He slowly lifted his heavy eyelids and as the strong smell of anti-bacterial cleaner filled his nose. His mouth was dry and he smacked his lips a few times. He was lying down, in a bed it seemed, and the room was bright. Light from the window reflecting off the white walls, making him want to close his eyes again. Jiyong felt like he had slept for years, but he was still tired. He heard the beeping of a machine and slowly turned his head towards the source of the noise. The muscles in his neck were stiff and sore, he raised his left arm trying to change a posture, and only then he realized how deep that wound on his chest was once he used a tiny bit of his muscles. 

“Aish,” he whimpered at the pain, half the time hating himself for sounding so weak.

It was only then he realized that he wasn’t alone in the room. His eyes slowly glanced towards his right hand, being tightly grabbed in someone else’s and his vision navigates to the owner of that hand. Jiyong let out a soft smile upon that scene, even if he knows that a part of his heart was aching as well.

That hand was so warm, warm enough for Jiyong to forget about his pain right now and the way his touches felt upon Jiyong’s skin made his heart fluttered like it did when Jiyong first felt like it was different with this boy. Those strands of hair on his hands made everything about him even more adorable, which Jiyong had always denied, just so that Seungri’s ego can still be contained. Jiyong watched how the maknae fidgets once in awhile in his sleep, and he wondered if it has all along been this way? The creases between his brows and the visible dark eye circles had never been away from Jiyong’s ‘worry’ list.

“You’re too beautiful for your own good, ri,” Jiyong sighed as he used his left hand to gently the sleeping panda. It was funny, funny how Jiyong only had the courage to do things like this for Seungri when the latter is unconscious; funny how Jiyong can only say sweet words to Seungri when he is asleep; and funny how Jiyong could not feel his wound bleeding because of his simple gesture when he is too absorbed in this moment with Seungri. Funny, amusing, or rather, it was ridiculously how Jiyong was half-heartedly enjoying this ruthless ride with monsters around him, risking his own life.

The door creaked open, or maybe it slammed open but it doesn’t matter because Jiyong thought he had retracted his hands fast enough, at least he thought so.

“So you are awake, like finally?” his best friend whispered, trying to keep his volume down because it was the first time in three nights that Seungri had slept for more than two hours. But Taeyang was ready; ready to scream the hell out of Jiyong just so he can understand everything. Everything like the mysterious phone call he had overheard that day and why the hell was Bigbang’s leader being beaten up like a lifeless thug and even stabbed deeply in the chest, in the middle of the night, and on the middle of the road. 

“It was a really sweet way of welcoming me back from hell,” Jiyong laughed half-heartedly, knowing well enough that his friend was in no mood for his jokes, and that he had tons of explanations to do. But the fact is, Jiyong was confused too. He wasn’t sure if he saw what he saw before he passed out, and he doesn’t know why the hell a haversack was thrown over him and where did the kicks and punch came from and most importantly, Jiyong was sure that he wasn’t stabbed by anything before he lost his consciousness.

“You chose the walk to hell, you are really insane Ji,” Taeyang rolled his eyes, carefully putting a sweater on the sleeping maknae, only to wake the panda up. The main singer sighed, the new sleeping record in these three days: Two hours and fifteen minutes maybe?

“Hyung?!” Seungri exclaimed, making sure that it wasn’t a dream, that Jiyong was really awake and staring back at him, and that those voices he thought he had vividly heard really belonged to Jiyong.

“Doctor! Doctor!” Seungri yelled at the top of his lungs at his eyes focused on that bright red patch of stain on Jiyong’s chest.

Seungri had always been focusing on Jiyong, always.

“Hyung? Is it painful?” Seungri asked worriedly, anxiety painted all over his face. It was so painful for Jiyong, but it was the pain of watching how Seungri was caring for him. It was so wrong, because Seungri should have hated him long ago, like how he had always wanted and yet, detest. The leader could only close his eyes, afraid of the pain in his heart eating him up bit by bit. Seungri is a drug, and Jiyong shouldn’t have touched it from day one.

“You are doing great at ignoring the pain, as well as maknae, whom you could only shower affection with when he is sleeping, you are a coward Ji, a complete fool,” Taeyang muttered under his breath to himself, not being able to stand all the problems or that Jiyong was trying to handle, but doing utter in the mess.

“Quick!” Seungri instructed as the doctor came in with his nurses, pushing the two members to one side as they drew the curtains around Jiyong’s bed. Pacing up and down, peeking in and out was all that Seungri could do. He was worried sick and he doesn’t even understand why Jiyong is putting him through all these even though he knew he should have stop caring by now, but his heart couldn’t. It was Jiyong, it was like his world and he didn’t know how to not care, even if he wanted to.

“Okay Ri, walking up and down isn’t a great idea right now, just sit, he will be fine. That brat in there won’t die before he gives a perfect explanation, which YG will demand for it soon too,” Taeyang urged after watching how Seungri could faint from excessive walking, especially when he didn’t even have enough sleep.

The curtain was withdrawn, revealing the topless dragon with a whole new bandage lying on the bed. The doctor reassured them that the wound was slightly opened but it is all fine now, although Jiyong shouldn’t even be moving about; which Seungri wondered what did Jiyong move to do?

“What now?” the dragon asked, seemingly had gained back all his energy from before and coldness was all Seungri could feel.

“You knew you have to explain,” Taeyang shot.

Jiyong’s eyes wandered about the room aimlessly, just constantly reminding himself repeatedly to never focus them on Seungri or Taeyang. He doesn’t want to say anything now, not until he was sure of what he saw before fainting. He trusts him; he trusts that this guy whom he grew up with was never someone who would do that to him. Just a passerby, he reminded himself. Seunghyun hyung was just a passerby.

“Kwon Jiyong! Just stop it. Stop acting like it is nothing! Stop keeping your mouth shut when you freaking had a ton of explanations to do! Stop opening your mouth when your words could have been redundant! Just stop it!” Taeyang yelled. He was yelling at Jiyong, fuming with anger because he cared so much, not just for Seungri but Jiyong as well. The change in Jiyong was too overwhelming and he knew it wasn’t what Jiyong really wanted. He needs to know why, he wants to help and he wants Jiyong to stop hurting himself, to stop hurting Seungri.

“Shut up Bae, you know nothing…” Jiyong uttered, still not looking at his friend or his maknae. He was so afraid that the moment he looked into their eyes to know that they cared so much for him; he would reveal everything, everything including things that Seungri must never know. He just couldn’t do it.

“Hyung… Just explain… Please?” Seungri begged as he gently reached out for Jiyong’s hand, hoping that the latter will not push him away. And Jiyong did not.

“I don’t know okay! I have no idea okay! Just stop asking me!” Jiyong fired, not at anyone but it felt like it was directed only at Seungri. He was slowly losing his sense again. Seungri’s warm touches were making him weak and before he knew it, his mask was back on his face, pushing Seungri one step further than he was already at.

Seungri looked at Jiyong with a really foreign disappointed face he should given Jiyong a million times before. Jiyong felt a sting in his nose and his throat started to tighten. He opened his mouth to let in a small breath as tears welled in his eyes. Jiyong fought with everything he had to keep them from falling. He was