Continuation of Kikwang’s POV..

End of Asia Tour in Singapore..

Beast’s Asia Tour in Singapore was a big success. The members were overwhelmed by the response and had no idea that they have a lot of B2utys there. They spent three days in Singapore and to be honest, they didn’t even get to explore Singapore because their three days were occupied with their concert, fanmeeting, radio interviews and press conference. Their only sightseeing was when they went to and fro from their hotel to their venue and back again. Right now, they’re at Changi Airport’s Departure Lounge as their next destination will be Malaysia. They’re always hyped up for every tour but this time, it’s different. All of them are going for the tour together but it felt like they were missing one member. Since the day that he received the message, Kikwang had not been himself. He became quiet even when he’s with s and during interviews and fanmeeting, he will only answer the questions that’s been asked. s were definitely extremely worried but they can’t do anything except to be there for him when he needed them. When it comes to having personal problems, Kikwang will share with s but he will seek Doojoon for advice. Doojoon’s straightforwardness is the reason why Kikwang will always seek him. He still remember the night after the concert, he decided to have a talk with Doojoon when they went back to their hotel room. Kikwang shared a room with Doojoon as that’s how Beast normal tour routine is. They will share their hotel rooms like how they shared their rooms back in the dorm.

Flashback..

Beast reached their hotel room at around 2 a.m. local time. Kikwang sat on the hotel bed after he had a shower while his fingers were busy dialling Hyosung’s number. Well actually, he had been trying to call Hyosung since he got her message before their concert but Hyosung didn’t answer him. She didn’t even reply him on KaTalk eventhough Kikwang already sent over fifty messages to her. Kikwang let out a frustrated sigh and threw his phone aside. He looked out the hotel window and even the amazing night view of Singapore can’t seem to ease him. All the wonderful memories that he did together with Hyosung started to play in his mind. If he were to keep this up, he might just go insane. “Kikwang ah.. You should just sleep dude.. Relax that mind of yours.. Stop thinking too much.. Once we’re back in Korea, go and meet her and talk things out. Don’t leave this matter hanging like this cause it’ll affect you emotionally. Like now..”. Doojoon who is all ready to go to bed decided to sit down and talk to Kikwang when he saw him sitting on his bed, looking out of the window. “I don’t even know if she wants to see me.. Things are gonna be even harder once I’m back in Korea Doojoon ah.. It’s not gonna be easy..”. Kikwang looked at Doojoon then looked back out of the window. “Well true..”. Doojoon said. “But you should remember this.. No matter how hard the problem is, you still have to face it Kikwang ah.. Running away from problems won’t solve anything. Yes I agree it’s gonna be hard for you once we’re back in Korea but to hell with what people’s gonna say.. They don’t know what’s going on and they don’t even know the real story.. All they can do is create stories and before they do, you gotta make sure that everything is crystal clear, don’t you?”. Doojoon starts to give him advice and support. Kikwang can’t help but to agree to what Doojoon said. Everything that Doojoon told him is true though. Running away from problems won’t solve anything. It’ll make things even worse and for Kikwang, he seriously wants to meet Hyosung and have a four eyes talk with her. Doojoon saw Kikwang nodded in agreement. He smiled. He felt somewhat relieved. “To be honest, I don’t even know what to think of her.. She’s the sweetest and the most honest girl I’ve ever met and I kept on thinking that all this while, the promises that we made before we’re in a relationship and when we were in a relationship, are those just empty promises? I know her so well that I’m confident enough to say that she’s not that type of girl.. But, I don’t know.. I’m confused right now dude..”. Kikwang ruffled his hair and sighed. “Then don’t get confused.. Do you even realize that your “confusion” is actually just an excuse to cover up the fact that you’re accusing her of lying to you? What makes you think that she really did what she did? Do you even give her a chance by thinking that maybe she doesn’t have a choice but to really let you go for the sake of her group maybe? Or maybe right now, she’s crying her heart out because she had to face all this without her wanting too but here you are getting all suspicious over her.. Your mind is not in the right state now Kikwang ah and negative thinking became a “confusion” to you and if you keep on thinking that way, how are you gonna face her and solve this problem positively? You might ended up hating her for the wrong reasons and one fine day, you’ll think back about this episode of your life and you’ll regret for not thinking it through when you had the chance to do so.”. Doojoon is the best when it comes to advising people and it all made sense. By now, Kikwang felt a bit lighter than before because he really had a good talk with Doojoon and let most of his negative thoughts and confusions out of his head.

Flashback ends..

