24^th January 2013

            Jongup looked at himself in front of the mirror for the umpteenth times. He was getting ready to go on his second date with Daehyun after their marriage. It was not really a date but he liked to call it one. Their first was a week after the honeymoon and they went to catch a very well-known controversial movie adapted from its fictional book – Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2. Though he loved the way Daehyun cared for him in the movie hall for the latter took off his jacket and wrapped it around a shivering Jongup (they chose a midnight one and Jongup could not stand the temperature), he could not help but feel slightly disappointed for the affection only lasted at that time only, no cuddling… no holding hands afterwards.

            With the hope that this date would be different from before, Jongup had spent a great amount of time to dress himself that night so that he would look more presentable… which he failed for the second time. He had a hard time to choose what he should wear and ended up with a simple Brunswick green and Timberwolf gray stripped long sleeve knitted shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. For the second time in his life (first one was during his marriage), he applied a light make-up onto his flawless face and used a black eyeliner to create a dark, intense line around his small eyes. He smiled contently for he thought he somehow managed to look different and he loved how big his eyes now. Courtesy of his new purchased eyeliner.

            Jongup occupied himself with watching a recent Korean Drama while waiting for Daehyun’s arrival to pick him up. It already was nearing 7pm and he was seen to be pacing back and forth in the living room with his phone in his hand. They already planned this last week to have dinner first and then went to watch the movie but Daehyun was not there yet. The movie would start at 9 and they only had two hours to be in the movie hall with non-grumble stomach. Jongup anxiously bit his bottom lip as he stared at his phone. Should I call Daehyun hyung? After what seemed like forever, he finally slid his thumb across the phone screen and search for Daehyun’s number before he pressed the call button. He waited for the other to pick the call up and once he heard the familiar voice on the other line, he brightly smiled.

            The call ended in less than five minutes and it turned out that Daehyun could not go out with him that night as the latter needed to complete his design for the upcoming Seoul Fashion Show event. Jongup could not help but comply when his husband allowed him to go watch the movie if and only if there was someone else to accompany him. Jongup heaved a heavy sigh when he remembered that Daehyun was not going to come home that night. Well, this is the first time he’s not going to be lying next to me at night. I’m gonna miss his peaceful sleeping face first thing in the next morning then.

            Jongup absentmindedly looked around the living room before his eyes landed on the movie tickets that were placed on the side table. Suddenly his mind remembered someone’s name…Someone that he did not get to meet or even have a talk for quite a while now. If he were to recall of the last time he talked to this certain someone, it was like almost a month ago and it was the week they celebrated the Christmas Eve. After that, there seemed to have a gap that was gradually getting bigger between them. Jongup noticed that and wondered what he did wrong to the other for the latter suddenly would not answer his phone call or reply his message hours later after it was sent. Should I call Luhannie?

            Jongup browsed through his contact and spotted Luhan’s name. His thumb hesitantly pressed the call button but he did it. He put his phone against his ear as he waited for Luhan to pick the call up. First call… The latter did not answer. Nevertheless, Jongup did not give up and tried for the second time… third time… and the fourth time was when his call was finally being picked up. Jongup gulped down his saliva for he suddenly did not know what to say.

            “H-Hannie…”

            On the other part of Seoul, Luhan gripped his phone tightly as he finally heard the sweet voice that he was missing every single day. That soft and calm voice… Luhan had his eyes closed as he tried to calm his fast beating heart. He did not know what else to do in order to stop his heart from beating for the other because… hey, that person was now his brother in-law and it was illegal to have feelings for him. He purposely distanced himself from Jongup because firstly, he could not stand seeing Jongup with his brother and secondly, he was trying hard to forget his love for the other by not picking the latter’s call and replying to his messages hours later. But the question is how long would he be able to give this kind of cold treatment toward Jongup? His precious Jongup?

            “Hello, Luhan?”

            “Yes, I’m here…” Luhan answered slowly, eyes were staring at one spot at the corner of his room.

            “…How are you?”

            “I’m fine. You?”

            “Same here… Just that… I miss you…” The last part was a whisper but Luhan could hear it clearly. He bit hit bottom lips as the words could do some flips in his stomach.

              God, you shouldn’t say that, Uppie. You just don’t know that I’ve been missing you every single day and night… madly missing you. However, Luhan could not bring himself to reply Jongup for he knew the meaning behind his words and the latter’s ones were different. Jongup missed him as his friend while Luhan missed the other more than a friend. A heavy sigh involuntarily escaped from his lips and he cursed himself for he knew Jongup could hear him.

              “Luhan…”

              “Yes?”

            “Did I do something wrong to you? Are you m-mad at me?” Jongup asked, the tone was low and was filled with guilt. Luhan’s brows creased.

             “What do you mean?” 

