Warning(s): mentions of bulimia

“Your human, agent.”

Jongup sighs, staring down Himchan. He’s regressing to his old ways and spending perhaps too long in the bathroom. Jongup doesn’t want to see this. Himchan is too beautiful to let the ugly human ways take over him. His beauty is meant to be held and loved and he’s not really sure why Himchan is breaking again.

“You didn’t finish. You left too soon,” comments Gabriel, placing a hand on the younger angel’s shoulder. It doesn’t miss the pile of feathers near the other.

“He has Yongguk.” The hand on Jongup’s shoulder tightens.

“Yongguk is fallen and of no help to anyone.”

“Yongguk is free and helping everyone,” whispers Jongup.

Gabriel sighs. “It is not easy to be human. We are angels; it is harder still. We are not to be human, Jongup. That is not our destiny. We are meant to follow the orders of--”

“How come he had a family?”

Gabriel’s eyebrows furrow. “What?”

“Yongguk has a family. He has a backstory and he has human memories.”

Gabriel inhales heavily. “You don’t need that knowledge.”

Jongup watches the archangel retreat and fly to the highest circle, a gate closed off to him. Jongup isn’t allowed past the second circle. Jongup hasn’t proven himself to be placed higher. Yongguk had access to the sixth circle. He was almost as high as an archangel. Jongup glares down at earth. This is all the humans’ fault. Himchan is beautiful and they wouldn’t see that. Humans are barbaric, nearly as evil as demons. But then Himchan steps out of his house and Jongup swears that there’s a guiding light emitting from him.

Himchan almost feels guilty. As if there is someone- was someone- that would disapprove. He doesn’t care. Another member has joined their group and this one can sing. Himchan wants to hide from them all. Yongguk has rapping. He has composing. Junhongie is a prodigy. He raps so fast, Himchan isn’t sure how he manages to make the words so clear at such a speed. And now there’s Youngjae. He’d already been accepted to JYP; the thought makes him retch again. Youngjae has proven his skills. And maybe he’s also too cute. Himchan doesn’t mind, really, but he wonders what his purpose is. And that’s a dangerous place to travel. It’s a dark and narrow path and Himchan is fairly certain that he doesn’t want to see his failures again.

He’s out of the bathroom nearly an hour later and he’s practically swallowed the entire bottle of mouthwash. He hopes no one can figure it out. If he can’t be as talented as the rest, then he’ll have to be beautiful. He’ll have to prove his beauty. Amongst all those beauties in the industry, Himchan has to stick out. They have to say he’s beautiful. His stomach makes a little bit of a noise and he it in further to stop the noise. He glances in the mirror. His face is slimmer. Himchan smiles. He’s almost beautiful.

There’s another member joining their group now. He has to be beautiful.

Jongup knows Himchan is beautiful. Himchan is the most beautiful. Jongup thinks he’s too beautiful to be human because humans are gross. Himchan is different though. When he watches the other retch from above, Jongup thinks it looks ugly. When Himchan shoves two long fingers down his throat, Jongup thinks he looks too much in pain for it to be beautiful. And when the tears pour over his eyes, Jongup thinks Himchan looks the worst. It’s really not fair.

“Too many of your feathers are falling.”

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

“I’m calling Raphael to handle th--”

“Is that your answer to everything? Call the angel that throws everyone out?” Jongup muses. “How has that worked out?”

“The demons are out,” snarls Gabriel. This is really too much at this point. Jongup is an angel.

“You forget that demons are only fallen angels. Once loved by Father and now scorned.”

It’s been a week and Himchan stands proudly on the scale. He’s lost ten pounds just this week.

It’s been a week and Jongup feels like retching himself. This isn’t Himchan

The new member is a dancer. Himchan rubs his chin. He’s young, only a year older than Junhongie. He practices all night. A perfectionist, Yongguk tells him.

Jongup paces back and forth, his feet hitting the ground more and more pronounced as the time increases. His wings are small.

Yongguk says he’ll take him to see the new boy tomorrow so Himchan gets ready for the meeting.

“Don’t be weird,” Yongguk reminds him. “He’s really shy.”

“I love him.”

And then it happens. Jongup thinks it’s not too bad so he smiles back at the panicked Gabriel and the furious Raphael.

Jongup falls and falls and falls. He thinks it’s neverending. Maybe he’s going to Hell. He’s never really felt pain before. He’s been taught to have the appropriate responses when a human hits him so they don’t suspect anything. But he’s never really felt pain. Until now. It’s searing and he thinks his skin will burn off.

Maybe this is how he’ll die. As a fallen angel. But then he hits ground and the pain is far too overwhelming for the newly made human to take and he collapses before he can even register his surroundings.  

It occurs to Himchan the next day that he never asked Yongguk the boy’s name. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling so apprehensive about this meeting. He steps out of the dorms and waits outside the nearby drugstore for Yongguk.