It didn’t took me long enough to grew attached to this fetus growing inside my belly. While sitting in the car with Jimin besides me, unknowingly my hand touches my belly and I wonder about all the ‘what ifs’ that never once goes through my mind. When I have this baby, I imagine of all the beautiful things that we could do together and I smiled.

When I reached home, my parents were still at work, and I’m glad about it since I really don’t have any strength to tell them about it. I look at the contact list on my phone, not sure about who I’m supposed to tell about all of this. The judgmental friends I have around me, which of them would be able to accept me after all that happened? Then I saw it, a friend that all of us enjoy badmouthing. The friend that we badmouth for always talking about herself. The friend who never once badmouth others.

“Lee Hana… can you come to my house?” I send a simple text message to Hana, not putting any hope on her saying yes. Not when I’ve never really open up myself to her despite her putting a lot of effort in being part of us.

“Sure, no problem. Do you want me to bring anything for you? Since you went back early because you were sick today? Are you ok?” That worried and happy tone she always have whenever people ask for her help. That tone that makes everyone take advantage on herself. The person who never ever take advantage on her is her best friend, Kim Da Hee who I’ve once told Hana to be careful of. Not due to jealousy, but because I thought she too was taking an advantage on Hana’s kindness.

“No, you don’t have to bring anything. I just need a shoulder to lean on, so yeah…” I know it sounded so much like I’m using her right now, but I really can’t think of anyone trustable besides her right now.

Before Hana arrives at my house, I receive a call from my mother to tell me that she’ll be coming home late, so I need to order a take-out for dinner. For the first time in my life, I’m happy by the fact that my parents are too busy to be home today. In fact, I feel like I don’t want to see them at all until I give birth to this baby I’m carrying right now. I don’t want to have to tell them about what happened. I don’t want to give them excuse to something that was not a mistake in my life.

When Hana arrives, I really wanted to just run and hug her but Ji Min’s call came and I had to answer it before he gets worried again, so I signaled to Hana to help close the door for me. I told Hana to take a seat at the living room while I walk to the kitchen to talk to Ji Min. He’s supposed to focus on his training but instead, he keeps on calling me every hour to check on me.

“Jimin, I’ve told you I’m ok. Please focus on your practice and stop worrying about me. If I ever decided on having this baby, both of us need to work hard in doing so and right now, the one with the brighter future, which is you, need to focus!” I said to Jimin and Jimin answer a simple yes before I end our conversation.

“Having a baby? Miso-yah… are you… pregnant?” I dropped my phone when I saw Hana behind me with a small box of cake in her hand. I look at the phone on the floor and then I look at Hana. She puts the cake down on the table as I run to her and hug her. The tears that didn’t seem to fall down not even once since I found out about it, fall down once I hug her. She pats me on my back, trying to calm me down and try to shush me down, not to shut me up but rather to calm me down. How can this friend hug feel so warm after all the pain we gave her?

We stayed like that for almost an hour. I finally let go of her hug and she brought the cake that she bought to the living room after getting the plate, a pair of chopstick and a fork. Hana who was born in the States came to Korea to become a singer after being influenced by her cousin, Lee Hong Bin who appeared in the reality show called MyDol. Hana is still not used to eating cake using chopsticks, so she use fork to eat her cake.

“Thank God I bought a cake before I came. When we’re sad, sweet things are the best!” Hana said to me, not even trying to ask me what, how, when it all happened. Hana never asks, she usually listens. She never force people to tell her what they don’t want to, but she’s all ears when we want her to listen.

“How’s Jimin doing with his practice?” She asks me. I smiled at her and I feel like she’s givin