You slightly awaken with the ray of sunlight peering through the window curtains and you groaned as the sun’s flare your somnolent eyes when you first opened them.  Bits and pieces of last night returned to play in your memory and slowly you remembered how much your face and arms hurt from an assault and how much tears you’ve shed.  You turned your head to take a glance at Nichkhun who agreed to sleep on the red couch in your room as you take the bed for yourself.  The secret’s out.  He finally knew you kept his favorite couch from the studio.

He is still sleeping with his head facing you making you see his sweet slumbering face as he sleeps so peacefully.  He has always been comfortable in that couch.  Your very own Sleeping Beauty.  Just gazing at him makes your heart melt and without you even knowing, a smile gently spread across your face.  “What am I going to do with you?”  You whispered.

The very sight of him made you think back to the days when you would wake up in his arms and he would cuddle you for hours.  And it made you wonder if you would like to have all that back again.  But you shake the thoughts out of your head as you start to get up.

A few minutes more and you were in your car, driving to a nearby bakeshop.  You did not have the heart to wake him up, so you left a note for Nichkhun, where you are sure he will find it, sticking it right on his forehead.  Telling him you’ll be back with breakfast and not to leave without you and without eating or you will never speak to him again.  There are a few things you wanted to tell him.  A few things you have to tell him face to face.

As soon as you parked your car, you could already smell the freshly baked bread and donuts enticing your appetite.  You have always loved their White Mountain bread, sliced and still warm that goes perfect with cream cheese and your morning coffee.  And you are sure the man waiting for you at home would love it too.  You were about to enter the shop when you spot a familiar car parked across the street and then you see Jack crossing the road over to you in a white tee and track pants, his hair messed up with dark circles under his eyes, quite different from the Jack you used to know.  How could he have changed so much in just a night.

Jack reached you as you stood unmoving, your hand covering your mouth to hide your quavering frown.  “So, I guess I didn’t handle my jealousy all too well.”  He tried to smile, but was not very successful at his attempt.  “Does it still hurt?” 

Up until this moment, part of you wanted to believe that all this was simply a bad dream, a huge mistake, but as you stared at him more you noticed that warmth that normally emanated from him was gone.  Something in him has changed in your eyes and you are left unsure if it’ll ever be the same again.

“Other than my heart, I don’t think you broke anything else.”  You were so still with none of the frenetic energy that normally animated you.  There was no smile, no laughter, no twinkle left in your eyes.

His heart lurched.  A part of him wanted to kneel down and apologize to you, but a greater part just wanted to hold on to you and have you stay by his side.  “Baby, you have to forgive me.  I never wanted to hurt you.  I never meant to.  And I know my actions might have been really contradicting, but you must believe I’m not that kind of guy.  You must know that, right?”  He tugged at your hand as he spoke.  “I can change.”

You sighed.  “That’s the thing Jack…”  Your voice trailing off.  “you’ve changed.”

“But I never stopped loving you.  That part of me hasn’t changed.”  His voice was asking, no begging you, but you pulled your hand away from his.  “Let’s figure this all out together.  We can make this work.  I know we can.  You still love me, right?”

“I remember what it felt like to be in love.  I don’t feel that anymore.  I can’t feel that anymore.”  Your eyes stung as you tried to speak.  “I could pretend I do, but what good will it do to us both?  I can remember the way I felt about you, but all I have now is a dark whisper of that memory.  And it’s sad.”

Jack had tears in his eyes and they were holding yours.  And in that particular moment they seemed completely .  “I’m begging you…”  He started, his forehead wrinkling into a frown as he struggled on how to go on with what he wanted to say without shedding a tear.  “Please.  I don’t know how to keep going without you.”  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he run his hand through his hair.  “You’re my home.”

His words made you feel disoriented.  You gave him a long stare and then dropped your gaze to the cobblestone floor.  “I’m sorry.”  You whispered.  He had said so much, but still it wasn’t enough.  Maybe it was just too late, too painful.

“Don’t do this.”  He smiled bitterly as he shook his head in disbelief.

There was nothing he could do now.  You were already gone.  Something in you that was meant for him was completely lost.  One couldn’t possibly find a jewel that had been tossed into the sea.  There are just too many things in there that made that one jewel insignificant.  He has lost you somewhere and he could not find you anymore.  He could not have you anymore.  You can no longer be his.

Your heart plummeted down in your chest as you looked at him.  You didn’t know what to tell him, the words were stuck in your throat and tears flooded your eyes.  “I can’t.  I’m sorry.  I can’t be yours anymore.”

“But you’re mine.  You’ve always been mine.”  His voice dropped and his jaw set in determination.  “I can’t let you be with anyone else.”

“Goodbye Jack.”  You turned to return to your car, but his hand darted out and caught your wrist.

“You love me.  I know you do.  You know you do.”  He grabbed you by the shoulders and made you face him.  “I understand why you’re mad and if you need some time to calm down, that’s fine.  I’ll wait.  I’m good at waiting.  But I will get you back.  You belong to me.”

“Jack you’re scaring me.”  You wrenched away from his grip and you winced as you felt him fight to hold on to you.

He looked up at your face and seeing the fear in your eyes, he lets you go slowly.  “Let’s talk, huh?”  His fingers moved through the air over your arms, wanting to touch you to make you feel better, to calm you, but knowing he would only make it worse.

“We had enough talking.”  You said as scurried off to your car.  You shut the door and locked it as fast as you could and then accelerated away from the curb.

You watched through the rearview mirror as Jack got into his car.  With a sinking heart, you watched as his car followed yours through several turns.  You were panicking and crying and had no thought on what else to do, so you reached for your mobile.

Nichkhun answered on the fourth ring.  “Yes, I got your note and yes, I’m still here waiting for you.“  His voice was so bright, but still a little husky from just waking up.  “Where –‘

“I’m scared Khun.”  He could hear the panic in your voice.  “Jack’s following me home and I’m afraid he might do something when he catches up to me.”

“Where are you?  I’m calling the police and then I’m coming to get you.”

“No, I don’t want him arrested.  Just come down and meet me – please.  I don’t think he’ll do anything if you’re there.  I just need you to be - ”

You were watching Jack’s car from behind when you heard a blaring horn and some tires screech loudly toward you.  It all happened so fast.  You have no idea of when, how or what, but you looked up in front to find the driver’s face filled with horror as he tried to step on his brakes and stir his steering wheel to turn to the other direction.  Your phone fell out of your hand and your mouth dropped open, no voice was coming out of you as you realized that the silver truck was heading right in your direction and approaching you at a speeding pace.

There was no escape, the distance between you and that truck was getting smaller.  You are going to die. 

…and you haven’t even thanked Nichkhun yet.