better. Seeing the city from this point, I can feel how thankful I am that it hasn’t swallowed me yet.” I said. I can feel the cool breeze and I can smell the fresh air. We just stayed quiet then I heard my phone rang. I went to it and saw the caller ID, it was Ji-hyun. She and I became friends when things started crashing for me. I answered it and I heard her sigh.

“Finally, you answered! Kekekeke, so are you coming or what?” I heard her say.

“Coming? Why?” I asked.

“We’re going clubbing remember? With some of your SM friends and my co-members and G-NA. Shindong told me you left before you did and well, you’re still not here.” I then saw her stand up and went inside the car and fastened her seatbelt.

“I’m actually out. I needed some fresh air.” I told her. I then heard her gasp.

“Do you want me to come there? I can ditch them you know.” I laughed.

“No I’m fine. I’m actually with I friend right now, it seems that we both have to unwind so yah I’m good.” I said.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes I am. I have to go okay. Just have fun. Don’t mind me. Annyeong.” I then hanged up and went to the passenger side and opened the door.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you have something. I bothered you too much Hae. Mianhe.” That name, that name that I told myself never to hear again. That name that broke my heart for the first time, I just stood there frozen.

“Why did you not come out? I’m still hurting till this day coz I still don’t know your reason. I heard from your strong heart episode but I know that’s not really it. Just tell me, please?” I pleaded. I just started crying again because I can feel the hurt all over again the feeling of abandonment. And just then, I felt her cold hands touched my face and I just stared at her brown eyes. The moon was shining directly to her porcelain face and I just felt my heart was about to burst.

“I wanted to apologize to you for a long time but I just can’t approach you. Leeteuk tried to arrange meetings before he was enlisted but I just can’t. I told him that I’ll approach you on my one, no one forcing me to. To tell you the truth, the reason I didn’t came out was; I don’t want to be the reason of you losing someone important to you.” She said. I just stared at her and when I was about to speak.

“One time, Eunhyuk tricked me when he told me he wanted to meet me. I have no choice but to face you and to apologize but then when we were about to reach your waiting room, he pulled me. He then pointed you as you were talking to Ji-hyun and we thought it wasn’t the right time. Every time I tried approaching you, you were always with Ji-hyun so I thought that faith will just have to find the right time for us to talk. I just want my friend back and I think it’s too much to ask.” She finished. I felt her hands left my face moments ago but I can still feel the coldness.

I just nodded to her.

“It’s getting late, I think we should head home.” I stepped away from her so I can close the door. She told me that she wanted to stay in her house in Apgujeong and I obliged. We then arrived and I just felt numb and I can’t say anything.

“Can you wait here? I just need to get something.” I nodded and she stepped out. I parked on the back so no one can see even they try. She then emerged and the box she was holding got my attention. She tapped my window and I opened it.

“Here. I wanted to hand it over to you for a long time but I just don’t know how. I asked Leeteuk to hand it to you but he told me to do it myself. Thank you again, I wasn’t expecting you to come. Have a safe trip back home and see you around.” She then smiled and left.

When I arrived at our dorm, I went straight to my room and locked it. I was having second thoughts if I should open it or not, but I felt someone’s telling me to open it so I did. Inside I saw a snow globe. I was puzzled at first and took it out and saw a miniature snow man inside and it felt familiar. Then I took the folded paper inside and read it.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m giving you this. It was that day that I know that I hurt you and I didn’t even apologize or gave you an explanation. This snowman might look familiar because it’s a replica of the snowman you left at my doorstep. I just want you to know that I really didn’t mean to hurt you, and I really am sincere with my apology. I’m not asking for you to be my friend again, I know you needed time. I also saw the way you two look at each other, you know. I know you were wondering why I was avoiding you even before the snowman incident happened, I was about to throw my pride away and come to you to apologize but then, I accidentally saw you and Ji-hyun kiss. I don’t want to disturb you guys so I left and that night when you called and texted me that you’re outside, I just told myself that I’ll just mess your mind so I decided not to see you. I know the consequence of my action but I did that so that I won’t be burden for you. You deserve someone like her and I’ve accepted and she’s worth it. I hope that you’ll be happy with her and I’ll just wait for us to be friends again.

Your dearest friend,

Dara

I cried so hard that I just have to scream. I remembered that day and I didn’t even know she was there. I was selfish all along thinking me hurting as well as putting the blame on her all this time when she’s the one that was in pain the most. I hated myself, I really do! I blew my chance to be with her and I was blaming the wrong person. As I sob, I took my phone. I wasn’t planning to call her so I just typed and sent it to her. I woke up the next morning clutching the letter in my hand my eyes all swollen. I checked my phone and saw a single message.

Thank you Hae! Let’s hang out when Yesung and Leeteuk are out of their enlistment. I miss you too, friend. Have a bright morning! :D

I tried to smile but I can’t. But at least were getting there.

The day of EXO’s comeback, I went to their room to congratulate them but then saw that some of their members were missing. I can’t handle any additional drama so I decided to visit 4 Minute’s waiting room. When I arrived, the staff said that they were still on stage so I decided to head back to EXO’s room. I then stopped when I saw Lay giving Dara his hoodie. I can’t really stop my selfish being jealous and it ! I then left because I really can’t stand seeing it and I really don’t know if Leeteuk, Yesung and Eunhyuk saw me; well I really didn’t care.

I just went back to our dorm and locked myself in my room, staring at the snow globe that reminded me of the time I blew everything and for reminding me that, you know the importance of something when it’s gone.