            “I don’t know but…I feel like you’re distancing yourself from me. Did I do something to you?” Jongup’s soft voice rang through Luhan’s ears. The latter brought his other free hand and ran it through his messy hair. He felt guilty for making Jongup felt like he was a bad friend when actually the one to be blamed for was he himself, the bad one. I’m sorry, Uppie… Sorry for falling for you hard and made you think you did wrong to me when I’m trying to avoid you.

            “N-No… You did nothing wrong to me. I’m just… busy.” Did that even make sense? Could busy be the excuse for all the non-picking-up calls and late at replying messages? Well, Luhan thought it was the best.

            “Hmm… Are you busy now?” There was a pause before Luhan replied.

            “I’m act—” He tried to give an excuse but was immediately being cut off by Jongup.

          “I have two tickets for this movie I wanna watch so badly… and it’s tonight. I would like to go with you. Can you accompany me to watch it…please?” Jongup pleaded voice was making Luhan melt but he tried to not buy it.

            “Where’s Dae hyung? Why don’t you go with him?”

            “He’s… at the office. He has to complete the design for the upcoming fashion show event.” Jongup’s voice suddenly became low and Luhan once again bit his bottom lips.

            “The Seoul Fashion Show thing? I heard of it quite a lot recently from Appa.”

            “Really? Daehyun hyung must be really working hard now…” Luhan had enough. He did not know why but it hurt him to hear that sad tone of Jongup when talking about his brother. It was not kind of hurt that was accompanied by pity… Instead, it was actually a feeling that was accompanied by jealousy. Yup, he was jealous… jealous to know that Jongup cared for his brother so much and he really wished he was the one at Daehyun’s place right now.

            “Jongup. About the movie, I’m sorry I can’t go watch it with you.” Luhan changed the topic to the main one and he received a short ‘oh’ from Jongup. But he immediately realized that he just talked to Jongup with a serious and strained voice. He thought Jongup probably was surprised with the tone he was using and left him speechless and only manage to reply with that short ‘oh’. Luhan internally sighed.

            “J-Jongup—”

            “I-Im s-sorry…”

            “No, I wa—”

            “No, I’m sorry. I just feel bored and lonely that I thought I could spend some time with you. I just miss you and wanna mee—… ah, nevermind…. Bye, Luhan. Sorry for botheri—” 

            “Moon Jongup!” Luhan stood up from the bed he was sitting on. He became panic when he heard Jongup’s calm voice cracked a bit. He instantly felt guilty for unintentionally hurting the fragile boy.

            There was silence from the other line and Luhan took the chance to speak.

            “Where should I meet you tonight? I mean… the movie. I change my mind. I wanna go watch it… with you.”

FLASHBACK

Two years and six months ago…

            “So, you had fun?” Luhan nonchalantly asked and casually draped his arm around Jongup’s shoulder. The latter let out a content sigh before he smiled his significant megawatt smile. Luhan looked away for he was trying to not lose control of himself and squeezed the shorter boy’s cheeks hard or worst, kissed him squared on his pinkish luscious lips. Jongup never failed to waver his heart now.

            “Yes, of course. I just loved how the Cullens vampires and the Quileute werewolves formed an alliance to confront a band of vampires.” Jongup commented and Luhan nodded his head in agreement. They had just watched Twilight Saga: Eclipse and they were on their way to the next destination – the nearest coffee shop.  

            “I couldn’t agree more to that. Just because of wanting to protect that one ordinary human being, the werewolves and the vampires set their never-ending war aside and got together to fight the new born vampires. Lucky Bella.” Luhan stated his point and they continued review the story until they reach their favorite coffee shop. Luhan pulled the door open and gestured for Jongup to enter it first. Jongup chose a table next to the window and Luhan plopped himself on a seat across the table so that he could see Jongup’s face before his eyes. They made their orders and while waiting, their mouth did not stop talking.

            “Uppie, I was wondering...”

            “What?”

            “If you were Bella, who would you choose?”

            “Me, Bella? Urm… Jacob.” Jongup answered after he thought for a while. Luhan raised his left eyebrow upon hearing the answer.

            “Why Jacob?”

            “Just because…” Jongup bit his lips cutely and gave an innocent look at Luhan. The latter cracked a smile.

            “Jongup is being Jongup again.” Jongup’s brow creased and Luhan could not help but let out an airy chuckle.

            “How about you, Hannie?” Jongup returned the question.

            “Me? Urgh, I don’t want to think of myself as Bella.”

            “Then, I change the question. Who would you like to be? Vampire or Werewolf?”

            “Not gonna answer that.” Luhan nonchalantly replied. He leaned his back again the seat and winked at Jongup. The latter rolled his eyes and unconsciously pouted adorably before he turned his head to look outside the window. His elbow supported his arm that was cupping his chin and Luhan found this sight before his eyes was breathtaking. He knew Jongup was now sulking for he did not answer the question and he did not regret it at all. Who would when you get to see a cute pouting Jongup?

