"Hyunwoo-ah," you whispered through the phone. It was 4 am, the morning after you felt your own heart crack open again, the dangerous feeling that you've been trying to avoid for decades crawling back into you. The confession. What is love? Giving your heart to someone else, but at the same time that someone ,in return, gives their heart back, isn't it?   

"Yes, Princess?" He murmured. You could hear him ruffle into his blanket and covering himself in it.

You paused a bit, waiting. Maybe you just wanted to make sure that what you felt is seriously weird. Then you finally asked him, your voice was cracked but it came from your nervous and beating heart. "Is it normal? I feel weird, my heart is kind of out of order, Hyunwoo."

"HHa--? Wh-Whaat-- did you say? Da-Hee, please! Have you been taking your medicine?" He shouted through the phone.

You nodded. "I did, but just not for the past few days?" You returned him with a question.

"Past few days. How many, past few days?" He shot back.

"Uh, 2 - I mean - 3, maybe?" You chuckled through the phone and it only made HyunWoo furious.

"Where are you? I'm coming right now."

Not long after HyunWoo appeared outside the dorm, he called you and you waved back at him from your window upstairs, letting him know that you would be there in a minute.

You led him to the veranda behind at the back where the small pool reflected the moonlight.

You looked up at the sky and felt more at ease. You felt a strong tug to your arms, causing you to fling your body back to face him.

"What the heck is wrong with you, DaHee." His voice was light, but it sounded sharp. He was clearly mad at you.

"I just -- I don't know, I feel stuffy, and --" you wrapped your palm on his tight hands on your shoulders, reassuring him, "don't worry, I'm okay, HyunWoo."

"Did you think that was what I wanted to hear? Okay? 'Okay' is not okay, okay isn't enough. You aren't even 'good'! Tell me how you feel right now, DaHee."

He kept on repeating your name, you knew he wasn't taking it lightly.

"Okay HyunWoo, I'll tell you." You sighed and pulled him to sit. It was a cold night but you dipped your toes into the pool while hugging your legs.

"I'm hurt. I guess you could say that. This hurts." You pointed to where your heart is located. You had minor heart problems since the beginning of your birth and it was hard to avoid. You got tired faster, it was hard for you to control your breathing sometimes,  you sometimes had trouble breating and moving your body, there were times were there would be stinging. You had a weak heart.

You always acted tough so people wouldn't treat you differently. You loved sports and you joined track and field, soccer, dodgeball, and even basketball. It was once where you, as point guard in your basketball team, dribbled down the court but a fierce one blocked you so hard; hitting you right to your chest. Your heart felt like it had stopped. Your breathe was stuck and you pounded your chest then fell to the floor. You were gasping for air and after a few seconds you just passed out. It was Hyunwoo that brought you to the infirmary, and the nurse had told him about your past records of your heart problems. It wasn't big enough to be called a disease.

This was not the only time it happened. The whole class went to a water park and classmates forced you on a twirling slide in a tube. Before you knew it you were in Hyunwoo's arms again resting on the bench. He didn't tell anyone, because you didn't want anyone to know about it.

"When did it start hurting?" He took hold of your hand and rubbed it, blowing to it, keeping them warm.

"Tonight, after dinner." You slowly leaned in into his chest to put some weight onto his shoulders. 

"Does it still hurt now? How about your head?" He pulled you closer and hugged you, keeping his hand on yours and leaning his chin on your head.

"It's all good now, HyunWoo."

He paused

"Stupid. That's why I can never leave you alone. You know, I used to have to set timers on my phone, then call you to eat medicine, then call you to measure your blood pressure.. It has been so long now, that I have let you take care of yourself. But it'll all be okay now, I'll be here. It'll all be okay."

It was a peaceful night beside Hyunwoo. His voice was a calm but cheery sound that only reminded you of happy moments. He gave you so much secure and love you could hear it from his rising and decending of his breathes. Tonight you felt love. Sehun showed you his love, his said it through his words and actions. Hyunwoo showed you his love, he showed you through his sound and hugs. You felt a difference. Can sounds and words be different? Can hugs and actions be any much different? You just knew that there was a difference, one brought you pain and the other brought you peace.

You slowly fell asleep in Hyunwoo's arms and through his breathing. "HyunWoo-ah. Thank-you, for always being here, when the pain stung me you always brought me comfort. Again and again." You murmered to him and he carried you back into the house and tugged you into bed.

 

---

 

You woke up to the rattling sound of morning business. Showers, kitchen making, clothes picking, shoes throwing. But, through the curtains that shown the dim beauty of the sun you could hear the birds chirping lightly in the wind. It was a nice morning. The sunshine was already a big welcome for your new day and you lit a smile and climbed out of bed just to open those blinds and smile more to the wonders of God's majestic creations. You saw a little boy carrying his lunch box running and hopping forward, then turning back to reach out his other hand to his little sister. You saw the breakfast stores beginning to run like crazy for all the orders to stuff those rumbling stomach of that previous night. The sun had barely come out of its den but the world was already trying to catch up with time. It was another day and you were happy. Just happy.

You saw sticky note on the floor and picked it up.

"Finally awake? Sleepy head. Good morning, princess.

Huu~ Thank God you woke up, because I'll be going back to sleep, 'cause of someone."

"Yes, thank God, Hyunwoo. Thank you." You smiled and stood up, only to find another sticky a few inch forward. You bend down again.

"Ahh yes, call me eomma but I'll have to remind you again.

Before you go out, take your medicine, bring your medicine, and of course, put on some warm clothes. <3"

"Yes, yes, eomma." You replied to the note. You reached forward for the next note.

"By the way, I hope you didn't forget what day it is today.

So I'll expect you to be all prepared by 6:30 pm. I'll come and pick you up."

"What day is today?" You rubbed your neck and stood up to pick up your phone and check. 12.31... 12.31. Oh, that. You almost forgot.

You walked to the final sticky note on the door and ripped it off.

"So you remembered. See you then.

Smile, it's the loveliest thing to start the day.

I love you.  - Hyunwoo the best. "

You put the notes all together and laid them on your bedside drawer. Hyunwoo was always the best to make your day all the much better, you thought.

---

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

THe one who fears punishment has not been perfected in love."

- 1John 4:18

Kai, Lessons in Life #21