After that talk, Kikwang seems better now. The other members have no idea what made him so except for Doojoon but whatever the reason is, they’re glad that Kikwang’s already back to his normal self now. Kikwang on the other hand already told himself that once he get back to Korea, by hook or by crook, he will meet Hyosung and talk about this matter and hopefully it’ll all work out in the end.

End of Kikwang’s POV..

I looked at my phone yet again. This weird feeling that I felt when I looked at my phone being so quiet at 2 a.m. in the morning without any calls or messages made me confused. What is the meaning of this feeling? I tried not to follow this feeling and threw it as far as I can. I put my phone aside and took a towel to wipe my perspire. It’s 2 a.m. and we’re still in our practice room, practicing hard for our comeback. We have a few more weeks left and the closer the comeback date gets, the busier our group will be. I gotta be honest that this few days, my mind isn’t in the right state. It felt like my body is here but my soul is somewhere else. I can’t even focus on my dance routine and even my members told me that I look disturbed. Well, to be honest though, I am. After that message that I sent, Kikwang had been calling me non-stop and kept on messaging me. It really hurts for me not to answer or reply to him especially when it’s so sudden but I really don’t have a choice. I regretted messaging him on the night of his concert tour as I know he’ll be so disturbed but it was too late as I only realized it once the message was sent. After both our agencies clear up the news as a “rumour”, the dating news immediately stopped. I felt really bad for making our fans who clearly supported us, disappointed. Two days straight, Kikwang called and texted me but the very next day, he stopped. During the two days that he called and texted me, although I can’t answer him, I felt somewhat comforted because I can see his name calling me and texting me but on the third day, I felt lost. Almost all the negative thoughts came running through my mind. Things like, ‘He doesn’t care about me anymore and he’s tired of trying now’. As much as I can’t blame him for that as I know that it’s my fault, I can’t help but to feel disappointed. “Unnie ah.. We should go now..”. Hana’s voice woke me up from my long thought. I looked up and smiled at her. Slowly I get up, carried my bag and walked out of the practice room. We were all quiet in our van as it was a long and exhausting day and all of us ended up sleeping in the van. Once we reached our dorm, one by one we went down our van and slowly walked in our dorm lobby. “Unnie ah..”. I heard Jieun calling me. “Wae?”. I asked her without looking and pulled my hoodie up to cover my head as the weather that night is too cold. “It’s Kikwang..”. I froze. I don’t know if I should turned to look or not. ‘Fine.. Hyosung ah.. This is not surprising at all.. It’s 3 a.m. now and it’s the perfect timing for idols to meet..”. I told myself. Well, it’s true though. Right? Anyways, back to the story. So, I know that I’m not gonna ignore him because obviously he came here straight from the airport and well, I really missed him so I should turn to him and I did. There he is, outside my dorm lobby, in his jeans and hoodies covered all the way up to his head. He looked at me and I don’t know if that was a disappointed look or an angry look that he showed me. I looked at my members and they all smiled at me while mouthing ‘Fighting!’. I weakly smiled at them and kept on thinking whether I’m ready to meet him. Slowly, he walked to me. He came closer and closer and closer till he’s just a few steps away from me. “Annyeong Hyosung ah.. Jaljineseo?”. He gave me a slight smile and only that is enough to make me waver. “I think we really do need to talk..”. ‘Damn! JANG HYOSUNG!!! What was that?!!’. By now, I’m cursing at myself for being too nervous and impatient. I clenched my fist tight and told myself to get it together. We went to a nearby park and sat at a bench, kept quiet for like ten minutes or so till, “I’m sorry!”. Yeah. I started the conversation because I felt like I need to. I turned slightly to look at him and I saw that slight smile again. ‘Okay.. This is just too awkward!! Fine.. I might as well just tell him what I’ve been wanting to tell him all this while..’. I told myself. Here goes nothing.. “Kikwang ah..”. “I know..”. Kikwang told me. “I.. Wait. What?”. By now, I’m literally facing him. Like literally turned to him and tried to read his face. “I know.. You’re gonna say that this all your fault, you didn’t mean to send that message and it’s not your choice for doing what you did. To be honest, I should be the one apologizing to you because I doubted you. That’s even worse than what you did.”. Kikwang sighed. I’m speechless. “We’re together for a year and although it’s a secret relationship, we’re happy together and we made a lot of beautiful memories. Remember all the memories that we did together? Those were the good times.. We had so much fun that I’m sure you won’t forget about any of them, right? I’m very sure that you won’t forget about any of it and I’m also very sure you won’t let go of any of those memories that easily too, right?”. Kikwang turned to look at me. I saw my vision getting blurry because my tears are all welled up. I smiled at him and nodded. The pain that I’m feeling in my heart is slowly releasing itself out. “It was really hard..”. I ended up bursting into tears, like literally. Kikwang quickly put his arms around me and suddenly I felt secured. I didn’t expect myself to burst into tears like this and only did I realize now that all this while, I’ve been keeping all this problems to myself too much that it lead me to be this emotional. “Shuu.. Shuu.. There there.. Just let it all out love.. I know it’s been really hard for you to face all this alone..”. Kikwang rubbed my back and told me to calm down. I cried it all out till I’m all calm down again and Kikwang was still there, patiently waiting for me to calm down and get myself together. “All better now?”. Kikwang asked me and laughed a little. I looked at him and laughed too. “Wow.. The power of Lee Kikwang.. I’m feeling a bit better now..”. I told him and he spontaneously did his heroic pose by flexing his arms. I laughed out loud yet again. “Seriously though, I really don’t have a choice due to my contract and I don’t want to crash my members dreams of being an idol.. You know that right?”. I looked at him. “I know.. I trust you and I totally understand the position that you’re at.. Wanna know something? I was really in a dilemma for like 3 days straight and I wasn’t even myself during those 3 days but then, I had a talk with Doojoon and thanks to him, I realize that after I get your message, I was too engrossed by reading the message that you sent me instead of thinking what you felt when you sent me that message. I did doubt you because I thought that the promises that we made all this while doesn’t even mean anything to you anymore but that’s because I was being too selfish to even care about what you felt. I’m really, really sorry Hyosungie..”. He looked down. I couldn’t help but be speechless by his confession. He’s the sweetest creation that God could ever made and I can’t even believe that I am loved by such a perfect creation. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I hold his hand tight. “Kikwangie ah.. Why are you being like this to me? All this happened because I started by sending that stupid message and here you are, apologizing to me.. What should I do now?”. Hyosung shook Kikwang’s hand and looked at him in confusion. “Do this..”. The time stopped and there we are, on the bench in the park at 3 a.m. in our hoodies, kissing and not caring about anything else.

