A few weeks after the last time Jungsoo saw Cheonsa, he felt like he was living in a hell. Everyday felt like a torture for him. Whatever he did, Cheonsa’s crying face would come to his mind and he would reminded by the incident where she left him in front of the lift.

After being left alone in front of the lift, Donghae and Ryeowook came to him and dragged him to their dorm. The anonymous girl was still inside the dorm, sitting on the couch in the living room with an annoyed Heechul. Heechul was so ready to rage on Jungsoo but when he saw him entering the dorm looking desperate, he kept his intention to himself.

Donghae explained that Jungsoo drank too much last night and the girl was too clingy to him. Jungsoo insisted that the girl had to go to the dorm with them. No one could object him because everyone was pretty much drunk as well. Though the girl slept in the dorm, they actually didn’t do anything.

Jungsoo was too drunk. He threw up once in the hallway and twice in his bathroom. The girl was pretty wasted as well so when she saw Jungsoo’s bed, she immediately slept on it. Jungsoo’s shirt was covered with his own vomit so Donghae had to strip him off. When he was about to put a shirt on, Jungsoo already passed out on his bed as well. Donghae and Kyuhyun witnessed everything because they were the ones who took care of Jungsoo. 

 They volunteered to explain to Cheonsa, but Jungsoo didn’t allow them. He said it was too late. There was no use of explaining. Even if she knew the truth, what would happen? He still didn’t want to marry her and it would hurt her as well.

“You look like a creeper, staring at those hoobaes like that.” Heechul approached his friend with two cups of Ice Americano on his hands. Jungsoo’s head jerked up, Heechul’s voice just broke his daydream. Heechul gave him one of the cups and Jungsoo mouthed him a thanks. Heechul took a seat next to him.

“You were suppose to watch them practicing, not staring at them with creepy eyes.” Heechul said.

Jungsoo scoffed. “I was just daydreaming, not staring to anyone.”

“Yeah, but you started scaring the kids.” Heechul pointed to the trainees in front of them.

That morning the agency told Heechul and Jungsoo to watch some trainees practicing and also mentored them. Jungsoo didn’t do anything useful though, it was all Heechul. He didn’t talk a single word to them except when Heechul told him to introduce himself. All the younger trainees was expecting a humble and cheerful Jungsoo, like how they always heard of him, but the Jungsoo in front of them was scary and cold.

“I was supposed to be the scary one and you’re the cheerful one. Look, the atmosphere was gloomy because of you.”

Jungsoo watched as 12 boys were dancing to their famous song, Sorry Sorry. And Heechul was right, the atmosphere was so gloomy. They were supposed to watch and evaluated their practice and then reported it to the management. They might had worked hard for this day and all Jungsoo did were daydreaming and glaring at them. He felt guilty.

“Let’s go to the Chinese restaurant near here, I’ll treat them meal this afternoon.” He said to Heechul.

Heechul smiled at him. “Yeah, that’s sounds great.”

Three hours later, Jungsoo and Heechul got out from the Chinese restaurant with some trainees. Jungsoo kept his promise. After the trainees finished their practice, he took them to the Chinese restaurant near SM Building and treated them foods. The trainees were all gladly accepting the offer.

“You need to go out like this, you know.” Heechul said as he waved at his hoobaes and watched them walked home.

“You talked like I locked myself in my room all the time.”

Heechul scoffed. “That’s exactly what you do. Locking yourself in the room all the time, except when you got jobs or whenever Ryeonggu forces you to eat.”

“I’m not that desperate.”

“You are.” Heechul said as he walked to his car. “You wanna grab some drink? Kyuhyun just texted me, he told us to meet him in our regular bar. You can ride with me.”

Jungsoo took a long faltering breath. Heechul, like the rest of s, always knew how to handle him. They both knew he needed drink and he shouldn’t drive in his condition.

“Sure. Let’s go.” He said and then walked to the passenger side of Heechul’s car.

“I don’t want excessive drinking okay. Unlike the last time.” Heechul warned as he slowly pulled his car into the street. He looked over at Jungsoo. “We only get beers tonight.”

“I get it.” Jungsoo nodded once.

They didn’t speak again until they took their stool at the bar of Eastern Pub. The crowd in Eastern Pub was rough, but the owner, Mr. Jang, and the bartenders knew Super Junior because they were regulars there. So they didn’t need to worry about not getting seats.