            If Luhan were to answer Jongup’s question, he would pick Jacob too. Why? It was so obvious that he would like to be the one that Jongup would choose. But it would be just weird to say something like that and plus, Jongup sometimes could catch something up really fast… he did not want Jongup to know he had feelings for him, not yet. Something clicked on his mind and he already got the answer that he believed was quite reasonable and… sweet? Whatever, he could not care less and just wanted to spill his answer when the waiter came with their orders.

            “Jacob Black.” Luhan suddenly said after they stayed silence for quite a while. Jongup looked up from his chocolate cake when he heard Luhan’s voice gave him a questioning look.

            “Well, I would like to be Jacob because he was a warm blooded creature and it could give warmth and safety to his loved one. It’s not that I’m saying Edward couldn’t, but I prefer Jacob because as you see in the movie earlier, Bella was freezing and Edward could do nothing. And there was Jacob to keep her warm and… I wanted to be like him. I don’t want my love to go to someone else’s embrace to seek warmth or love or protection o—”

            “Okay, got it Hannie! That’s sweet…”

            “Thank you.”

            “But… If you were Jacob, you would not get Bella.” Jongup reasoned out and Luhan puckered his lips while nodded his head.

            “Well, that’s too bad then.” Jongup giggled before he spoke.

            “If I were Bella, I would definitely choose you.” And Luhan could not stop himself from cracking a smile.

            “Okay, so I need to change something.”

            “Change what?” Jongup’s eyebrows knitted together.

            “If you were Bella in the real life, I would be Lucob White.”

            “Lucob White?!”

            “Yes, Lucob is the combination of my name and Jacob while as for White, it’s because my skin is like Omma’s, very fair. Since Jacob’s surname is Black and he’s got tanned skin, then mine should be White then.” Luhan explained and Jongup looked at him as if he had grown horns at his head.

            One second…

            Two seconds…

            Three seconds…

         Jongup threw his head to the back while one of his hands covered his mouth, a usual gesture he did when he laughed. He found it was hilarious and he could not believe that Luhan could go to this extend just because of that fictional story. What? Lucob White? Jongup was now covering his face for he could not stop himself from laughing hard. How could Luhan come up with such ideas? Name combination? Oh Lord, please save Jongup now.

            “Stop laughing, Uppie. It’s not funny now.” Luhan said in an annoyed tone. Jongup’s face was now all red and he was catching his breath now.

          “Sorry, Luhannie. I thought the description is… uh, unique.” And Jongup refrained himself from falling into laughing fit again. Luhan made a face.

            Jongup batted his eyelashes playfully while he gave the most innocent face to Luhan who was sending daggers at him. Jongup studied Luhan’s profile and he could not agree more when Luhan said he had a fair skin like Himchan. It was true that his friend in front of him inherited Himchan’s porcelain white skin and some other features like small pointed nose and rounded eyes. It was different with Daehyun who mostly had Yongguk’s traits – tanned skin, a bit large nose and intense eyes.

            Luhan did the exact same thing to Jongup – studying his profile. Jongup had Zitao’s eyes and color skin, Yifan’s sharp jawline and thick eyebrows. There was something that confused not only Luhan but everyone too and it was about Jongup’s height. Considering the fact that he had Chinese-Canadian blood in his veins and both of his parents were tall, having Jongup who was shorter than the supposed height was still making people wonder. Nevertheless, people usually brushed it off after seeing Jongup’s angelic smile and Zitao was grateful to have him as his son.

            “Okay, enough. Stop glaring at me. I’m sorry.” Jongup quickly apologized. His hand clasped to one another and he placed it just below his chin. This cute sight was making Luhan to soften his intense glare and had himself gawked at the sight. So cute!

            “Okay, to be honest… It’s quite funny but then on second thought, I think it’s sweet. Really.” Jongup spoke and Luhan gave him a look.

            “Chincha?” and Jongup nodded his head earnestly.

            “Then… do you like Lucob White, Jongup Moon?”

           “Urm… Jongup Star would absolutely choose Lucob White.” Jongup nonchalantly replied and gave Luhan his killer smile. Luhan was now smiling widely upon hearing Jongup’s reply. He immediately understood what Jongup said and he swore he would keep this precious moment in his head. I’ll make sure Moon Jongup would get Jung Luhan instead.

END OF FLASHBACK

            Luhan stumbled to his walk-in wardrobe after he went out of the bathroom. His hands immediately grabbed a white shirt and an equally white crew neck knitted sweater with contrasting pop design motive. After he had thrown those shirts on, he went to the mirror and styled his hair. Once he was satisfied with his look, he eagerly made his way out of the room. Not even one minute after he left the room; the door was opened again and revealed a frustrated Luhan. He went to take a pair of leather pants and changed into it. So much of wanting to meet Jongup that he did not realize he did not even change his sweatpants.

