#This was a very hard chapter to write...i hope you wont get too confuse... you might need to read a few times to get it... the times lapses back and forth... Sorry m(_ _;)m      

What Siwon saw that day in front of his father's office.  It was nothing other having to witnessing his very own king trying to kill himself with a gun pointed to his head.  Siwon heard clearly what his father was mumbling over and over again as if to hypnotise himself, "it'll be over once I pull this...it'll be over... Yoona...I can't...I can't live without you!...." 

  Watching the man you pride yourself with, buckle in front isn't something an eight years old should handle.  Yet Siwon watches him break down, his father was also saying their names over and over again.  "Siwonnie...Tiffany... My Queen, can't I just die! Yoona, what the hell do you want me to do? How do you expect me to survive these endless days without you?! Can't I just follow you?!"...from that very moment, Siwon knew, he knew his father wouldn't let his two little kids lose their father as well.  Perhaps people can't give up on themselves...not for their own sake, but for the sake of those they love.     Years Passed after QueenYoona's death...    A few months before the king's death.  Siwon and his father was riding their steed onto the mountain top like always.  The king leading as his son dutifully follows.
 
"Kiff is a beautiful horse"
 
"She's an agile, a proud Arabian beauty.  You won't find many horses as fine as her in all of Europe."
 
"And she's the only lady who can have you..."
 
"Yah, you...!" The father and son giggle as they ride peacefully along the path.  Suddenly the king look over at Siwon in such a proud manner that got Siwon a bit embarrasses and uneasy.   "She's yours now."
 
"I beg your pardon!!...father...no way... you know Kiff will never let anyone get on her except for you!"
 
"Tame her! you're not a kid anymore, Siwonnie"  King Suju sigh as he pat his noble steed as if saying goodbye, eyes looking far ahead.  "..I've done the best I can do ...I can't take this anymore....No, i'm actually surprised that I made it this far..."
 
"what are you talking about...you're a great moarch!" Siwon frown as he didn't specifically like the tone in his father voice, something extremely tragic yet calm.  "I'll never be as good as you!"
 
"I...couldn't protect the woman I love. There's no way to atone for a sin like that" King Suju turn back into the tender loving husband as he look guiltily directly into his son's dark orbs, something reminded him too much of his mother.  "Its tough, Siwon...its too tough...Not being able to forgive yourself....isn't it...isn't it ok for me to finally rest...?"   ~=~   On the day of his funereal Siwon stood proudly as he watches his father lie peacefully in his royal casket.  He could even say there's a light smile on his fathers face looking as peaceful as he ever could remember.   what would be worse?   A sudden death...
  Or killing yourself slowly over a span of 12 years?
 
Answer me, father...
 
If you haven't met mother...if you could have a peaceful life without ever knowing my mother even existed...Would you choose that?
 
"Tiff, you know... I...i'm not going to let anyone come into my life."
 
"What do you mean? you're not even going to get married? you'll be the monarch soon."
 
"You can get marry, your child can be the successor."  Siwon calmly suggested having thought about the issue before.  "Letting someone into your life....letting that someone grab a hold of your soul... Is too dangerous." Siwon sternly state without showing any sign of joke, that fact scare Tiffany more than