“Good to see you boys, it’s been a while.” Mr. Jang greeted, wiping down the counter before setting a beer for each of them.

“It’s been a while, Mr. Jang.” Heechul said, chugging down his beer.

“You don’t look okay, Jungsoo-ya. Rough day?” Mr. Jang asked.

Heechul answered for him. “He’ll feel better after a few shots.” Jungsoo raised his eyebrow at him. He remembered Heechul just warned him that he was off limit to everything except beers. “2-3 shots won’t kill you.” Heechul murmured, as if he could read Jungsoo’s mind.

Mr. Jang set 2 shots of Tequila in front of them and they took it down. A few moments later Kyuhyun finally appeared. He took the stool next to Jungsoo and grinned when his two hyungs complained about his late arrival.

“Mian. I had to drop Chaerin to her house first.” He excused.

“Why didn’t you bring her here? She could join us.” Jungsoo asked.

Mr. Jang gave served Kyuhyun his shot and one bottle of beer. He thanked him and then he looked over to his hyungs. “No, this is our brothers-bonding time. No girls allowed.”

Jungsoo chuckled. “I don’t think we need bonding time anymore. We’ve been together for years, after all.”

Heechul asked another drink to Mr. Jang and he immediately set three empty glasses and a bottle of Jim Beam. Or half of it. “What is that?” Jungsoo asked.

“I got this when I was drinking with Hongki before. We couldn’t finish this all in one night so Mr. Jang kept it for me. So I can open this bottle again whenever I need it.”

“And you think this is the right time to drink this?” Jungsoo shook his head in disbelieved.

Heechul filled the glasses to the brim with the Jim Beam. “Have you heard of drinking therapy, Teuk?”Jungsoo didn’t answer him. “Kyuhyun was worried about you, that’s why he suggested to go out tonight. And I think this is the perfect time for a drinking therapy session for you.” He said.

Jungsoo laughed, shaking his head. He grabbed one of the glasses but Kyuhyun covered his wrist with his hand. “Okay, hyung. Let’s hear it.”

“Hear what?” Jungsoo asked, making an attempt to pull away.

“About you and Cheonsa noona?”

Jungsoo drank up his glass, letting the liquid burned down his throat. He slammed the glass on the table. “What about it?”

Heechul rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, Teuk. Seriously? You weren’t yourself these past few weeks, you act like a living zombie ever since Cheonsa left our dorm. Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t even know what to talk about her.”

“Come on, drink one more glass and then spill the beans.” Heechul told him as he filled Jungsoo’s glass again. “Tell us why you never try to talk to Cheonsa?”

Jungsoo sighed out loud and then drank up his glass. The liquor started to kicked in, made it easier for him to talk. “Why should I talk to her? Even if I get her misunderstanding solved, then what’s the point? I’ll hurt her anyway.”

“Why do you have to hurt her, hyung?” Kyuhyun asked.

He let out a desperate laugh. “Do you forget that my parents arranged a marriage for me? And Cheonsa is the girl that I’m supposed to marry?” The boys shook their head, and he continued. “She expects me to marry her but I don’t want to get married this soon. I’ll hurt her if I still hang out with her.”

Heechul rested his hand on Jungsoo’s shoulder, making their eyes meet. “You seriously don’t want to marry her, Teuk?”

Jungsoo stared at his friend in disbelieved. “What? Of course! I cannot marry her or any other girls right now. We are idol, Heechul-ah. Idols can’t get married.”

“Who says Idols can’t get married, hyung? You can be the first married idol in Korea.” Kyuhyun said.

“Kyuhyunah, are you being serious?” Jungsoo snapped at Kyuhyun. “That was the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. We’re in the middle of preparing our newest album, we put all of our heart, our sweats into it and now I have to ruin it by getting married? I’m not that crazy.”

“Are you saying that you don’t want to marry her because you don’t want to bring trouble to our group, not because you don’t love her?”

Jungsoo fell silent upon hearing Heechul’s question. He couldn’t answer the question; he didn’t know what to answer him. Seeing Jungsoo’s blank expression, Heechul smiled. It seemed like he finally could open his friend’s heart. He drank up his glass and then filled all of their empty glasses again.