A few months later..

“So, Hyosung ssi, does Kikwang ssi know that you and Lee Joon ssi are close?”. “Of course he does!”. Lee Joon answered the MC’s question instead of me. Yes! You guessed it right. Don’t get confused. Just let me shout out to the world first. WE’VE OFFICIALLY MADE IT PUBLIC!!! Yes. We. Did. Okay so, currently right now I’m recording a show and because we’ve officially made it public, the MCs have all the right to ask as much questions about me and Kikwang. Well, not THAT much though. Anyways, let me just briefly tell you what happened to me and Kikwang that we’re able to make it public. So, after that night that we get to meet again and we had a heart to heart talk at the park, Kikwang and I decided to get back together. Well, that’s what I thought because Kikwang said that he didn’t approve the “breakup message” that I sent him hence it’s not considered a breakup. So, we continued our ‘secret relationship’ again but we promised to be really, really careful this time. Our members are more than happy that we’re back together now and we dated till one fine day, my company decided to let me out from the ‘no dating contract’ because they say that although I got caught that time, I did a really good job handling the situation by following the company’s instructions. To be honest, I don’t agree at all because if by “company’s instructions” means that I have to send a breakup message to my boyfriend which made me and my boyfriend mentally and emotionally hurt for like weeks, then, they are so wrong! Anyways, obviously they don’t know about me and Kikwang getting back together because if they did, I don’t think I’ll be out of this ‘no dating contract anytime soon. So, once I’m officially out of that ‘no dating contract’, Kikwang and I decided to make it public a week after I’m free. The Kpop world was obviously shocked for like the second time because of this news and I was obviously called up to meet my CEO. I told him the truth and well, he was super furious at first but then he say that he can’t do anything because I already signed a new contract without that ‘no dating’ rule so obviously I’m not in trouble and with that, both me and Kikwang’s company announced about our status and now, we’re free to date even in the broad daylight and get questioned on shows. Our beloved fans are as excited and happy as us and I couldn’t thanked them enough. Right now, I pray hard that Kikwang and I can be together through thick and thin and if we are really meant to be then we will have a very long journey ahead of us.

To my Pabo Kwangie, let’s face this journey together with a smile, shall we? Let’s make great memories again and enjoy each and every moment that we’re together.. Naneun neomu, neomu saranghae Lee Kikwang! <3