            He checked himself in the mirror for his appearance and after he made sure that he had everything on him perfectly, he beamed. He went to grab his grey winter coat and red cotton knitted scarf in the walk-in wardrobe before he headed downstairs. Luhan yelled from the front door telling his mother who was in the kitchen that he was going to go out with a friend and before he heard Himchan’s reply, he was out to the garage. Engine was ignited and he drove his car out.

            Once Luhan arrived at the mall, he parked his car and made his way to the entrance. From afar, he could catch a glimpse of Jongup who was standing in front of the entrance and he clicked his tongue when he realized that Jongup might be freezing for waiting for him outside. He noticed that Jongup’s hands were inside of his black winter coat winter coat with fur around the trim of the hood and he bounced his body with his heels and tiptoes alternately. Jongup turned his head to the side a bit and sneezed. Luhan quickened his steps and when he stood next to Jongup who was now fixing his winter hat, he spun Jongup’s body around without warning and earned a surprise gasp from the latter.

            “Pabo.” It was the first word that slipped out of Luhan’s mouth as he took off the red scarf around his neck and tugged it neatly around Jongup’s. The latter wanted to say something but nothing was coming out from his mouth except for the cloud-breathing when he exhaled. Jongup just let Luhan did what he wanted to do and stared at his friend’s face, taking in all the handsome features Luhan had.

            “You should just wait for me inside and not here. You can’t really stand cold temperature yet you’re standing here, freezing yourself. You’re going to catch a cold, do you know that?” Luhan reprimanded. Jongup was so quiet that made Luhan averted his gaze to look at Jongup who was looking at him. Luhan’s breathe hitched in his throat when he realized that Jongup wore make up that night and he looked extraordinarily beautiful. Luhan immediately composed himself and let out a sigh.

            “Jongup, you’re boring hole—” Luhan could not finish his word when Jongup suddenly threw himself at him. He was flabbergasted that he could only stand straight and tried to put his mind together. Jongup’s body was pressed against his and Luhan had his eyes wide opened when he felt Jongup tightened his arms around his waist. His heart skipped a beat.

            “Uppie…”

            “I miss you, Hannie.” It came in a low tone but Luhan heard it. Ah, screw all this brother-in-law …

            “I miss you too, Jonguppie…. So much.” That it hurts. Luhan slowly wrapped his arms around Jongup and wished that they could stay like that forever. He was relieved that he finally able to say those words to Jongup.

            “You’re warm…” Jongup mumbled in his chest and Luhan tightened his hold around Jongup.

            “That’s why Lucob White is here for his Jongup Star…” There was a soft chuckle emitted from the shorter and Luhan heaved a sigh.

            “Don’t leave me…” Jongup’s words had Luhan frowned.

            Many thoughts were running through his mind. Yes, it hurt to see your beloved one got married to someone else, what more to your own brother. It stung your heart badly when you had to watch those lovey-dovey scenes before your eyes. But it was more painful when you got the chance to say you love that certain someone before but you did not use it wisely and missed it. It was painful when you tried to convey your feelings but the other interpreted it differently. All of this could not compare the pain from trying to erase all the bottled up feelings you had for years from your heart. No, it was hard… damn hard.

            Luhan made up his mind. He just wanted to be happy… happy with Jongup. It was okay if he was considered as a friend only, as long as he could still see Jongup and his precious smile. It was hard to avoid Jongup before and he did not want to go through that painful month anymore. Luhan knew he would get hurt again if he stayed but what else could he do?

            I won’t leave you, Moon Jongup. I’m sorry for avoiding you before… Just, let me love you secretly, Uppie. I’m going to stay by your side and silently loving you with all my heart. I know this is wrong but I can’t stop myself now… Not after you made me fall for you this hard. Saranghae, Moon Jongup…

25th March 2014

1:00am

Tuesday

I noticed that HanJong moments only happen in the flashbacks. So I took time to think of HanJong moment in the present. Sorry to keep you wait for the update. Ahhh, it was hard to find one and I hope this chapter does not disappoint you. Huhu. *puppy eyes* anyway, HANJONG IS HERE. Let's give Luhan some time to be with Jongup. :)

I could not take my eyes off him when I first saw this photo. That shirt really suits him perfectly and that smile... :) So, this is how Jongup looked like in this chapter.

The so-called fail makeup in the story... whatever, I love Jongup with eyeliner. :D Please ignore Yongguk. (Sorry Gukkie :P )

and here is Luhan... Looking handsome in white knitted sweater and winter coat. :)