“Drink.” He ordered. Jungsoo and Kyuhyun happily obliged. The three of them took the shot together. Jungsoo squeezed his eyes and then groaned. The liquor finally hit him.

“Park Jungsoo, tell us the truth. Do you love her?”

Jungsoo stared at his empty glass. He thought it hard, did he love her? Then he remembered the day Cheonsa came to the dorm. The day when Cheonsa cried because of him. “She... She said she loved me. But it’s useless now because I’ve hurt her.”

“She said she loved you? But, do you love her back, hyung?” Kyuhyun looked at him with concerned eyes.

“I don’t even know how I feel, Kyu.” He choked out. “She loved me, but I’ve hurt her. I’ve lost her.”

Heechul’s brows pulled together. “Teuk, you don’t have to lose her, if you fight for her. But do you want to fight for her?”

“I can’t fight for her, you know that. I can’t fight for any girl if that means I have to get married.”

“So you love the girl, you just have a commitment issue.” Heechul said.

“Commitment issue? I don’t have commitment issue, Heechul-ah. I just can’t be an idol and a married man at the same time.” Jungsoo said, sounding irritated.

“This is silly.” Heechul scoffed. Jungsoo was about to snap at him but he cut him. “Listen to me. We’re not young anymore, Teuk. Though we’re called idol group but we’re already in our late twenties. We’re in the right age to enlist or to get married. The fans know it. Sure, hell will break loose but it, Teuk. You deserve to be happy. The fans will be okay in time.”

“I’m going to enlist very soon, right after our new album promotion ends. I haven’t told anyone about this, now I tell you this. If I can have a woman waiting for me until I get discharge that will be fantastic. But I don’t have one. You could have one, if you’re not stupid enough to let her go.”

Kyuhyun and Jungsoo stared at Heechul in shock. They mouth fell open. “You’re going to enlist that soon?!” Jungsoo nearly shouted.

Heechul shushed him, afraid that people would hear them. It was unnecessary though, since everyone around were pretty much busy drinking and the back sound was a bit loud as well.

“Yeah, I have discussed it with the company and they said it’s fine. We’ll talk about this later with the others but now let’s talk about you. Tonight is about you, Teuk, not me.”

“I don’t have anything to tell that can top your enlistment story.”

“Okay, let’s drink more. You talk easier after you drink.” He grabbed the bottle and then poured it to their glasses. He raised his glass, Kyuhyun and Jungsoo clinked their glasses to his glasses and then they drank up.

Heechul wiped his lips with his fingers. “Maybe you should start admitting that you love her.”

Jungsoo frowned. “Come on guys, I’ve told you I don’t know how I feel.”

“Admit it.” Heechul said, crossing his arms. “Admit that you love her.”

Jungsoo sighed defeated. “I have feelings for her. I care about her, so much that I can’t stand it when she’s not around. Like what happened right now.”

“Marry her, then!”

“Kim Heechul, how many times I should explain to you,..”

“Hyung.” Kyuhyun grabbed Jungsoo’s shoulder, cutting him when he was about to retort. “You don’t have to worry about the fans; they’ve gotten more mature these days. You don’t have to worry about the album; we’ll kill the chart no matter what.”

“Kyuhyunah...”

Kyuhyun smiled reassuringly at him. “And mostly, don’t worry about us. We’re happy if you’re happy. No one in the group wants to be successful but having to see you living miserable like a living zombie every day. You can marry her, if that’s what can make your life complete.”

Jungsoo looked at his dongsaeng. “You guys are okay if I marry her?”

“Of course we’re okay!” Heechul exclaimed.

“The fans will be furious, they won’t ever forgive me.”

“We will help you apologize to them. They will forgive you, Teuk, eventually. Until then, you have us. We will be by your side, supporting your happiness.”

“Really?”

“God helps you, Teuk. You have us.”

Heechul tapped his back, assuring him with a smile. Jungsoo smiled at the two of them, he was grateful. He thought Heechul was right when he took him to this bar. He needed it, talking to friends. And he was grateful that he had friends, family like them.

They remained in silent for a moment, drinking more, and then suddenly Jungsoo bursted out into laughter. “Did you just say God? When did you start believe in God, Heechul-ah?” He asked Heechul, and Kyuhyun began to laugh as well.

Heechul suddenly blushed really red. He punched Jungsoo’s shoulder. “Oh, shut the up!” He demanded and then laughed along with the two.